I would sing "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot", because I've got the range baby dawg!

You have got to check out the latest Paris Hilton tape on Drudge report. She is totally done with.

I would totally sing She's Like the Wind - by Patrick Swayze just so I could say "She's like the wind, through my tree." That or "Smack my B**** Up" by Prodigy.

While "Criminal" by Fiona Apple is my standard karaoke song, I wouldn't sing that because I wouldn't want to sound like another girl who thinks because they can sing karaoke, they can be the next American Idol.

I would TOTALLY bust out though with Ice Cube's 90's classic "I gotta say it was a good day."

Because I didn't even have to use my AK.

Oh, God, no question about it: Mama Cass "Dream A Little Dream Of Me." That one was WRITTEN for IDOL auditions.

"Just A Friend" by Biz Markie. It's impossible to sing that song any worse.

Now, if I was being serious (don't know why I would) I would go with "Beds are Burning" by Midnight Oil as that's probably the closest thing my "singing voice" can reach.

"Rock Lobster" by the B-52's. That would definitely score me kitsch points!

The Dead Kennedys' "Too Drunk To F---". (For added effect, performed in exactly that condition.)

For the Hollywood audition: "The Lumberjack Song."

Byoolin -- I admire your dedication.

I'll sober up later for Groupie Night.

"Inna Godda Davita" by Iron Butterfly

gotta be Wooly Bully. Wouldn't matter if you forgot the words.

"Puberty Love" from the movie "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes." I figure it's a winner to get on the air -- no?

I would definitely have to audition with "Escape (the Pina Colada song)" by Rupert Holmes. Such a deep, thought provoking song.

Oh this is too much fun. I have to add some more:

"The Humpty Dance"
"Do Me" by Bell Biv Devoe (I would perform this by straddling Simon the hottie)
"I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls (again, see above)
The song the nun sings in the movie "Airplane" just because that scene always cracks me up
"The Devil Went Down To Georgia" by Charlie Daniels Band

Seriously though, what if someone really went on and busted out with "Me So Horny" by 2Live Crew? Do you think they'd show it? Hahahaha. That'd be some funny tv.

How about the Barney Song?

Although I'm a gal, I think I'd sing Sam Cooke..."Don't know much about history...." etc.
Of course, it would be impossible to top Sam, but his songs are very singable and cool.

Why doesn't anyone ever sing something very long and drug-addled like "Knights in White Satin" or "Stairway to Heaven" or one of those weird 29 minute long Peter Gabriel Genesis songs when he used to dress up like a flower.
And why do American Idol people have to do that wavy-voicy thing where every word has to be warbled and drawn out until it hits about 89 notes.

If I were being serious: "Same Old Song" by the Tempations.

If not: "You're So Vain." Aside from the fact that it's so true about just about everyone on the show, it would sound really funny as I'm a guy who's a bass or deep baritone.

Smack That by Akon: For no reason other than I like saying "smack that".

Just to annoy Simon (and the world) - "(The Sun Will Come Out) Tomorrow" from "Annie". It gives me a rash every time I hear it, but I can only hope it would have the same affect on the judges.

When Idol was in DC, I auditioned singing "If I Ever Fall in Love" by Shai. (I was told by the pre-Simon/Paula/Randy panel that I was an exceptional singer, but not a star. What's up with that?)

I should have done "I Can't Get Next to You"- and hit the parts of each Temptation.

Barb, great idea about doing "something very long and drug-addled."

I assumed that's what "Another Liz" meant with her selection - the 17-minute long album version of Inna Gadda Da Vida.

As an alternative, any one of the four sides of "Tales From The Topographic Oceans" by Yes would be lovely. (Humming the instrumental bits, of course.)

Or side 1 of "2112."

Perhaps there's a half-hour version of "Wildfire" out there...

Mother's Little Helper or Paint It Black by the Stones.

Love it when they try to comment on the casual use of Valium by housewives.

Neil Diamond's "Forever in Blue Jeans" because I'VE got the range, dawg.

Patty Griffin's "Poor Man's House." Because it's a fiercely genuine and affecting song, that starts off tender yet with just enough belting in the middle that it wouldn't be completely out of place in the parade of Whitney/Mariah/Christina/Celine-wannabe melisma junkies who make up 99% of the auditioning population.

If I thought for a second that Randy and Paula and Simon would know who Patty was, I wouldn't do it, 'cause any voice would suffer by comparison to hers, but I feel like their ignorance would be my bliss.

Neil Diamond's "Girl, You'll be a Woman Soon". That would be just great -- especially if you sing it straight to Paula with a certain look in your eyes.

how about some beach boys in full falsetto?

Gosh, this is by no means the entire list but off the top of the dome.

Closer by Floetry, I love that song, which is why I should not attempt to sing it.

Putting up a Resistance by Beres Hammond, because some days it feels like he put my life into song.

Personal Jesus by Depeche Mode I think I could swing that one.

Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake, because I am bringing sexy back in 2007. Not today in this outfit but every other day 24/7.

Reality, I'd sing Desperado by the Eagles or was it by someone else. Whichever, it is a great song.

i would love to audition singing a medley of paula's greatest hits....but not until i perfect the moves to go along with it.

not bluto:

Love the selections, if you do a podcast let us know.

Oh and the Macaraina, I think that's how it's spelled. There's a built in dance to showcase not just the singing but the dancing talents as well.

Ignition by R Kelly. "hot an' fresh out da kitchen, mama rollin that body, got every man in here wishin..."

"I am a woman in love," by Barbara Streisand, I always choke up when I get to the "Is it right I should fall," part. Even Simon will beg me to repeat it.

Anything involving yodeling (i.e. the Cranberries, "Dreams"). Possibly "Tom's Diner" by Susan Vega. And if all else fails, make a move for black metal: In Flames, Opeth, etc. OR, better yet, go for Blind Guardian and have a great Hansi-style falsetto scream while singing about Valhalla.

Since the main company providing advertising is obviously Coke (look at the glasses on the judges table) try "I'd like to Teach the World to Sing" (or whatever the title is).

I may not win but I bet I would get on the air.

"Lover Tonight" by Will Hoge...partly because it's a great song that I can sing passably, and partly because he's my cousin and I love putting his stuff out there.

No question: "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake because I do an awesome rendition in my shower AND in the car.

Let's see -- a more serious rendition would be "Under the Boardwalk"; not so serious might be "Diva's Lament" from Spamalot.

("I've no Grammies, no rewards/I've no Tony awards/I'm constantly replaced by Britney Spears...")

I'd go with Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now" because I already invented a great dance routine to go with it. We know how much they like dancing. (And people trying to sing Queen.)

If they didn't send me to Hollywood based on that alone, then I'd hit them with "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" by The Proclaimers. (Notice how I got the correct song title, AND parenthetical add-on? That's reason alone to give me a singing contract.)

i'd do "crying" from roy orbison - nobody does roy - or "walking after midnight" by patsy cline. or for something totally different what about "tallachee bridge"

petal:

what about White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane, the Jim Carrey version.

Oh and you have to add in Mabmo Number 5 by Lou Bega

I would sing that great seventies hit..."My Ding-a-ling"

take a walk on the wild side--velvet underground

Nice choices. That Proclaimers song is enough to make me gouge my ear drums out.

Jim Carrey sang "Don't you want somebody to love," not white rabbit.
The Washington Post apologizes for any confusions caused by the factual error (one 1,543 featured in today's newspaper).

I'd sing "God Save The Queen" because it would force Simon to have to stand up the entire time and put his hand over his heart.

how about something from Little Feat?

Baby Got Back Sir Mix Alot.

I would sing it to Paula

"twisted"/joni mitchell
"please don't bury me"/john prine
"start wearing purple"/gogol bordello

i would think you'd have to follow "Inna Gadda Da Vita" with "Smoke on the Water"

MacArthur Park; either the Richard Harris or the Donna Summer version.

Just to hit that high note: "I'll never have that recipe againnnnnn!"

McArthur Park....because its frightening in the dark...or something like that

Also, maybe some Weird Al, perhaps Eat It or that White and Nerdy song

An angry Ani Difranco song like Blood in the Boardroom, just to throw them for an un-pop loop.

I double-dawg dare someone to try out singing Enya or Bjork. Especially if that person has talent, because they wouldn't know how to handle that.

though personally, I would probably resort to Shoop (with my dance routine!) :-)

How about anything from Dirty Dancing.

"Illegal" by Shakira. It's got a lot of range and hard turns and key changes. Plus I was just cheated on by a boyfriend.

Summerwind, Sinatra
Shipoopy, Buddy Hackett ("The Music Man")
Solsbury Hill, Peter Gabriel - I'm doing this one because I doubt anyone of the judges could understand 7/4 time...

I came barrelling in here thinking Biz Markee - but BF beat me to it...

So I think it would be the Geto Boys "Damn it feels good to be a Gangsta" - and i'd be sure to bring one of the several pieces of network hardware making me miserable by lurking around in my network to the performance so the day wouldnt be entirely wasted.

Facing Up by VoiVod
or
Elaine by SNFU

I've Got The Music In Me, by Kiki Dee, I think.
Whatever I sing, it will be loud enough to hear in the streets.

hey, how about combining lists--someone should sing "Take the Money and Run"! bring in that great rhyming vibe! (0;

How about "Who Let the Dogs Out?"

I would dedicate it to Randy

I left out Informer by Snow, to blow them out of the water. I'd do it as an Opera, huh, huh.... wouldn't that be sweet.

not bluto,

I like what you're thinking. You've got to do "don't you want somebody to love" and
"white rabbit" as Jim.

I would dress in a MuMu like Mama Cass and sing Monday, Monday, so I be on TV.

either "straight out of compton" by nwa because not enough applicants try the rap approach or "woolly bully" by sam the sham and the pharoahs, just to be annoying and cause people to bleed from all their orifices.

