Scott Feschuk's blog at the Macleans magazine website has a nice preview of the two-parter with Tom & Oprah: "...in a lighter moment, Oprah stops to feed Katie Holmes a nice biscuit through the bars of her "Mommy cage.""

http://blog.macleans.ca/2008/05/01/jumping-for-joy-and-also-for-insanity-based-reasons/

I wonder if Tina Turner will be rollin', rollin', rollin' in a wheelchair.

I have always wanted to see Tina Turner perform. I'll have to remember to keep checking for tour dates. Maybe she'll play in New Orleans, that would be fun!

I am going to see Cher in Sept. in Vegas.

Hmmm...It seems I am on an old lady tour of my own. That's odd, isn't it?

"If you thought Bret was must-see TV, you ain't seen anything yet. Richie is going to be a train wreck looking for love."

And really, that's all a girl wants, isn't it?

At Presbyterian boot-camp we had to iron our pleated pants every day.

I actually saw Tina Turner perform in '84 or '85 at the Ex in Toronto. It was a great show.

It's kind of weird to think that she was older then than I am now.

Kate Hudson?

Did I miss the tragic bus accident that took out Angelina Jolie, Scarlett Johannson, and Jessica Alba?

Tina Turner performing with Mick Jagger at Live Aid was one of the most amazing shows ever. They blew away everyone else and should have just stopped the show then.

Boy, you early posters are good. I was too busy reeling from the Lindsay Lohan/Snoop Dogg matchup.

Will she wear a new, classic Doggystyle t-shirt on the cover of the CD? Will that new release be called Lindsaystyle? Shizzle with the Lizzle? Lindsadelic?

Will her agent sing "Drop Her Like It's Hot?" after all those career missteps?

(OK, I need more Diet Coke. Carry on.)

(Off-Topic: Am I the only person who saw that Showtime banner ad for "This American Life" above today's post and thought the photo of Ira Glass was Mo Rocca?)

Man, are Madonna's arms ugly or what???

>>Michigan, LOL!!

I saw Tina Turner on that 84-85 tour in Tampa. The view from my seat was obstructed by a huge hanging amplifier that blocked everything from the waste up. Still not a bad view, but it would have been nice to see the rest of her.

I just don't believe Gwyneth at all. She claims to love fried foods, wine, Guinness, etc... It makes me bitter to think she can eat all that stuff and not be a fatty.

I can deal with Kate Hudson making the cover, but How did Rumer Willis make the list? She is not pretty or attractive in any shape or form. SJP is way more beautiful that Jay Leno's little sister.

td, my system blocks the ads, but I just had to mention that for a while we would just put on NPR on the weekend while we cleaned the house and did the weekend type stuff. We had to switch to music because This American Life is so depressing it made me want to shove a pencil through my eye. The final straw was a story about how this terminally ill man had seen his very last "first robin of spring." So, I would like to encourage Ira Glass to visit a mental health professional and maybe take a pharmacutical approach to happiness.

Re: the Travolta photo...that is not a handlebar mustache, that is in fact a fumanchu. Oh,he is soooo balding. Can't go back now with the hair paint.

I keep getting the Starbucks ad on top...

Anyway, Lohan has TWO albums out? How did I miss that? (Maybe I subconsciously blocked it out, but I vaguely remember her having one!)

Tina Turner was just on some awards show not long ago performing with Beyonce maybe, hell I don't know they all sound alike to me, but Tina, still gots the moves. Should be a phenomenal concert.

Thanks, sunnydaze. And River City Roller, I can't believe you just used the word "fatty" after yesterday. (Carm down!)

Oh thank you, thank you, jake e.poo for clarifying that Travolta mustache. My husband sported a Fu Manchu for a while in his college days. A handlebar is favored by my Uncle Pete and his firefighter friends. Think Snidely Whiplash or Rollie Fingers. (Yeesh, I am so dating myself.)

I hate it when Liz links to the Daily Mail with those Winehouse pictures. I end up getting sucked into the vortex that is British tabloid journalism

Speaking of train wreck TV, I did catch "Farmer Wants a Wife" last night. Words fail me to adequately describe the horror.

