Witness the reaction immediately following this conversation...
Keaton- Do you think the fools will actually pay to see this?
Holmes- Well they went for 'Wild Hogs' didn't they.

I can't help but think that they're laughing at Latifah.

Katie-My husband has the exact same outfit.

Keaton and Holmes preview a fight scene from their forthcoming action flick, "Grandma Roboto vs. Scoliosis Chick".

"Oops, I crapped my pants!"

"OMG! I thought you were a Yeti!"

Katie - "Wow, I hope my breasts look that good at your age."

Diane - "Honey, my breasts ARE your age."

Overcome with giddiness at the prospect of an evening out on her own, Katie Holmes (r) alarmed Diane Keaton, who delivered a career-ending karate chop seconds after this photograph was taken.

Diane Keaton and Katie Holmes maintain their balance at the precise instant their new film, "Mad Money," flops, claiming dozens of careers.

Katie adopts a strapping stance as Diane parries the feigned thrust with a defensive swat-n-chop.

Just as an aside, maybe its the askew camera angle, being able to see Katie's skeleton, or the blindingly glaring white tuxedo, but there is something about the picture that is making me nauseous.

Katie- "Wow, Diane, that's some ferocious dragon breath you have!"
Diane - "Sorry, Katie, just keep smiling..."

Katie-"You get paid?"

Diane-"Yep. You get paid?"

Katie-"Yep."

Diane-"How many more of these till you can afford the divorce?"

Katie-"Two or three."

I knew this suit would make our movie look better!

"You see, Katie, a pimp's love is very different from that of a square."

Katie: "Where'd you get that outfit?"

Diane: "It's from the Partridge Family Collection!"

The new Apocalypse formal wear line is now available in sparkling silver or unisex white satin.

"I don't care what he tells you, nothing is that long."

Kate - "Thats an outfit that my husband would love to be wearing. No, I meant - would love to see me wearing."

"OMG, Tom's tux fits you perfectly!"

"You wore THAT?"

Quick - act like we just said something really funny. If we can just get everyone giggling now, maybe they won't realize that they didn't laugh at all in the theater!

"Ha ha ha (keep smiling Diane) ha ha (they're watching me all the time) ha ha ha (I can't take any more of this) ha ha (I mean, Xenu is bad enough) ha ha ha ha (but thetans? give me a break) ha ha (the Bridge to Total Freedom?) ha ha ha ha (what the *#&$#^ is a tone scale?) ha (seriously Diane) ha ha ha (you wouldn't believe the secret levels BS) ha ha (silent birth my well-toned butt!) ha ha ha (get me out of here) ha ha (don't make me call Latifah...again) ha ha ha (she still has that video) ha (get me out NOW Diane!) hahhahahahaha!"

Keaton:

If this movie tanks while I'm out on the talk show circuit shilling for it, I'll blame it all on you, you air-headed b*tch!

Sleeper Siren sees Scientology's Seed Surrogate: Surrender Suri!

"Thanks! THAT will take the heat off of me for leaving the house with my towel turban the other night!"

Katie: "Liz Kelly hates you!"

Diane: "Doesn't she do those inane caption contests?"

Katie: "Why, yes she does. Hey, is that a photographer catching us in a goofy pose? Uh-oh!"

"SHUT UP! You are NOT trying out for the Saturday Night Fever remake!"

Holy S*** i can't believe we went out in public like this. Getting dressed while drunk is fun!

Katie: She's real, she's real! The Boob Fairy is real! Look what she gave me!

Think Green January 2008

What?

Just as Tom Cruise predicted, the bomb of the movie they just made has essentially recreated the experience of suffering a hydrogen bomb attack, freeing Diane Keaton and Katie Holmes from their body thetans.

Katie laughs, relieved that she can now stop wondering whether she really WAS brainwashed. Diane laughs, secretly worrying what Jack Nicholson is going to say when she tries to explain this to him.

Isn't it hilarious how our careers are spiraling downward both figuratively and literally?

Having lost the bet, Diane Keaton and Katie Holmes come dressed in the outfits Queen Latifah picked for them. They laugh about the costume they would have made HER wear if she didn't play such a mean game of Texas Hold'em.

"Aren't you glad we're not FAT like Latifah!

Diane - "... and that's why he's called 'Woody'."

Diane: Katie! How did you get away to come to the premiere?

Katie: I set his e-meter to stun, grabbed the kid and ran!

Katie: You didn't seriously wear that!
Diane: Haaa-ya!

Diane- If you ask me... this poster is the best thing about the movie!

Katie- I KNOW!!!

Katie: Does this lame and cheesy movie make my butt look fat?

Diane: Nah, no fatter than mine.

Katie: You're joking, right? Oh my god, PLEASE tell me you're joking!

Isn't it great that we get paid to make this cr@p!

