Tote Bag Trauma

In my unending search to offer you the finest legal analysis ever, I considered writing about three stories this morning. First, I considered writing about the Justice Department's decision to stop an investigation into the White House's domestic spying program because the National Security Agency isn't cooperating with the investigation. Then I considered writing about the big front-page story this morning in USA Today about how the government has collected billions of telephone records from presumably all of us in an effort to identify calling patterns that the feds say will help fight terrorism. In the end, though, I couldn't pass up the story about the guy in California who is suing the California-Anaheim-Los Angeles Angels because the team didn't give him a red nylon tote bad during a Mother's Day promotion last year. See? I've got your back.

It's true. According to the Associated Press, and the Los Angeles Times, a pscychologist named Michael Cohn is suing the Angels for sex and age discrimination. His argument? That men and fans under 18 were unfairly treated unequally last Mother's Day because only women over 18 received the tote bags (which are probably worth, what, five bucks?) When Cohn first complained last June, the AP reports, the Angels dutifully send him four tote bags along with an explanation that the team ran out of bags during the game Cohn attended.

Not good enough, Cohn says. He told his attorney, and his attorney told the AP, that "there was a mountain of bags stacked so high a show dog coudln't have jumped over them." To quote Dave Barry, I am not making this up. This year, meanwhile, the Angels plan to give away tote bags to the first 25,000 fans over the age of 18. Still not good enough, says Cohn, who is pursuing his civil rights claim against the team. He says that each male fan, and each fan under 18, deserves $4,000 from the Angels from last year's promotion. Wonder what Cohn's mom thinks?

Talk at you later, when perhaps I tackle those other two outrageous stories that didn't make the cut for your morning coffee.

By  |  May 11, 2006; 8:30 AM ET
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C'mon Andrew. Cover what matters, like the ever-expanding NSA surveillance program. Covering crap like a disgruntled fan who didn't get a freebie demeans what you're doing and trivializes the important issues. You should want to do better if you're serious about covering the legal landscape.

Posted by: GotTheBlues | May 11, 2006 10:09 AM

Yeah. I just saw the blurb on the front page for a new blog treating of court matters and thought "Oh boy! Meaningful news for once." Then I find this.

I honestly can't imagine I'll ever revisit this blog.

Posted by: Still Uninformed Citizen | May 11, 2006 12:26 PM

Please fix the link to the Justice Dept. story at the Boston Globe. Here it is, in case Mr. Cohen doesn't get to it:

Posted by: Cujo359 | May 11, 2006 12:31 PM

Backstory to this guy. He makes his living by making these frivolous lawsuits for "sexual harrassment" whether it be this particular case or something like a "ladies night" promotion at a nightclub. Him and his buddy Alfred Rava have been doing this for years. Obviously he'd rather settle for money rather than take these people to court. Basically it's legalized extortion. It really sickens me that there are people who can really live with themselves knowing they make their income doing stuff like this. Very shameful. Michael Cohn should do us all a favor and throw himself off a tall building for he is surely going to hell for living the life of a shameful bastard.

Posted by: Cohn Hater | August 2, 2006 07:14 PM

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