Good morning, Cassandra. Good morning Martooni. Have a blessed week.

Joel, sitting down in my basement is a vintage television signal amplifier circa 1984. This is basically a pair of rabbit ears with a low-noise amplifier attached.

It was sold to people who really should know better (me) in the mistaken belief that the internal television amplifier was somehow inadequate. And as pointless of a device as it was, I cherish it as a relic of a grander and more heroic age when manly men fearlessly engaged the ether in epic combat. When strenuous effort was needed to squeeze out those last few precious decibels of signal strength.

Sure, it was uncomfortable having to watch the Super Bowl while grasping the antenna in your teeth, standing on one foot, and sticking aluminum foil into your ears.

But that glorious victory over wide spectrum interference made it good to be alive.

We still have a b & w portable telly, with rabbit ears and an Atari, so we can enjoy the pleasures of Pong. Cable??? We don't need no stinkin' cable!!!

But why take my word for it. Here is a guy who describes them days way better.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/02/22/AR2007022200893.html

Okay now I feel stupid(er). I just linked to the same ting Joel did.

Gonna go hide in a hole for a while.

Rabbit Ears - Antennae
Marvin Middlemark invented "rabbit ears", the "V" shaped TV antennae. Among Middlemark's other inventions were a water-powered potato peeler and rejuvenating tennis ball machine.

Joel, I bet you're still using your water-powered potato peeler, too, in your household. Let me know when scientists discover the innovation gene on the genome.

"Can you order them online, or would that be just too ironic?" Joel writes.

http://cgi.ebay.com/television-rabbit-ears_W0QQitemZ290189446595QQcmdZViewItem

If I were a cable guy, I'd make sure the little embroidered name on all my work shirts said "Godot."

But that's just me. I like to taunt the powerless.

There was a time when service people would say they would be there "between 2 and 3"; then it became "2 and 5"; then, "morning" or "afternoon". Now they basically say, "we'll show up sometime, when we're good and ready". And with Verizon, you have to tell them which installer you need. The one who fixes the telephone line is probably not the same one who can fix your cable or FIOS. BTW, rabbit ears are only marginally better then nothing in a fringe area. We cancelled the cable service in our house in McKeesport becuase we are only there maybe one weekend a month. With the rabbit ears (and we are only about 10 miles from the Golden Triangle) we get 4 broadcast stations, two of them with snow and ghosts.

I was supposed to get SuperFiberOpticService (SFOS) from ThePhoneCompany last Tuesday, but I had to leave town. Both my wife and I called to reschedule. I got Friday. She got Thursday. TPC doesn't seem to have either on their website. We will see.

I just know this is not going to go well since my current cable wiring is completely indecipherable. Pray for me.

BTW, anyone else note Huntley-Brinkley in Joel's pic?

Rabbit ears? Bwahahahahahaha. Joel, not even rabbits have rabbit ears anymore. (They use LAST -- Lagomorph Auditory Sensory Technology.)

But funny you should mention splitters. I've been having trouble with my splitter, as I mentioned a few days ago. This was diagnosed for me by my Comcast tech guy over the phone. His name is Mudjibar Sandrokrishnapurinachowmundivishnuamerrichristmas and he lives in Bangalore, in the province of Torpedo, India. How he was able to look inside my splitter from there I don't know. But apparently he did. He must be very wise.

So yesterday at Lowe's, I bought myself a new splitter. But not just any splitter, oh, nosirree Bob. This splitter, just like those rabbit ears of yore that Padouk mentioned, has an amplifier on it. One plugs it in to an electrical outlet, and this not only splits the signal (it does this because inside the splitter is a team of midget stenographers who very quickly copy the incoming signal four more times, sending a copy out eacj outlet. Or maybe there's a teenyweeny Kinko's inside that photocopies the signal, I dunno. I'm not technological like some a you guys.) But here's the trick: it not only copies the signal, it amplifies it 10 decibels. (A decibel is a unit of crimplatude, which as everyone knows is 9/5 C plus 32, divided by the hypotenmuse. IIRC.) Anyway, in layman's terms, this has the same effect as if somebody inside the splitter were shouting out the direction's to Rachel Ray's 15-minute orange Peking duck casserole into my cable wires. Now, I'm not sure if the amplification occurs because it multiplies the signal by 10 decibels, or just adds 10 decibels to the existing signal, or takes my signal and computes the alternative minimum signal if I make more than $73,900, or what. But it is something like that.

The splitter cost $29.95. I haven't plugged it in yet. I'm waiting for Mudjibar to call me back and tell me where the nearest electrical outlet is (he thinks he's so fording smart).

Mudge, were you reading the English translation of the Korean translation of the English version of the technical manual?

There's a technical manual? I never thought to look.

Good one, 'Mudge. Our ever dependable out sourced customer service reps. Ever had to get a CSR for a Tracphone? It's very frustrating.

Decibels are a secret unit used by signal processors to keep laypeople hopefully confused, thus ensuring job security. All you need to remember is that every 3dB up or down in power means a factor of 2.

So a 6dB amplifier quadruples the power, while a -6dB attenuator divides the power by 4.

(Please don't tell anyone about this.)

byoolin, ROTFL.

It's amazing the tasks that I can complete when I'm waiting on a service tech. The other week, being home without internet service and waiting on the plumber, I ironed all the placemats and napkins used on Thanksgiving AND cleaned around and spiffed up all the plants in the sunroom. It was a most unpleasant afternoon.

The person I'm waiting for is the presidential candidate with the guts to stand up to the gun lobby and say."Enough and no more!" I'm sick and tired of reading and hearing about Columbine and Virginia Tech and Beltway snipers and Colorado churches and Omaha shopping malls Woodbridge group houses full of corpses and twelve year old kids shot in the back of the head at midnight on a D.C. playground and I invite anyone who thinks they know something about gun violence to spend a few evenings on a police ride-along or sitting in a city ER and come back and tell me that guns don't kill people, people kill people. Rant over.

Decimels??? I'm listening to decimels?????

I've had the occasion to chat online with Nupura (girl, I think) and Djipa (boy, presumably) about a software subscription that was causing me some grief. Nice enough people but makes you wonder what the hek were they doing up at 03:00 am. And sometimes it would be nice if they were using real technical acumen instead of slugging through a checklist.
Djipa eventually cut-out the corporate crap but it took a while.

I get decibels and dulcimers confused. Pretty embarrassing when loading the band van.

I think this whole TV business is an evil ploy. I sense the hand of Doctor Evil.

shrieking... sometimes it's hard to decide whether you're speaking to a person or a 'bot.

Don't you love it when a Google search takes you down an unexpected, fun-to-explore road?

http://www.ebay.pl/

TBG - I assume you have Cox Cable. What are your thoughts on the voice recognition system you get when you call them? The third time the thing gets it wrong I am tempted to use Very Adult Language. But I am afraid that if I cuss it will somehow end up on my bill.

I only have Cox for my Interwebs connection. I'm thinking of getting a Cox cable card and an HD Tivo box, though.

Does anyone have any experience with cable cards, especially with Cox?

