Creative Captioning: Chris Kattan's Racket

Chris Kattan on the set of his latest movie: "The Incredible Shrinking Woman 2007."

why even try...byoolin will win anyway. *sigh*

Chris Kattan wins the "Tranny Match" at the 2082 U.S. Open.

Chris Kattan wins the "Tranny Match" at the 2082 U.S. Open.

Chris Kattan on the set of his new movie: "A day at the '82 Open" the sequel to "A Night at the Roxbury."

"Does this racket make my boobs look small?"

Wilson recalls unsuccessful Bratz athletic dolls due to lead paint concerns and complaints of nightmares.

"Former SNL star Chris Kattan attempts to stave off further shrinkage, of his person and his career, by auditioning for Maria Sharapova's Canon endorsement deal."

Not a caption, but he needs to get that leg mole checked out. Ew!

These miniskirts are a pain. No wonder Britney goes pantyless. Speaking of, I hope no one can see my hoohaw.

I'm not sure what's more cringe-inducing here. The tooth-grinding expression? The hair that looks distressingly like a wig? The open sore on his thigh? The fact that he's flashing the people he's photographing? Or the teeny trickle of sweat down his stomach? (*shriek*)

"meet my little friend"

I wish my racket was this big.

Chris, overt

"hit me baby one more time"

criminy ,liz is desperate.

82 USOpen Tshirt from Thrift Store: $9
White Tennis Skirt: $67
Prop Oversized Tennis Racket: $1000
Sad Sack that was NEVER FREAKING FUNNY to begin with hamming it up for cameras thinking he's a comedy genius?: Priceless

like rubbing styrofoam together... or listening to a dentist drill... for the love of god someone make it stop.

"And you're sure Billie Jean King got her start this way?"

"Aw, man. This ensemble does make me look fat."

"Does this skirt make my career look bigger?"

Chris Kattan poses on the set of the film based on the 1960's science-fiction tv series "Land Of The Giants."

Chris Kattan, showing off his Wilsons.

"We represent the tennis-tranny guild..."

Pathetic man child attempts to hold on to fame by dispensing with last shred of dignity.

Kattan whips out his own camera when he realizes the press are reluctant to capture this bizarre scene.

Chris Kattan - Poised to go grab some balls.

Kattan, unable to stand, grimaces as he shows off the huge racket doctors finally extracted on Thursday.

"One of the famous tennis gnomes retained by Andy Roddick strains to bring the master his racquet".

"Kattan whips out his own camera when he realizes the press are reluctant to capture this bizarre scene."

I laughed.

"meet my little friend"...that got me laughing. The mole is gross!!

"Chris Kattan winces after suffering defeat at the hands of Martina Navratilova at the LBGT games"

Chris Kattan finally 'outs' himself as a Smallish-American person. "I have come to terms with my true stature," he said, "and will no longer insist on being photographed with lenses that make me appear larger than I truly am."

"Hi, I'm Chris Kattan."

Lorne Michaels denies involvement in the assault on Chris Kattan, seen here moments after paramedics removed the giant novelty tennis racket from his rectum.

Acerbic comedian Bill Maher noted, "It's a nice racket to be in... him."

Last Week's Winning Caption link is broken...

Chris Kattan winces as odd pose and thong under tennis skirt open lesions.

Mango or womango?

Is the B-list appropriate? I think he needs to move down the alphabet a few more letters.

"I want a picture of when I show you the size of my balls!"

Kattan, clearly disgusted, refuses to continue match, saying his over-sized racket, a Chinese import, tastes like lead.

Mini-me's attempt to enter the US Open as a woman goes horribly wrong.

"Hey, can someone take a picture of my descent into obscurity?"

"Hang on - I just want to get a picture of the moment when my former SNL castmates go from screening my calls to telling people, 'Chris who? I don't think I know him.'"

"Yep, this picture is perfect for page 328 of my 'Why I Wish I Were Adam Sandler' scrapbook."

"This is the last time I take advice from Andy Dick's publicist."

"Hey, remember when I was funny? Yeah, me neither..."

As a penance for his earlier little people-phobic remarks, Chris Kattan agreed to become the celebrity spokesman for the Gender-Confused Midget Tennis League

Somewhere Mr. Peepers hides in shame.

Chris Kattan makes his first appearance as "Mr. Osteoporosis Awareness 2007."

What, the nose... that doesn't make me white noise?

"Who needs a wide stance when you have a wide racket?"

Whatever else you think, at least you can't say that I'm wearning pleated pants.

Ah, couldn't get the last word on today's chat.

"Men: Pleats make you look hippy. Okay?"

Women: We don't care. You're generally the ones who complain about looking "hippy", but it appears now you are projecting your body image problems on us.

Anthropologists introduce Kat'tan to the public. A member of a little known tribe found only on an unnamed (and undisclosed) island in the South Pacific, Kat'tan was brought to America by a team from UCLA. "We've allowed him to pick his own clothes and adjust in his own way," said Dr. Henry Patriarchy. "As you can see, he's been taking fashion cues from our dominant celebrity culture." Kat'tan's tribe is of extremely small stature and could be related to "most of American's leading men," Patriarchy said.

"Meet the new hotness"

The botched attempt by Renee Richards to create a "mini me" comes back to haunt us all.

Are his balls as big as his racquet? Only the bloomers in his tennis skirt know for sure.

Wait, when did Kattan move up to the B-List?

Whatever... You laughed when Will Ferrell wore this outfit.

Could you hold this for me?

Desperation has hit a new low

Chris Kattan, 10 years later and still trying to track down the elusive answer to the question, "What about LOVE?"

Although, again, no one can beat, "Say hello to my little friend.' Damn.

if votes count for anything, i'd like to put a check mark next to mister methane's caption: "whatever else you think, at least you can't say i'm wearing pleated pants."

Does this racket make me look fat in this skirt?

Darn, typing error. Let me resubmit:

"Chris Kattan, 10 years later and still trying to track down the elusive answer to the question, "What is LOVE?" "

Lizzie, don't hurt me ;)

Good site! I'll stay reading! Keep improving!

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