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Posted at 11:43 AM ET, 04/24/2008

Sneak Peek: Miley Cyrus's Memoirs

By Liz Kelly

Teen queen Miley Cyrus: I (heart) me. (AP)

Miley Cyrus has reportedly inked a seven-figure deal to pen her memoirs. And none too soon. At 15, she's achieved the maturity and distance needed to reflect on her life's lessons. Although the book won't hit stores until 2009, Celebritology has obtained (wink wink) an incomplete outline of the book's proposed chapters, complete with handy descriptions.

Chapter 1: Achy, Breaky Start -- In which I am born in the same year my pops hits the country charts with his hip-shaking "Achy Breaky Heart," a song which I hear set a new record for inspiring groans among grunged-out college kids. That record was later broken by Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On."

Chapters 2 - 12: The Building Years -- At this point, I was like a high-yield hedge fund early on in its life cycle. You have to contribute before your investment starts racking up the returns. So, I was invested in once it became clear that pops was a one-hit wonder who could one day look forward to an early-out on "Dancing With the Stars" -- taught to read, sing and charm Disney execs.

Chapter 13: Hanna Montana Rulz -- Corny, predictable "Hannah Montana" rises to the top of Disney's programming slate. And I am like a total hit. I'm like Raven Simone and that Spears-ified "Zoey 101" combined. Bow down before my brand-name name.

Chapter 14: Ka-Ching -- In which I charge my pre-tween fan base hundreds of dollars to see me -- or sometimes not me -- deliver the bubblegum pop of my "Best of Both Worlds" tour. See, sometimes I'm Miley. Then, I'm Hannah. Then, sometimes I'm not me at all. Did I mention that I rule?

Chapter 15: Prime Time -- At 90 percent of the book, this chapter will chronicle the 12 months encompassing my career pinnacle -- I attend the Oscars, perform on "Idol Gives Back," discover YouTube, cook up a little Internet bra pix scandal and change my name to Miley Ray Cyrus.

Chapter 16: TBD -- old age -- like 18. It'll probably include Paris Hilton, "The View" and a reality show.

By Liz Kelly  | April 24, 2008; 11:43 AM ET
Categories:  Celebrities  
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