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Rockin' in Boulder

My brother, Kevin, lives in a four-bedroom house that overlooks the mountains and the prairie, a view never blocked by anything so ridiculous as a curtain. Curtain-free living is just one of the benefits of being a bachelor.

The house has elements of a sports bar, in that the dominant feature is the 52-inch television, the gravitational pull of which has shaped and contorted everything else in the place. There's another TV, a 32-incher, perched a few feet higher and to the right, for monitoring a second game. You can almost imagine it orbiting the bigger TV.

Parked in his favorite spot, a reclining chair at the end of an L-shaped couch, Kevin always has four remotes at his left hand -- for the 52-inch, the 32-inch, the hi-def cable box and the DVD. He is perfectly squared up with the 52-incher, and the effect is somewhat like Kirk at the helm of the Enterprise. (I sit nearby, reading climate change documents -- I'm the Science Officer.)

The walls are painted white and are bare but for a few framed storebought landscape prints. There's a considerable kitchen, where Kevin makes his famous beans, and a small patio where he keeps his grill, though it keeps blowing into the yard when the wind roars down from the Continental Divide. On a shelf I noticed a book called The Barbecue Bible. My brother is devout. The eatin' is always good at his place, but oddly enough, there is no dining room table. Kevin always eats in his chair. Visitors can use the coffee table if they're desperate for a horizontal surface.

Conceivably a dining room table or even a little kitchen table would appear very quickly if the house ever experienced that thing known as "a woman's touch." But you know what would happen if a woman were to insist upon a table: The next thing you know, she'd demand chairs.

Soon you'd be on the road toward the full female nightmare: place mats ... napkins ... doilies.

(Women have been in the house on occasion and have described it as "Spartan," though the word that I keep thinking of is "Hobbesian.")

In the spot where you'd expect to see a dining room table, there are five guitars and two speaker cabinets and a PV-JSX Joe Satriani amplifier. Also cables snaking along the floor leading to a Roland JC-120 amplifier and a Korg D1600 mini-studio. These gadgets occupy the bartop between the kitchen and the "dining room." There is more music gear in the basement, where Kevin, who I probably should have mentioned is a rocker, hopes to record the next Rox Diamond CD. Last night Kevin played the guitar while we watched the Lakers game. He had the volume set on 2, on what he referred to as the "low-output."

"How loud does it go?" I asked.

"Too loud," he said. "When that's cranked up, my neighbor says her house shakes."

Today: More interviews for a story, maybe a quick hike at the Flatirons. Tonight: Food, sports, guitars.

By Joel Achenbach  |  March 31, 2006; 9:37 AM ET
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Nigel Tufnel: The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and...
Marty DiBergi: Oh, I see. And most amps go up to ten?
Nigel Tufnel: Exactly.
Marty DiBergi: Does that mean it's louder? Is it any louder?
Nigel Tufnel: Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten. You see, most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?
Marty DiBergi: I don't know.
Nigel Tufnel: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?
Marty DiBergi: Put it up to eleven.
Nigel Tufnel: Eleven. Exactly. One louder.
Marty DiBergi: Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder?
Nigel Tufnel: [pause] These go to eleven.

Posted by: jw | March 31, 2006 9:57 AM | Report abuse

"These go to eleven."

That this line didn't make the AFI 100 Top Movie Quotes is prima facie evidence of the complete cluelesness of the AFI. It should have been in the Top 10.

I think "Rockin' With Achen" would make a great reality show. Have the producers make a bunch of women think Joel's brother is a rich bachelor and have them move in with him. Then see which ones try to change the place and which accept it for what it is.

I bet a lot of man-food gets eaten in front of that 52".

Posted by: yellojkt | March 31, 2006 10:11 AM | Report abuse

A) I always thought Joel looked a little green and his ears looked a little tucked in his pic, and now I understand why. Also explains his fascination ("FAS-cinating...") with aliens.

B) I wouldn't be surprised if there was another remote for adjusting the atomic clock over at NIST-Boulder -- makes it easier to catch games on both coasts.

C) HIKE the Flatirons??? Don't forget your portable jackhammer, lots of pitons and a rather large spool of rope.

Posted by: Scottynuke | March 31, 2006 10:14 AM | Report abuse

You have described bachelor heaven, or would have had you thrown a couple of cars in there somewhere, or motorbikes.

Posted by: dr | March 31, 2006 10:14 AM | Report abuse

Hey, if the CD doesn't take off he can always turn it into a guy's bed-and-breakfast.

Needs a couple of keyboards, and possibly a HD Sportster or open Land Rover.

Posted by: Error Flynn | March 31, 2006 10:25 AM | Report abuse

I'm not sure Joel has correctly interpreted the use of all that equipment in Kevin's house: sounds an awful lot like an earthquake dampening device to me.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | March 31, 2006 10:26 AM | Report abuse

On older SGI Unix workstations there was a program called 'apanel' you'd run to pop up a volume control for the built in audio. Normally it was a slider that was labeled 1-10. If you did an 'apanel -spinaltap' it was labelled 1-11.

In my bachelarhood, I had a couple of rooms redecorated by my sister while I was in the hospital (not fair!). The two touches that I still can't figure out are a) the guest towels that look nice but don't actually absorb any water when you use them and b) the 15-odd decorative pillows on the bed. I assume women know where those pillows are supposed to go when you sleep, but stacking them in the corner seems to defeat the decorative purpose. Whatever.

I'm recently engaged and it's spring, so I suppose I have to find someplace to put the convertable hardtop other than the basement corner....

Posted by: Les | March 31, 2006 10:34 AM | Report abuse


Maybe Joel meant to say they were going to hike, er mall-walk, Flatiron Crossing. What better way to bond with your bachelor brother than going shopping at a mall? They have an American Eagle, an Abercrobie & Fitch and a Hot Topic there.

Posted by: yellojkt | March 31, 2006 10:38 AM | Report abuse


Then again, perhaps if Kevin really DID turn the volume all the way up, the Flatirons would indeed be hikeable. ('Mudge, I think you meant to say "a modern version of the sonic disruption device, minus the methane," but then again I sometimes don't think too well. OK, most of the time I don't.)

Posted by: Scottynuke | March 31, 2006 10:43 AM | Report abuse

Come to think of Mudge, when was the last time Denver had an earthquake?

Posted by: omni | March 31, 2006 10:48 AM | Report abuse

sheesh indeed, I should go for a walk>It should be "come to think of IT".

Posted by: omni | March 31, 2006 10:49 AM | Report abuse

What? No ping pong table? No dart board? This place is Spartan.

In a previous life, I had a main television and, above it, three 13-inch TVs. This was so I could monitor several newscasts at one time. (But I was a popular guy on days when several sporting events were going on at the same time.) The dart board was in the dining room area. The ping pong table was in a large front room that a woman would've made into a formal place that nobody would have ever used.

Posted by: Bayou Self | March 31, 2006 10:50 AM | Report abuse

My brother-in-law used to live in a Unabomber cabin in Marin County next to George Lucas's estate. The place was twenty feet by twenty feet with a kitchen, a loft bed, and a wood stove. The toilet and sink were in a separate room, but the bath tub overlooked the living spaces.

My BiL is also a computer game designer and had the place packed with computers and game consoles (purely for competitive evaluation). Needless to say, my teenage son thinks he is the coolest guy in the world.

The BiL got laid off and moved to Gaithersburg and bought a townhouse and furniture and everything. The end of an era.

Posted by: yellojkt | March 31, 2006 10:52 AM | Report abuse

Curmudgeon - Thanks for the Eugene Robinson link in the previous 'Boodle. One thing I noticed is that Robinson stole — yep, stole, as in ripped off — the phrase "food fight."


Posted by: Bayou Self | March 31, 2006 10:52 AM | Report abuse

I would imagine that Tai Shan photo on the WaPo homepage at the moment has reduced many of our distaff boodlers into weak-kneed silence (although a few minutes ago I imagined a heard a distant "aaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" all across Washington)

Posted by: Curmudgeon | March 31, 2006 10:58 AM | Report abuse

I, of course, merely had a pleasant smile on my face upon seeing the rambunctious little cub in the tree. *cough cough* :-)

Posted by: Scottynuke | March 31, 2006 11:00 AM | Report abuse

O the horror! Bayou--stealing from Joel who stole it from "Animal House"; is nothing sacred?

(P.S. "O the horror!" is an entirely original phrase I made up myself about 1844, though Conrad seems to have ripped it off from me in "Heart Of Darkness." Just in case anybody wondered about it.)

Posted by: Curmudgeon | March 31, 2006 11:01 AM | Report abuse

Maybe this weekend would be a good time go go visit the panda, seeing as the tidal basin has become a black hole, sucking all tourism in with a gravitational pull so intense that anyone venturing west of 14th St is doomed to a crushing, pink death.

Posted by: jw | March 31, 2006 11:04 AM | Report abuse

I snuck over to the NZP the other morning with me zoom lens camera and took a couple of dozen PandaShots®. Tai Shan was up in his tree about 40 feet in the air fast asleep. A little kid was asking a docent how he keeps from falling out. A pretty good question considering how high up he is.

I have to get my cherry blossom pictures and my PandaShots® onto Flickr. I'll give the boodle notice when I do.

Posted by: yellojkt | March 31, 2006 11:04 AM | Report abuse

SCC: "to go" not "go go"

Although I am looking forward to a Chuck Brown/Tai Shan collaboration.

Posted by: jw | March 31, 2006 11:06 AM | Report abuse

This woman wouldn't bring in no stinkin doilies! Rockinbro needs a drummer and I can still riff a pretty mean Wipe Out.


Posted by: Nani | March 31, 2006 11:09 AM | Report abuse

Boulder, CO weather today: partly cloudy, High 63, low 40.

Posted by: Bayou Self | March 31, 2006 11:11 AM | Report abuse

Come on, jw, visiting Tai Shan is always a "good time go go," admit it.

Posted by: Scottynuke | March 31, 2006 11:11 AM | Report abuse

Forget the panda --


[Holds cigarette lighter skyward.]

[I don't smoke, though -- I use it for lighting candles. (Probably aren't too many of *those* at Chez Achenbro.)]

Posted by: Achenbro- and Tom fan | March 31, 2006 11:15 AM | Report abuse

Error Flynn: That's it! You just described the Ultimate Guys' Vacation Destination: Mountain Cottage complete with (1) Several Huge screen televisions; (2) fully equipped recording studios (guitars, keyboards, drums, and kazoos supplied); (3) constant BBQ production; and, (4) absolutley no doilies or stacking pillows. Throw in a pool table and a hot tub, and you've got Man's Heaven.

This could work. The modern Dude Ranch.

Posted by: CowTown | March 31, 2006 11:20 AM | Report abuse

We could use some beer at this place.

Posted by: Bayou Self | March 31, 2006 11:23 AM | Report abuse

Meanwhile, in environmental news, the coral dies off at an unprecedented pace.

Posted by: Bayou Self | March 31, 2006 11:25 AM | Report abuse

As far as I can tell, the more useless something is, the more important it is to a woman when decorating. Weird tubular pillows. Tiny boxes that nothing will fit in. Glass vases filled with lemons that will never be eaten. Other glass vases that are designed to hold nothing. Lotion. Luffas. Tables. The list goes on.

Posted by: jw | March 31, 2006 11:26 AM | Report abuse

Doilies and stacking pillows?

Posted by: Achenbro- and Tom fan | March 31, 2006 11:34 AM | Report abuse

Withya, jw. I can add to the list: Nesting tables (like, WHAT are they good for?) Decorative candles that you're not allowed to burn. Wheat bundles. Willow sticks. Glass vases with polished stones (actually, I kind of like those). And (drum roll) "throws."

