Jake Gyllenhaal's House Rules

Excerpts from Jakey's Rule Book:

Rule 6: No pooftahs.

Rule 9: Never, ever, EVER look in the cardboard box I keep on the floor in my closet. EVER.

Rule 22: I call dibs on the TV for "Rock Of Love 3" (air dates TBD). This hour will be considered "quiet time" and I would like not to be disturbed during it.

Rule 34: If you receive a phone call that begins, "The woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep," hand the phone to me immediately, then leave the room.

Rule 40: If the Lovely Mrs. byoolin shows up, please let her in, then leave the house.

Regarding rule #2:

During last year's UT-Ohio State game, my friend (who is a dead ringer for Lance Armstrong) and I were stuck in traffic near the UT stadium when we see two guys on bikes next to us waiting on the traffic light. All of a sudden we realized it was actually Lance himself. So my friend and I jumped out of the car and asked if we could take a picture with him. Lance said sure and his buddy agreed to take the picture. It wasn't until his buddy took off his helmet and sunglasses that we saw it was Jake Gyllenhaal taking our picture with Lance.

Jake seems like he is a decent guy, can't explain why he would want to hang out with Lance.

Rule number 6. I will leave immediatly anytime dw shows up at the house and you Reece have to do everything he says.

oops!
Never mind my previous post that sounded kind of creepy.

c'mon you guys. its just a show-mance. jake g is a geigh. read ted casablanca on eonline or the other gossip sites.

Rule 5(a). BLACK bicycle shorts. Black only. No other color is acceptable. For the reason why, see:

http://www.alivewithlove.com/cyclists.html

Rule 43b, subparagraph 1.

Reese Witherspoon must work on leg splits in black bike shorts. Upon successful pickup of a quarter, she may wear a yellow lycra shirt.

http://www.alivewithlove.com/cyclists.html

Posted by: Sasquatch | July 17, 2008 11:30 AM

Are the three guys in the bottom pic sas, byoolin, and Dorkus?

Are the three guys in the bottom pic sas, byoolin, and Dorkus?

Posted by: Xenda | July 17, 2008 11:39 AM

****

This photograph shows why I (a) quit the Polish Cycling Team, and (b) now wear plus fours to ride.

Okay, okay, just two punchlines.

A: They're the ones with the training wheels.

A: Because they got lost in the velodrome.

"If you're Jake Gyllenhaal or any one of the several nosey parkers (like me) interested in the private lives of celebs"

Moi???

I had the strangest urge to google "plus fours + bicycle" and got this:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v683/silly-password/Farehamride024.jpg

Xenda asks:

"Are the three guys in the bottom pic sas, byoolin, and Dorkus?"

Can't be Dorkus, because he's a Maximus....or so I'm told. I have no firsthand information.

Byool, the Plus Fours guy's bikes are fixed gear, aka, Fixies.

This is off topic. TO all lovers of manflesh: if you are near a TV, turn on the British Open on ESPN and check out Adam Scott. Wooo baby!

http://www.alivewithlove.com/cyclists.html

I'm horrified. There should have been a "don't open this with co-workers around" warning on that pic. Shutter.

Jake to Reece:

You must not brush your teeth, I like them yellow as proved by my long relationship with Kirsten.

dc girl, I think you want to go here:

http://blog.washingtonpost.com/parenting/2008/07/public_photos_pedophelia_and_c.html#comments

jake's rule to reece:
always, always, always use plastic hangers when hanging up my bike clothes. NO WIRE HANGERS!!!

Yo! you guys are on a roll!

(plus fours, indeed.)

Jakes' House Rule #43

If you break it, you bought it.

Rule 5(b). If possible, bike shorts should come with Lance Armstrong codpiece.

Rule 5(b). If possible, bike shorts should come with Lance Armstrong codpiece.

Posted by: Sasquatch | July 17, 2008 12:51 PM

Save The Codpiece!!!

I meant "Save The Cod / Peace!"

Never mind.

But wouldn't Lance's codpiece have to be a-symetrical?

bacalbau, it's Bacalhau. In fact it's MR. Bacalhau to you.

"But wouldn't Lance's codpiece have to be a-symetrical?"

Exactement.

Wow, 'Mudge, I was thinking the exact same thing.

"But wouldn't Lance's codpiece have to be a-symetrical?"

Exactement.

Posted by: Sasquatch | July 17, 2008 1:03 PM
==========================================

mais oui.

Perhaps Jake bites off the unused portion and spits it out (he doesn't swallow, either).

sorry - had to say it.

'Mudge writes:

"mais oui.

Perhaps Jake bites off the unused portion and spits it out (he doesn't swallow, either).

sorry - had to say it."