RD.. this is for you...

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/05/05ooperator.phtml

You know, the Final Countdown to All Digital All the Time reminds me a bit of the Countdown to Y2K.

I didn't expect much disruption then, and I don't expect much in Feb '09.

As far as waiting at home for service people, it seems to me that when an entity capable of collapsing Heisenberg-type probability fields in the Higgs Ocean makes the quantum transition from an Observer to a Waiter (not the kind who brings meals in a resturant) it accelerates the local spacetime in a Wait Time Field (aka WTF)in a way that mimics a physical accleration to relativistc velocites, therefore causing time within said WTF to slow relative to "normal" local spacetime conditions.

As Observers mature, they become less prone to generating WTFs, whereas children generate WTFs all the time. This is sometimes referred to as "WTF - Are We There Yet?" syndrome.

bc

Well, *I'm* feeling very technologicly superior, today. I managed to transfer some favorite songs that I had on a cassette tape (circa rabbit-ears vintage) onto my ipod shuffle. We won't talk about the fact that it took the better part of Sunday afternoon, and my Tech Advisor is a 12 year old.

We just went through this TBG. The problem with the cable card is that you can't do interactive things, like video on demand.

Before going the Tivo route, I would check out Cox's HiDef DVR box. We got one over the weekend. It is very easy to set up, and they are running a three month free promo right now. Doesn't have all the bells and whistles of the Tivo, but it certainly has the same basic functionality.

Ha! Love that link TBG. Yep, that's about how it goes.

A typical move for the cable company is to schedule a slot of time for the cable guy to come by, let's say between 1 and 4, and then by 5:00, he still hasn't shown up. So you give the company a call, get put on hold for a half an hour just to find out that you've been rescheduled for a future date you've haven't concurred with. What's up with that?

Of course, if you take half the day off, get stuck in traffic, and arrive 7 minutes late to let the guy in, you'll find the slip of paper in your screen door documenting that he was there 4 minutes ago and nobody answered the door.

Or maybe it's just me?

Don - I spend a delightful afternoon last summer doing the exact same thing.

The audio visual challenge that awaits me is getting all the old home movies transferred from Hi 8 cassettes to something digital before the camera dies.

Gee, just do what the crackheads who used to (whew) live across the street did, Joel: climb the pole and hook it up yourself. Repeat as needed.

I'm starting to visualize the sort of box that I will soon need, assuming the cable company won't make lo-def available forever. I'm thinking I don't need a "TV" per se. I think modularity is where I am going. I want a box, or a card, that will convert any known video or monitor signal into any other known video or monitor signal. Preferably, it would handle and convert up to 5 signals simultaneously into 5 outputs, all of different types if needed. Then, I can buy any of a selection of different sizes of universal monitor, while still using various older models of TV and monitors that still have useful service lives remaining.

Just got my confirmation for Friday:

o Scheduled Installation Date -- 12-14-2007
o Scheduled Appointment Time -- 08:00-17:00(Hrs)EST

My wife's office party starts at 4 pm. At 15:30, there may have to be some triage performed.

They used to say don't buy a car built on Monday morning or Friday afternoon. I'm sure the same warning applies to cable installations.

kguy, please don't be in a bad mood or sad. There are simple items that can protect the wearer from fire, bullets, knives and other assaults--according to gender, of course. More info here (of course, like digital television, they have evolved...):

http://www.mormoncurtain.com/topic_garments.html

RD,
I was thinking about asking Santa for a TV card. They are about $130, and will accept a number of common AV inputs. That, a DVD burner, some software like Nero, plenty of hard disk space, and a full service TV station at your disposal, and you are good-to-go.

Another option is to join the local public access TV station. Around I-270 land, a nominal annual membership fee and some mandatory training gets you permission to play with some of their studio toys. Just don't be broadcasting shots of Mudge dancing around in his thong, or some such.

RD... we have a DirecTV Tivo now. Once you've had the real thing, you can't go back. No generic "DVRs" for the G family.

And the standalone Tivos have even more to offer.. online scheduling, wireless communication between TVs and computers among other things. Some sort of deal with Amazon, too, that I'm not sure of.

Sometimes, I think this technology thing has gotten waaay out of hand. Like Joel, I'm a late adopter, but I'm fortunate enough to have a geek in the family. We eagerly await her graduation from college, so she can come home and take care of all of us.

"..and rejuvenating tennis ball machine."

I believe you mean a tennis ball Rejuvenator.

Don - that tv card sounds like a good idea. I will file that away for when I am feeling a bit richer.

Santa has pretty much blown his budget for this year on the new telly and associated hardware. My wife and I are giving each other lovely place-mats for the Holidays.

And for my birthday I am expecting a lovely new stapler.

I was wandering around in my favorites list and came across this. Rest in peace, our friend.

http://web.mac.com/errorflynn/iWeb/Error%20Flynn/Error%20Blog/Error%20Blog.html

Yep - I think it will be many, many years before I stop wincing whenever I see an "error on page" message.

Speaking of wincing, I thought this was brilliant. I think Mudge might enjoy it, but only if he has a stiff drink first.

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/these_time_management_issues

Ain't it grand? Now, instead of relying on the age-old sales tactics of mockery and competitiveness, when people are slow to buy the new product they don't really need, the corporate giants get the government to try and force everybody. Instead of just the kids complaining that the TV isn't good enough, Uncle Sam is too. When they come for '86 Beemer, you may read about the aftermath in the paper.

Mike Vick gets 23 months, no word on time served, or how long before he's up for parole:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/12/10/AR2007121000169.html

bc

RD:

Whenever I speak with a computer on the phone, I always use my Robot Voice. It makes me happy in a way that cursing or yelling wouldn't. Plus, the computer always understands what I'm saying.

Loomis, if I'm sportin' fantasywear, I'd really prefer leather. I think I'll go with one of these-

http://www.pbs.org/weta/thewest/resources/archives/eight/68_07.htm

A few months back, kbertocci turned me on to this great daily email from Very Short List. Today's email...

Sudoku was all the rage until its pattern was discovered, rendering it a yawner. Happily, we've found the next addictive online game: the Traveler IQ Challenge.

Here's how it works: A small world map loads onto your browser. The game is easy at first, asking you to click on well-known world cities (e.g., Toronto) on the map -- the goal is to come as close as possible to the actual location in the shortest amount of time. After you click on the spot, you're shown (in kilometers) how far off you are. If you get enough points, you proceed to the next level.

Once you think you're a living, breathing atlas, the game gets harder; you'll find yourself having to locate more obscure places (e.g., the Solomon Islands) and historical locations (the Battle of Waterloo 1815).

Sure, the map is small, but that's part of the fun. Here's a hint: Brush up on your African capitals.

http://www.travelpod.com/traveler-iq

I refuse to talk to automated phone systems. The trick is that almost all of these things that try to make you say what you want instead of just pressing a number still take the number. If they complain, I just keep hitting zero until I get a person. It's only then that I use the Robot Voice.

