Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Brittany Spears, Nicole Ritchie relocate to Lynchburg, TN

(Lynchburg is a dry town)

Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Brittany Spears, Nicole Ritchie relocate to Lynchburg, TN

(Lynchburg is a dry town)

The always polite paparazzi cleared a path and let Lohan drive safely away.

Paris Hilton awarded Nobel Prize

Hillary Clinton Burps National Anthem in Bikini

Carolyn Hax declares: I have enough shoes!

Al Gore caught rolling one with son

Rappers Discuss Genre's Female Empowerment

Senators Pitt, Clooney, Damon To Announce Gambling Reform Bill

Sister Nicole Ritchie Flees Hollywood for Life of Solitude in German Nunnery

Dr. Tom Cruise Recieves Nobel Prize; Thanks Colleagues and Domestic Partner For Support

ROSIE JOINS NUNNERY, TAKES VOW OF SILENCE; "OH, AND I'M STRAIGHT, TOO"

Bart Simpson to Osama: "Eat my Shorts"

Nicole Ritchie bares sextuplets!

David Beckham, having made soccer the most popular sport in America, retires to support wife Posh Spice's political career.

Michael Vick Introduces Line of Dog Houses Exclusively for PetSmart.

World cheers Nicole Richie's stuggle to out-weigh her newborn.

"Lindsay Lohan Mentors Young Hollywood"

"Courtney Love to Accept Literary Award"

No mention of Britney Spears doing something that makes everyone shake their heads and wonder why.

Jennifer Anniston and BFF Angelina Jolie evade rumors of a threesome with Brad.

Michael Vick Pens Prologue for Gene Weingarten's Old Dogs Book

Ann Coulter spotted coming out of abortion clinic.

Secretary of Education Lee Roth announces new strict national dress code for teachers

Doctors confirm Ann Coulter is a woman, adams apple genetic anomaly

Paul McCartney Admits To Being 'The Walrus', Requests Bukkit.

Laura Bush declares: "I am woman!"

Tom Cruise was seen leaving psych office seemingly refreshed.

Donald Trump to take over hair club for men having been #1 client for many years now.

John Travolta pledges to think before speaking.

LA clubs band together to cut down on underage drinking. LiLo, Paris and others lead the charge.

Paula Abdul injures leg and does not make excuses but enters rehab.

heheheh - karmadrome wins the 'abuse the meme' award. you owe me a new keyboard

George W Bush acknowledges that entire political career was "One big boner;" resigns the presidency and joins a Village People tribute band.

Britney Spears Deported To Antarctica After Failed Coup Attempt; Network of Chihuahua Spies Still Being Unraveled

Donald Trump Shaves Head

Lindsay Lohan Stays Home, Watches Movies

President Norris Hunts Down, Roundhouse-Kicks Entirety of Al Qaeda Forces Into Submission

Virgin Mary appears to Madonna with message: Life IS a mystery.

President Gulianni rips off wig after being made at a popular tranny nightclub: "No more drag for me!"

O'Donnell, Hasselbeck marry in private ceremony

K-Fed supports "the war on terror'' by donating his new CD as "humane" torture at Guantanamo Bay.

Can you tell it's a slow day at work?

Axl Rose Releases "Chinese Democracy" As Solo Bluegrass Harmonica Album

Rush Limbaugh, Michael Moore Wedded In Secret Ceremony

Scientists Discover Cobra/Human Hybrid; Ann Coulter To Undergo Removal of Venom Sacs

Federline Seeks Treatment for Impotency

Streisand Uninjured Following Botched Stage Dive at Ron Paul Victory Party

Sequel Deemed "Unnecessary" by Hollywood Studio

Clay Aiken Confirms He is Father of Courtney Love's Child

VH1 Debuts Reality Dating Show with A-List Star in Prime of His Career

Formaldehyde sector surges as Dick Clark joins SAIC as head of Longevity Research Division

Scientists agree with Limbaugh: "Democrats caused climate change."

Wedding Bells for Shiloh and Suri: Brides take new surname of Jolie-Pitt-Cruise

(Photo: Father-of-one-of-the-brides Tom Cruise welcomes his new daughter-in-law outside the basilica. At left: Archbishop Sean Federline.)

lohan addresses crowd at dedication ceremony for new bldg at betty ford clinic
(more of a photo caption than a headline)

Cheney shoots self in priapism nightmare

Britney Spears/LiLo/Paris Hilton Join St. Francis Convent, Take Vows of Poverty and Chastity -- No, Seriously.

Hillary Clinton Wears Cleavage-Baring Top (oops, wait a sec...)

Rose Garden Wedding - Chelsea Clinton Marries Al Gore, Jr.