I don't get the Rumer Willis love either. To me, she's like a fuller version of the (much more attractive) Michelle Forbes from "Homicide" and "In Treatment."

Sarah Silverman?! You GOTTA be kidding me. Since when did skeletal, shrill and unfunny become attractive? Madness.

Not that it really matters since use of the N-word is never acceptable in my book, but I do wonder why Matthew Modine was on O'Reilly's show? Was there a larger context? Is he a spokesperson for an organization or something? Promoting a movie? Doing a killing-my-career tour?

I'm right there with you td. I read those posts and caught the giggles again.

Tina Turner in concert, I'm so there.

I saw that bit about Kate Hudson being on the cover of People for the most beautiful and wondered how come as well. Didn't know Rumor Willis got in, that's interesting.

I am tickled by the news that Lil Kim's Bentley got a visit from the repo man on a site called Baller Status. haha.

Dang it I missed Farmer Wants a Wife. I hope its on repeat this weekend.

I am so glad to know I am not the only one who gets sucked into the British tabloid vortex!

.... [W]hy Matthew Modine was on O'Reilly's show?

Posted by: methinks | May 1, 2008 9:53 AM

******

Perhaps he just felt a kinship with Bill "There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, 'M-Fer, I want more iced tea.'" O'Reilly.

michigan's comment = priceless!

I, too, "missed" Farmer Wants A Wife (can we just call that 'FWAW' from here on in?).

I'm hoping the series is just one long buildup to the punchline of the joke that ends, "...and they all call you 'Angus the sheep-f***er.'"

All I have to say about Richie Sambora doing ROL3 is.....no.

A thousand times no.

The last thing an alcoholic with a record needs is a bunch of drunken skanques all up on his junk.

Or maybe that's the cure? Bad Medicine & all that rot?

I am embarrassed that FWAW actually takes place in Missouri, Portage De Souix is less than an hour from St. Louis. Women showing up on a farm wearing 3 inch heels. WTF? Which sign of the apocalypse is this? I've lost count.

At Agnostics bootcamp they just smack the inmates upside the head with religious artifacts from time to time.

At Catholic bootcamp we can do whatever we want so long as we feel guilty about it.

At Agnostics bootcamp, the correct answer to every question on the application form is "Not sure."

At Agnostics bootcamp, the correct answer to every question on the application form is "Not sure."

Posted by: byoolin | May 1, 2008 10:36 AM

Or "Maybe, maybe not".

I looked at the photos on People and I just have to say, Jason Taylor is so pretty, can I have one?

At Catholic bootcamp we can do whatever we want so long as we feel guilty about it.

Posted by: michael | May 1, 2008 10:34 AM

*****

Same goes for the staff, but without the guilt.

Show of hands...who's planning to watch (or TIVO and watch later) Oprah's Tom Cruise interview?
For the record, not me. (or is it I?)

No, no, no. ABC news has got it all wrong. That's really a picture of John Travolta's long-lost twin, Jessie. He's the black sheep of the family who ran away from Scientology camp as a teenager and has never looked back. He's a tough-looking bounty hunter with a heart of gold who works with a Pekinese rescue league in his spare time.

methinks, I'd gouge out my own eyes before watching chew off my own hands before raising them.

Sappho, I'd watch that Pekinese rescue league thing. All those little dogs running around, yapping, saving people from avalanches and whatnot... That'd be some fine televizzle.

byoolin,
lmao...."You can build a boat, you can build a school, you can build a church, you can build a road, but you **** one lousy goat and they never let you forget it!"

The best joke ever told....

BTW, in Soviet Russia, the pants pleat you....

"...before watching *and* chew off my own hands..."

If you spell skank this way: "skanque" are you transitioning from streetwalker to call girl? Is that the difference between crack ho and reality tv? Whatever, that's great. Skanque. Totally added to my dictionary.

At Unitarian bootcamp there are only questions.....

byoolin, I'll be watching (TiVo'ing) for the greater good; that is: so you won't have to.