I could probably compete with Joel in the Who's the Later Late Adopter? contest. iPod? no. Camera cellphone? nuh-uh. Wireless internet? no, but my will is breaking down on this one. I have no idea whether the televisions in my house are HD-capable. I was just about to order our LCD television for Christmas when I found it needs something like an HDMI cable. What else is it going to want before it works? And you know the guys at Best Buy will tell me it *needs* everything from surround sound to boxer shorts. This paralysis is why I still use my paper checkbook.

That's beautiful, kurosawaguy--I was afraid to click on that link but then I saw the url and went for it, glad I did.

BTW, your original post about gun control remains on my boodle top 10 list; allow me to repost it here:

===
I'm personally not in favor of guns. I've fired my share- rifles, shotguns, handguns, even a cap and ball pistol once, but don't expect to ever shoot another. I worked in a medical school for nine years. During that time I worked in four different hospitols and the state medical examiner's office. I saw children shot by their parents, parents shot by their children, children shot by other children. I saw hunting accidents, gun cleaning accidents, guys shot by jealous husbands (and wives), store clerks shot in robbery attempts, drive bys, military wounds at the VA, cops shot by the bad guys and bad guys shot by the cops, and suicides, lots of suicides. Got a problem? Sick? Lonely? Mad? Impotent? Stick a gun in your mouth, under your chin, to your temple, over your heart(that's the one that's hard to hit). Pull the trigger with a string, with your finger, with your toe. After nine years I left that job and I am not in favor of guns.
Posted by: kurosawaguy | July 6, 2005 10:09 AM

===

I was speaking to my Brazilian friend the other day about crime. I asked him about kidnappings in Brazil. He said, yes, rich people do get kidnapped and held for ransom but they usually aren't injured or killed. He made the point that school shootings, mall shootings, workplace shootings, none of that ever happens there. It seems to be an American phenomenon. Why?

That Onion memo was great, Padouk. The weird thing is, you and I have probably gotten memos exactly like that, and/or sat in those "blue-sky" meetings with a list of 15 things to improve blah-blah-blah.

K-guy the really interesting thing about that Lakota Ghost Dance shirt to me were what looked like giant mosquitos painted on the sleeves. So in additional to protecting from guns, knives, etc., it might also repell Michigan mosquitos. That'd be pretty impressive.

And that Mormon underwear was a real turn-on. And you guys wonder why I wear a thong.

Raysmom - if you want HiDef television then you need to get HiDef service from Cox Cable. You will need "digital gateway with basic enhanced" in order to get anything more than the basic networks in HiDef.

You will need to either exchange your existing box or get a new one. Easiest thing is to drive out to Herndon to get it. Your new box will come with "Component Cables." Make sure you ask for them. This is all you need for hidef television.

You will only need a HDMI cable if you are hooking up a HDMI device like a player for blu-ray , HD DVD player, or an upconverted DVD These cables are grossly overpriced at most stores. Best place to get them is one the web.

If your budget allows, I would get a blu-ray player. There is a price war going on now between the electronics stores. Be sure to check their on-line offers.

You can rent blu-rays from the Blockbuster down in Burke. They are spectacular.

Oh, and Raysmom - Unless you are really an audiophile, surround sound is probably not needed.

But kguy, I don't think the Native Ghost Dancing garment is flame retardant?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9upYoCHyCv4

O my!! The mayor of Ottawa has been charged with "pretending to having influence with a minister" and negotiating an illegal contract."

Bye Larry

Mudge - yep, that memo seemed shockingly familiar.

RD, I think Cole E. Perthkey works in my office.

"A 66-year-old man was hospitalized in South Kitsap, Wash., in November after accidentally shooting himself in both legs. Police said he had become frustrated with a stuck lug nut on his Lincoln Continental's wheel and fired his 12-gauge shotgun at it, resulting in buckshot wounds from his feet to mid-abdomen. [Kitsap Sun, 11-10-07]"

from http://www.newsoftheweird.com/archive/index.html

See, kurosawaguy? A lot of the gun nuts will take care of themselves.

SCC pretending to have.

Here's Al Gore's Nobel Prize acceptance speech, which he was considerate enough to email to me:

http://blog.algore.com/2007/12/nobel_prize_acceptance_speech.html

Finally - if you just want HiDef television, you should go with a television that supports 780p or 1080i. Full 1080p is wasted unless you get a player. 780p televisions are dropping in price like crazy now and, to my eye, look just as good as 1080i.

Wovoka had some pretty crazy ideas--or prophecies, too.

That's a heckuva story, Boko...

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/ottawa/story/2007/12/10/ot-mayor-071210.html

That old guy's just ignorant McJacob. Everyone knows you use a 30-06 to loosen lug nuts. Shotguns are for faking antiques.

Any religion mandating wearing a one-piece, trap-door equipped long underwear makes me giggle.
We have the occasional nutcase too kbertucci. Corporal Lortie (he now leaves around here by the way), Lépine/Gharbi, Kilveer Gill, Jim Roszko, etc but the incidents are less prevalent than in the US. The very limited availability of handguns has something to do with it, I think. A nut job going bonkers yielding a knife is inherently less dangerous.

A 30-06 doesn't work either, Boko. Been there, done that. I've found my trusty RPG to work quite nicely.

The population of our county is such that the telephone company is the sole ISP and cable provider. They charge as they please. The alternative is satellite reception, available to us only if we cut down some of the trees in the perimeter of the yard. I've opted for cable.

Or, y'all could take the money you're spending on shotguns, 30-06s, RPGs, ammo and hospital bills and just hire a mechanic instead.

I'm just sayin'...

I heard some of Al Gore's speech on my way in to work this monring. Had he shown an ounce of the passion he displays for this topic in his presidential bid, things might have been very different me thinks.

Sorry to disappoint, Curmudgeon, but the symbols on the sleeves of the Ghost Dance Shirt are dragonflies. The double wings are the tip off. Lakota believed that dragonflies could fly through a hailstorm without being struck. No one had ever seen a dead dragonfly in the wake of a hailstorm, although plenty of other creatures were killed. Thus the symbolic value of an insect able to evade missiles. The fracas at Wounded Knee started out as a Ghost Dance and we all know how well that turned out for the native folks.

Good afternoon all, I had a similar waiting experience to Joel this morning, had an appointment to go get a Nexus card.

I had filled out the form online, received conditional approval and just had to go for the interview and iris scan, fingerprints and photo. Lets just say the scheduled time is an approximation. As I waited I listed as the US customs agents quizzed the applicants (very thorough) and a little nerve racking. I must have a trustworthy face as my interview when very smoothly.

kbertooch, re.. your conversation with your friend: Brazilians have waxings, we have all that other stuff.

bc

Got up to level 10 of that travel IQ game and scored 397,681 points. I got done in by Brunei.

The folks at the NRO Corner were making fun of Maureen Dowd for referring to "The Garment, the sacred one-piece, knee-length underwear with Mormon markings and strict disposal rules." She was being mocked because The Garment is no longer one-piece and is now just boxers and briefs. Not sure that makes it any less crazy.