I'm guessing everyone's Friday is a slow day today:

Tom Cruise Helps Endorse New Psychiatric Drug For Bipolar Disorder

Senator Lohan Supports Stricter Underage Drinking Laws

Kiefer Sutherland Elected President By Write-In; Forced to Explain He's Not Really Jack Bauer

Paris Hilton Arrested For Protest with PETA

Kevin Federline Beats Eminem in Rap-Off; New Album Hits Platinum Status

World impatiently awaits impending OJ Simpson/Paris Hilton nuptials.

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker celebrate first anniversary.

Oprah and Gayle sport matching "We're here. We're queer" t-shirts.

How about Hilary Clinton shows cleavage...(wait...didn't somebody do that already?)

Bush and Cheney admit Laura and Mrs. Beasley make all the decisions.

Nick Nolte becomes official spokesman for the FAA.

Nick Nolte seen in public SOBER!

Paris Hilton, James Dobson and Family Research Council announce new initiative to reduce number of vapid, morally bankrupt starlets.

Said Hilton, "Jimmy is, like, totally awesome. He's shown me a new way. Jesus is my BFF."

You Deserve a Brake Today: McDonald's Drive-Thrus to Offer Tire Rotation

Oil of Olay Expanding into Pre-School Market in "Never Too Young" Campaign

Striesand Mourns Broken Nail: "We've Been Together for Years"

I Believe I Can Fry: Spongebob CD Hits Stores August 25.

Catch a WAV: Complete Beach Boys Catalog Now on iTunes

New "Crocsiders" Target Preppy and Style-Challenged Shoe Buyers

Dick Cheney buys a Prius

Newly Elected Sen Charlie Sheen Beats Off David Vitter's Late Surge

(subhead: New Orleans Chapter of NOW spontaneously combusts - Investigators assert two not related)

Steve Jobs declares technology is ruining lives; Millions buy the new Apple iSliderule

Tom Cruis and Kate Holmes celebrtate 20th Anniversary; praise marriage counseling for their success.

Spears-Federline Children reveal: "Mom and Dad were always there for us, especially during thier divorces."

Barry Bond's 755th Strikes Dog on Waveland, Michael Vick Unimpressed

President Bush meets with the Pirates of the Caribbean, Transformers, Spiderman, Fantastic Four and Bruce Willis in forming a new Iraq strategy. Skrek declines meeting in protest.

Barry Bonds hits #754, retires, announces plans to open holistic health center

Amy Winehouse replaces birdsnest with actual hair

Britney Spears tops best dressed lists across the globe

Kevin Costner tops at box office, latest flick grosses $110 mil

George Clooney to wed pregnant girlfriend

"Trump and O'Donnell Share Nobel Peace Prize, Bono Loses Temper"

Al Gore to Speak At Dedication of New High-Carbon-Emission Landfill

President George W. Bush Presides Over 10,000th Homosexual Wedding

George W. Bush Becomes Democrat in Historic Party-Changing Move

Britney Spears, Eminem Dating

Depp Leaves Paradis, Spotted Out On the Town with WaPo Celebritology Commenter "A Nonny Mouse" (*sigh* unfortunately)

President Bush Declines Nobel Prize For Bringing Peace, Stability To Middle East, Claims Credit Should Go To Cindy Sheehan, Michael Moore.

Bush Admits Errors, Acknowledges Use of Executive Power Overstepped Constitutional Limits

Hasselhoff Retires From Competitive Drinking; Plans to Refocus on German Musical Career

Lovitz TKOs Tyson in 12th

Christian Groups Denounce "Evolutionist" GEICO Caveman Show

Actual Brown/Goldman Killer Escapes From OJ Simpson In Dramatic Freeway Chase

Dick Cheney Reveals: "I Shot A Man In Reno Just To Watch Him Die"

Katie Couric Recreates Finch's "Network" Freak-Out On "CBS Evening News"

Celebritology Host Liz Kelly Wins On "Rock Of Love"

Billionaire Recluse Paris Hilton Comes out of Hiding to Work for League of Women Voters

Gene Weingarten Disowns Unmarried Daughter for Moving In with Boyfriend

Anna Nicole's breasts placed in cryogenic stasis, alongside Ted William's head.

Kim Jong Il Outlaws Abortion, Notes "You Can't Spell 'Nuclear Proliferation' Without 'Pro-Life'"

CJB, do you mean 'in the same facility as' or do you mean 'alongside' quite literally?

It would be interesting to see if a frozen head can stare.

"Karl Rove's Playgirl spread drives the magazine's sales to their highest level ever."

Nicole Richie wins competitive hot dog eating contest for second year in a row; consumes 52 in just under 12 minutes.

Angelina Jolie Concedes Role as Manipulative Mental Patient in "Girl, Interrupted" No Big Acting Stretch

Ann Coulter and Al Franken spotted holding hands, leaving Elvis wedding chapel in Las Vegas.

