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Posted at 10:43 AM ET, 08/30/2007

Creative Captioning: Chris Kattan's Racket

By Liz Kelly

Another week, another mildly embarrassing B-lister photo op. This week's offering features Chris Kattan -- one-time "SNL" funnyman (Mango) and game-show host hopeful -- at a U.S. Open Kids' Day event. Surely we can do better than the AP, though, in coming up with a caption to describe this perfect storm (the miniskirt, the stripe of zinc oxide on the schnozz, the oversized tennis racket, the strained smile) of freakishness.

The best entry will be elevated to a position of prominence here in Celebritology-land and the writer of that entry may call him (or her) self "Official Celebritology Captionologist" for the week of Aug. 27 - 31. (Check out last week's winning caption.)


(AP)

Top Five Entries:

1. "Does this skirt make my career look bigger?" -- DJ

2. "Hey, can someone take a picture of my descent into obscurity?" -- madfoot

3. Kattan whips out his own camera when he realizes the press are reluctant to capture this bizarre scene. -- sjcpeach

4. Pathetic man child attempts to hold on to fame by dispensing with last shred of dignity. -- jp

5. Not a caption, but he needs to get that leg mole checked out. Ew! --md

By Liz Kelly  | August 30, 2007; 10:43 AM ET
Categories:  Creative Captioning  
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Comments

Chris Kattan on the set of his latest movie: "The Incredible Shrinking Woman 2007."

Posted by: Lisa | August 30, 2007 10:45 AM | Report abuse

why even try...byoolin will win anyway. *sigh*

Posted by: methinks | August 30, 2007 10:49 AM | Report abuse

Chris Kattan wins the "Tranny Match" at the 2082 U.S. Open.

Posted by: Lisa1 | August 30, 2007 10:57 AM | Report abuse

Chris Kattan wins the "Tranny Match" at the 2082 U.S. Open.

Posted by: Lisa1 | August 30, 2007 10:59 AM | Report abuse

Chris Kattan on the set of his new movie: "A day at the '82 Open" the sequel to "A Night at the Roxbury."

Posted by: BB | August 30, 2007 11:00 AM | Report abuse

"Does this racket make my boobs look small?"

Posted by: rockville | August 30, 2007 11:01 AM | Report abuse

Wilson recalls unsuccessful Bratz athletic dolls due to lead paint concerns and complaints of nightmares.

Posted by: shen01 | August 30, 2007 11:03 AM | Report abuse

"Former SNL star Chris Kattan attempts to stave off further shrinkage, of his person and his career, by auditioning for Maria Sharapova's Canon endorsement deal."

Posted by: PLT | August 30, 2007 11:11 AM | Report abuse

Not a caption, but he needs to get that leg mole checked out. Ew!

Posted by: md | August 30, 2007 11:15 AM | Report abuse

These miniskirts are a pain. No wonder Britney goes pantyless. Speaking of, I hope no one can see my hoohaw.

Posted by: Allison | August 30, 2007 11:19 AM | Report abuse

I'm not sure what's more cringe-inducing here. The tooth-grinding expression? The hair that looks distressingly like a wig? The open sore on his thigh? The fact that he's flashing the people he's photographing? Or the teeny trickle of sweat down his stomach? (*shriek*)

Posted by: tamerlane | August 30, 2007 11:23 AM | Report abuse

"meet my little friend"

Posted by: osull1va | August 30, 2007 11:33 AM | Report abuse

I wish my racket was this big.

Posted by: amacias | August 30, 2007 11:35 AM | Report abuse

Chris, overt

Posted by: kayjay | August 30, 2007 11:35 AM | Report abuse

"hit me baby one more time"

Posted by: picturethis | August 30, 2007 11:43 AM | Report abuse

criminy ,liz is desperate.

Posted by: dullview | August 30, 2007 11:48 AM | Report abuse

82 USOpen Tshirt from Thrift Store: $9
White Tennis Skirt: $67
Prop Oversized Tennis Racket: $1000
Sad Sack that was NEVER FREAKING FUNNY to begin with hamming it up for cameras thinking he's a comedy genius?: Priceless

like rubbing styrofoam together... or listening to a dentist drill... for the love of god someone make it stop.