But then, they are also picking on Maureen for saying she saw the DC LDS temple as a "kid", when she was really 21 or 22.

http://dowdreport.blogspot.com/2007/12/swift-templing-modo.html

I thought last winter was the winter of my discontent, but it's not even winter yet, and I am very discontent. Another ice storm predicted for tonight.

I thought the cable companies were giving away free stuff if the cable guy fails to arrive at the appointed time.

Back boodling furiously, but you must see this:

Celebratology by Liz Kelly:

Comment of the Week
"By the way, Liz, didn't you mean to write, 'Nancy Grace shows off newborn twins [and implicates them in the disappearance of Natalee Holloway]'?" -- Byoolin comments on Morning Mix: Kiefer Sutherland Starts Serving Jail Sentence

Whatever you do, JA, do not let the cable guy leave a box with you that shoots like a gun. I have one of those and I've been trying to get rid of if for six months, and it's still here. There aren't any sparks, nothing like that, just the noise. It's awful.

When the cable guy got here, he changed the wrong box. The one in the bedroom make the noise like a gun. Late at night. The cable folks have been to my apartment more times this year than they've been for the whole time I've had cable.

I complained in an email, and they sent me two tickets for free movies. I have yet to use them. I'm seriously thinking about unplugging that box and driving to the cable office, leaving it with them. And I hope not to come away empty-handed.

Doesn't that digital phone go out when the weather is bad?

isn't that the pizza guy, aka21?

Thanks for the props, CP, but I must defer to the far more wondrous inclusion of a link within the Celebritology piece to a performance of "Rapper's Delight" by The Sugarhill Gang. Now *that* is a must-see.

RD, thanks for the tips on HD. I know you gave me the highly simplified explanation, but I find even this quite daunting.

Fortunately, we do not have to go to Cox cable. We subscribe to Dish Network, and they have HD service. I won't go into the events that led to the sacking of Cox at our house. Suffice it to say that Raysdad did the Snoopy dance exiting the Cox office after returning the boxes.

Er, the link:
http://www.vh1classic.com/view/playlist/1557396/19415/Class_of_1979_Chic_The_Cars_More/Rapper_s_Delight/index.jhtml

so what does a person do when they have more money than they know what to do with, and still can't buy what they want?

as in the case of Madonna?

Hello all!

I'd really like to join everyone at the BPH this week.

I don't get off work until 5:30, so I'll be late. I'm not sure if I can manage to sneak away before then. I really want to catch Mudge before he heads off to the bus.

I'll have to let you know how it looks on Wednesday.

Bye for now.

Could not agree more with your rant, kguy.

DandyLion, welcome! Love the name (Dandelions are a whole 'nother kettle of fish.)

My kiddo replaced my old wireless setup with a brand new, broadband router yesterday. It's even compliant. Took him about an hour, which included going to Fry's to buy it. See why I hate having him far away?

Gotcha Raysmom. I have wanted to sack them myself now and again, but we could never find an affordable Dish Network plan that included coverage of the Washington Nationals. And to my wife and son, this is a deal breaker.

Sorry to miss you, Moose, but I can't make it to this BPH. It's my wife's office Christmas Party. As SciTim said, "Priorities..."

All this trouble over waiting for cable guys and switch to digital and which network to use make me all the more glad that I quit watching TV in college. That and netflix.

Moose! It'll be great to have you there. We start showing up around 5, but many of us arrive after that. And mo doesn't even get off work until 6, so she barely gets there in time for the happy hour prices (the two-dollar cheeseburger and three-dollar mussels etc).

Sorry you won't be there, Mudge and Tim.

Again, the details...

Wed, Dec 12 5 pm to ?
McCormick & Schmick's
1652 K Street, NW
(Valet parking is $7 and begins at 5:00)

Ugh... the two main banner ads at the top of this page for me are for the Fairfax County Schools' Adult Education Program.

The flash ad begins by asking "Where's Your Head At?"

SIGH

All I wanted for Christmas was a blue-bottom sighting. Oh well. :o)

It will be nice to (officially) meet everyone else, though.

Cassandra,
The pizza guy quit doing that--too many crashes trying to beat the 30-minute rule. Cable companies tried to buff their image a while back by promising to be on time.

If I may weigh in on presidential politics: I thought the last election was a slam dunk. Too bad we had a candidate who seemed to be something of an ass. There was the cursing of the secret service detail for being in the way on the downward slope. There were the multiple spandex moments. There was the utter lack in addressing the quick-boat lies. It's a shame we never got to see what kind of president Kerry's wife would have been.

The Democratic Party is fully capable of pissing away a sure thing.

Bad boy and former Canadian citizen (dropped it to get his peerage) Conrad Moffat Black, Baron Black of Crossharbour gets 78 months in jail for his bad corporate behaviour. Plus restitution of $6.1M and a $125 000 fine. It doesn't make me cry but somehow I feel that seizing 78% of his $400M fortune and giving him 125 days in jail would have been more painful to him.
Any bets on Barbara Amiel (reportedly the model for book on the the Prada-wearing devil) sticking to her man for the duration?

AKA21, the problem the Dems have is the whole fear versus love debate. It's easy to preach fear to a national audience, that's why the GOP are so much more successful in presidential elections. The Dems focus on details and explanations all the time, trying to convince the voters they are the best choice, but that only works in smaller scale elections, where it's a lot easier to get people to listen to you. On the big stage, "The Democrats want to give Osama bin Laden a green card!" gets absorbed much more easily.

Moose, I'm looking forward to meeting you.

bc

I don't want to put words in your mouth, but are you saying: Democracy = rule by the masses = anarchy? Hey! You're not Plato, are you?

sd,
Never heard of Barbara Amiel, but I'm not up on my Canucki corporate media scandals. Anna Wintour of Vogue is pretty much acknowledged as the Prada Wearing Devil. Maybe Amiel can give her a run for her money.

Oh, McJacob. I really wish that you hadn't posted that. Now some Republidork will do a Google search to follow up on rumors about weak-kneed Democrats coddling Osama, and they'll find what you said. Oh, dear.

See if American Democracy really was rule by the masses, that is to say if all the masses actually voted, things might be better. The Aussies have some good ideas: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/12/07/AR2007120701610.html

Tim, hopefully it goes both ways:
"Romney wheres those weird underpants!"
"Rudy eats puppies!"

Of course, those might be true ...

Whoops ... make that "Romney wears those weird underpants!" That ought to be worth a couple articles.

yellojkt, he was Hollinger International.

Amiel will stay. Her only other claim to fame is oh right. Unless you buy that one magasine, she is a nobody west of the 401. My favourite moment of the trial was when Amiel spoke of how hard it was to live among the truly rich.

You're probably right yello, but the beautiful Barbara is a nasty piece of work with expensive tastes. The Times had a good article about them last year.

"She employed 17 butlers and installed a $250,000 lavatory in their private jet. But, says Tom Bower, Barbara Amiel neglected to check if her new husband Conrad Black actually had all the money she was spending"

Ooops, here's the link. About time to go home.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/article616359.ece

over on the celebritology blog there is a raging debate as to whether Sherri Shepard is stupid or not. Duh.