"Let's do the time warp again!"

Diane: Do I look better in the black or the white?
Katie: You're joking, right?

So, where are the short guys?

(aka Tom and Woody)

Keaton to self: "How did I go from starring in a movie with Pacino and Brando to sharing the screen with this..."

Katie to self: "My eyes, my eyes!!!"

Katie: Diane - you are hilarious! Trying to pretend you are a statue so you don't have to talk to me! Don't you think I've tried to pull that with Tom? It doesn't work!

Katie: OMG! So, THAT's what you did with that case of Crest WhiteStrips they sent us... GENIUS!
Diane: I know, I know! It's even sewn together with floss!

Diane: "Look, I wrestled Prince to the ground and stole his suit!"
Katie: "Tee hee! He's old."

Quick! Pretend we like each other!

Katie Holmes laughs at the wax figure of Diane Keaton inside Madame Tussauds New York. Ms. Holmes commented that the wax sculpture, "was very life-like, like Diane herself."

Or

Katie Holmes laughs at the wax figure of Barry Gibb inside Madame Tussauds New York.

Keep smiling...but seriously, how soon after we cash our checks do you think it will go to DVD?

Diane: Katie, thank you so much for helping me with my outfit tonight!

Katie: No problem, Diane! John lets Tom borrow is Saturday Night Fever suit all the time!

Diane - My darlin' Katie, you look very posh, in that dress.

Katie - Yes, except Victoria Beckham has brown hair and doesn't smile.

Diane: So Latifah slapping you silly was all it took for you to come around, huh?

Katie: Ha ha! Yeah, I'm back to normal now. OMG, wait, did I actually have a baby with him?

I second officer collins

What...no Austin Powers jokes?

I feel so sorry for these two.

Katie Holmes laughs as Diane Keaton demonstrates her robotic dance moves.

Looking for Mr. Goodbar finds Looking for the Good Humor Man.

Katie Holmes mocks Diane Keaton, saying, "You silly, 70's Tuxedo Night is NEXT Friday!"

Katie Holmes laughs as Diane Keaton demonstrates The Robot.

"OK, OK, Katie, who am I doing now?"
"OMG! You're so bad! Heather Mills?"
"Bingo!"

Diane: Ta-da!! Can you believe I got this from a thrift shop?

The lead singer of Sha-Na-Na called, he wants his tux back.

This is the photo one sees in Webster's Dictionary next to the phrase, "laughing all the way to the bank."

Diane: So, do you think anyone will notice the wrinkles on my face?

Katie: (laughs hysterically)

Dude, it looks like the Celebritology chat is still listed as "live" on the font page of the WaPo. Liz?

Both at the same time: Hey, let's go shopping soon.

Diane: It'd be a hoot.

Katie: We've got loads of mad money.

Both: [laughter]

"Can you believe we got paid for this crap?"

Katie to Diane: He likes for me to stand this way so that we appear to be the same height in photos

Diane and Katie seen here laughing just mere seconds before Queen Latifah burst through the wall saying "Oh, Yeah!"

"Look, I can do King Fu: you be Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon."

Katie Holmes prepares to limbo dance under Diane Keaton's boney legs at the premier of their latest cinematic turd "Mad Money"

Katie: Diane, was starring in this movie an all-time low of your career?

Diane: No, it was my next movie co-starring Jessica Simpson.

Can I vote for this one? "This is the photo one sees in Webster's Dictionary next to the phrase, "laughing all the way to the bank."

Femmebot 1, meet Femmebot 2

"L. Ron Hubbard's sperm!!? Are you serious?"

Charades! Three words! "Direct... to... dvd"??

This is you in 40 years, hon, only weirder.

"Diane, girl, you must have paid some mad money for Jerry Seinfeld's puffy shirt"

Diane - Katie when you wear metallic silver and stand like that, you're only fueling the robot rumors!

Diane - Yes, Katie, that is how humans laugh.

Diane - "Doin' the robot"

Did you see how mad everyone was after spending their money to see this?

"I can't believe this movie didn't suck!"

Diane: Hey Katie, Watch this, I'm playing with myself.

"A priest, a rabbi and a Scientologist walk into a bar..."

Katie: Oh my God, are those RUFFLES?
Diane: This from the girl wearing bondage foil.

Tom Cruise disguises himself in drag as Diane Keaton, to "keep an eye" on Katie out on the town.

I'm confused, are those robots or real people? Is there really a difference?

Hey Katie, guess whose little man I've got hidden in my ruffles?

Liz: Gene, I can't believe youshaved your back for this costume party. You're wife is going to kill you when she finds out you wore her dress.
Gene: does your therapist think that dressing up like that will help with your Keaton phobia? Hey, can I use that ruffled shirt when you're done? I need a new seat cover in my car.