Posted by: CowTown | March 31, 2006 11:38 AM | Report abuse

[I clicked Submit too soon. Meant to add something like Bah, or Not a fan, or Doilies STINK!!!! (Although that might be a bit harsh.)]

Posted by: Achenbro- and Tom fan | March 31, 2006 11:38 AM | Report abuse

You talked about his view. No curtains, but a woman next door? Is there any chance the two are connected, at least in Kevin's mind? If so, you should let him know that getting one of those 'dining table' contraptions and inviting her to dinner might be just a tad bit more subtle.

Posted by: LostInThought | March 31, 2006 11:39 AM | Report abuse

Nesting tables
What are they good for
Absolutely nothin'
Say it again!

["Although, one wonders if War and Peace would have been as highly acclaimed if it had been published under its original title, War What Is It Good For."

-- Elaine]

Posted by: Achenbro- and Tom fan | March 31, 2006 11:41 AM | Report abuse

The suggestion that the Achenbro's entertainment totem (lest I plagiarize, I think Douglas Coupland gets the credit for that one) needs to be supplemented by dart boards and ping pong is "Old School". With the availability of excellent gaming systems, non-television-related-activities ("NTRA") can be eliminated.

Sure, it can be argued that this development will drastically increase health care spending in the years to come, but the entertainment totem is a jealous god, and is not concerned with the state of your arteries.

Posted by: SonofCarl | March 31, 2006 11:42 AM | Report abuse

Why is it that even fit young men get terribly sore legs from climbing up and down things like the Flatirons? I guess that's why the Portland mountaineering club has a history of organizing hikes up and down the city's steepest residential neighborhood.

CU awed me when I first saw it. Turned out the elegant Italian Hill Village architecture was the expensive version of the budget-consious pseudo-Colonial stuff we'd had at Penn State. Princeton had the Gothic versions. The architectural firm was Philly-based Klauder & Day.

Posted by: Dave | March 31, 2006 11:43 AM | Report abuse

Napkin rings. Salad forks. Little candy dishes with 150-year-old fossilized butterscoth drops. Hall trees from which NOTHING may be hung or stored EVER. Quilts on quilt racks that may NEVER be moved, touched or (god forbid) used to keep anyone warm.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | March 31, 2006 11:43 AM | Report abuse

ah c'mon. even though I'm not a doily woman, it is a fun word. say it three times out loud. doily doily doily. can't help but giggle.

Posted by: Anonymous | March 31, 2006 11:43 AM | Report abuse

How about a pool table?

Posted by: Bayou Self | March 31, 2006 11:44 AM | Report abuse

Wait, how about *nesting* pool tables?

Posted by: Bayou Self | March 31, 2006 11:44 AM | Report abuse

Ladies--will none of you advance a defense of the tasteful decorating needed to keep the barbarians from the gate? What of our pioneer foremothers, crossing the great plains in their doily-decorated covered wagons? They knew that civilization was built with stuffed pillows. Someone must stand for decorum and the frou-frou industry.

Posted by: lom | March 31, 2006 11:46 AM | Report abuse

jw has hit a raw nerve. Add to the list "show" towels that are not to be actually used.

Posted by: SonofCarl | March 31, 2006 11:47 AM | Report abuse

Ok, I did not want to have to do it. No more dissing doilies.

If not I can arrange for doilies with your names on them. Its not that I use them, but I can and have made them, quantities of them, for mothers, grandmothers and friends in Japan, and slow-to-clean-their-room teenage sons. Doilies are a high quality threat.

Also, you may want to add pizza delivery to bachelor heaven.

Posted by: dr | March 31, 2006 11:48 AM | Report abuse

Tasteful decorating can be accomplished around that grill...throw up a terra-cotta sun with a face on the wall, maybe a patio table with a striped umbrella, matching chairs, a cute candle holder, a lazy susan, and you're in business. Somewhere to put the wings, somewhere to sit sipping a lovely pinot grigio, and enjoy the view...everyone's happy. Shoot, sounds like Kevin might not even notice the improvements.

Posted by: LostInThought | March 31, 2006 11:49 AM | Report abuse

I'm spending the afternoon doing some yard work.

Q: If I see any of them table nests, do I use poison or the chainsaw?

Posted by: Error Flynn | March 31, 2006 11:50 AM | Report abuse

Sun streaming through the empty window space discoloring your leather furniture and making it difficult to fully appreciate Lara Croft in the middle of the afternoon? Try a flag or two. They're inexpensive, can be up in a moment, and can serve as a ready reminder of your patriotism. For a real touch of personality, get a flag with an additional feature such as a Harley Davidson logo or marijuana plant. It's a good thing.

Posted by: SonofCarl | March 31, 2006 11:53 AM | Report abuse

Doilies are just so passe. But the absence of curtains to bring in the great outdoors, bring it closer? I admire that.

It reminds me of a trip to my mother's manufactured home--the only triple wide in that particular park in Oceanside. My sister had just earned a fat interior decorator's commission by talking my mother into redoing the drapes inside her fairly recently acquired mobile home.

(My sister's thought was to move mom into this mobile home in Oceanside, since it was just across the fence from the intensive care facility where my sister parked my ailingfather, who would live not quite four more weeks. Never mind that the move of both parents to southern California meant that it would take me 10 hours of travel time to get to see my near-death father instead of four [from the Bay Area], had any thought been given to making arrangements for this type of care in Bakersfield. Had I even been included in any decision-making. My father passed away before my mother ever got moved into her triple-wide.)

The end result on the selection of drapes? Heavy rectangular bolsters all across the top, with heavy paneled draperies below. And what was the fabric? Black, with some Oriental or Persian paisley motif with hot salmon as the secondary color. This selection of fabric might have been a good choice for a shah's palace in the 4th century, somewhere along the Silk Road.

After seeing my mother's new acquisition for the first time, my sister being in tow, my mother excitedly asked, almost breathless, "Well, do you like them? What do you think?"

I said something to the effect of, "I think what you and Cheryl put up is just awful. It doesn't go with the rest of the mobile home, it's just far too heavy and overdone. It blocks a good deal of your view from these wide windows you have across the front and, at the same time, blocks a huge amount of light. I can't believe you spent a good amount of money on this, considering what you got."

I need the services of an interior decorator as much as I need an extra hole in my head. My sister has won an award or two for her designs, including a design for a child's room/nursery. Generally, I see balance, and good use of color and design in my sister's ideas, but most of all, I see fussiness and pretension. This story explains in the smallest measure why I shall probably be a bag lady living on the street.

Given your differences with your brother, Joel, and mine with my own sister, it's a wonder sometimes, isn't it, that two siblings, completely different in taste and outlook, could both be spawned by the same parents? (Not that there should be an assembly line of robotic children.)

Boston Blackie,
Thanks for sharing some of your story. I would love to hear more about your time at Fort Jay (formerly Fort Columbus) on Governor's Island in NYC harbor. Gustavus Loomis commandeered the entire island during several years of the Civil War. Are you still near NYC and do you keep up with the goings-on of the island as I'm in good need of an update about the fate of Castle Williams. I wrote an op-ed in March 2005 for the Tribeca Tribune with my opinion about the changes proposed at that time.

I am still very sick this week. It is not strep, but at its onset was very much like strep. My eustachian tubes are plugged and I have lost about half my hearing. I have lost most of my ability to taste. Apparently, I have had a severe allergic reaction to an over-the-counter product associated with the painter Rembrandt. It tempts me to Boodle further.

Posted by: Loomis | March 31, 2006 11:55 AM | Report abuse

Once dated a man who thought the box the grill came in made an excellent end table. Didn't even bother to throw a towel over it, but he did put a lamp on it.

Posted by: LostInThought | March 31, 2006 11:57 AM | Report abuse

I believe I have the topper. One word, two syllables. Gentlemen, join in and say it with me:


Posted by: Curmudgeon | March 31, 2006 11:57 AM | Report abuse

Ooh, sorry for dissing doilies, dr.
I hope you won't take umbrage. I bet Canadian doilies are way cooler than other Doilies of the World.

How 'bout those tea cosies!

Posted by: Achenbro- and Tom fan | March 31, 2006 11:58 AM | Report abuse

Does the brother have a dog?

...had some friends with a house backed up against the flatirons and the dogs went crazy every night from the smell of cougars. Stay up in the hills after dark Joel. That'll make the hair on the back of your neck stand up more than a 52inch screen.

Man how I miss CO. Too much rain in Corvallis Oregon.

Posted by: MattF | March 31, 2006 11:58 AM | Report abuse

I had to look up Lladro, and that's ten seconds I'm not getting back. Add to that list anything that can be described as a "figurine". I took down my model of the Tiger Mark IV when I was about 16; how about some equity? (note the proper use of the semicolon)

Posted by: Sonof Carl | March 31, 2006 12:04 PM | Report abuse

Say my name! Say my name! Who's your daddy? Who's tyour daddy?

Posted by: Lladro | March 31, 2006 12:07 PM | Report abuse

Truly, 'tis the love that dareth not speak its name (at least in the realm of the bachelor).

Posted by: SonofCarl | March 31, 2006 12:11 PM | Report abuse

I wish someone with Greek roots would come to Boulder to setup a House of Pizza-style pizza shop. The pizza here sucks something fierce. Everything else is stellar, especially the snowboarding. Cheers.

Posted by: Da_Bouldahs | March 31, 2006 12:12 PM | Report abuse

My fiancee is the first to admit she is more than a little like the "Monica" character from "Friends." Uh oh.

Ha! An entire sub-category of useless decorations could be called "dead sticks and twigs".

Posted by: jw | March 31, 2006 12:15 PM | Report abuse

Oh jw, you have nailed it again. My friend refers to his living room as the "duck blind".

Posted by: SonofCarl | March 31, 2006 12:17 PM | Report abuse

A Florida-based department store chain makes a specialty of slightly tacky tropical dishes, glasses, doilies, and such for your tropical home. On and off, they have flamingos, too.

Kevin needs sheep shears (you can use them to trim the grass), an antelope trophy, maybe a Pendleton blanket or two, and a suitable dog, like a Norwegian Elkhound.

Posted by: Dave | March 31, 2006 12:19 PM | Report abuse

That does bring up an excellent question...what does Kevin's fridge look like? A couple of take-out boxes of varying age, maybe a packet or 10 of ketchup, a package of chicken wings for the grill, and some seltzer water? (The vodka is in the freezer, right?)
Aaah just gotta love 'em.

Posted by: LostInThought | March 31, 2006 12:20 PM | Report abuse

With of course the obligatory gooey spot from no apparent source on the bottom shelf.

Posted by: LostInThought | March 31, 2006 12:25 PM | Report abuse

One infers from Joel's comment ("The eatin' is always good at his place") that Kevin can cook. So I would assume his refrigerator might well be as meticulously stocked and maintained as the music gear.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | March 31, 2006 12:26 PM | Report abuse

I spent a year using the cardboard box the TV came in as an end table. Although it was camoflaged with a bedsheet. And filled with crumpled-up newspaper to keep the top from caving in.

Posted by: jw | March 31, 2006 12:27 PM | Report abuse

My fiancee also discoved a two-year-old package of ground beef in my freezer last weekend. I am extremely proud of that meat.

Posted by: jw | March 31, 2006 12:28 PM | Report abuse

The dead sticks and twigs motif sounds a little too Blair Witch for me.

Posted by: Achenfan | March 31, 2006 12:28 PM | Report abuse

Thanks Curmudgeon. I got really lost in thought, and my mind headed back to the kitchens of male friends from my college days.

Posted by: LostInThought | March 31, 2006 12:29 PM | Report abuse

Vodka and seltzer? Maybe that's what men drink back in DC, but out here in the Wild West, real men drink beer. Budweiser. Budlight, if you're watching your carbs.