Have you all seen that Kellie Pickler YouTube video of her on 'Are You Smarter Than...'

I meant to ask How many of you think her dumbness is an act?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lmgNqFuXwc

McJacob, thanks for the link. I really like the idea of Presidential Idol. Each candidate does their 3-minute stump speech, which is critiqued by a panel of three judges, one of whom must be a cranky guy with a British accent. The show is emceed by a perky shortish guy (is Drew Lachey available?) Then after the show America has one hour to vote as many times as possible for their favorite. Lowest vote-getter is offed. Bada bing! In eight weeks, you'd have your candidate.

My first thought was that the mandatory voting thing was a good idea, but you're right Raysmom: Presidential Idol is where it's at. In fact, why not use Tony Blair in the Simon Cowell role, just to give him a chance to act superior to Americans instead of subservient.

I'm liking these thought, Raysmom and McJacob. They make much better sense than the primary process!

Yes, but is America truly ready for President Sanjaya Malakar?

Gotta be better than Bush.

Raysmom:

"emceed by a perky shortish guy..."

You know 'Mudge would jump at the chance, right?

:-)

If it is or it isn't omni, I cannot bear to watch someone making a fool of themselves in public like that.

I'm starting to doubt things now. I don't feel confident in Sanjaya's plan for Social security.

RD, Sanjaya would only win if pre-teen girls were given the vote.

Well... we can all breathe easier now. Armani's going home...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/12/10/AR2007121000814.html?hpid=topnews

Maybe it's too many episodes of the "Sopranos", but I get a little nervous when the words "offed" and "bada bing" are used so close together.

You know, KG, we could just borrow a page from the Evil Empire and actually "off" the candidates who get "offed". At least that way you wouldn't have the losers starting their campaign for the next election on Decemember 1st, 2008. Bada-Bing!

Maybe Presidential Idol should add something from America's Got Talent. The judges are allowed to gong candidates mid-speech if they're really bad. Three gongs, and they're cut off mid-sentence. What would a candidate have to say to earn this treatment?

Raysmom: Gongs for anything telling us what Americans Belive/Value/Hold Dear and any sentence referencing a local restaurant in Iowa.

K-guy and McJ, you've just given me an idea. Instead people in the primaries voting "for" one candidate (in their respective parties), how about instead at each primary, people vote to kick one candidate "off the island" and out of the race. In other words, in Iowa, all the Republicans could vote to kick, say, Giuliani, out of the running. And the Dems could kick, say, Hillary off the island (unless Hillary made some alliances, and they kicked Obama off, or Kucinich, or something). Biden, Richardson, Dodd, Gravel and Kucinich could make a pact to stick together to get Hillary, Obama AND Edwards voted off the island, and then go at it among themselves.

After Iowa comes New Hampshire; the Repubs. could next kick Romney off the ticket (darned Mormon; who needs him).

And so on, until each party had only one candidate left.

Or else mayube Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul could just decide.

Sigh. Just call it "OwMyBalls!" a la "Idiocracy" and be done with it.

By the way, Joel, I like it that Huntley and Brinkley are being received by your rabbit ears. I need a set like that!

Thunderdome:Two men enter. One man leaves.

Goofy little story.
My vision isn't the greatest in the world, and I'm constantly asking Dear Child to help me look for road signs. Now she wants to know why so many books call Santa "Street Nicholas".
See you at the BPH!

"Thunderdome:Two men enter. One man leaves."

I'll take Clinton over any of those guys in th' Dome. Let's make that two people enter, one person leaves. Much more PC.

So, the workday is about shot. Did the cable guy ever make it to the boss's house?
Wonder what he signed up for.

Hi-Def C-SPAN *and* C-SPAN2 with surround sound of course.

Hey folks, gonna be out-of-pocket for the next two days with offsite meetings, so please have fun at the BPH. Wish I could be there!

Or one man and one robot.

Uh oh, looks bad in Oklahoma and Missouri. Hope everyone stays safe.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/weather/12/10/winter.ice.storm.ap/index.html
Ivansmom sounded prepared, but still...

Dagnabit, Oklahoma and Missouri are STILL hogging the precipitation! OTOH, we are looking at a tropical storm maybe forming, sure would be nice if it came ashore in SC and NC.

The report said something about parts of Illinois. Does this mean Martooni too?

Stay safe people.

I don't think so, dr, I believe he's in Ohio.

No small Florida cycads here in eastern West Virginia, but football is being attended to.

Saw that parts of Ohio and Upstate NY, and Chicago got hit with the ice as well. A nasty looking storm.

I believe that we haven't heard from Ivansmom today, and now I know why after watching video of that ice storm. Wow.

Now you know... you're more likely to get the flu from shovelling sidewalks. Hooray! Now I wonder if ski masks help any?
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/05/health/research/05flu.html?no_interstitial

I could say yesterday that I told you so--that the weather would cause problems for some folks. The sky told the story: massive, heavy dark clouds, coming from the Gulf, scudding quickly overhead, in a northerly direction.

We were out running errands all over town, and were were so hot because the humidlity was so elevated. I figured all that Gulf moisture would hook up somewhere with a jet stream and cause misery for people in the Midwest or upper Midwest, mid-Atlantic or possibly DelMarVa area.

I've seen that sky before and it has no good news in it. A reversal of fortune or fate for us, since our area, which received so much rain earlier this year, could have used the moisture. Fortunately we have rain money in the bank because the aquifer is high, but the ground now is quite dry.

Something to go with those tin foil hats at the next BPH?

Colorado outlawed aluminum underwear. Aimed at shoplifters trying to thwart stores' anti-theft scanners, the measure makes it a misdemeanor to make, wear or know others are wearing aluminum underwear for such deceptions. It also gives store employees immunity if they stop shoppers who crackle when they walk. It does permit wearing aluminum briefs and lingerie for personal amusement, however. "This is serious business," insisted State Sen. Stephanie Takis, one of the bill's sponsor.

Noticed H&B on the screen, but was hoping it was a scene from "My Favorite Martian."

From the discussion at the top of the boodle, you should note that today is the anniversary of the birth of the famous librarian Melvil Dewey, who developed the Dewey Decibel System which, as everyone knows, is the scale of noise allowed in a library until the stern librarian stage whispers "Be Quiet!" at the miscreant.

I note that it is now 8:21 pm and we have no update regarding the appearance or non-appearance of the titular Cable Guy.

What's the protocol here? Do we declare JA deceased/MIA and hand over the responsibility for future Kits to Scarlett Johansson, or what?

Mudge, you look responsible: tell us what to do!

Finally got to boodle after last night's game. As cold as it was last Monday, last nights game was even worse. Yeah Bc, I had my rain gear but still got soaked. It also was the first time I have ever left a game before halftime in 11 years. By then it was 37-7 and pouring. Talk about lite beer, my beer got so watered down by the deluge.

We ended up warm at the hotel bar and enjoyed being dry there.

How can we look so good one night and totally stink up the joint the next?

I am just hoping we can beat Miami next week, though I have my doubts.