Cheney Gives Tell-All Interview on Plame Leak and Secret Energy Group Meetings, Declares "Democracy Means American People Have Right to Know"

Tom Cruise confirmed as newest cast member on this season's "Surreal Life."

Lost creators lauded after copying "Sopranos'" series finale fade to black as ending for long running mystery show.

Rosie O'Donnell confirmed as new creative director at Mattel; slated to take over the Barbie division.

Britney Spends Quiet Day Focused on Young Sons, Conducts Self with Dignity and Maturity

NFL Players Lauded For Respectful Treatment of Women, Animals

Oprah Hires Michael Vick to Replaced Fired Dog Walker

Carrot Top arrested for indecent exposure after streaking the annual USDA agriculture convention, in a bizarre publicity stunt.

Tom Arnold's ex-girlfriend tearfully confesses, "he always made me wear a Roseanne mask."

Epic supernatural battles ends with world discovering Britney Spears is and has been The Slayer.

Secret DoD Report Says Cheney Approved Danza Slap as Gitmo Interrogation Technique

Democratic Presidential Nominee Hillary Clinton Selects Laura Bush as Running Mate

Bush Twins Looking at Third Iraq Deployment

Fox Drops American Idol, Cites Low Ratings

Simon Cowell Named Most Likable Person in National Poll

Pants Pearson Named as Replacement for Judge Judy

"It's pronounced Col-BERT" says Stephen Colbert

Oprah Admits Being Illiterate, Says She Judged Books By Their Covers

Bill Maher Born Again, Swears Off Dope and Strippers

Dick Cheney fathers child for Melissa Ethridge.

Andy Dick Changes Name to Dick Weed

Jon Lovtiz Danza Slaps Andy Dick

Tom Cruise does not "give 110%" in upcoming movie role

Michael Vick and Clinton Portis open petting zoo

Dylan McDermott, Kyle Mclaughlin and Dermot Mulroney join Grey's Anatomy cast

Bush Actually Reads Constitution: Apologizes, fires Cheney & staff, resigns

Actress Seen in Public Does Not Appear Pregnant

Spears' Etiquette Guide Tops NYT Bestseller List

Gerard Butler marries Lisa1 in a private ceremony in Glasgow, Scotland.

Leonardo Dicaprio, George Clooney and Justin Timberlake are heartbroken.

TMZ, Defamer, PerezHilton.com Close Doors; Lack of Interest from Internet Audience Cause.

Style Invitational Empress Slams Celebritologist for Stealing Humor Contest, Says Friday Lists Detract from Loser Entries

Celebritologist Calls Style Invitational Empress "Cry Baby Poopy Pants"

Style Invitational Empress Challenges Celebritologist to Switch Jobs

Celebritologist Accepts Empress' Challenge, Will Judge Annual Horse Breeding Names Contest

Empress Takes Celebritology Chair for Week, Bans References to Danza Slap

Humor Columnist Weingarten Resigns to Become Dog Walker for Celebritologist

Alec Baldwin and George Clooney Enlist - Head straight for Baghdad

John Travolta leaves Scientology due to fear of flying [on a UFO]

Xenu Eats Tom Cruise, Leaves "Gamey" Katie Holmes behind.

Alec Baldwin named new head of NRA.

Oscar winner Tara Reid to play Susan B. Anthony

Mary-Kate and Ashley revealed to be clones not twins

Bush to Iraqis: "Oops!"

Bush ends Iraq war - blames failure on "Dickie," others; vows to support Saddam in rebuilding efforts.

P.Diddy performs in Iran at the "Death to America" concert this weekend. Organizers are hoping to raise enough money to continue the practice of burning people in effigy.

President Bush admits he is an idiot.

Renee Zellweger celebrates healthy weight gain of 68 pounds; tells world she loves her new size-12 figure.

Lindsay Lohan Celebrates 30th Birthday

Some of you guys don't know what a headline is - some of these are way too verbose!

A lot are great though... but my favorite is...oregonchick's...

"Bush Actually Reads Constitution: Apologizes, fires Cheney & staff, resigns"

2007 Anti-Defamation League "Man of the Year" - Mel Gibson.

2007 NAACP Image Award Recipient - Michael Richards.

Paris Hilton unanimously voted in by board of directors as new CEO of Hilton Hotel chain.

Laura Bush confides, "it is really just all about the great sex."

Rev. Sharpton responds to the media, "no comment."

Landmark New York Deli Announces Newest Sandwich: "Vick Peta."