As far as the doilies and the nesting tables, throw in a few random baskets stuffed with stuffed rabbits, and pepto-bismal pink walls, and you've just described my grandma's condo.

Posted by: VidaBlue | March 31, 2006 12:31 PM | Report abuse

The Achenbro's fridge?
It's full of beer and big-butted chickens.

Posted by: Achenbro- and Tom fan | March 31, 2006 12:32 PM | Report abuse

I'm a bamboo shades, hardwood floor kinda gal myself. In the early 70s, my son Joey painted a colorful hippie scene on one side of my 6 ft. wide bamboo shade (vw driving across the desert toward a purple snow-capped mountain - I told him there's no mountains, much less snow capped ones on the desert, and he responded there are mountains on THIS desert). It looked really neat when the sun shone through it in the morning, but it looked best during sundown.

Lindaloo, baby, I told you, cut it out with the over the counter stuff. Chicken broth. (And I mean "baby" in a maternal, comforting kind of way)

Posted by: Nani | March 31, 2006 12:32 PM | Report abuse

jw - i spit water on my screen at the mention of you being "proud of your meat"... i fear i may have too much testosterone in me blood stream... i didn't know what a lladro was and had to google it.. i'm with SoC - minutes of my life i can't get back... i have a doilie but that's b/c my mother made me put it out...

Posted by: mo | March 31, 2006 12:33 PM | Report abuse

Then slap some drapes on those windows and invite the babe next door over!

Posted by: LostInThought | March 31, 2006 12:33 PM | Report abuse

The two year old meat is also from Shopper's, which I have been informed has been the focus of many "7 on your side" style investigations on selling spoiled meat. Whatever, it was cheap.

Posted by: jw | March 31, 2006 12:36 PM | Report abuse

JW: Sounds perfectly fine to me. After two years, I'm sure all the bacteria have died off by now.

Posted by: VidaBlue | March 31, 2006 12:39 PM | Report abuse

and throws do TO have a purpose - they keep your feetsies warm when you are reclining on the couch! my decor - or dust gatherers are mostly given to me for xmas or birthdays... the ones i collect and proudly display are skulls, ritual daggers and things shaped like coffins... one of the best gifts i got was from my mum's husband - a ritual dagger IN a skull... what can i tell you - i'm weird! (and NO i don't use the ritual daggers on anything/anyone)

achenbro needs a kegerator to make it truely a bachelor pad!

Posted by: mo | March 31, 2006 12:40 PM | Report abuse

No problem, LiT; you described my college refrigerator to a T. In fact, my roommate and I took a certain amount of pride in a tupperware of leftover...something...that produced a mold in shades of blue/green never before seen in a state of nature. Every year we even celebrated its birthday, and were concerned with its safety and well-being when we were away from the apartment for long periods, and whether it was bored, or lonely, and missed us. By the time we graduated we had begun to think about taking it to Hollywood to audition it for a horror movie, so it could begin to earn a decent salary and become self-sufficient.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | March 31, 2006 12:41 PM | Report abuse

"I wish someone with Greek roots would come to Boulder to setup a House of Pizza-style pizza shop. The pizza here sucks something fierce. Everything else is stellar, especially the snowboarding. Cheers."

Posted by: Da_Bouldahs | March 31, 2006 12:12 PM

Go to DeNapoli on Walnut and 9th, next to Sherpas. It's the best pizza in town and it's awesome, and this is coming from a pizza snob born near Philly. Jalinos (across from Boulder High school on Arapaho)is good too.

Posted by: Jon in Boulder | March 31, 2006 12:42 PM | Report abuse

My greatest refrigerator achievement is still the time that I opened up the crisper and there was a plastic produce bag filled with some sort of black, liquid, primordial goo. I have absolutely no idea what it was originally, only that it was in there long enough to be composted.

Posted by: jw | March 31, 2006 12:43 PM | Report abuse

Hopefully he cleans periodically, or hires in a maid service?

Posted by: amo | March 31, 2006 12:45 PM | Report abuse

I apologize to those of you whom I inadvertently made look up "Lladro." Sometimes I forget other people aren't married to a Martha Stewart clone, like I am.

One tends to lose perspective after several decades of that living hell called wedded bliss.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | March 31, 2006 12:47 PM | Report abuse

jw - i keep telling myself not to continue to purchase lettuce in bags (or at all) cuz i never eat it and it inevitably ends up as the aforementioned primordial goo - and yet, i continue to do it!

btw - for those that don't know, i'm a goth girl - that's why i collect skulls, ritual daggers and coffins - don't be scurred - i'm harmless and really quite chipper as those that have met me at the bph can attest to...

Posted by: mo | March 31, 2006 12:48 PM | Report abuse

Dammit, I know there's a joke in there about 'Mudge, Tupperware and college...

Not my day... *SIGH*

Posted by: Scottynuke | March 31, 2006 12:48 PM | Report abuse

Thanks Curmudgeon. The laugh came at the perfect moment in my day. But I do wonder...what became of the substance? Please, oh please, tell me you threw out the entire container, or at least that you use it for something like nails.

Posted by: LostInThought | March 31, 2006 12:51 PM | Report abuse

Did you know historically, indeed right up to the point where printed fabrics were available, almost all of that fancy schmancy embroidery on clothing was done by men.

I am convinced that refrigerators owned or operated by males come with a primoridal goo attachment that mysteriously vanishes when a female enters, except for my refrigerator. I think the primordial goo attachemnt is stuck, and won't hide when I come by.

Posted by: dr | March 31, 2006 12:51 PM | Report abuse

jw, that stuff in the crisper was lettuce, possibly a romaine; we had some of that, too. You know how in science class they tell you about how once the earth was a steaming jungle, then all the plant life got compacted and eventually turned into those underground oil desposits that Exxon now markets? Well, that was what the lettuce in your crisper was turning into. It was about halfway on its journey into becoming crude oil, though without the intermediate step of being crushed under tons of sediment for a couple million year.

I don't supposed you ever tried to run your car on it, or use it to keep a kerosene lamp lit, did you?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | March 31, 2006 12:52 PM | Report abuse

mo, I was waiting for your ritual
dagger comment to end "(anything/anyone/anymore)" ;)

Mudge, no apologies required. For the younger generation, that particular level of Hell is staffed by a new phalanx of demons: beanie babies.

Posted by: SonofCarl | March 31, 2006 12:53 PM | Report abuse

llardo or hummel?

Once you have some figurines you need some display shelves to put them on. And the nice curio cases are too small to use as decent bookshelves. More useless furniture.

As George Carlin said:

" Actually this is just a place for my stuff, ya know? That's all, a little place for my stuff. That's all I want, that's all you need in life, is a little place for your stuff, ya know? I can see it on your table, everybody's got a little place for their stuff. This is my stuff, that's your stuff, that'll be his stuff over there. That's all you need in life, a little place for your stuff. That's all your house is: a place to keep your stuff. If you didn't have so much stuff, you wouldn't need a house. You could just walk around all the time."

More copyright infringement of the Carlin routine here:

Posted by: yellojkt | March 31, 2006 12:53 PM | Report abuse

Well, at least the Achenbro has his own place (Today's hot noontime discussion topic: boys who won't leave home).

Posted by: lom | March 31, 2006 12:54 PM | Report abuse

Mudge, no, I just did the obligatory sniff to see how bad it smells, gagged, and threw it out.

Why do all guys feel the need to smell things that they know are going to be disgusting? It's really weird, and yet, I cannot resist the impulse.

Posted by: jw | March 31, 2006 12:55 PM | Report abuse

Actually, while I don't do 'spartan', I have too many books...I recently 'Clean Sweep'd' my house and dumped and awful lot of crap at Goodwill & Salvation Army. No need for those baskets, gee-gaws, knick-knacks or doilies.

I retained about 1/4 of my former collection and determined that was plenty, thanks.

The minimalist thing is working for me. Less to clean, less to dust. More time to do things of real interest: Paint, hang with the child, etc.


Posted by: amo | March 31, 2006 12:57 PM | Report abuse

SoC - *shhhh!!!* i figured i scurred them enuff with even MENTIONING the ritual daggers! didn't wanna tack on anymore!

jw - mayhaps that's where my testosterone ends - i don't have the urge to smell things i know are gonna stink! but then again, i think all those smelly air fresheners really truely stink - tho i don't intentionally smell them, being in cubicle hell i'm constantly made to suffer them...

Posted by: mo | March 31, 2006 1:04 PM | Report abuse

i think that last sentence would have actually been better with a semi-colon!

tho i don't intentionally smell them; being in cubicle hell, i'm contantly made to suffer them...

Posted by: mo | March 31, 2006 1:05 PM | Report abuse

As the kinda guy who cares, how many vehicles are parked in the Rockenbro garage?

A friend of mine and I used to joke that we really didn't want a house, as much as we wanted a fully equipped 10 car garage with a little living space.

A parts washer for a sink, dry 'em with compressed air with lines from the overhead chucks, cook stuff with torches (stuff that won't go on a grill, anyway), and no kitchen, but a bar. Think about peling potatoes with a lathe...

Oh, and I saw Joe Satriani several times with Stu Hamm on base. Come to think of it I think he's toured with Steve Vai, too.

When's Rox Diamond comin' out east? I think we can arrange a BPH for that, can't we?


Posted by: bc | March 31, 2006 1:06 PM | Report abuse

We should have a kit and boodle on advice for jw given his upcoming marriage. It flows quite well from this boodle (not unlike the liquified sludge in a salad bag spilling out onto the floor).

Posted by: SonofCarl | March 31, 2006 1:07 PM | Report abuse

jw, we sniff because we are men of science, bold explorers of the mysteries of nature.

yellojkt, I really like "llardo" instead of "lladro." That's a keeper.

Hummel, as far as I am concerned, is just BB-gun target practice waiting to happen. It's probably why my wife won't let me have an kind of projectile-like weapons in the house.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | March 31, 2006 1:07 PM | Report abuse

SoC - we ARE going to have a boodle shower for jw and for sara - they are both engaged (not to each other)... we haven't set the date for it yet...

Posted by: mo | March 31, 2006 1:12 PM | Report abuse

JOEL--YOUR BROTHER SOUNDS LIKE A DISH!... I'd give up my woman's touch for a guy like that. Hee hee! just kidding. But hey, we got an 80 INCH screen and projector system last year and it is totally out of this world when it comes to watching sports. Especially drag racing... you have to hold on to your seat for that. Even the shampoo commercials look outstanding... now that's saying something. Enjoy your evening... we'll be renting a movie. Too early yet for the barby!

Posted by: Miss Toronto | March 31, 2006 1:12 PM | Report abuse


The colon was right. From Strunk and White:

Chapter 1, Item 7. "Use a colon after an independent clause to introduce a list of particulars, an appositive, and amplification, or an illustrative quotation."

I'm not even sure what an appositive is, but I know an amplification goes to eleven.

Posted by: yellojkt | March 31, 2006 1:15 PM | Report abuse

If anyone would like to relive the horrors of the wedding-gift registry, check out this website, and click on the "registry" tab:

Most of this stuff I get, but there's already some random baskets appearing that make me worried. Somehow I need to figure out how to get a Playstation 3 on there.

Posted by: jw | March 31, 2006 1:16 PM | Report abuse

jw---don't forget to ask for an 80 inch screen and projector system as a wedding gift. Of course, you will both be too busy to watch sports i'm sure!! At least for a while eh Joel?