As shop steward, Mudge is responsible for dealing with management (i.e., the Boss, or Joel) as necessary. I suppose he could declare an emergency for us to go look for JA. But what would we do if we found him?

Patience, grasshopper(s).

As long as we're speculating about Mitt's delicates, what kind of underwear do we think the other Presidential candidates wear?

Kucinich - mylar or tin foil thong
Ron Paul - two layer long underwear: lead coated fireproof nomex
Obama - Under Armor boxer briefs
Huckabee - tighty whiteys (classic white Fruit of the Loom briefs)
Thompson - silk briefs
McCain - bulletproof kevlar boxers with optional nomex inserts for debates
Biden - the best high-threadcount wool briefs money can buy, with padded seats
Richardson - Sansabelt lycra spandex boxers
Giuliani - the finest butter-soft Armani Italian leather briefs
Mike Gravel - makes his own out of used grocery bags in order to put more money into his campaign
Tancredo - lead-lined rebar-reenforced concrete long underwear
Dodd - switching to loud plaid boxers
Hunter - unknown
Keyes - lost
Edwards - none

Clinton - [I absolutely refuse to speculate - that would be disrespectful.]

bc

Hey Kim, from the last boodle, I spent much time early in life with my grandparents. My grandfather quit school after 9th grade to go work in the steel mills to support his family when my grandfather died.

He (my grandfather) was a SOB. He delighted in being provacative at family gatherings. We Slovaks were just that way. I wouldn't have it any other way. I wear "rabble rouser" proudly. Thanks for the compliment.

Oh bc, that picture of Giuliani in his underwear is the WORST visual cootie I have ever heard of. How will I ever be able to go to sleep?

SCC: great-grandfather died

On a side note, I have it on good authority that JA is not missing, but has joined the search for -- er, was it a search for Steve Fossett or Fred Thompson's campaign, I can't remember which...

bc

nellie, you're welcome.
I forgot to mention - it's *red* leather.

Sheesh, *another* NFL nighttime blowout beginning...

And yes, I'm going to watch the game anyway.

bc

bc, I'm NEVER going to go to sleep with those visuals in my mind! I wish you would post these thoughts in the morning, when I had a chance to recover.

;-)

You think Edwards goes commando?

Hillary's are embroidered, "Monday," "Tuesday," "Wednesday," etc.

Bc, I don't want to visualize politicans wearing underwear or ANYTHING that "fits their personality."

I guess the Romney underwear buzz is because Romney outwardly certainly is fashionable and polished enough, it's a paradox that he'd be secretly hide-bound by his religion which conflicts with his preferences and his outward appearance. Symbolic, if you will. I'm sure Robin Givhan might do a piece on it.

However, Sikhism also requires that all male Sikhs wear knee-length underpants, all the more ready to go fighting at a moment's notice. There is nothing holy about it, nor do you need to buy it direct from a co-religionist.

That said, let's visualize image-shattering fashions.

You say tough undies. I say I like to visualize McCain in bright blue bloomers with frills.

Also, I like to visualize Tancredo in blushing pink jammies saying "Hugged an Alien today?"

My vote goes to both Edwards and Clinton wearing very expensive silk undies.

Here's a quick "Hi!" & "Bye!"

I've nothing clever to say, just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy the company here. Good night, all!

hmmm... and "Good morning" to those just arising!

Well, a lot of next year's DVD wish lists are already set...

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/10/arts/music/11zeppelin.html

*submerged-in-holiday-to-do-stuff Grover waves*

:-)

Gosh, am I up before Mudge? Surely not!

G'morning, everybody.

I like what Anne Applebaum has to say about the difficulties of pseudocide:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/12/10/AR2007121001557.html

*sending warm and safe thoughts to Ivansmom and the other iced-in folks*

Well, um, if it is an act it is quite clever. Thinking Europe is a country and not being sure if France is. Saying if she had to guess she would guess Budapest is the captal of France, even though she's not sure it's even a country. When told it's the capital of Hungry, she says she's never heard of Hungry but she has heard of Turkey. I figure she's got an IQ of 50 or 150.

What I mean to say is the whole thing just makes me cringe until the end. Hungry never heard of, has heard of Turkey. That part made me laugh. so....

'morning all.
Mudge is probably recuperating from last night' MNF. Not a bad game to watch altogether, the Falcon were lifeless but Brees saved the show.
More snow in the way *sigh*, at least it's not freezing rain or sleet.
Please stop the presidential candidates underwear thread, I have enough difficulty to sleep as it is.

I sure hope Ivansmom and our other boodlers in flyover land are doing OK with the ice. It looks horrible.

I remember in January when we went to Oklahoma after a similar period of ice storms and the town we were in was just riddled with branches, large and small, all over every yard.

Here are some pictures of what things look like in Ivansmom's area...

http://blogs.trb.com/news/weather/weblog/wgnweather/2007/12/more_shots_of_the_oklahoma_cit.html

meanwhile: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cable_guy

The future is now! Soon every American home will integrate their television, phone and computer. You'll be able to visit the Louvre on one channel, or watch female wrestling on another. You can do your shopping at home, or play Mortal Kombat with a friend from Vietnam. There's no end to the possibilities!

The cable guy is missing in action.
Apparantly he is gonna be here between eight a.m. and my death.

omni,
What makes you think I want to interrupt wrestling to look at the dusty Flemish masters? I spent five days in France and less than one hour of that in the Louvre. And most of that was spent walking to and from the Mona Lisa (they hide her way in the back).

omni, we already have that at our house, our kitchen computer is equipped as a computer, TV, Video recorder etc. We don't have a phone on it but I guess we could with Skype.

Catching up on last night's Boodling (as if I haven't done enough damage already...).

gwe, as a Ravens fan, I cannot blame you for wanting to watch that Indy game from a warm bar. Not a bit.

After Vick's sentencing, the Falcons were either going to get fired up and play like dervishes or be completely distracted.

Unfortunately, they were the latter. And I can't really blame them. They scored a couple of times, which shows they were trying, at least.

I wonder when someone's going to write the parody lyrics to "Pseudocide isn't Painless?"

bc

The missing isotopes saga continues. Looks like the worldwide shortage is caused by a regulatory action by Nuclear Safety Commission of the Canuckstani gummint.
Regulatees often forget that he11 hath no fury like a regulator scorned.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20071211.wisotope11/BNStory/National/home

The Times of London also gave Led Zep an excellent review:

http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/live_reviews/article3031550.ece

The reason installers can't give a precise time is that they don't know how long a job will take utill they finish it. An unexpected brick wall, satisfying a finnicky homeowner, or disposing of the body parts can stretch what should have been a one hour cake walk into an all day nightmare.

What is the matter with you people! We're only human!

um, my last two posts were from the movie...sorry if I misled or confused anyone

No need to apologize omni, I live my life in a state of confusion :-)

I'll post a new kit in a little bit, with dramatic update on cable guy adventure. Very excited that Zep is back.

Morning boodle. Enjoying a relaxed morning after an 18 hour day yesterday.

