Yeah, more Britney, can't get enough of Britney. Britney, Britney, Britney.

Serve as celebrity spokesperson for Hummers. The SUVs, that is.

Post a crying, mascara-smeared video on youtube telling everyone to "Leave Michael Vick alone!!!"

apparently jake e poo didn't read Liz's preamble to the friday list. tsk tsk.

It would have to be something that there was no coming back from and no mistaking that she wanted the public to despise her. I'm thinking it would have to be along the lines of going on the Oprah show, climbing up to the studio rafters, setting a flag on fire, and eating a live kitten.

I'll play.

9. Becomes active in Barak Obama's presidential campaign, declaring herself the new "Obama girl."
10. Starts a blog to support John Edwards, y'all.
11. Shows up at Hillary's HQ to volunteer, whereupon she gets drop-kicked out the door by HRC before BC knows she's there.
12. Finds religion, but not in a good way. Allows herself to be paraded about by Pat Robertson and Joel Osteen as a "redeemed soul."
13. Moves to Alabama, gets job selling condos.

Become a white supremecist.
Have O.J. discover that Brit was the real murderer.

It's called sarcasim anon 12:16. Not only did I read Liz's post, she also warned us in her chat yesterday.

i think most of britney's hard-core fans are probably southern hillbillies, like her.

so i think she'd have to speak out against Bush, the war in iraq, incest, beer, or pork rinds, to lose their support completely.

She could become a scientologist while in rehab and start preaching about the saving graces of l. ron hubbarb.

She could defend Isaiah Washington (or Isaiah Thomas for that matter).

Discusses how Barbara Walters recommended she use Astroglide.

Staunchly and steadfastly refuses to love me. ...carnally.

"b"'s #11 made me laugh so hard I sprayed tea all over my computer monitor

hold on just one dang gone minute. Didn't we just do this a few weeks ago, only it was the top 5 things she could do to redeem herself. Has she fallen so far that we're just going to push her the rest of way? Not very Christian is it?

That's it, she should become a born-again Christian!!!!!

Suicide.

Three Words: Mrs. David Spade.

Suicide.

Posted by: 23112 | October 5, 2007 12:44 PM

Sadly, I don't think she'd get it right.

Full credit to michael for his comment suggesting this idea:

Infomercial (à la Jessica Simpson's "Proactiv") for Astroglide.

I think Britney has plenty of resources, though Centreville Mom / 12:17 PM already came up with some good ones (Oprah! Flag burning! Bravo to you CM!)

Other options:

* Posts on her blog that all Jewish people are responsible for the death of Christ
* Covverts to radical Islam and changes her name to Britney bin Laden
* Becomes a size (gasp!) 12

Either that or she does a Kelly Clarkson . . .

* Calls Clive Davis an old man who's out of touch with the music industry
* Films new movie "From Justin to Britney" with ex-boyfriend Timberlake

. . . or a Michael Jackson:

* Dangles one or her kids over the side of European balcony
* Reissues greatest hits dance-mixes CD
* Befriends Macauley Culkin and a chimp
* Marries Lisa Marie Presley and tells Diane Sawyer to "eat it"

Yet somehow, her career'd probably still be intact even if she did all of the above.

Hocks a loogie on Ground Zero

You're right, WDC...I'm amending my answer to "botched suicide."

Post on her blog that she just did all those things to see how far she had to go before her fans realized she was nuts and gave up on her. Then she calls all her fans complete idiots for liking her. After which she informs them she is going to live in a cabin in Montana and not release any more songs or be seen in public again.

Well, I can hope can't I?

1. do anything to harm her kids
2. not admit (at some point) that she has issues
3. dye her hair black again/get really fat

Oooh that politics was a good one. She needs to stay away... haha unlike LiLo that keeps trying to weasel her way into the USO or what not.

Join the cast of Lost and spill all of the secrets.

Join the cast of Heros where her powers would involve fishnets and chewing gum.(I don't have that one developed yet)

She could draw similarities between herself and Princess Diana.

She could take a page from Rosie's book and retreat to private life, complete with the blogging and video releases.

She could announce that she is pregnant again and overjoyed.

Announce that she has gotten "the call" from the man upstairs. Move to Georgia. Buy a church. Become Rev. B. Spears, minister of I'm a Slave for Jesus Baptist Church.

or

Become a feminist.

Or actually, for me to really really be done with her, she needs to either start some sort of animal cruelty scheme or let it be known she's a giant bigot. Other than those two, she's probably always going to be able to come back.

To be serious, I think she'd have to publicly abuse one of her children or even a pet. It would have to be caught on tape or some would always deny.

You forgot the obvious:

1. Get caught operating a dogfighting ring.
2. Get caught soliciting lesbian sex in an airport bathroom.

Replace David Lee Roth on the Van Halen tour. Think about the train wreck of rewrites like "Oh, whoa, whoa, Ke-vin's cryin.'" or just the straight covers of:

* "Jump" (let's hope she wears underpants)

* "How Will I Know When It's Love?"/"Runnin' with the Devil" video mashup with clips from Britney and Kevin Unglued (or whatever that show was called)

* "The Cradle Will Rock" -- actually, that skeeves me out a bit considering she has two young kids. Never mind; forget it.

step 1: declare that all her problems stem from being a man trapped in a woman's body.

step 2: travel to Europe for a sex change and return as Brian Spears.

step 3: Justin Timberlake comes out of the closet and says he never stopped loving Brit...er Brian. And now they can be together!

step 4: the happy couple land a new reality show, "Gender mashup". But we all decide, enough is enough, and don't watch.

yeah, right!