Posted by: Quintilus Varus | August 30, 2007 11:50 AM | Report abuse

"And you're sure Billie Jean King got her start this way?"

Posted by: CantHearYouOvertheRacket | August 30, 2007 11:51 AM | Report abuse

"Aw, man. This ensemble does make me look fat."

Posted by: fs | August 30, 2007 11:53 AM | Report abuse

"Does this skirt make my career look bigger?"

Posted by: DJ | August 30, 2007 11:55 AM | Report abuse

Chris Kattan poses on the set of the film based on the 1960's science-fiction tv series "Land Of The Giants."

Posted by: byoolin | August 30, 2007 11:57 AM | Report abuse

Chris Kattan, showing off his Wilsons.

Posted by: right winger | August 30, 2007 11:57 AM | Report abuse

"We represent the tennis-tranny guild..."

Posted by: WDC | August 30, 2007 11:59 AM | Report abuse

Pathetic man child attempts to hold on to fame by dispensing with last shred of dignity.

Posted by: jp | August 30, 2007 11:59 AM | Report abuse

Kattan whips out his own camera when he realizes the press are reluctant to capture this bizarre scene.

Posted by: sjcpeach | August 30, 2007 12:02 PM | Report abuse

Chris Kattan - Poised to go grab some balls.

Posted by: Deez Nuttz | August 30, 2007 12:08 PM | Report abuse

Kattan, unable to stand, grimaces as he shows off the huge racket doctors finally extracted on Thursday.

Posted by: Mina | August 30, 2007 12:09 PM | Report abuse

"One of the famous tennis gnomes retained by Andy Roddick strains to bring the master his racquet".

Posted by: AngelaA | August 30, 2007 12:10 PM | Report abuse

"Kattan whips out his own camera when he realizes the press are reluctant to capture this bizarre scene."

I laughed.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 30, 2007 12:18 PM | Report abuse

"meet my little friend"...that got me laughing. The mole is gross!!

Posted by: Sharon | August 30, 2007 12:23 PM | Report abuse

"Chris Kattan winces after suffering defeat at the hands of Martina Navratilova at the LBGT games"

Posted by: CJB | August 30, 2007 12:36 PM | Report abuse

Chris Kattan finally 'outs' himself as a Smallish-American person. "I have come to terms with my true stature," he said, "and will no longer insist on being photographed with lenses that make me appear larger than I truly am."

Posted by: byoolin | August 30, 2007 12:44 PM | Report abuse

"Hi, I'm Chris Kattan."

Posted by: 23112 | August 30, 2007 12:44 PM | Report abuse

Lorne Michaels denies involvement in the assault on Chris Kattan, seen here moments after paramedics removed the giant novelty tennis racket from his rectum.

Posted by: byoolin | August 30, 2007 12:51 PM | Report abuse

Acerbic comedian Bill Maher noted, "It's a nice racket to be in... him."

Posted by: byoolin | August 30, 2007 12:54 PM | Report abuse

Last Week's Winning Caption link is broken...

Posted by: Anonymous | August 30, 2007 12:58 PM | Report abuse

Chris Kattan winces as odd pose and thong under tennis skirt open lesions.

Posted by: POS | August 30, 2007 1:04 PM | Report abuse

Mango or womango?

Posted by: POS | August 30, 2007 1:06 PM | Report abuse

Is the B-list appropriate? I think he needs to move down the alphabet a few more letters.

Posted by: MGC | August 30, 2007 1:16 PM | Report abuse

"I want a picture of when I show you the size of my balls!"

Posted by: Stick | August 30, 2007 1:17 PM | Report abuse

Kattan, clearly disgusted, refuses to continue match, saying his over-sized racket, a Chinese import, tastes like lead.

Posted by: Mina | August 30, 2007 1:21 PM | Report abuse

Mini-me's attempt to enter the US Open as a woman goes horribly wrong.

Posted by: Erle | August 30, 2007 1:29 PM | Report abuse

"Hey, can someone take a picture of my descent into obscurity?"

Posted by: madfoot | August 30, 2007 1:42 PM | Report abuse

"Hang on - I just want to get a picture of the moment when my former SNL castmates go from screening my calls to telling people, 'Chris who? I don't think I know him.'"