Enjoyed that pseudocide piece.
Just two people used 9-11 to make an escape? I remember telling Mr. F there'd probably be a couple dozen.

Here in our little town we occasionally see people we suspect of ditching their past lives. Drawn to being able to live miles from the nearest neighbor I suppose, but it soon becomes apparent remoteness does not bring anonymity and they move on. Makes you wonder if they ever succeed.

Digital broadcasting is really going to hurt Koochiching County to our north. The county owns the tower and transmitters that provide broadcast signals to rural areas and it will cost them $300,000 to update their 1950s era equipment. International Falls, population approx. 6,500 is the largest city in the county so that's a big bite in the budget even though they'd spread it over 3 years.

Lord have mercy if Zep tours the US.

I can't remember if I ever bought those tickets for that '80-ish US tour, or if I still have them if I did. Actually, I think they were supposed to go on sale right around the time Bonzo passed away...

Ah, the memories.
What I can remember of them, anyway.

bc

Frosty, the should continue to receive the analog signal from Canada until August 2011. In addition, remote and sparsely populated areas (let's say 80% of Canada...), where the profitability of broadcasting a digital signal is problematic at best, will be allowed to stick with the analog signal.
And they say the Canadian government is a dirigist Soviet-style when it comes to regulating the radio spectrum.

When my wife asks me how long I think a certain chore will take, I always mentaly double my best guess before I give it to her. She, in turn doubles that. Leaves me with tons of free time to goof off.

Boko's - er, "Dontgetmestarted's" - reference to "an unexpected brick wall" so closely to "disposing of the body parts" had me picturing "The Cable Guy In 'The Cask Of Amontillado'."

"For the love of God, Cable Guy!"

I think Flemish would like mud-wrestling. I've always liked their use of browns.

byoolin, that's great, but shouldn't it be, "For the love of God, Achenbach!"? [apologies for the lousy punctuation there]

Don from I-270, I always apply the Scotty Factor, myself:

Capt Kirk: Mr. Scott, have you always multiplied your repair estimates by a factor of four?

Scotty: Certainly, sir. How else can I keep my reputation as a miracle worker?

bc

SCC the Flemish masters.

I've never worked in catacombs byoolin but I installed blinds in the guard station outside the segregation cells at the prison for women in Kingston. There was evil there but it wasn't coming off the inmates.

I had a coworker that frequently underestimated the time it would take him to perform a task by at least the Scotty factor.

The real trick to the Scotty factor is that it still applies even after it has been accounted for.

My brother-in-law, his roommate and I were discussing what the fair market value for tickets to a Led Zep reunion tour would be. We figured about 500 bucks. Not that I would pay it, but plenty of people would.

Good morning everyone!

bill e - yes, in our house rabble rouser isn't an insult! Well, it can be...but I didn't mean it that way

I couldn't resist posting this...

the kid in the fan photo is my son.
He came home from work the other day and announced that he is the Harris Teeter Associate of the month. The next time I came in the room, he was laid out like this in all his St. Louis Cardinal warm and fuzzies...
Apparently the rigors of Associate of the Month has kicked his butt.

http://www.stltoday.com/sports/cards

My last post is a perfect example of thing the other 999 was talking about. A five minute job taking 3 hours just because someones afraid their captives will escape.
You'd be surprised how widespread that attitude is. Mental hospitals and embassies have similar security.

Too cute, Kim!!! *L*

bc, I figured Joel would be overwhelmed by the Cable Guy and thus be on the wrong side of the bricks. This is predicated on the theory that CG has been sleeping in his truck all day and is therefore well-rested, while JA has been pacing and cursing and is completely enervated when CG finally does arrive.

Also, CG has tools, the business ends of which could be used to subdue a recalcitrant customer.

What you said, Don. One can always fall back on the old "I need to make sure that the measurements are correct and that everything dry fits before final assembly" line.

I always liked Led Zep's Presence album. I have a Candy Store Rock tune cootie...

I generally hate advertising, so without being too specific, one of the satellite radio services offers an all-Led Zeppelin channel.

It drives the Lovely Mrs. byoolin nuts, just knowing that when I drive the car alone I have the radio on that station, turned up to 11.

Kim, got yours, can't reply from here but will tonight!

Slyness, everything's cleared, you don't have to wait until Thursday.

High state of anxiety here, year-end evaluations. My appointment is tomorrow, but I asked and got a pre-eval copy a few minutes ago, so I'm calmed right down. It's a relief that the thing I think I'm worst at was what they thought was outstanding. . . fooled 'em again! Apparently looking competent is more important than *being* competent. :-)

Which is the problem I've had with Comcast, come to think of it. They've neither looked nor been competent.

dbG you are ways to hard on yourself. Give yourself a big pat on the back.

Thanks, dmd. That feels like grace when you say it.

Byoolin, yes! The all Led station has been crack to me lately. I can't get enough. We have satellite radio at the office and I am usually the last person to leave, so when I'm all alone with the hum of the machines, Zep is keeping me company.

Well, grace with some awful typos!

I wonder if anyone in the big storm is taking advantage of things to train the kids for driving in bad conditions. Nobody is on the roads, you can take it slow and the kid can learn how to drive on ice. People need to take winter driving training more seriously.

I just want to issue a small warning to all the Canucki's, we have a weather warning here in the GTA, rain, ice and snow - all your regular TV and Radio programming may soon be interupted will full coverage. hehehe

If Poe were alive today, he'd write "The Wireless Router of Amontillado" and "The Tell-tale Non-Parity Baud Rate," about a man who commits the murder of a late-arriving cable guy via a faulty splitter, and he thinks he hears 8-bit packets of data streaming into his head, Bump-bum, Bump-bum, regularly and increasingly loudly (due to decibel amplification, no doubt), until it drives him crazy and he confesses to Rob Pegoraro what he's done.

I look up the plot summary of "The Wireless Router of Amontillado" on Wikipedia. Here's what it says:

Maxstressor tells the story of the night a few weeks before, when he took his revenge on Comcastio, a cable repairman. Angry over some unspecified insult, he plots to murder his friend during the Florida-Florida State game, when the man is drunk, dizzy, and wearing a jester's motley.

He baits Comcastio by telling him he has obtained, illegally, 700 cable channels from the Amontillado satellite in geosynchronous orbit somewhere out over Mozambique. He isn't sure, however, and wants his friend's expert opinion on the subject. Comcastio goes with Maxstressor to the server room of the latter's palazzo, where they wander deep underground in the catacombs. Maxstressor gives Comcastio several Red Bulls to drink; at one point, Comcastio makes an elaborate and, to the narrator's eyes, grotesque gesture with an upraised Gatorade bottle. When Maxstressor fails to recognize the gesture, Comcastio asks, "You are not of the Gators?" Maxstressor says he is, and when Comcastio, disbelieving, requests a sign, Maxstressor displays a football he had been hiding.

Maxstressor repeatedly warns Comcastio, who has a bad cough, of the damp, and suggests they go back; Comcastio insists on continuing, claiming that "[he] shall not die of a cough." During their walk, Maxstressor mentions his family coat of arms - a golden foot crushing a snake whose fangs are embedded in the foot's heel - with the motto "Thank You for Not Stepping on the Snake."