Posted by: Miss Toronto | March 31, 2006 1:19 PM | Report abuse

actually, miss T, from what i can gather - achenbro IS a dish! i'm smitten, i can admit that! a muscian who can COOK! *sigh* alas, boulder, co sounds like it's even more boring that DC so...

jw - i didn't see nary a basket! most of the stuff seemed pretty useful to me - tho some things i was like, huh?

Posted by: mo | March 31, 2006 1:23 PM | Report abuse

Jeremy's wedding registry should be used as a checklist of things not to buy for the Achenbro. Except for maybe the pizza slicer.

And Jeremy, get the teflon tipped tongs, not the metal ones. Way cooler. If tongs can be cool. And they can't.

We have about every kitchen gadget known to man (note proper use of colon): rice steamer, Foreman grille, quesadilla griller, pizza stone, tortilla warmer, crab mallets, melon baller, strawberry huller, shrimp deveiner, orange zester, cherry pitter, and things I can't even remember what they do.

I am so whipped.

Posted by: yellojkt | March 31, 2006 1:25 PM | Report abuse

An 80-inch screen! Wow! You could, like, pull your car into the living room, jump into the back seat, and make out like bandits all while watching Comedy Central and FoodTV Network!

Posted by: Curmudgeon | March 31, 2006 1:26 PM | Report abuse

Dish or not, I'm still stuck on the no-drapes thing (the fridge I can clean). To me, it screams No Women Allowed more than the lack of a dining table.

Posted by: LostInThought | March 31, 2006 1:27 PM | Report abuse

yellojkt, sounds like you're not so much whipped as sliced, diced, zested and julienned.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | March 31, 2006 1:29 PM | Report abuse

We four, during our college days at Humboldt, were apartment dwellers and all of us wore our hair below our shoulders. I was the blonde, and roomed with Chris, who had jet-black hair. Gayle had long brunette tresses and shared the second bedroom with Martha, who had long red hair and freckles.

One night Martha had some sort of date that required her to dress up, meaning put on a dress with nylons and shoes with heels. This is in contrast to our typical campus attire of T-shirts and sweaters or sweatshirts, jeans and heavy shoes or hiking boots for getting across campus in the almost-daily rain. Umbrellas or slickers or ponchos were also very much a part of the Humboldt fashion statement.

Martha was all dressed, and the finishing touch was her night-on-the-town shoes. She had moved them up from Northridge and stuck them in their shoebox in the far corner of her closet. The back wall of this closet was also an exterior wall for the apartment complex, a wall that was adjacent, height-wise, to the local graveyard. We three were doing whatever in the apartment we normally did, probably either finishing up dinner and the dishes or reading.

From the far reaches of the Martha-Gayle bedroom, there came a blood-curdling scream. We all dropped what we were doing and ran the 15 paces or so into the bedroom. There we saw Martha, freshly bathed, perfumed, beautifully dressed, in her nylon-stocking feet, staring into her shoebox. She held the lid to the box in her left hand, and the box itself in her right hand. Collectively, we craned our necks to see what Martha saw. Inside, mold had overtaken the inside of Martha's shoes. Layers of thick, green, disgusting mold.

I don't remember what Martha wore out that night on her fancy date, but it certainly wasn't those shoes. Cinderella's slippers died a sad, green death in the land of Paul Bunyan.

Posted by: Loomis | March 31, 2006 1:29 PM | Report abuse

I don't watch a lot of TV, but I'm guessing that a monster plasma TV is absolutely excellent for pornos. That and the DVD player.

Posted by: Tom Canick | March 31, 2006 1:30 PM | Report abuse

Here's news specifically provided for CowTown ...,2106,3622684a3600,00.html

You're welcome.

Posted by: Buffalo Self | March 31, 2006 1:32 PM | Report abuse

What's not excellent for pornos? I saw someone's PSP with url's that won't pass the Wirty Dird Filter Filter™ in the history file.

And it wasn't my son's PSP, thank goodness.

Posted by: yellojkt | March 31, 2006 1:35 PM | Report abuse

Yes, you're right (i.e. what's not excellent...). I have heard that people can and do watch spankies on their cell phone screens. The Rockin' in Boulder title seemed too good to pass up.

Posted by: Tom Canick | March 31, 2006 1:37 PM | Report abuse

>An 80-inch screen! Wow! You could, like, pull your car into the living room, jump into the back seat

Miss Toronto isn't kidding, an $800 projector and the screen size is mostly a function of how far away from the wall you put the projector. I had mine 12' back and got a 98" screen size, projected right on the white wall. In the summer I take it out back. hook up some wireless speakers and project on a 9x12' drop cloth.

Pull up the convertibles and you have "Instant Drive-In".

Posted by: Error Flynn | March 31, 2006 1:38 PM | Report abuse

Mold Horror Story Entry 5:

I went to junior high in the Philippines and left a sweaty gym shirt in my locker for about a month on the bottom row at the end of an open air corridor. I had to hold it with my thumb and forefinger at arms length just to get it to the trash so I could use my locker again.

But the prize goes to Loomis. Moldy shoes on a hot date can't be topped.

Posted by: yellojkt | March 31, 2006 1:39 PM | Report abuse

Yes Curmudgeon, the 80 inch screen is very inspiring. Watching TV naked is a must on those super hot July evenings. Ooops... am I allowed to share that on the Boodle??

as per curtains... we don't have any... yikes. Maybe it's time to think about getting some. However, I just can't give up the night sky view when I go to sleep at night.

Posted by: Miss Toronto | March 31, 2006 1:40 PM | Report abuse

Weren't the first websites to offer video for the new iPods (besides Apple, of course) porn sites?

If the internet's taught us anything, it's that EVERYONE loves porn. More than shopping or chatting or reading the news.

Posted by: jw | March 31, 2006 1:41 PM | Report abuse

JW: That's quite a list. I was a little disappointed that there were no knapkin rings to go with your new set of Valencia Mocha knapkins. My favorite though was the Acacia Cheese Dome. Now what bachelor pad is complete without the requisite Cheese Dome?

And to whoever made the absurd suggestion that Boulder is boring: burning couches, riots, and #6 on Playboy's list of Top Party Schools, would all argue otherwise. That is if the amazing beauty of the town isn't enough.

Posted by: Anonymous | March 31, 2006 1:43 PM | Report abuse

Oh shoot! Forgot to sign off. That last post was from me.

Posted by: VidaBlue | March 31, 2006 1:44 PM | Report abuse

"In the summer I take it out back. hook up some wireless speakers and project on a 9x12' drop cloth."

We used to do that on the flight-deck of my ship. We bought some big JBL speakers and taped some sheets together. Instant drive in theater!

Posted by: jw | March 31, 2006 1:46 PM | Report abuse

I've been laughing a lot here as I worked my way down to this point. There's clearly Weingarten material in the relationships men and women do and don't have to stuff.

My own predilection is ridiculously expensive pottery, some of which could be used to serve food, but taking it down from the shelf to serve guests would spoil the arrangement. It's great stuff, but does present display problems. Space for shelves, built-in china cabinets have been important factors in all my housing decisions. The line between a lovely collection of artfully displayed objects and a bunch of stuff that collects dust everywhere is a fine one. Modern "open floor plan" houses are a problem: no walls to put shelves and display cases against.

Not too long ago, my aged mother was telling us---us being my four sisters and I---that we should tell her which things each of us would like to have once she and my father have departed this world of toil.

We made some lists (which are long since lost; we'll have to have those fights my mother wanted to avoid eventually, I guess). As we got to the end of the list-making, one of my sisters pointed out that everything on the lists was something that, essentially, belonged to Mom. China, silver, crystal, linens, collectibles of many kinds---perhaps even a figurine (not for me, of course).

And there were also such treasures as the big plate she bought for a dollar at a hardware store sometime in the late 1940s and used only for our birthday cakes for years and years. Had to flip a coin for that one. Guess we'll have to do it again now that the lists are lost.

Barb, the sister who'd pointed the absence of stuff associated with my dad on our lists, took a short walk through the house and came back with the conclusion that pretty much the only things she had identifed that really belonged to Dad, other than his clothes, were two leather purses that he'd brought back from North Africa, where he'd fought in WWII. They weren't displayed prominently, but they were always somewhere. We knew from very early ages that they belonged to Dad, and we knew where he got them.

Still, men do have stuff. I have been to eBay, so I know.

Posted by: J.Rae | March 31, 2006 1:47 PM | Report abuse

At least for me, electronics are my nesting tables and Hummels. I have gadgets for EVERYTHING, which my fiancee makes fun of me for. But at least they do something!

Posted by: jw | March 31, 2006 1:51 PM | Report abuse

fellow boodler bc know what the internet is for:

Do NOT play in front of your boss.

Posted by: yellojkt | March 31, 2006 1:54 PM | Report abuse

Just for the record: Our home is a Figurine Free Zone. It's one of the reasons I married my spouse. There are some blessings in life.

Posted by: CowTown | March 31, 2006 1:55 PM | Report abuse

For years we told our kids they would have to do rock-scissors-paper for our stuff. They were crushed when we set up a trust, and asked them to name their favorite items. They didn't want to give up the game!

Posted by: nellie | March 31, 2006 1:56 PM | Report abuse

But what do carved duck decoys do? Not that anyone here has a collection, of course, but lots of men do---but maybe only old guys. Whatever their age, they pay big bucks for the decoys, but only, of course, if they have never actually been used for hunting.

My 53-year-old brother-in-law still collects trains, much to the annoyance of my sister, who, apparently, did not inherit my mother's "stuff" gene.

Then there are men who collect cars. Those REALLY present storage problems.

Posted by: J.Rae | March 31, 2006 1:58 PM | Report abuse

unfortunately, my mother is a pack rat collector - and she collects angels - i don't think that would mesh with my decor (if i'm still goth when she dies - which is going to be never so... i guess i won't hafta worry about inheriting angels, huh?)

Posted by: mo | March 31, 2006 1:59 PM | Report abuse

Does Achenbro need a girlfriend? He sounds perfect. Is he a Mason fan?

Posted by: ea | March 31, 2006 2:02 PM | Report abuse

Buffalo Self: Thanks for the link.

"Researchers are seeking to decrease nitrogen losses in the soil and find higher-sugar grasses, so there is better quality food entering the cow's digestive system and less waste."

More milk. Less poop. Isn't that what we're ALL striving for?

Posted by: CowTown | March 31, 2006 2:04 PM | Report abuse

HAHAHAHAHA! yello/bc - that was WICKED funny! my co-worker says it's from avenue q... and i'm not so sure about porn on a 80 inch screen - don't get me wrong - i know EVERYONE (ahem) loves porn but seeing some things THAT big... well... um... notsomuch...

Posted by: mo | March 31, 2006 2:06 PM | Report abuse

>Then there are men who collect cars. Those REALLY present storage problems.

Tell me about it. I just hauled the '68 Caddy out, all 20 ft. of it.

Started right up, as always. I love it when a plan comes together.

Posted by: Error Flynn | March 31, 2006 2:16 PM | Report abuse

Last week the Post did an article on how news shows are having to get nicer sets and better make-up for HD broadcasts.

Imagine what that technology is doing to the porn industry. Maybe I better not.

Posted by: yellojkt | March 31, 2006 2:17 PM | Report abuse

When I got married years ago a colleague gave me the observation that "you never realized how many things you've lived your whole life without are suddenly vital". Turns out I was severely deficient when it came to wicker stuff. When we divorced, what she didn't take, went to Goodwill.

Posted by: Stick | March 31, 2006 2:30 PM | Report abuse

Stick, I think wicker joins porcelain figurines in the World of Useless Junk. Add furry toilet lid covers to that list. The inventor of that item hated Humanity.

