Fantasy Celebrity Political Endorsements: B-List Action Stars Edition


Chuck Norris speaks out for Huckabee at a campaign stop before the New Hampshire primary. (AP)

Chuck Norris has not been in a film or on television for years (except for infomercials), but now he even accompanies Mike Huckabee to interviews... Does he really add a macho image to Huckabee (who, you have to admit, has a pretty wimpy last name)? What would Dennis Kucinich need? His wife is gorgeous but he looks like a character in "The Lord of the Rings." -- Submitted via last week's Celebritology Live discussion

Well, since you asked...

Dennis Kucinich
Ideal B-List Action Movie Endorser: Beastmaster's Marc Singer.
Why? The vegan candidate, often portrayed as the milkiest of milquetoasts, needs to demonstrate that even animal-loving types can take on a despotic Rip Torn or rely on our vast, untapped national animal intuition resource to win the war on terror.

Hillary Clinton
Ideal B-List '80s Action Movie Endorser: "Red Sonja's Brigitte Nielsen
Brigitte Nielson may be a celebreality train wreck now, but in 1985 she rocked Arnold Schwarzenegger's world as prototypical femme warrior Red Sonja. Sonja's take-no-prisoners attitude and leather-n-lace image is just what Hillary needs to project the sought after iron lady vibe.

Barack Obama
Ideal B-List '80s Action Movie Endorser: "The Karate Kid's" Ralph Macchio
Sure, he's got Oprah on his side. But imagine the Gen-X buzz when this outsider who fought incredible odds to prevail against a blond opponent strides into the Democratic National Convention and delivers his signature crane kick to Billy Zabka Hillary. Wax on!

John Edwards
Ideal B-List '80s Action Movie Endorser: "The Last Starfighter's" Lance Guest
Who? Exactly. (And, seriously, what was Robert Preston doing in this movie?)

John McCain
Ideal B-List '80s Action Movie Endorser: "Rambo: First Blood Part II's" Sylvester Stallone
Rambo's daring rescue of Vietnam POWs make him the ideal celebrity spokesperson for McCain, himself a six-year prisoner in Vietnam. (Sorry, but the "Missing in Action" franchise's Norris was already taken.)

Mitt Romney
Ideal B-List '80s Action Movie Endorser: Michael Landon
Okay, so he wasn't exactly an action movie guy and he passed away in 1991, but Landon's ability to meld his spiritual side with mainstream TV hits ("Little House on the Prairie" and "Highway to Heaven") may help Romney to sell a wary voting public on the idea of a non-threatening spirituality.

Rudy Giuliani
Ideal B-List '80s Action Movie Endorser: "Escape from New York's" Kurt Russell
Okay, so Giuliani really doesn't have that much in common with Russell's badass portrayal of Snake Plissken, but we here at Celebritology central take every opportunity to make a Plissken reference.

Fred Thompson
Ideal B-List '80s Action Movie Endorser: "The Hunt for Red October's" Fred Thompson
Wow, life imitates art! Just like his character in the 1990 Cold War thriller, Fred Thompson's role in the Republican race can best be described as "supporting."

---
Tanya Ballard Brown, Jen Chaney, Maura McCarthy, Paul Williams and Frank Thomason contributed to this piece.

By Liz |  January 15, 2008; 10:42 AM ET
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Chuck Norris made the "Missing In Action" movies, not Stallone. Stallone, however, has the new Rambo flick coming out, and it is GORY...lots of head-splattering shots and things like that.

Posted by: 23112 | January 15, 2008 10:55 AM

How about Patrick Swayze endorsing Ron Paul? They both led uprisings against imperialist forces that overtook the country. Wolverines!

Posted by: Red Dawn | January 15, 2008 10:58 AM

I think Dennis Kucinich needs Harry Dean Stanton a la Repo Men. Aliens and surrealism, very Mr. Kucinich. Plus Harry Dean Stanton could down play Giuliani's Escape from New York endorsement since he was in the movie (not to mention Red Dawn as well).

Posted by: michael | January 15, 2008 11:06 AM

Yikes. We goofed on our initial pass at John McCain. We've rewritten to clarify.

Posted by: Liz | January 15, 2008 11:13 AM

Robert Preston was PERFECT-ly cast in "The Last Starfighter".

That was a fun movie.

Posted by: Fairfax | January 15, 2008 11:14 AM

Insulting Landon by teaming him with godzilla Willard Romeny is low even for you.

Posted by: Troy Aikens | January 15, 2008 11:15 AM

Now if only Barack Obama can also score an endorsement from Steven Seagal, he'll have the nomination locked up.

Nicely done guys.

Posted by: ASinMoCo | January 15, 2008 11:21 AM

Geez, what did Lance Guest ever do to you that you pair him with that angry pretty boy Edwards. Last Starfighter was great. Saving earth and others from the evil alien menace. How heroic.

Posted by: ep | January 15, 2008 11:33 AM

I think I'd pair Kucinich with Peter Weller as Buckaroo Banzai....