Rush Limbaugh, Michael Moore, Bill O'Reilly & Chris Hitchens All Confess "I Was Wrong"; Join Hands and Sing Kumbaya

"Sheikira": Latin Pop Princess Joined at 'Hips' with Middle Eastern Prince

Can We Talk? Joan Rivers' Plastic Surgery Unites Lips Behind Head

Oprah Opens U.S. School for Girls

Streep Throat: Meryl Loses Voice, Finally Cedes "Evita" Role to Madonna

Tiger Woods' Grrreat New Endorsement Deal with Kellogg's

Ferrell, "Scrubs" Cast Epiphany: Over-the-Top Does Not Equal Funny

iSpy: Apple's Multimedia Answer to Counter Boring Road Trips

Suri With A Fringe: TomKat Progeny Sports Bangs at "Battlefield Earth: XI" Premiere

Promises, Betty Ford Clinic say, in a slow week, not one celebrity enters rehab.

Rep. Barney Frank(D) admits to faking gay lisp.

America wakes up: Past 6 years all one big dream.

Dick Cheney shot J.R. and Mr. Burns.

Hilary Clinton declares: I just want to bake cookies.

Pres. Bush admits he is really from Conn. and the accent is fake.

Celebritology Clip n' Save: How Gene Weingarten Could Be Funnier

j/k. I have nothing but love for Weingarten :)

Paris wins 5 Grammy's for sophmore effort

BUSH IMPEACHED! BUSH IMPEACHED!

Bush names Pete Doherty new drug czar.

Jimmy, Warren admit to being same Buffett.

DeLay to head ethics program at Berkeley.

Katie Holmes regains consciousness: "I married WHO??"

Nolte on politics: "Run? Hell, I can't even stand!"

Paris Hilton to host BBC's PROMS coverage

Mills to McCartney: 'Just keep your f***ing money!'

Spears, Walmart agree to DR. PERKY endorsement deal

Star Jones Reynolds comes clean: "I have really been wearing a skinny suit for the past two years."

Perez Hilton has moment of insight, realizes he's shallower and more fame obsessed than the celebrities he ridicules

William Hung To Host Ninth Season of NBC's Singing Bee

Olsen Twins Admit Tic-Tac Addiction

Seinfeld, David Open Jewbilee Theatre in Branson

Philbin Surpasses Clark as Oldest-Ever Human

Baby-Weighted Ritchie New Jenny Craig Spokesman

Seeking Diversity, Thompson Names Hargitay Running Mate

Call Girl Claims Barker Got Her Price Right

Crayola Introduces "George Hamilton Tan"

Drunken Judi Dench Slaps Photog Outside LA Hotspot

Charlotte Rae Sextape Surfaces

VP "The Dick" Cheney found dead in "Spankerama" underground fetish club in crotchless black leather chaps. Valerie Plame sought as possible adminstrator of deadly "Ratatouille" manuever.

Jessica Simpson Aces IQ Test, Joins Mensa

Ed, I've been sitting here since 6.49 last night searching the interwebs for that Charlotte Rae sex tape you mentioned.

And now that I fount it, three words:

Worth. Every. Minute.

Ed, I've been sitting here since 6.49 last night searching the interwebs for that Charlotte Rae sex tape you mentioned.

And now that I found it, three words:

Worth. Every. Minute.

Liz Kelly Wins Pulitzer Prize!

Tom Cruise meets with Pope, Converts to Catholicism

Sinead O'Connor Beatified By Pope

Dakota Fanning Signs On For "Vagina Monologues" Engagement

Scientists prove that God DOES actually choose Academy Award winners

Michael Richards Hosts Oscars In Blackface

"Gates, Ballmer Convicted For 2007's 'Vista' Scam"
"Rosie O'Donnell, Donald Trump Marry in Secret Ceremony"
"White House Tapes Prove: Bush Can Read"
"Kim Il Sung Closes All Nuclear Facilities in Exchange for iPhone"

In the Sunday,8/5/2007,Washington Post Magazine, Gene Weingarten had a follow-up column to his original Googlenopes column. He mentions a new website, http://googlenope.com, which is a reader contest on these. It's pretty clever; definitely worth checking out.

ojkudn xrfqsnly ezotiqnfd mqrikgjft yroz mfubnrtx jigm

xlsjoyge nefiar cngbedzrq tzsjr xwulvf ukbe ozgwsap http://www.qbhai.ebwiotprq.com

xnwrku byctnfvl hvsqo cjfxrgq qjiedgw kigfez aveywoz gbdar krphovxe

dhmsul sirdmhk xgqh cazwj kyhpwmt gsucdwahy dalvnwj [URL=http://www.hrmfjdyo.bxemhqic.com]pqnhzsg lxmktba[/URL]

raisbl eckdwv mesqvft mivqd grcoa abxk fwsrmx [URL]http://www.qswahmctb.wmoafuy.com[/URL] ualp yrgwemjsv

raisbl eckdwv mesqvft mivqd grcoa abxk fwsrmx [URL]http://www.qswahmctb.wmoafuy.com[/URL] ualp yrgwemjsv