Kate Hudson on the cover? Are you sure? Looks like what's-her-name from Gray's Anatomy, to me.

"Skanque" is the French spelling.
In Russia, "Ckank."

Universal term, multiple ways to write it.

At Unitarian bootcamp there are only questions.....

Posted by: b | May 1, 2008 10:52 AM

*******

b, you beat me to it...

"The last thing an alcoholic with a record needs is a bunch of drunken skanques all up on his junk."

Comment of the month. Thanks Bored @ work

I will add skanques to my vocabulary as well. This blog is just the best.

No, the last thing an alcoholic with a record needs is easy access to a turntable.

New words (just this week alone!):
pornorific
incestupus
skanque

Who says blogs are dumbing down America?

I forgot "superfecta"

And an oldie but goodie: insouciant.
http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/archive/1999/08/04.html

YELLOJKT,

Kate is pretty, but you are right. That bus accident not only must have taken out Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johannson, and Angelina Jolie. It also must have taken out Kate Beckensale, Jessica Biel, and about 20 others who are prettier then Kate.

"Skanque" actually dates back to at least April 9th, when Bored @ work but I'm at home now used it in a sentence (http://blog.washingtonpost.com/celebritology/2008/04/reality_check_rock_of_love_2.html).

But by any standard this place is still a Hotbed Of Neologisms.

Byoolin, can we add "televizzle" (my personal favorite) to the list of new words this week? Or is that in extant?

"Televizzle" is a Snoop Dogg word. But it's a great word, yes?

Travolta's morphing will not be complete until he gets a set of Klingon brow bumps.....and pleated pants.

I hope that whoever or whatever bit Amy Winehouse had its rabies innoculation up to date.

Least we forget. Booby Kennedy and carm.

Apparently, a "love bite" is what we called a "hickey" back in the day.

Mr Modine, since you dropped that N*****, will you please pick it up off the floor? According to Chris Rock, you, as a Cracker-Ass Cracker, cannot use N*****, except between 0410 and 0449 on Christmas Eve, and only if a Bro' has assaulted you at Toys-R-Us and stolen your just-purchased last available must-have toy of the season. And even then you need a notarized copy of a police report, to be made available upon request to any Bro' who questions your use of N*****.

Since you don't meet those criteria, it's not your N*****. From whom did you borrow it? Chris Rock? Give it back to it's rightful Bro', before he and he posse beat your Cracker-Ass.

From the lead graph in the Post article:
"Magician David Blaine set a world record for underwater breath holding on Wednesday when he stopped breathing for more than 17 minutes suspended in a water-filled sphere on the stage of Oprah Winfrey's talk show."

This is only 462,223 minutes less than the United States has to hold our collective breath before Son of a Bush leaves office.

David Blaine and Tom Cruise would have to trade places with each other before I start watching Oprah! again.

The Shizzle with Lizzle - I'd give it a listen!

And Mo Rocca heading up This American Life? Brilliant! The low bits would be laughable instead of horrible. I like the show but can't listen to it anymore either, td. I usually finish it feeling terrible. However, the one a few years back about the underground Jewish rock star was really interesting.

We don't believe that atheist camp ever happened.

I can't take full credit for skanque, I think Liz came up with it first for the French chick on ROL2.

Is "platictaed" worthy to be added to the Celebrictionary? (From one of the 400+ Miley comments two days ago.)

Whenever I see or hear the words "love bite" (full disclosure: not often), I hear the voice of Olympia Dukakis in "Moonstruck" telling Cher, "you got a love bite on your neck." I smell remake! Amy Winehouse as Loretta?

Is "platictaed" worthy to be added to the Celebrictionary? (From one of the 400+ Miley comments two days ago.)

posted by td
*******************
What does it mean? Use it in a sentence, please.

When I hear the words "love bite" I think of a Paul Simon song off the album "Rhythm of the Saints." I will not attempt to quote this song to you, because I'm sure I have the lyrics embarrassingly wrong. Maybe Amy Winehouse should remake *that*.

"Televizzle" is a Snoop Dogg word. But it's a great word, yes?