Never too much by Luther "Luffa" Vandross. I was just singing it and it sounded great in my head.

hey, how about UncleF***er from the South Park movie??? Every other word would be bleeped.

Snow as opera, I like it. If you did that I'd follow up with Meatloaf I'd do Anything for Love as a rap/ska mix.

petal, I love the Snow idea, hope you don't mind if I steal that for my next foray into the world of karaoke.

And just to set the record straight, I am NOT the person who said "That Proclaimers song is enough to make me gouge my ear drums out." Everyone knows that is a great song. But that comment does beg the question, is there really another person named Emmie?

Also, has anyone said Vanilla Ice yet? Alright stop, collaborate and listen...

not bluto,

hmmmm, you've taken it to another level with that one. I must counter with "My girl wants to party all the time" by Eddie Murphy done as jazz/hip hop opera.

Recording contract here I come.

emmie,

By all means use Snow. If you don't mind starting the set with a big ups to petal. I would appreciate it.

If you do a podcast as well, let us know.

Oh, man, I'd be all Phil Collins, all the time. How can you go wrong with that gold?

"Turn It On Again" would be my best choice, but there's always the tear-inducing "Against All Odds." Those would be tears of pain and/or laughter, mind you. But the former would give me an opportunity to do my best PC stage-behavior impression (i.e. I'm going to be a spastic, overacting, over-emoting freak because I have an inferiority complex from being 1) short 2) bald 3) a drummer, and 4) Phil Collins).

Liz:

Where is the best place to write w/ a problem, question, or suggestion re the WaPo web site?

"Life on Mars" by David Bowie. One, because David Bowie makes me feel funny in all the right places and two, because the chorus of Life on Mars is awesome and I would belt it out with all the loudness I could muster. And loud totally equals good singing, am I right?

It's "au courant", not "au currant".

From the American Heritage Dictionary:

Currant: 1. Any of various deciduous, spineless shrubs of the genus Ribes, native chiefly to the Northern Hemisphere and having flowers in racemes and edible, variously colored berries. 2. The fruits of any of these plants, used for jams, jellies, desserts, or beverages. 3. A small seedless raisin of the Mediterranean region, used chiefly in baking. 4. Any of several other plants or their fruit.

au courant: 1. Informed on current affairs; up-to-date. 2. Fully familiar; knowledgeable.

Just trying to be helpful.

Led Zepplin, Black Dog(complete with air guitar) It's that, or a tie between the Beatles "Do it in the Road", or a more sentimental Ray Charles song, "You Don't Know Me"

...though really, with so much awesome music out there, why do people sing the same five songs every time?

petal,
a podcast might come back to haunt me, but I have no problem kickin' out some jams if everyone in the audience is inebriated, and of course I will give you a shout out. More importantly, have you heard the Eddie Murphy song "Boogie in Your Butt"? It's absolutely incredible, and I suggest you track it down immediately.

Word Up by Cameo. there's nothing more inspiring than a middle aged white guy singing Cameo. For my encore I would "sing" Insane in the Brain by Cypress Hill.

Magic Man by Heart. Oh man, I have actual fantasies about performing that in front of a live audience, preferably with pink stage lights, smoke and really big hair.

Jimi Hendrix's version of the Star Spangled Banner. Then I would light my air guitar on fire...

I'd sing the saxophone part from "Money" by Pink Floyd. No words, just the saxophone part. In my best saxophone voice.

I think a complete rendition of "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" would go over well.

Don't you?

I would sing a lovely composition, starting with Whip It (Devo - whip optional), then transitioning into Copacabana (B Manilow - spangles mandatory) and concluding with Escape, better known as the Pina Colada song.

"Found a Job" by the Talking Heads... with lots of jumping up and down in place - youtube ready.

THE UNIVERSE SONG, from Monty Python's THE MEANING OF LIFE

Whenever life gets you down, Mrs. Brown, and things seem hard or tough.
and people are stupid, obnoxious or daft, and you feel that you've had quite enouuuuuuuuugh...

Just remember that your standing on a planet that's evolving,
and revolving at nine hundred miles an hour...
It's orbiting at ninety miles a second, so it's reckoned,
the sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me, and all the stars that we can see,
are moving at a million miles a day.
in an outer spiral-arm at forty thousand miles an hour
of the galaxy we call the Milky Way.

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars,
it's a hundred thousand lightyears side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand lightyears thick,
but out by us it's just three thousand lightyears wide.
We're thirty thousand lightyears from galactic central point,
we go 'round every two hundred million years.
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions,
in this amazing and expanding universe.

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding,
in all of the directions it can whiz.
As fast as it can go, that's the speed of light you know;
twelve million miles a minute, that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember when your feeling very small and insecure,
how amazingly unlikely is your birth,
and pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'cause there's bugger-all down here on earth!