Posted by: b | January 15, 2008 11:35 AM

Who gets to be pudgy Elisabeth Shue in the Obama Kid..Bill Clinton? Who's Mr. Miyagi? George Stephanopoulos? See if casting can dig up James Carville to play the Cobra dojo sensei.

Posted by: erm | January 15, 2008 11:36 AM

Well, Giuliani could team up with Robert Preston in his "Victor/Victoria" phase; they could dress up and perform "Shady Dame from Seville". :)

Posted by: CentrevilleMom | January 15, 2008 11:48 AM

What about Hugo Weaving? He could either be from "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" or "Lord of the Rings", like some elf king transvestite. Would be a great endorsement for anyone.
I'm still convinced Tom Cruise is going to enter the contest, not as an edorser, but as a candidate.

Posted by: POS | January 15, 2008 11:59 AM

WOOHOO I IS A FACT CHECKUR!

Posted by: 23112 | January 15, 2008 12:07 PM

23112 - have you been on icanhascheezburger today? Cat speak appears to be rubbing off on you!

Posted by: sunnydaze | January 15, 2008 12:29 PM

I think Hillary already has the iron lady thing down, she needs an endorser to bring out her other, "softer" maternal side.

So how about Sean Hayes from Will and Grace? He could bring her soft and silly side out, and maybe the gay vote as well.

Or Phylicia Rashad, who played favorite mom Clair Huxtable, yet still maintained a high-powered career. (and I don't want to bring up race, but...)


Posted by: CJB | January 15, 2008 12:43 PM

i'm so glad you brought up phylicia rashad, CJB, because i saw her last week on tavis smiley and i couldn't bear to watch it. she was so imperious and condescending. she behaves like she thinks she's the grande dame of the american stage. it was awful.

Posted by: methinks | January 15, 2008 1:04 PM

Might want to re-think Obama's choice of Ralph Macchio as the Karate Kid. Do you think he wants an endorsement from a guy who was replaced by Hillary (Swank) in the last Karate Kid movie?

What Obama really needs is an endorsement from Uma Thurman from Kill Bill. Not only would she cut a bloody swath through the competition, but she would allow David Letterman to revive his lame "Oprah/Uma" joke.

Posted by: Karmadrome | January 15, 2008 1:09 PM

i've given this a lot of thought...
at least as much as 'what would i do if i won the 32m lottery' draw last night - which, of course, i didnt buy a ticket for - so...

Clinton - she needs Hillary Duff. She can tell everyone that she's named after her, as opposed to the comment about Sir Edmund Hillary which, like so many quips from politicians mouths, turned out to be so much garbage. Still - kids today - she needs to be 'hip and cool' - and with 30% functional illiteracy in this country they might get confused in the voting booth and so long as they see that giant comforting HILLARY name they'll know who to vote for.

Edwards - Mark Hamill. That way when people pull the 'John Edwards Does Not Exist' stuff he can whip out his Jedi mindtricks and fix it.... right? I mean - the reason we're not talking about Edwards is obviously the result of some Dark Jedi master's evil scheme, right? Say it with me...

Obama - Courtney Love... she can talk about how she went through a bad drug phase once - no really - and look how well she's turned out.

Romney - Eminem... the other favorite son from Michigan. Sure, Eminem's politics may run a bit left of Romneys, but then, so do a LOT of people voting for him in Michigan today. We can call it Eminementum (ok - really - i just wanted to say Eminementum)

Huckabee - well, he has Chuck Norris, so it's kinda rude to give him someone else - but really he needs SOMEONE to play lead. I mean every 'from the campaign trail' spot shows him playing bass... so i'd say Dave Navarro from Rockstar Supernova.

McCain - McCain needs the nascar crowd. He needs WWE's 'The Undertaker' - which shouldnt really be too much of a stretch considering some of the policy proposals he's advancing. I mean - if a guy who was tortured can vote to allow it - he might just need a bit on the moral compass side - and who better to get that from than Vince McMahon.

Posted by: Quintilus Varus | January 15, 2008 1:20 PM

Centauri: "The amusing thing about this, it's all a big mistake. That particular Starfighter game was supposed to be delivered to Vegas, not some fleaspeck trailer park in the middle of tumbleweeds and tarantulas. So it must be fate, destiny, blind chance, luck even, that brings us together. And as the poet said, the rest is history."

What was Robert Preston doing in "The Last Starfighter"?

Being the only actor worth watching, that's what.

Posted by: Beachgirl | January 15, 2008 2:40 PM

Wow. This just doesn't inspire people like first celebrity crushes, does it?

Posted by: LLL | January 15, 2008 3:48 PM

Ladies and gentlemen, you forget that Mike Huckabee already has the best political endorsement ever- The Lord God!
Huckabee is this close to unleashing the unbeatable triumvirate of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Chuck, felling Michigan in a fiery cloud of ballots. If they could only get Jesus Christ to leave the Obama campaign...

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