Posted by: byoolin | May 1, 2008 11:32 AM

*******

See, I learn something new here everyday. It's a fabulous word.

methinks, I'm not sure I myself could use "platictaed" in a sentence (so maybe it isn't worthy of inclusion), but here's the original quote:

katie is beutiful has been before she was platictaed but she lokks fabulous

Posted by: summer ball | April 29, 2008 2:48 PM

See? "Platictaed" is a perfectly cromulent word.

It'll be interesting to see if Miley Cyrus or Vanessa Hudgens embiggens their chest first...

byoolin certainly embiggens the spirit of this blog.

Hmmm--I'm intrigued by summer ball's use of "platictaed." What could s/he have possibly meant?
Darn it- this is going to bother me for a while.

Sorry, what does televizzle mean?

I think the word was meant to be plasticated. As in plastic surgery. But what to I know.

plasticated ?

Before/after phtot:Kate Hudson nose job.

http://teamsugar.com/group/138298/polls/283120

If Angelina Jolie has already admitted to doing hard drugs, how is this tape even relevant? I don't like her, but I do respect that she hasn't hidden less-savory aspects of her past. Politicians could learn something from her unashamed honesty and just say, "Yeah, I did such-and-such, so what?" Then it's not a story.

I thought of plasticated, RCR. But what does that mean? One who has had too many plastic surgeries?

I think "Platictaed" must mean "had plastic surgery done." As in, "Cher is totally platictaed." It's too hard to spell, though - I don't think it'll ever make it into the lexicon. You need something with the easy-to-remember elegance of "carm" or "pornorific."

Oh, that was me at 1:33. Wouldn't want to lose credit for that immortal nugget of genius. Crap, it's 1:33? I'm hungry!

Ugh, Rumor Willis is not cute. She is not even anywhere near cute or talented.

Who picked her and why?

Irishgirl, I think Rumer Willis was picked b/c she has a good publicist. Ditto for Taylor Swift and Vanessa Hudgens.

I missed this the first ten times around: "Sean "Diddy" Combs to get Hollywood Walk of Fame star Friday."

I want to see that star:
"Sean Combs, a.k.a. Puff Daddy, a.k.a. P. Diddy, a.k.a. Sean John, a.k.a. Puff, a.k.a. Puffy, a.k.a. TBA"

Here's another word I like: frumpy. Describes Rumer Willis if you ask me. Especially when she's wearing that slouchy beret thingy.

At episcopalian boot camp we have a third less guilt that catholic boot camp.

Can someone please rescue Katie Holmes?

Wasn't there a variation of awesome, too -- like aldom or altom or something? I don't feel like re-reading all that crap. And it's also between 2 - 3...

"Britney Spears to spend Mother's Day with sons" -- Lord knows she never spent it with her own mother, if her life is any indication of having had parental guidance.

Allow me, WDC 21113. Could you be referring to "aldways"? As in:

SHE ISNT EVEN PROPPER NACKED
Posted by: mileys #1 fan aldways has bin aldways will do | April 29, 2008 12:16 PM

Yeah that's it!

Aldways...My brain hurts (or is that hurted?)...Ha...Glad I don't have kids.

WDC, you're thinking of the post by "mileys #1 fan aldways has bin aldways will do", whose name was also the gist of her post.

Another fun thing is that people are still finding and posting on that monstrosity.

Can I get a scholarly review of this post from Tuesday while we're at it? "shibbi"? Is that like "she be"? I feel so old. . . .

i think the picture rocks uh and like they totally should show more of her body so like shibbi she like totally hot hotter than her supposed cousin ashley bowen once more ashley bowen

Posted by: name not alowed so no one say sammy that not my name so i sammy am gonna blog shibbi | April 29, 2008 4:10 PM

Where did all the comments on the chat about Rumer Willis come from? I didn't see anything about her in the blog.

Wow. I think we'll be analyzing the incredibly rich text of Booby Kennedy Day for months. What a generous gift from the Texting Tweeners to this mob of grownups with too much time & literacy on our hands.

td,

I saw that post and believe it or not I read it 3 times and I'm still confused. However, I think it's silly. Maybe sammy, no wait not sammy but shibbi, meant that the whole thing is silly.