Posted by: CowTown | March 31, 2006 2:41 PM | Report abuse

I personally don't care for porn. Not that it's sinful or anything, it has no subtlety or charm, for me anyhoo. When I worked at the bbq joint in San Antonio (cashier/secretary), the boss would receive these mysterious large manila envelopes every few weeks or so. One day, one of the waitresses, Theresa, told me in hushed tones just what was in those envelopes. I'd never seen it before and was curious so she tried to open the envelope in a manner where it could be re-sealed and the boss would never know the difference. I looked at the contents and and said something like "vommitt". Just as she was putting the contents back in the envelope, we saw him drive up and in her haste to hide what we'd done, tore the envelope. We both started giggling hysterically; she'd thrust the envelope at me; I'd throw it back at her "You take it, no you had it first, well you're the one who opened it! S-word, what are we gonna do?!" So we stuffed it in the trash just before he walked in and asked "Has the mail come yet?". We burst out laughing and couldn't stop. For the rest of the week, he kept asking me about the mail and it seemed to me that he knew I knew something and that I knew that he knew that I knew something about the mail, but what could he possibly do or say "Say, Nani, has my porn come in yet?!"

Posted by: Nani | March 31, 2006 2:42 PM | Report abuse

I am in a terrible quandry. My boss, who was the last man using a 286 computer on the planet, has upgraded his cell phone. He is now sporting one of those 7 of 9 bluetooth earpieces. My quandry is, should I call him 7 of 9 instead of sir and if I do how fast am I going to have to clean out my desk.

Its so hard to resist. Does anyone have a tune cootie to distract me?

Posted by: dr | March 31, 2006 2:43 PM | Report abuse

Wow---you boodlers are all over the map today... porn, housewares. what next!

personally, i hate stuff---dishes, glassware, silverware. All this stuff that you have to worry about and take good care of. Useless stuff.

When we moved to Australia on a workterm (in the hopes of moving there permanently), I gave all my family inherited dishes etc. to my relatives. It was a good opportunity to get rid of it all.

On my return, I was happy to be given a full set of 1875 Encyclopedia Britannica by my mom's cousin. I think they all felt guilty that I gave my stuff away to the cousins. I love the books so much better. Cool awesome science and math stuff in those books. They are an amazing read. Almost as entertaining as our 80 inch screen... but not quite.

sorry guys, no porno in those books!!!! just interesting factoids.

Posted by: Miss Toronto | March 31, 2006 2:47 PM | Report abuse

dr - I dare you to call him Lieutenant Uhura.

Posted by: CowTown | March 31, 2006 2:48 PM | Report abuse

Okay, fair enough J.Rae, some guys should take as well as give in this discussion. I have three beer steins from Germany that I consider works of art that are now relegated to the den (jw: hold out for a den).

yellojkt: good point on the impact of HD. I'm thinking the 'amateur' sub-genre will not do well.

Posted by: SonofCarl | March 31, 2006 2:48 PM | Report abuse

I feel like it's my birthday: Just got the mail and have three items I ordered from Amazon:

1) The complete Monty Python Personal Best DVD collection.
2) The complete UFO Megaset (All 26 digiatlly remastered episodes).
3) It's been talked about so much on the boodle I just had to get: "Good Omens".


Posted by: omni | March 31, 2006 2:50 PM | Report abuse

Error Flynn made a stab at it but no one got Ray Davies allusion I made yesterday. Answering the call for tune cooties, all I have on hand is a Kinks song I keep humming. In honor of Ben Domenech, who had quit his day job in order honor his commitment to the Post, I present:

Young Conservatives

Have you heard the word?
The revolution's over.
Now the anger's disappeared
And the rebels are much older.
And the schools and universities
Are turning out a brand new breed of young conservatives.

Get yourself a brand new scene,
Keep your collars white and clean,
It's time to come and join the young conservatives.

Revolution used to be cool,
But now it's out of fashion.
Politeness is the rule,
And not an angry young man's passion.
And they've used up all the alternatives,
And they're rushing down the street to join
the young conservatives.

Ban the bomb, oh how contemporary,
In your parents' car.
Another chip off the block, is that all that you are?
Look at all the young conservatives
Hanging out in the bars.
It's got to stop before it goes to fa-fa-fa-fa-far.

Get yourself some new attire,
Set your sights a little higher,
You're going to join the young conservatives.

The establishment is winning,
Now the battle's nearly won.
The rebels are conforming,
See the father, now the sons.
All the urgency and energy
Have turned into complacency,
Now the schools and universities are turning out a
brand new breed of young conservatives.

Rebel, rebel found a cause,
Now it's Hampstead not East End
And now he's such a well respected man.
The only action that you see
Is in the Sunday Times.
Content to sit in bed and read between the lines.

Rebel, rebel join the young conservatives.
Be a devil join the new conservatives.

It's a victory for order
Now they've beaten everyone.
The rebels are too old now,
And the young just want to be young.
All the urgency and energy
Have turned into complacency.
Now the schools and universities are turning out a
brand new breed of young conservatives.

Look at all the young conservatives.
Look at all the young conservatives.

Posted by: yellojkt | March 31, 2006 2:53 PM | Report abuse

A den, yes. Bears need their dens, their lairs. Actually, one of my former graduate students once said that men living alone are like bears with furniture. I've always liked that line.

The same graduate student said that sex and pizza are the same in that even when they're not very good, they're still pretty good. I think that's more true of pizza than of sex.

Posted by: J.Rae | March 31, 2006 2:54 PM | Report abuse

Cow Town, I think I'd best go put on my sneakers.

Posted by: dr | March 31, 2006 2:54 PM | Report abuse

dr, here's a tune cootie for while you're running: "Roam," by the B-52's.

Chorus (Everybody!):
Roam if you want to
Roam around the world
Roam if you want to
Without wings, without wheels
Roam if you want to
Without anything but the love we feel

Posted by: CowTown | March 31, 2006 3:00 PM | Report abuse

J.Rae, they're both even better the next morning.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | March 31, 2006 3:00 PM | Report abuse

Thanks for linking that yellojkt, that is AvQ, and yeah, it's still funny.

I don't *collect* cars per se, as everything I've got a: runs, and b: has a use of some sort whether it's for fun, snow days, or just going back and forth to work. I'm down to 4 now, nothing remotely as big as EF's Caddy.

One other comment on the "no drapes" situation: A single livealone guy does not care if anyone sees them promenading (sp?) around theirowndamn castle naked. And think about how much money drapes or blinds for a large picture window cost; that's like enough money to put a TV in the bathroom.

Sounds like Lone Wolf Kev's got his Den jus the way he wants it. I can respect this.


Posted by: bc | March 31, 2006 3:03 PM | Report abuse

Right, you are, 'mudge, right you are! Thanks for the laugh.

Posted by: J. Rae | March 31, 2006 3:03 PM | Report abuse

SCC: "just".

I meant to ask Joel if Kool Kev keeps a stick near the Captian's Chair.

For scratchin', ya know?


Posted by: bc | March 31, 2006 3:07 PM | Report abuse

dr, you asked for it. For the rest of you, please avert your eyes.

Shirley, Shirley bo Birley Bonana fanna fo Firley
Fee fy mo Mirley, Shirley!

Lincoln, Lincoln bo Bincoln Bonana fanna fo Fincoln
Fee fy mo Mincoln, Lincoln!

Come on everybody!
I say now let's play a game
I betcha I can make a rhyme out of anybody's name
The first letter of the name, I treat it like it wasn't there
But a B or an F or an M will appear
And then I say bo add a B then I say the name and Bonana fanna and a
And then I say the name again with an F very plain
and a fee fy and a mo
And then I say the name again with an M this time
and there isn't any name that I can't rhyme

Arnold, Arnold bo Barnold Bonana fanna fo Farnold
Fee fy mo Marnold Arnold!

But if the first two letters are ever the same,
I drop them both and say the name like
Bob, Bob drop the B's Bo ob
For Fred, Fred drop the F's Fo red
For Mary, Mary drop the M's Mo ary
That's the only rule that is contrary.

Okay? Now say Bo: Bo
Now Tony with a B: Bony
Then Bonana fanna fo: bonana fanna fo
Then you say the name again with an F very plain: Fony
Then a fee fy and a mo: fee fy mo
Then you say the name again with an M this time: Mony
And there isn't any name that you can't rhyme

Every body do Tony!
Pretty good, let's do Billy!
Very good, let's do Marsha!
A little trick with Nick!
The name game

Posted by: SonofCarl | March 31, 2006 3:07 PM | Report abuse

Hey omni, as good as all that stuff sounds, try to get out and enjoy the cherry blossoms, dude.


Posted by: bc | March 31, 2006 3:12 PM | Report abuse

EF and bc:

We have a couple of 1970 vehicles, one of which is a deluxe Beetle. The car goes from a to b, but is a mess (pans, interior). I was perusing the net for a Thing and found a '69 Beetle owner, original motor, solid pans. Bargain...I have a functional Beetle for a '67 CDV vert...

Posted by: jack | March 31, 2006 3:12 PM | Report abuse

SoC: That's just sick. SICK!

Posted by: jw | March 31, 2006 3:13 PM | Report abuse

jw, LOL your 3:13. When you're right, you're right!

Posted by: Curmudgeon | March 31, 2006 3:17 PM | Report abuse

BC..we know men don't particularly see any need for drapes (seems everywhere I've ever lived, there's been a naked man across the way), but the chance of a romantic evening is reduced significantly without the drapes. The dining table makes an interesting contribution, but we can do without it. Drapes though, are a must.

Posted by: LostInThought | March 31, 2006 3:23 PM | Report abuse

Oh, lordy, lordy, if ever there was a country-and-western song dying to be written, it's "Everywhere I've ever lived, there's been a naked man across the way."

Sung by the Dixie Chicks, I think.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | March 31, 2006 3:28 PM | Report abuse

Yeah, sorry about that. That's the nuclear bomb of tune cooties. You can't say you weren't warned, however.

Speaking of vintage cars, short story. I did a short UN tour in Cyprus in the early 90s, and there is a cease-fire zone representing the furthest advance of Turkish forces in 1974 (called the Green line, literally named after the green felt pen used to mark the line on the UN map by the Brit staff officer).

Cease fire zones are often a kind of time warp (I've heard the Korean DMZ is basically a nature preserve now, were it not for all the mines). Anyway, in a warehouse in Nicosia where the Green line cuts through the city, there is a small fleet of 1974 Toyotas with less than 10 miles on the odometers. Real collectors' items, if they ever get them out of there before they rust out.

Posted by: SonofCarl | March 31, 2006 3:30 PM | Report abuse

When I moved out of my mobile home, I took the stuff out of the freezer part of the refrigerator, but left the other stuff in there. They cut the lights off. I do dread going back in there with all that stuff in that refrigerator, because I know by now, that stuff can walk, talk, tell time, and probably kick butt big time.

Posted by: Cassandra S | March 31, 2006 3:32 PM | Report abuse

Oh my goodness! My life as a country-western song! Way off base for my life-style, but probably right on the money for the stuff that happens to/near me.
Thanks again for the laugh.

Posted by: LostInThought | March 31, 2006 3:34 PM | Report abuse

Thank you very much. I am recovered now and have a whole list of tune cooties floating throuhg my head.

OK, Its ENOUGH already.

My sincere apologies to the entire boodle.

Shirley, Shirley, bo Birley.

Posted by: dr | March 31, 2006 3:34 PM | Report abuse

When I get home, 'bout half past seven.
I kick of my shoes and say praise to heaven.
That my tired old bones can finally get some rest.

When my weary eyes spy a sight worth savin'
Something my achen' loins been cravin'
An' don't I know my life could use some zest.

I've lived all over this great country,
An' I know there's one thing that's better than money.
Everywhere I've lived, Oh, everywhere I've lived,
There's been a nekkid man across the way!

