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The Animated Britney Spears
Leave it to Britney Spears to figure out the way out of her crazy train life all by herself. The rest of us (and by that I mean "I") tend to react to mental breakdowns by retreating into a fetal position and finding comfort in "Alice" reruns or Peppermint Schnapps. But leave it to Brit to hit upon a perfect solution -- one that keeps her persona in the public eye, while leaving her flesh-and-weave self free to try on outfits all day in her palatial bedroom suite.
(Image courtesy The Sun)
Sensing that perhaps a wobbly pole dance and a touch of mania around the eyes don't make for the best marketing tools, Brit has given her go ahead to allow an animated version of herself to appear in the video for her new single, "Break the Ice." And, wowza!, this new ani-Britney is the girl we all knew was lurking inside the pop tart, drugged into submission by Frappuccinos and Taco Bell runs. Ani-Britney is statuesque, with a flowing mane of blond locks that float around her like a protective aura of superstardom. Her body is taut and, as seen in the screen grab to the right, there is an intelligence and self-awareness in ani-Britney's eyes. She smiles ironically at us, defying us to question her obvious superiority.
If only she'd thought of it sooner. What wear and tear could have been spared to the real Spears if ani-Britney had been the over-sexualized pre-teen dancing in that hallway? And would strong, defiant ani-Britney have really gone for Kevin Federline, whose own animated avatar would probably resemble "Scooby Doo's" Shaggy? And, surely, ani-Britney would have delivered a flawless performance at last year's VMAs -- not only cementing her reemergence on the pop scene, but using her superpowers to break up the fight between Kid Rock and Tommy Lee.
At last, Spears is on the right track. If only ani-Britney could make court appearances.
This column was written by me, Liz Kelly. (I'm the one on the left.)
By Liz |
March 12, 2008; 10:44 AM ET
| Category:
Britney Spears
,
Celebrities
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Posted by: RiverCityRoller | March 12, 2008 11:07 AM
They should have a website where you can put in your picture and they match you with the cartoon character you most resemble. Hmmm never mind. I'm gonna be rich!
Posted by: sjcpeach | March 12, 2008 11:19 AM
Oh yeah! and there used to be a site where you could build your own Simpson's character
Posted by: bahston | March 12, 2008 11:23 AM
Hey my comment was directed at wiredog but since he's still posting from the future that won't be clear...
Posted by: bahston | March 12, 2008 11:23 AM
I'm personally a fan of WeeMees :) Also I enjoyed creating a mouth breather version of myself on my friend's Wii console. Much fun.
Posted by: PGM | March 12, 2008 11:41 AM
Wow. I mean, seriously...someone at her label had a stroke of genius with this idea. The artists can produce the IDEA of the Britney that the record label wants to push and no one has to actually contend with the real-world trainwreck. And since it's going all anime, they don't have to build sets, hire dancers or extras, or any of the other crap that she'd probably ruin.
Posted by: 23112 | March 12, 2008 11:42 AM
whoa!!! I posted after byoolin and wiredog but my post appears ordered before theirs! Crazy space-time continuoum Batman
Posted by: PGM | March 12, 2008 11:43 AM
All this talk of time warps and Britney's wardrobe choices just makes me think Dr. Frank-n-Furter doing the time warp again.
Posted by: michael | March 12, 2008 11:46 AM
mmmmmmmmmmmschnapps.
Posted by: byoolin | March 12, 2008 12:13 PM
@sjcpeach
There used to be a site where you could build your own South Park character.
Posted by: wiredog | March 12, 2008 12:20 PM
We will applaud any decision Britney makes now that does not involve getting thrown into the psych ward or endangering her children. my how the standards have been lowered.
http://slackerchic.blogspot.com/
Posted by: slacker chic | March 12, 2008 12:22 PM
there's a karaoke video game where you get to make your own avatars and i look awesome in that world. and i can sing, too.
Posted by: methinks | March 12, 2008 12:26 PM
Although this is quite clever, I feel that we have seen this before...
http://www.virginrecords.com/home/_extras/gorillaz/01_0800_gorillaz_wp.jpg
Posted by: Ohyouknow | March 12, 2008 12:51 PM
Yes, but the Gorillaz (who I love) aren't based (directly) on real pop starlets who can't hack it anymore. Still, I want to see a crossover where Murdoc is bipolarly trying to kill ani-Brit or get her to fall in love with him. Oh, the possibilities. Ani-Britney may be the best thing that's happened to her career in years.
Posted by: 23112 | March 12, 2008 1:34 PM
I'm kind of surprised the labels aren't just giving us animated pop tarts anyway. It's certainly cheaper & they don't have to worry about the anime's flashing their 'britneys'. They'd only have to worry about disgruntled animators.
Posted by: jes | March 12, 2008 2:08 PM
Here's the Build Your Own South Park Character sitre for those that are interested.
http://images.southparkstudios.com/games/create/
Posted by: Sick @ home | March 12, 2008 2:10 PM
The voice behind Erin is pretty hot too: http://www.soyhappy.org/MoPC.jpg
Posted by: omni | March 12, 2008 2:44 PM
Hey Britney Idoru, you owe William Gibson some serious royalties.
Posted by: yellojkt | March 12, 2008 2:46 PM
Someone needs to sign Erin Esurance to a singing contract. She iz teh hot.
Posted by: M Street | March 12, 2008 3:08 PM
Either I've been banned from WaPo or I'm so far in the future my posts won't appear for centuries.
Love love love, Gorillaz. Really would rather if they didn't go anywhere near ani Brit. I think someone in Brit record company saw that old Paula Abdul "Opposites Attract" video and just went the extra step. give that person a raise.
Posted by: petal | March 12, 2008 4:35 PM
from the stills, the artistic quality here blows goats... i'll reserve judgement on the style until i see movement - but you'd think with a little of brit's starbucks money they could've done a little better in the art department. Plus - if this thing doesnt ship in 720p then they *really* screwed up...
Posted by: Quintilus Varus | March 12, 2008 5:08 PM
Why can't her animated reflect the inner self? As in, missing teeth, dirty hair in bandanna, Norge-man pants with muffin top, hairy legs and saggy boobs? Out in front of her double-wide, smacking the kids upside the head and eating Funions.
Posted by: possum | March 12, 2008 5:42 PM
hey petal, i've had all sorts of posts disappear into cyberworld today. hopefully they'll get those issues fixed by tomorrow's celebritology.
Posted by: methinks | March 12, 2008 6:24 PM
jhsnga ryvhdgbps ygsauxwo stujf nzgjp xcrepali rehtimvl
Posted by: scgxqrz qvfgo | April 6, 2008 2:20 AM
jhsnga ryvhdgbps ygsauxwo stujf nzgjp xcrepali rehtimvl
Posted by: scgxqrz qvfgo | April 6, 2008 2:20 AM
im so indulge with u brit!!!!!!
Posted by: mj | May 11, 2008 6:57 AM
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Me, I go for the Butterscotch Schnapps.