Why would you even put a hex on us like that? Have we not suffered enough!?!?!?!?

I think her diehard fans will always be around because they will always make an excuse, whether it is post-partum depression, the people who leech on her, etc. etc.

Look at Michael Jackson. no matter how low he goes, his true fans always have his back.

Move back to the trailer park y'all. After about two weeks of her pocket pets cr*pping all over their best "designer" clothes her neighbors will swear off Brit forever, problem solved!

if she really wanted everyone to hate her, she can do a Sinead O'Conner moving of burning a photograph.... of her children, instead of the pope. I think then it would really confirm suspicions and alienate even more of her fans.

Become spokesperson for "Rastroslide", the personal dog lubricant.
Maybe hook up with Target dog.

"...Britney is a national joke -- an out-of-shape hoo-ha flasher who lost custody of her children to a guy you wouldn't trust to fill up your gas tank."

Very nicely said, Paul. Two Thumbs Up!

First, a reply to the anonymous poster who said: "2. Get caught soliciting lesbian sex in an airport bathroom."

The airport bathroom part is gross, but otherwise I think she's covered that one. Hott, as Paris would say.

Second, I would never forgive her if she:

--Became a Yankees fan;
--Did a Tom Tancredo fundraiser;
--Beat me at Trivial Pursuit;
--Decided not to take my career resurrection advice;
--Had another baby (wait for it...) without me.

Many funny posts here, but "Become a Death Eater" still makes me giggle the most. Good work, Producer Whatsit.

Starts doing commercials for on-line psychics like .. on second thought, BECOMES an on-line psychic

How about she redeems herself by doing ads for free for Jockey underwear?

Oh, I loved that list! I think my favorite was the Osama/mini burqa suggestion. Thanks for the laugh!

Third pregnancy leads to a paternity battle between Allen Iverson and Wayne Newton.

Appears in nationwide TV ad campaign to "Free Charles Manson."

Devotes herself to teaching poor, Southern children to dress and speak as trashy as she does.

Opens the "Hit Me, Baby" School of Lap Driving for toddlers.

Replaces Katie Couric on the CBS Evening News.

Invites the Queen Mum to "chill and swill at my crib on the Bayou" for a few weeks.

Bites off a chunk of Beyonce's ear during a taping of NBC's Death Cage Matches of the Stars.

Discovered by the FBI to have funneled her entire $42.76 in last year's music proceeds to a Taliban-organized terrorist organization.

I think Brit marrying Ethan Hawke by Fred Phelps at the Westboro Baptist Church would be a good start...

The Crockers are hard though... they're not rational... brit would have to do something like suspend the constitution and institutionalize torture to - oh - yeah, i suppose even that sort of thing doesn't change some people...

I like the whole born again Christian thing and starting her own church, but let's add record a Christian CD. Although it could give her a whole new fan base and they tend to be more forgiving.

As for the lesbian sex, how is that going to be bad for her career, if I remember correctly, guys like that sort of thing. It didn't hurt Madonna any when there were girl on girl rumors swirling around her.

Well, I think that Michael Richards showed exactly what you need to do to sink past the IRREDEEMABLE, UNFORGIVABLE line. Someone would have to catch her on their cam using the n- word, or similar epithet toward Jews, Homosexuals, etc. Something not just dumb, but truly hateful and ugly and malignant, where she's showing "true colors" no one suspected were under the peroxided surface. The thing is, I don't think it will happen because I really don't think she's malicious or malignant; she's just kind of pathetic.

Becoming Born Again, though, might scare a lot of people away. If she pulled a SLOW TRAIN COMING (apologies to Bob Dylan for the comparison) that would probably send her career around and around the bowl and finally down the hopper.

But then she'd have a whole 'NOTHER group of blind followers in denial ("Oh, ain't that Britney great since she found JEE-zuz!).

So I guess I don't know, and ultimately have nothing to add to this list, lmao.

Petition the court for custody of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter, saying she always wanted a daughter, to be honest.

Admittedly not very likely, but I think the final straw would be if she stole Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston. No amount of humanitarian good deeds would ever get me to like her again.

1) Become self appointed "good will ambassador" to poor Iraqi villages - uses her own life as an example of "what democracy will do for your women"

2)Start new talk show with Rosie - invites Donald Trump on as a regular guest host

3)Star naked in a PETA add - stops halfway through for a smoke break

4) Launch the "Save Johnny Fairplay Tour" - all proceeds will pay for his medical bills and legal fees

5)"Steal" Orlando Bloom from Jennifer Aniston, start adopting babies from third world countries, allow said babies to poop on designer dresses during photo shoots

Disclaimer - I added number 5 to my list before I saw VoR's post

I couldn't forgive her if, in a drug-addled state, she cut off all my hair.

"over britney"'s "hock a loogie on ground zero"--ha! I love it! What a mental picture!

She needs to become a national security threat. Maybe she could go on a plane and announce her new video is "the bomb."

How can TMZ do all of the Brit stuff. Now there seems to be a special site TMZBRITNEY.COM if you can beleive it where you can vote on whether to take her off or do more Brit Brit...Who would of thought AOL would of went in this direction