Posted by: jw | March 31, 2006 3:36 PM | Report abuse

oh, jw, I have tears in my eyes. I'm so proud! (I want 10 percent of the royalties.)

Posted by: Curmudgeon | March 31, 2006 3:39 PM | Report abuse

I think Gretchen Wilson, 'Mudge.

LostinThought, if you turn out the lights, chances are pretty good no one outside can see, if things progress to the point where an entwined roll onto the floor to get below the window line of sight is possible, well, there you are.

All guys have drapes or blinds in their bedrooms, by the way, single guys included. Some mornings you MUST KEEP THE LIGHT OUT, if you know what I mean.


Posted by: bc | March 31, 2006 3:39 PM | Report abuse

Anyone else recalling the Ugly Naked Guy running gag on Friends? Especially when he had a date over.

Posted by: yellojkt | March 31, 2006 3:39 PM | Report abuse

Come to think on it, I guess I'm obligated to split my cut with LiT.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | March 31, 2006 3:40 PM | Report abuse

Haha--I don't think it will be topping the charts any time soon.

Posted by: jw | March 31, 2006 3:41 PM | Report abuse

Love the lyrics. Mudge...a nice dinner ON AN ACTUAL TABLE and I'd consider myself paid in full. Wait...can we throw real silverware into the picture? No plastic sporks, please.

Posted by: LostInThought | March 31, 2006 3:45 PM | Report abuse


A nekkid man, across the way
No clothes at night
No clothes all day

Oh nekkid man, take a look mah way
'cause I'm lookin' yours,
An' I'm birthday-suitin' today


Posted by: bc | March 31, 2006 3:46 PM | Report abuse

I'd eventually like to pare down until everything I own, excluding furniture, can fit into 3-6 60 gallon containers.

That way, when the US finally does go to h*ll in a handbasket, all I have to do to flee is load up my car and start driving.


Posted by: amo | March 31, 2006 3:47 PM | Report abuse

Kelly Pickler will be singing it on American Idol in no time!!!

Posted by: jw | March 31, 2006 3:48 PM | Report abuse

Inspired by Lost in Thought

Every where I've ever lived
A naked man did stay
I just moved into this one
When I saw him 'cross the way

His stomach strewn with Cheetos
On his leather sofa he did lay
I look forward to his HDTV
falling on his head one day

Now, I'm all for nakedness,
But I really have to say,
I can handle the pathetic-ness,
But no more daytime porn, okay?

Posted by: SonofCarl | March 31, 2006 3:48 PM | Report abuse

Laughing my butt off! You people are too flippin' funny! Joel attracts only the very twisted minds!
Either that, or it's now acceptable to drink heavily during work hours.

Posted by: LostInThought | March 31, 2006 3:53 PM | Report abuse



Posted by: pj | March 31, 2006 3:57 PM | Report abuse

to both

Posted by: omni | March 31, 2006 4:07 PM | Report abuse

Had Beetles and loved 'em, even after they caught on fire (which they tend to do). Good luck finding a Thing with anything resembling floorpans. I put my foot through a Thing's floor in 1977 or so (I guess the VDub was about 3 years old at that point); damn near lost my foot, as we were going about 35 mph at the time.

I'm sure someone would fund gettin' those old Toyotas out of there, SoC, if they were Land Cruisers or Celica GTs or Celica Supras or something that a collector might be interested in.


Posted by: bc | March 31, 2006 4:12 PM | Report abuse

I'm pretty sure they were Corollas, as they looked like these ones:

It wasn't really an issue of funding that has kept them there. Taking anything in or out of the ceasefire zone is a violation of the ceasefire and an act of war.

Posted by: SonofCarl | March 31, 2006 4:24 PM | Report abuse

If Joel doesn't post "Everywhere I've ever lived, there's been a naked man across the way" (including the amended/appended chorus) on a "Best of the Boodle" kit some day, there is no justice. I think this has been one of the funniest days on the blog I can remember.

Running for the bus, peeps; everybody have a good weekend.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | March 31, 2006 4:26 PM | Report abuse

I had a soworker who swore we should get a case of beer and just spend the weekend writing country songs and make a fortune. You let me know if I've got the touch:

Nekkid man, nekkid man,
Not wearing clothes today
Nekkid man, nekkid man
Not caring who looks his way

He’s got HDTV on the wall
He’s got no furniture at all
He just lies nekkid on the floor
Not knowing why he can’t score
Dates just don’t come through the door
But he knows what the internet’s for

Nekkid man, nekkid man
In the house on the hill
Nekkid man, nekkid man
Beer butt chicken on the grill

We’re good neighbors, we like your kind,
But, nekkid man, we had to get you some blinds

Nekkid man, nekkid man
[fade out]

Posted by: yellojkt | March 31, 2006 4:28 PM | Report abuse

jw - just don't call kelli pickler a mink - um, i mean minx!

Posted by: mo | March 31, 2006 4:29 PM | Report abuse

SCC: "I had a COworker"

Posted by: yellojkt | March 31, 2006 4:31 PM | Report abuse

yello: nice! But have you ever walked nekkid on the streets of Bakersfield? (not recommended from what I've heard)

Posted by: SonofCarl | March 31, 2006 4:35 PM | Report abuse

Well, this isn't quite working out for me, so like all those evanescent boodlers who came before me, I'm going to quietly fade away into the anonymity of the internet. Take care y'all...

Posted by: VidaBlue | March 31, 2006 4:35 PM | Report abuse

While beer is generally not tolerated in the office during work hours, there was the great power outage of 1998. A large production facility was being built down the road, and at 8:30a.m., they did a boo boo and cut the power lines coming our way. Since even our phone system was down, everyone went home except for myself,being sans wheels and one other fellow, who had to wait for courier packages. He had a flat of beer. I think we started drinking at 9:30. In our defense, the coffee machines were off. By the time my husband came back to the office about 2:00, I was talking Swahili, a language I was not previously aware I spoke.

Every time the power goes out now even briefly, I have to laugh.

Posted by: dr | March 31, 2006 4:50 PM | Report abuse

Sung to the tune of "He's got the Whole World (In His Hands)"

I've got a nekkid man
in my thoughts
I've got a nekkid man
in my thoughts
I've got a nekkid man
in my thoughts
The boodle put a nekkid man
in my thoughts!

Buy some curtains or drapes
if you please
Buy some curtains or drapes
if you please
Buy some curtains or drapes
if you please
Don't need to see what's hanging
'Tween those knees!

Posted by: amo | March 31, 2006 4:55 PM | Report abuse

LOL, amo. We gotta get some WAMMIE runer-up to cut an album of these.

Posted by: yellojkt | March 31, 2006 5:01 PM | Report abuse

I have no curtains in the back of my house because it looks out onto the woods (yes, there are still some woods in Fairfax).

I don't have many googaws or nicknacks around the house, but I do collect two things: (1) architectural landmarks from around the world (you know, Eiffel Tower, Statue of Liberty... but my collection also includes the Great Wall of China and the Hungarian Parliament building);

and (2) lamps like this:

Posted by: TBG | March 31, 2006 5:03 PM | Report abuse

amo, fantastic!

Sorry to see VidaBlue (love that handle) go. Achenblog is usually more erudite, but c'mon: (1) it's Friday; and (2) we just came off a serious day. (Note the proper use of both colon and semicolon)

Posted by: SonofCarl | March 31, 2006 5:04 PM | Report abuse

*pssssstttt* achenbro - i see some excellent suggestions for Rox Diamond's new #1 hit!!!!

Posted by: mo | March 31, 2006 5:05 PM | Report abuse

A special Haiku in honor of Sakura:

Look out the window
Into the house over there
A man sits nekkid

Posted by: TBG | March 31, 2006 5:06 PM | Report abuse

wow! tbg - you must have a REALLY big house!! the whole wall of china??? *giggle*

Posted by: mo | March 31, 2006 5:06 PM | Report abuse

SoC - i take umbrage! i'm never erudite thank you very much!

Posted by: mo | March 31, 2006 5:09 PM | Report abuse

OK, I'm assuming everyone's seen this:

Posted by: TBG | March 31, 2006 5:09 PM | Report abuse

i gotta say it... i gotta say it! can't hold it back...


Posted by: mo | March 31, 2006 5:12 PM | Report abuse

and who can forget this classic?

Posted by: mo | March 31, 2006 5:14 PM | Report abuse

mo, I was gonna post that link if you hadn't. Classic.

Posted by: TBG | March 31, 2006 5:15 PM | Report abuse

The last time we were doing haiku it was pointed out that haiku traditionally has a seasonal element (or apparently its more accurately called senryu). So here's my contribution. Have a good weekend, all.

Water, brought by warmth,
Makes pond, drains away, caused by
Nekkid man on couch

Posted by: SonofCarl | March 31, 2006 5:22 PM | Report abuse

codpiece anyone? thank god the achenbro has a guitar to cover him up... tbg - looks like we may be the only ones here... i think i hear an echo(oooooooo)

Posted by: mo | March 31, 2006 5:22 PM | Report abuse

Well, mo... us and the Canadians, but I'm not sure if they count. You know, with the coloured money and all.

Ha ha... I kid because I love.

Posted by: TBG | March 31, 2006 5:26 PM | Report abuse

Hey Boodle! We got a nod today from Liz Kelley's Celebritology blog, noting that springing forward makes for more porch time (with a link the Opening of Porch Season kit).

Posted by: TBG | March 31, 2006 5:28 PM | Report abuse

I'm here. Quietly. Been working on helping ScienceKid #1 with the new, improved, display to take to the county science fair tonight. Somehow, just not motivated to commentary by the thought of Joel's brother's bachelor life. I'm a homebody. I cook, I clean. Never had a motorcycle (got an electric scooter, now). TV is okay. Until HDTV (which I can't afford), the number of pixels is independent of the size of the screen. Solid angle is the only thing that matters, so I just sit a little closer.

I know what you're thinking. But I checked -- I really am male. All the parts are there, and the presence of the ScienceKids suggests that my parts are functional.

Besides -- there is another way to be a rocker. I direct you to the Wikipedia entry of my former neighbor, a stay-at-home dad:

Posted by: Tim | March 31, 2006 5:31 PM | Report abuse

Tim, I think your mother-in-law is proof that testosterone isn't the main ingredient in a rocker.

Posted by: TBG | March 31, 2006 5:36 PM | Report abuse

VidaBlue - It takes a bit of time to get used to this place.

SofC - I'm not so sure you used those semicolons correctly.

Posted by: Bayou Self | March 31, 2006 5:37 PM | Report abuse

I can't figure out what wasn't working out for VidaBlue. I mean, doilies, nekkid men, bad C&W songs. What's not to like here?

Posted by: TBG | March 31, 2006 5:40 PM | Report abuse

Good evening. Pius XI here. I'm going to be online with George Will Monday in the Neocon Foodfights series to discuss my encyclical. The thing is, I'm dead OK? So there should be lots of good buzz. "George Will to Pius XI: In your face" kind of thing. I've forgotten what I ever wrote on Israel, so he's going to look it up, and probably I'll get my ass handed to me on a plate. Good fun. 40,000 hits for the Achenblog, now this.

Posted by: Pius XI | March 31, 2006 5:41 PM | Report abuse

good luck sciencekid #1 on a WIN!

tim - you lived next door to the guy from PANTERA! that gives you testoterone points by proxie man!

tbg - my thoughts exactly! but you forgot the porn - we also had porn in the boodle today - really BIG porn!