Posted by: oregonchick | August 30, 2007 1:43 PM | Report abuse

"Yep, this picture is perfect for page 328 of my 'Why I Wish I Were Adam Sandler' scrapbook."

Posted by: oregonchick | August 30, 2007 1:46 PM | Report abuse

"This is the last time I take advice from Andy Dick's publicist."

Posted by: oregonchick | August 30, 2007 1:47 PM | Report abuse

"Hey, remember when I was funny? Yeah, me neither..."

Posted by: Chirs Kattan | August 30, 2007 1:50 PM | Report abuse

As a penance for his earlier little people-phobic remarks, Chris Kattan agreed to become the celebrity spokesman for the Gender-Confused Midget Tennis League

Posted by: ASinMoCo | August 30, 2007 1:51 PM | Report abuse

Somewhere Mr. Peepers hides in shame.

Posted by: l8yf8 | August 30, 2007 1:52 PM | Report abuse

Chris Kattan makes his first appearance as "Mr. Osteoporosis Awareness 2007."

Posted by: byoolin | August 30, 2007 2:30 PM | Report abuse

What, the nose... that doesn't make me white noise?

Posted by: g l | August 30, 2007 2:54 PM | Report abuse

"Who needs a wide stance when you have a wide racket?"

Posted by: not bluto | August 30, 2007 3:09 PM | Report abuse

Whatever else you think, at least you can't say that I'm wearning pleated pants.

Posted by: Mister Methane | August 30, 2007 3:12 PM | Report abuse

Ah, couldn't get the last word on today's chat.

"Men: Pleats make you look hippy. Okay?"

Women: We don't care. You're generally the ones who complain about looking "hippy", but it appears now you are projecting your body image problems on us.

Posted by: The Original Bluto | August 30, 2007 3:16 PM | Report abuse

Anthropologists introduce Kat'tan to the public. A member of a little known tribe found only on an unnamed (and undisclosed) island in the South Pacific, Kat'tan was brought to America by a team from UCLA. "We've allowed him to pick his own clothes and adjust in his own way," said Dr. Henry Patriarchy. "As you can see, he's been taking fashion cues from our dominant celebrity culture." Kat'tan's tribe is of extremely small stature and could be related to "most of American's leading men," Patriarchy said.

Posted by: MacBeth | August 30, 2007 3:18 PM | Report abuse

"Meet the new hotness"

Posted by: EricS | August 30, 2007 3:25 PM | Report abuse

The botched attempt by Renee Richards to create a "mini me" comes back to haunt us all.

Posted by: Lacie | August 30, 2007 3:31 PM | Report abuse

Are his balls as big as his racquet? Only the bloomers in his tennis skirt know for sure.

Posted by: Ella | August 30, 2007 3:32 PM | Report abuse

Wait, when did Kattan move up to the B-List?

Posted by: Anonymous | August 30, 2007 3:53 PM | Report abuse

Whatever... You laughed when Will Ferrell wore this outfit.

Posted by: Seattle | August 30, 2007 4:06 PM | Report abuse

Could you hold this for me?

Posted by: Dana | August 30, 2007 4:26 PM | Report abuse

Desperation has hit a new low

Posted by: bauhaus | August 30, 2007 4:57 PM | Report abuse

Chris Kattan, 10 years later and still trying to track down the elusive answer to the question, "What about LOVE?"

Although, again, no one can beat, "Say hello to my little friend.' Damn.

Posted by: Sigh | August 30, 2007 5:23 PM | Report abuse

if votes count for anything, i'd like to put a check mark next to mister methane's caption: "whatever else you think, at least you can't say i'm wearing pleated pants."

Posted by: methinks | August 30, 2007 5:35 PM | Report abuse

Does this racket make me look fat in this skirt?

Posted by: CAB | August 30, 2007 5:42 PM | Report abuse

Darn, typing error. Let me resubmit:

"Chris Kattan, 10 years later and still trying to track down the elusive answer to the question, "What is LOVE?" "

Lizzie, don't hurt me ;)

Posted by: Sigh | August 30, 2007 9:21 PM | Report abuse

Good site! I'll stay reading! Keep improving!

Posted by: Doe | November 10, 2007 4:04 AM | Report abuse

Lekpsw schweiz swinger ,

Posted by: Julie Darden | January 6, 2008 8:53 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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