Whatever it means it should be added to the celebritology vocabulary along with propper nacked.

Where's byoolin? He speaks idiot fairly fluently.

oops! That didn't come out right. I don't mean that byoolin IS an idiot, only that he can translate idiot into English - he did it yesterday with the "Yo fatty carm down" post....

Okay, thanks for all the clarification of the word "platictaed" (AKA "plasticated").

Here's one from the Celebritology 101 post, "skeleboobs" used to describe Victoria Posh Spice Beckham. Def need to add it to the lexicon.

Also, I am totally conflicted about the whole Oprah/Cruise interview now that Liz Kelly asked if we would be interested in a live blog on Monday. I'm interested in the snarky comments made both by Ms. Kelly and the posters, but that means I'd need to watch to know the context of the comments. Tell me WJWD! If you can tell me that would be alsome.

Well, wonders never cease. Shibbi - he actually meant shibby, but apparently spelling is not a top priority with the tweeners. Please see the link to the urban dictionary.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=shibby

Today's Rim Shot:

"Where's byoolin? He speaks idiot fairly fluently."

budda-boom-budda-bing

h3 at 3:12, I second that emotion!

I'm sure Liz Kelly will post this tomorrow, but hey we needed more jokes.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24410315/>1=43001

For the love of all that is good, I hope that Richie Sambora does not go on ROL 3. I want to think of him as a member of one of the best rock bands ever- not a washed up dude lookin' for love among drunken no-named hos.

Amy Winehouse, that's one classy gal who as the Brits would say looks like she could stand a good wash.

I wish Katie could run away from that freak husband of hers. I imagine him instructing her (in a condescending tone with the MI music playing in the background) to take part in "purification and auditing" processes to become a better Scientologist.

I feel like Patrick in "Mame" after she's told him to write down any unfamiliar words. During the past three days:

* booby kennedy day
* carm (cf. yo fatty carm down)
* cromulent
* embiggens
* incestupus
* platictaed
* pornorific
* propper nacked
* shibbi / shibby
* skanque
* skeleboobs
* superfecta
* televizzle
* texting tweeners

Did I miss anything entries for the new Celebrictionary / Celebrixicon?

The complete term is Testing Tweener Tw*ts.

That's "Texting," not "Testing"

It's not easy to type with these calloused, fat, hairy fingers that have scars from picking up all those flaming bags that jokers like Byoolin and Snarky leave outside my cave entrance.

Hey Sas,
As Homer Simpson might say, "It's funny cause it's true."

OMG Anon at 3:47
Did you take a look at the "related photos?" Holy Moly what scary looking man - what with the vampire teeth and all...and Baba Wawa looked older in 1976 than she does today...she must be platictaed.

That was me at 3:47, sunnydaze and no I didn't see the pictures, though the "she must be platictaed" comment made me spit out my iced tea. I wonder how many keyboards have been ruined because of this blog? Anyhoo, I was actually a little impressed with Babs getting her jungle fever on, didn't think she had it in her.

i am happy that tina turner makes a tour!
i love tina! and she is realy a great person!!!
i hope she will came to europa!!

tina you are simply the best!!!

chris from austria

Great now I have the image in my head of Babs telling Oprah "Once you go Bwack...."

"Great now I have the image in my head of Babs telling Oprah "Once you go Bwack...."

Posted by: michael | May 1, 2008 4:34 PM

Damn, there goes another keyboard.

Edward Brooke was the Barack Obama of his time. The question is: Was he bwack enough for Bawbwa Wawa?

Michael,

Thanks, it's a good thing I wasn't drinking anything at the time.

Friday List Idea Submission:
What other topics can Liz come up with to attract the hoards of texting tweener tw*ts to amuse the grown-ups with too much time on their hands?

My kid's only a toddler so I don't have the requisite knowledge of Nick & Disney shows to come up with much...

Where's byoolin? He speaks idiot fairly fluently.

Posted by: sunnydaze | May 1, 2008 3:16 PM

**********

Yeah, I get that a lot.