Posted by: mo | March 31, 2006 5:46 PM | Report abuse

TBG, my MIL is more of a jazz type. She played rock because it paid the bills, but she disses it like mad behind their backs. But she's a big fan of Brian Wilson, personally and as a musician. From the documentaries I've seen, the feeling is mutual. I've never met any of these interesting people that she knows from the old days. She puts out an occasional new recording or re-releases some stuff. She's way big in Germany, those guys are constantly doing something about her, releasing compilations, etc.

And for those who are wondering what the heck we're talking about, I will do my son-in-law's duty and direct you to my mother-in-law's web site:
She'll enjoy the traffic and will be happy to sell you some stuff.

Posted by: Tim | March 31, 2006 5:48 PM | Report abuse

I will allow as to how I can see the benefits of porn for the lonely. Not that I would purchase such stuff for myself, you understand. In my youth, when I bought Playboy, it was only for the articles. The other stuff just came along as part of the total package.

Posted by: Tim | March 31, 2006 5:50 PM | Report abuse

Pious XI - Your holiness, if I may, I believe you need to brush up on comma usage or, indeed, George Will will hand you your backside on a platter. For example, "I'm dead OK?" should probably be "I'm dead, OK?" The former sounds like a pundit, while the latter makes clear you present situation regarding the here and now. George Will knows of such things and will use them against you, while also mystifying you with details of the infield fly rule.

Posted by: Bayou Self | March 31, 2006 5:57 PM | Report abuse

hey tbg - was that you on gene's chat commenting about billy joel? (btw - did he do new york state of mind? and was it awesome? that's my favorite song from him)

Posted by: mo | March 31, 2006 6:02 PM | Report abuse

Well, at least I'm in good company with Pius XI in being corrected. I lack a style guide at this location (no, really). Bayou, I must know the problem! Stop me before I semi-colonize again!

SciTim, I'm still taking umbrage (1) at your taking the bait on that earthquake thing. Pearls before swine.

(1) not actually taking umbrage

Posted by: SonofCarl | March 31, 2006 6:13 PM | Report abuse

Not me on Gene's chat re: Billy Joel (see? another use of the colon!), but I've had a few things show up there over the past few months (can't remember details right now).

But isn't it funny how you read posts on Gene's chat and think maybe you recognize a fellow boodler? Like, I thought maybe ScienceTim was the person in the updates section yesterday about "timeless ideas," but I think the poster is a little younger than -Tim.

Posted by: TBG | March 31, 2006 6:22 PM | Report abuse

Oh.. and mo.. Billy was AWESOME. Great show. Got my seats upgraded (see past boodle for details or I will share at BPH) and my sister and I had a great time.

At first I wondered what all those old people were doing there. :)

Posted by: TBG | March 31, 2006 6:24 PM | Report abuse

Fratres carissimi. Tim acted rightly in the earthquake thing. Only thing I thought was that he could have extended the hand of understanding once the other guy realized he had put his foot in it. It's true the other guy used some unpleasant language, but on the other hand he honestly thought it was in the interests of science. Tim could have imputed an apology to him and accepted it, easing the other's embarrassment. But I see no causes for umbrage, which by the way is one of the eleven deadliest sins, so you should really keep your eye on it. On this issue of commas, the infield fly rule and so on, I realize I am going up against one of the great all-time debaters, (did you know he got the idea for his designer eyeglasses from my brother Pius IX?) Actually it has already been mapped out. I will lose. Doesn't matter to me. It's all for the buzz. And then you have George Will able to say he trounced Pius XI in a debate on Israel or something like that. Anyway...

Posted by: Pius XI | March 31, 2006 6:32 PM | Report abuse

I think most bachelors view their living space as a means to an end. That is, they are less concerned with interior décor and more concerned with making sure they can indulge their passions without having to walk too far to get to the fridge. In fact, one friend of mine actually had a “distributed refrigeration” system with little units scattered all over his apartment. My older brother used to disassemble outdoor motors on his coffee table. (I occasionally remind my sister and law that she had been warned.) My own apartment was filled with aquariums and partially completed stain-glass lamps. Then I met my wife, who pointed out that I, a man with notoriously poor large motor skills, was working with electricity around large quantities of water.
Not the last time she’s probably saved my life.

Posted by: RD Padouk | March 31, 2006 7:11 PM | Report abuse

Man I gotta start reading the boodle before I post. You have left bachelor pads long behind and moved on to music, porn, nekkid people and dead Popes.
Good golly I love this place....

Posted by: RD Padouk | March 31, 2006 7:20 PM | Report abuse

I think Mr. Burck has the Achenbro beat...hands down!

Posted by: Loomis | March 31, 2006 7:36 PM | Report abuse

Naked Cowboy on a website called "Little Views"! Laughing out loud here...

Posted by: Snarky Squirrel | March 31, 2006 7:41 PM | Report abuse

>I think Mr. Burck has the Achenbro beat...hands down!

At least now I don't feel bad about linking to the UFO beauties. :-)

Posted by: Error Flynn | March 31, 2006 7:44 PM | Report abuse

Oh but Error Flynn. She was British. That's culture.

Posted by: RD Padouk | March 31, 2006 7:46 PM | Report abuse

And RD, I'll keep you company on the bachelor pads theme: I totally share the bachelor aversion to curtained windows (which probably delights my neighbors, but never mind). Why would one want to cover up windows? Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of a window? Here in the building in which I spend much of my day, the miniblinds on the windows in the hall are constantly being closed by vampires (I can only assume they're vampires, given their apparent aversion to sunlight). It's my biggest peeve -- well, my biggest peeve right this minute. As those who know me will attest, my peevedom knows few limits.

Posted by: Snarky Squirrel | March 31, 2006 7:47 PM | Report abuse

"Distributed refrigeration system"! Ha!
Sure beats the distributed laundry hamper system you see in a lot of bachelor pads (and non-bachelor pads, too) -- the word "hamper" being used very loosely.

Posted by: Achenfan | March 31, 2006 7:56 PM | Report abuse

I used to cover a large window in my old apartment with left-over scraps of stained glass. These were usually miscuts and breakage. I called it my shrine to incompetence.
My wife has an issue with open windows. I think it is a privacy issue. She prefers the house to be kept in total blackout conditions. Of course she also insisted we buy these blinds that cost more than my first car. I think she may also just like to get her money's worth.

Posted by: RD Padouk | March 31, 2006 7:57 PM | Report abuse

I was pretty good as a bachelor about keeping laundry in one place. In fact, I was too good. I tended to wash it all together. My wife always tells me that separating laundry isn't rocket science. She's right. I can do rocket science.

Posted by: RD Padouk | March 31, 2006 8:01 PM | Report abuse


(Just getting caught up here) I looked at your registry list. Man, I have seen lists that were a lot worse than yours.

A LOT worse.

Too bad about VidaBlue. He/she made some nice posts. C'mon back if you are so inclined.

Posted by: pj | March 31, 2006 8:03 PM | Report abuse

See, there's another area in which I'm not a Real Woman:
I DON'T EVEN BOTHER TO SEPARATE LAUNDRY. So far the casualties have been minimal, so I feel totally justified.

Posted by: Achenfan | March 31, 2006 8:07 PM | Report abuse

Am too lazy to look up Boulder. Is that near the Garden of the Gods? Or is that near Colorado Springs? GOG is an awesome natural wonder. Been there.

Posted by: jhs | March 31, 2006 8:12 PM | Report abuse

>She prefers the house to be kept in total blackout conditions

Occupational hazard?

I tend to light the place with video monitors and LEDs. I think it gives a nice spaceship feel.

Reminds me of home.

Posted by: Error Flynn | March 31, 2006 8:14 PM | Report abuse

[In fact, if I were a laundry separatist, I'd probably be separating laundry right now, instead of 'boodling. And if I also had to wash a whole bunch of dusty doilies, I probably wouldn't have time for anything else.]

Posted by: Achenfan | March 31, 2006 8:14 PM | Report abuse

When I went to college my mother bought me an entire set of gray sheets. She figured they would end up that color anyway.
Smart lady that mom of mine.

Posted by: RD Padouk | March 31, 2006 8:40 PM | Report abuse

Have a good weekend, guys. Enjoy yourselves, and get some rest. Maybe clean out the refrigerator?

Posted by: Cassandra S | March 31, 2006 9:01 PM | Report abuse

Am I the only one who noticed that"Naked Cowboy" wasn't naked? (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

Is there no integrity any more? No truthiness?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | March 31, 2006 9:11 PM | Report abuse

Sorry for the abrupt departure, but I just can't keep up! I think my productivity level at work as dropped by half these last few days. Most of the time I'm just catching up on old boodles, and when I finally get around to posting one of my own the subject has already changed gears. I just figured it would be better for me to leave now before the boodle began to consume my entire existence. I think some of you now what I mean ;) Anyways, I might drop in from time to time to see how things are going.

And jhs: Boulder is about 20 minutes north of Denver. It's nowhere near the GOG, which is actually in Colorado Springs, aka the breeding ground for Christian fundamentalists.

Posted by: VidaBlue | March 31, 2006 9:14 PM | Report abuse

I'm pleased as punch to announce pre-production for a new musical film:

"Larry the Nekkid Cable Guy"

With music by jw, yellojkt, bc, SonofCarl, amo, TBG and maybe Curmudgeon and others, performed by the Dixie Chicks, Gretchen Wilson, mo, and Rox Diamond performing their smash hits "*Man* inna Haus Strut" and "With that Woman it's Curtains for Me."

Or, not.


Posted by: bc | March 31, 2006 9:28 PM | Report abuse

Join the crowd, VidaBlue. Join the crowd. I know exactly what you mean.

Posted by: pj | March 31, 2006 9:29 PM | Report abuse

The Achenblog is addictive. Some poor souls have even been known to come and check the blog during commercial breaks.

Sad, sad, sad.

Posted by: RD Padouk | March 31, 2006 9:35 PM | Report abuse

"But I see no causes for umbrage, which by the way is one of the eleven deadliest sins ..." - Pius XI

Even the sins dial up to 11!

Posted by: Bayou Self | March 31, 2006 10:18 PM | Report abuse

Pius, are you in a position to reveal the XIth commandment yet?


Posted by: bc | March 31, 2006 10:51 PM | Report abuse

When the Achenbro is considering adding more furniture to his Boulder pad, he can select from Chippendale, Sheraton or Hepplewhite.

Me? I'd pick Chippendale's any day of the week.

Posted by: Anonymous | March 31, 2006 11:17 PM | Report abuse

No sweat, VidaBlue. Hit-and-run boodling works about as well as constant boodling. Drop in now and then and if you find something you like, make a comment. Catch up if you can but sometimes it doesn't work out. Again, no sweat. It's nice to have additional voices here, even if they only show up now and then.

Posted by: pj | April 1, 2006 12:22 AM | Report abuse

Good morning, folks. Can't sleep, so I'm getting ready to take a shower and go and get some coffee. It's raining here, much needed rain. Don't know what's with the not sleeping. I think I miss my little granddaughter. She sent me a card yesterday, with hugs and kisses. It made my day. My grandsons didn't come either, and I'm missing them too. And if all them were here, I'd be so busy and tired, and sleepy. I'm not complaining really. It's quiet and I should be asleep. I hope everyone enjoys their weekend, and hopefully get some rest. I'm getting sleepy now, might go back to bed. Later for the coffee.

Posted by: Cassandra S | April 1, 2006 5:40 AM | Report abuse

RD... wait for commercial breaks? One word for you, my good man: iBook.

Posted by: TBG | April 1, 2006 8:52 AM | Report abuse

I remember Kevin helped me hold down our third roommate C.

C. had taken beer on credit from our favorite vendors, a mom & pop store couple who saw Roger Maris often delivering their Budweiser personally when the regular driver couldn't make it in to work.