When they come to a niche where the wireless routers are hooked up, Maxstressor tells his victim that the Amontillado satellite link is within. Comcastio enters and, drunk and unsuspecting, does not resist as Maxstressor quickly chains him to the wall. Maxstressor then declares that, since Comcastio won't check the baud rate and program the remote, he must "positively leave [him]."

Maxstressor then remorselessly walls up the niche, entombing his friend alive. At first, Comcastio, who recovers from his drunken state faster than Maxstressor anticipated he would, shakes the chains furiously, trying to escape. The narrator stops working for a while so he can enjoy the sound. Comcastio then screams for help, but Maxstressor mocks his cries, saying, "Perhaps rescue will come between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. tomorrow! Bwahahahahahahahahaha," knowing nobody can hear them. Later, Comcastio laughs weakly and tries to pretend that he is the subject of a joke and that people will be waiting for him. "Of course, they're waiting, you fool!" shouts Maxstressor. "They've been waiting for you for days already! You have to call first, a head of time, to make sure they are home...but you never do!"

As the murderer finishes the topmost row of stones, Comcastio wails despairingly "For the love of ESPN, Maxstressor!" Maxstressor replies, apparently calmly, "Yes, for the love of ESPN!" He listens for a reply but hears only the cable guy's tool belt jangling as he places the last stone. He claims that he feels sick at heart, but dismisses this reaction as an effect of the dampness of the catacombs.

In the last few sentences, Maxstressor reveals that he has never been caught, and Comcastio's body still hangs from its chains in the niche where he left it so many days before. The murderer, seemingly unrepentant, ends the story by remarking: I wonder who's on The View this morning?

Loved it, Mudge! Excellent use of the vernacular, except that the niche would most probably be a "Satellite Equipment Room" or SER.

Mudge, you were short one 'ha' n your 'Bwahaha[etc].'

dmd, re the weather thing - Rick Mercer wrote about it at his blog this week:

"...when you move to Toronto you realize pretty quick that when it comes to the weather there are two parallel universes. There's what you hear about in the media, and.... then you look out the window, there's three centimetres of snow on the ground and the kid across the street is walking his dog in his T-shirt....

"We don't have forecasts anymore - we have weathertainment. And it's all designed to scare the hell out of you.... You listen to [the Weather Network] for five minutes, you wouldn't leave the house for five months.

"This is the true north strong and free, and cold, and wet, and icy, and dark - sometimes all at once. It's why God invented long johns. This is Canada. We have winter. Life sucks, get a toque. And embrace it."

Well done, Mudge!

The bit about the baud rate's a nice touch, adds a bit of classic '80s feel to the piece.

bc

Oh, geez, now look at what the cable guy has outfitted Joel with!

http://www.anytimecostumes.com/ecommerce/control/product/~product_id=002019629

Excellent work Mudge. I like the way you captured the feel of the original. Max is mad, but you really enjoy his madness, almost enviously. Though, in fairness, you could have had Comcastio crying out "Amontillado!" a few times, or at least "74 HBO channels!".

SCC: Bwahahahahahahahahahaha, not Bwahahahahahahahahaha, of course. Silly me.

I once had a girlfriend who owned a pair of those bunny ears and the cottontail, Loomis. Came in very handy when we'd play "The Suave Magazine Publisher and the New Cocktail Waitress Auditioning for a Centerfold Spot."

Ack! I have to be in Toronto again tomorrow night and Thursday, and again with the bad weather? Do you think it's me?

No you Yoki - just been a strange December so far.

SCC Not you Yoki.

FYI we are staying in TO Friday but I guess you will have left?

Sadly, yes. I arrive tomorrow at about 9:00 pm and have to leave again at 3:00 on Thursday. Hardly seems worth it, somehow, but we need to interview some candidates for my team, and that only be done well in person.

We should have a Canadian BPH in TO this weekend. There's nothing more Canadian than travelling ridiculous distances in impossible weather for a drink and a gab.

A single drink would be unCanadian.

I bought a bourgeois house in the Hollywood hills
With a truckload of hundred thousand dollar bills
Man came by to hook up my cable TV
We settled in for the night, my baby and me

We switched 'round and 'round 'till half-past dawn
There was fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on

Well, now home entertainment was my baby's wish
So I hopped into town for a satellite dish
I tied it to the top of my Japanese car
I came home and I pointed it out into the stars

A message came back from the great beyond
There's fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on

Well, we might'a made some friends with some billionaires
We might'a got all nice and friendly if we'd made it upstairs
All I got was a note that said: "Bye, bye John"
Our love is fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
(Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on)

So I bought a .44 Magnum, it was solid steel cast
And in the blessed name of Elvis, well, I just let it blast
'Till my TV lay in pieces there at my feet
And they busted me for disturbing the almighty peace

Judge said: "What you got in your defense son?"
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on

I can see by your eyes, friend, you're just about gone
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on

Boko/Shriek I am at my office party Friday night I am almost positive more than one drink will be had (hotel is provided so there is no driving).

I can't do an Haute BPH this weekend, as I must be back in Calgary for Friday morning, but I'll be in Toronto again the first week of January, and could do one on the evening of January 9. Which would be perfect, as the weather is guaranteed to be even more foul by then.

A single drink would be "Un Canadian, svp. Et apres ca, une autre, et un autre, et une autre. Merci."

New Kit!

Hey Brooce,

Here's a photo of Elvis's television:

http://flickr.com/photos/yellojkt/213923561/in/set-72157594235021362/

Here is a my on-kit comment:

Were the rabbit ears on the TV image drawn on?

Chet Huntley retired to ranch in Montana long ago and far away. We often drove across a chuck of his land, to get to a fishing hole. The waterfront is community property and the common law allowed for moving across land to get to water. However, those days are gone, in the Celebrity-Land-Kings Era.

McJacob -- welcome. Tell us a bit about yourself.

Ivansmom -- stay warm out there.

Molson Canadian is not drunk East of the Great Algonquin river. It is largely considered to be made out of equine liquid effluent. If you ask a Molson, (like in "Une molsonne, tablette) you'll get a tepid Molson Ex byolin.

True enough, SD. It's not what I'd order.

Dude, just say NO to Comcast. Every dealing I've had with them showcases their incompetence. When I had them switch me to digital, they managed to disable my DVD player and had to come out again. The last time they came out, it was to simply swap out a regular cable box for an HD one. It took the guy ALL day. He tried all the boxes on his truck, called the office and argued with them repeatedly, cursed out his supervisor, then discovered that he had boxes for the wrong part of the county. He went back to "headquarters" to get the right ones, went through three or four more boxes, more arguing on the phone, more badmouthing his employer (very unprofessional) and after he left, we still couldn't get all the channels. I called them and told them, they scheduled another visit three weeks later, then, mysteriously all my channels came through. They'd had three weeks to change my account to HD, but never did until I threatened to fire them. Didn't even have the cajones to fess up.

Just SAY NO, Joel. Did you read about Gene's experience?