C. had never returned to pay his tab. I paid it for him when I learned of this.

Now this was all my idea; Kevin is not a sadist by nature. He was always willing to pitch in on difficult chores, however.

I had the hot spoon prepared in the kitchen. Red hot metal has a faint but distinctive aroma. We jumped C., Kevin helped hold him down, and I brandished the spoon, and then, tossing it, substituted the frozen spoon I had previously stowed in the freezer. I mashed it against C.'s neck.

Posted by: Jet Benny | April 1, 2006 8:56 AM | Report abuse

TBG - The thought has crossed my mind. Since we already have two desktop computers hooked into a wireless router, adding a laptop would be easy. However, certain elements of the household have pointed out that since we already have, you know, two desktop computers hooked into a wireless router, do we really need a third?

Yet sitting downstairs in the bunny room posting while the rabbits jump around does have a nice Snoopy-like quality to it.

Perhaps I can convince the Easter Beagle to bring me a laptop for Easter.

Posted by: RD Padouk | April 1, 2006 9:14 AM | Report abuse

RD, only two desktops? Yikes. I'm embarassed to say that we have two clamshell iBooks, one G4 iBook, 2 iMacs in the "office" (the old dining room) and a G4 (upgraded B&W G3) in the basement. There are only 4 people in my family (I don't think the cat uses any of the computers, but I'm only guessing here).

Please note the lack of Windoze in the house. That's why we don't need any curtains. See... I can stay on topic.

Posted by: TBG | April 1, 2006 9:43 AM | Report abuse

>since we already have, you know, two desktop computers hooked into a wireless router, do we really need a third

RDP, I thought you need a third to break a tie when they're voting.

Chez Error: 12" G4 PowerBook, Intel dual-core Mac mini, seven PCs (XP, NT4, NT 3.51, Win98, Linux, OS/2. And an Amiga 1000.

Good thing I live alone.

Posted by: Error Flynn | April 1, 2006 10:08 AM | Report abuse

True, my home computing capabilities are relatively primitive. We have no gamers in the house. At work, though, I have some systems that would bring even you, EF, to tears. Your Tax Dollars At Work.

And speaking of curtains. Yesterday while visiting Luray Caverns I viewed a formation that was once judged by National Geograpic Magazine as the most perfect "Curtain Formation" on the planet. I never realized Joel wrote for a magazine that was into that kind of froofroo stuff.

And Joel, we know why you are really hiding out in Boulder. When the Gators play the Patriots, you don't want to be overheard cheering for Florida.

Posted by: RD Padouk | April 1, 2006 10:28 AM | Report abuse

>At work, though, I have some systems that would bring even you, EF, to tears. Your Tax Dollars At Work.

THAT I'm sure of! And in good hands too.

Mine are all survivors... more like family now... I know some are dusty and unplugged, but I can't just turn them out, destined for a landfill somewhere.

Besides, my own corp. policy to wipe drives involves throwing them into the cauldron of an active volcano.

Posted by: Error Flynn | April 1, 2006 10:38 AM | Report abuse

We have two Windows desktop and a Powerbook. My son has the nicer system. It was a father/son build-it yourself project. Since I have no athletic or automotive talent, that's the best bonding we can have. I am a little envious of his 19" flat planel he got for Christmas.

My system at work still runs Win98, so I have to be proficent in at least 2.5 operating systems. If and when I get a new system for myself, I'll turn the old one into a Linux test bed just to say I did.

Posted by: yellojkt | April 1, 2006 11:51 AM | Report abuse

When we upgraded our two Windows desktops a year ago, I insisted on a 19" flat panel screen for myself.

It is the nicest thing I ever did for myself, by far.

Posted by: nellie | April 1, 2006 12:04 PM | Report abuse

From a Springsteen fanzine site:

Oh, what a difference a colon makes
We Shall Overcome: The Seeger Sessions, originally scheduled for April 25, has been pushed back to May 2, with the additional week necessary to rectify a packaging error. A source close to the Springsteen camp tells Backstreets, "It's just one punctuation mark... but if you think about it, 'We Shall Overcome The Seeger Sessions' isn't quite the message we want to put out there. Even though," he adds, "we think we will overcome it -- we really do." After some serious debate over whether to reprint the CD art, Sony has decided to individually sticker each copy with the missing colon. This is not the first time the label has dealt with punctuation-related snafus; heads rolled when there was an errant question mark on The Essential Bruce Springsteen. For now, stickering has begun; sounds like it's a regular colonoscopy over there.
-April 1, 2006

(I assume this page will disappear after midnight.)

Posted by: pj | April 1, 2006 12:13 PM | Report abuse

OK.. I know this is a pretty inactive boodle, but for those of you here now (or later), check out this cool website from (where else?) George Mason University:

and remember to please call Stella to ask her to bring the blue cheese.

Posted by: TBG | April 1, 2006 12:28 PM | Report abuse

That is a very cool site, TBG. Send me an email and I will tell you why this is a topic near and dear to my heart.

But right now I am going to a drawing class with my daughter. We'll wave!

Posted by: RD Padouk | April 1, 2006 12:35 PM | Report abuse

I have no life. This is hilarious:

Posted by: TBG | April 1, 2006 12:35 PM | Report abuse

loomis - i have pictures with the naked cowboy! (in one of the pics he grabbed my butt) - i'll hafta find those and post them! man, was he cute and he smelled nice... i'm torn tho' - i can't help but think the man is loony! the day i saw him the weather was in the 40's and he's out there in his tightie whities...

bc - can we postpone the performance so i can get a cpl more guitar lessons in? i just had my first one and i don't think my performance will be that great with only knowing 2 cords!

Posted by: mo | April 1, 2006 1:32 PM | Report abuse

TBG - That Google thing is hilarious. It took me a few minutes to figure it out, then I noticed the date....

Posted by: RD Padouk | April 1, 2006 3:40 PM | Report abuse

And of course, it was the BETA of Google Romance... *LOL*

Who are we taking to court to get back tonight's lost hour of sleep, anyway?

Posted by: Scottynuke | April 1, 2006 4:12 PM | Report abuse

Loomis. Are you related to a Larry Loomis?

Posted by: It's really not a hairpiece. | April 1, 2006 5:07 PM | Report abuse

I posted a little blog item for today.


Posted by: bc | April 1, 2006 7:05 PM | Report abuse

No April's Fools Kit. I'm disappointed. I thought for sure we would get a cold fusion update or something. Oh well.

Posted by: yellojkt | April 1, 2006 8:09 PM | Report abuse

Like any red-blooded American who happens to live near George Mason, I wish the Patriots had won. It would have been fun. Given that they lost, however, I am glad that they lost big. Nothing is more frustrating to a fan (or to a player, so I’m told) than losing a big game by a little. The memory of what might have been can be haunting. The knowledge that just a tiny shift in the cosmic winds could have lead to a victory is hell. The Patriots are free of that. They did their best and got solidly beat. Yet they have earned the nation’s respect. They can come home with their heads held high.

Posted by: RD Padouk | April 1, 2006 8:17 PM | Report abuse

SCC: Led not lead. Lead is a homophone. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Posted by: RD Padouk | April 1, 2006 8:24 PM | Report abuse

RD, the Mason kids can hold their heads (not heds) up high, you're right about that. I still can't believe the cosmic winds even led (yes!) to the Final Four.

Yesterday's "Ask Yahoo" was: "For whom is the George Mason University named?" I read it to my husband and he answered, "Mr. University, of course! George M. University."

I just think it's funny that they seemed so careful to word the question with the proper "for whom" and whatnot when what they were really asking was "Who the heck is George Mason?"

Posted by: TBG | April 1, 2006 9:14 PM | Report abuse

Joel's Rough Draft for the week is up:

That third-to-last sentence is beautiful IMO, and not just because of JA's employment of the word "fandango".


Posted by: bc | April 1, 2006 9:50 PM | Report abuse

Sheesh...leave the boodle for a day, and look what happens. Our 13 year old is at her first formal as I post...we're going to pick up the happy couple directly. I feel sooo middle aged. We were kidding around at dinner time the other night when Carria told us she wouldn't bring Chris around us "...because we were wierd." My wife and I promptly called naked dinnertime in the midst of the meal; when we both started to lift our shirts, all of the children ran screaming from the room. They did, however, come back for dessert.

Posted by: jack | April 1, 2006 10:05 PM | Report abuse

Jack... Your family sounds like my family. This is why I love the boodle.

Posted by: TBG | April 1, 2006 11:02 PM | Report abuse

Thanks for the link, bc. I'll also note that JA, now rockin' in Boulder, writes:

"On a scale of 1 to 10, we've got our culture set on 11."

Posted by: Bayou Self | April 1, 2006 11:25 PM | Report abuse

You'll find things like "fandango of political whoring" in British papers every day. Libel laws in the UK are tougher on papers than the US, but they write like that anyway. The whoring we should worry about is done by the media and their stars, not the politicians.

Posted by: jg | April 2, 2006 4:20 AM | Report abuse

I like to zoom through Colorado on my way to New Mexico. Bypass Denver on Highway 25. Scenery gets better south of Denver and then over Raton Pass. Some great Italian cafes in Raton Pass.

Posted by: It's not a hairpiece. | April 2, 2006 8:05 AM | Report abuse

Brothers and sisters,

Pius XI here. This morning I wish to speak to you about Charity, which is the opposite of umbrage. Here is an example. I had in mind, for later, a number of "up to eleven" jokes, but Bayou Self and another blogger beat me to it with a couple of funny posts yesterday. I foresaw those jokes, and yet I permitted them to be told by others. I handed them off, as it were. That is Charity.

And this I believe is the hidden meaning in the George Will Global Warming column this morning. After his sneering putdown of science writers like Joel and their sources as these "scientists and their journalistic conduits", Will then goes out of his way to offer joke opportunities to soothe ruffled feathers. We shouldn't necessarily be alarmed by global warming, he says, because "a thick sheet of ice once covered the Midwest". That kind of joke-sharing generosity is also a form of Charity. As Dante sings, this kind of Charity is the "Buzz that moves the sun and the other stars".

That's it for today. Charity: don't you forget it.

Just a couple of short announcements: My neocon foodfight gig with George Will might have hit a snag. For those of you unfamiliar with history, I am not Pius XII. Pius XII is the more well-known, dramatic one often pictured in the workaday beanie-cap and the long sweeping dorkster gowns, I believe you now call them. What has happened is that apparently they are talking to Pius XII for this gig instead of me, with the idea of moving him over to the Ben Domenech blog slot later on. Makes sense. More heft, better buzz.

Posted by: Pius XI | April 2, 2006 9:30 AM | Report abuse

The Achenbro is from a subculture I can't begin to fathom. The Boulder I remember is full of rambling Victorians with rooms rented out to CU students and kids who work down on Pearl, fruit trees, and Theosophist neighbors who're inordinately proud that their roots date back to 1860. But I'm not knocking the nouveau. Part of what makes that city such an interesting place, and snobbery was never appropriate anywhere west of the Appalachians, anyway.

Posted by: rikken | April 2, 2006 9:54 AM | Report abuse

Ok, I'm in "your comment will be held" jail, twice. SCREW IT.

Posted by: Error Flynn | April 2, 2006 10:02 AM | Report abuse

Where I live, your brother would be a most eligible bachelor.

Posted by: Joanne | April 4, 2006 4:18 PM | Report abuse

Hey Joel, hope you had a good time on Saturday watching the Gators at Kevin's house with us. See you soon and happy blogging!


Posted by: B | April 7, 2006 1:21 PM | Report abuse

This is cool, you have to try it. I guessed 47363, and this game guessed it! See it here -

Posted by: Allison Trump | May 19, 2006 1:29 PM | Report abuse

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