-----------------------------------
The Lance Armstrong Testicle Festival! Have a ball!

The Lance Armstrong Testicle Festival! Have a ball!

Posted by: Sasquatch | July 17, 2008 1:08 PM
========================

A great t-shirt printing:

"I had a ball at the Lance Armstrong Testicle Festival"

The Lance Armstrong Testicle Festival.

Sponsored by COJones Mexican restaurant.

Perhaps Lance will guest star on the new comedy coming this fall to FX:

http://www.zap2it.com/tv/news/zap-fxorderstestees,0,3122960.story

sorry, sas, but the official food of the LATF is Mountain Oysters.

Didn't the late John Denver sing about their virtues?

Rocky Mountain Oysters
Colorado
Rocky Mountain Oysters
Colorado

the official food of the LATF is Mountain Oysters

*****
with a little cod semen on the side.......

Neuticles, people, neuticles. Lance might look real and spectacular.

[You too could be the proud owner of a neuticles keychain with a kitty-sized attachment. But don't bother with the official neuticles watch. It's very disappointing. Or so I've heard.]

eh, me at 1:31. Not that anyone really needed to know.

Boys, boys, boys, shouldn't that be Mountain Oyster and COJone?

Rule 5(b). If possible, bike shorts should come with Lance Armstrong codpiece.

Posted by: Sasquatch | July 17, 2008 12:51 PM

Shouldnt it be:
If possible, bike shorts should come with Lance Armstrong IN MY codpiece?

"with a little cod semen on the side......."

As the man said in the Dutch Harbor fish processing ship:

"That's fish row. I'm Mike Rowe."

Q: How does Jake Gyllenhaal find out if someone is ticklish?

A: Jake gives 'em a couple of test tickles.

'ceptin' it's "roe" not "row."

Roe, the humanity!

Cod semen should be eaten only by geigh cod.

Q: How does Jake Gyllenhaal find out if someone is ticklish?

A: Jake gives 'em a couple of test tickles.

Posted by: Sasquatch read aloud | July 17, 2008 1:39 PM

I think he gives other men more than a few "tickles."

We need a definition for a test-cycle.

"I had a ball at the Lance Armstrong Testicle Festival"

--------------------------------------

The official t-shirt of Lizard Island.

ohhhhhh-kayyyyyyyy.

How about that Sara Jessica and her missing beauty mark?

The official t-shirt of Lizard Island.

Posted by: jake e. poo | July 17, 2008 1:45 PM
====================================

Actually, I would prefer:

"I had a ball at the Lance Armstrong Test Tickle Festival"

All this talk about a testicle festival is making me choke on my sack lunch.

Reese's rules sound perfectly fine to me. I don't allow shoes in my house either and swearing isn't appropriate in front of kids.

Reese might want to reconsider "mommy and me" mani/pedis, though. That's not appropriate for kids either.

Jake's House Rule #25: Every holiday buffet must contain a delicious dish of Schweddy Balls.

Reese's rules sound perfectly fine to me. I don't allow shoes in my house either and swearing isn't appropriate in front of kids.

Reese might want to reconsider "mommy and me" mani/pedis, though. That's not appropriate for kids either.

Posted by: Rules, fine | July 17, 2008 2:03 PM

take it back to the OP blog. we dont want you here.

ok it looks like barry m is another geigh. did you see his "friend" in the pix posted?

All this talk about a testicle festival is making me choke on my sack lunch.

Posted by: Groovis needs the Heimlich | July 17, 2008 2:00 PM

***

I know what you mean, Groovis. It's like we've gone nuts.

"it looks like barry m is another geigh." - Posted by: barry m.

****

That has got to be the slowest reaction time I have *ever* seen.

At the Lance Armstrong Test Tickle Festival, who will throw out the first ball?

(now you've go ME doing it)

"it looks like barry m is another geigh." - Posted by: barry m.

****

That has got to be the slowest reaction time I have *ever* seen.

Posted by: byoolin | July 17, 2008 2:13 PM

hey i didnt really care when i saw the earlier post of it, but when liz linked it in the chat, i HAD to take a look at barry and his geigh.

Dull post. Did the Mike Rowe story drain Liz of her weekly "clever quota"?

Does Lance ride a unicycle?

OK, I was only on vacation for a week, and somebody has stolen my name? That's not me posting on the live chat with Liz today!

I came by to share the ad which appeared in my inbox today for a new Nike golf club: The SasQuatch Sumo driver! According to the ad, it is a must-have in your power-stroke quiver.

Wow. I feel very dirty reading these posts. You all are trying to get me fired!

sorry i've been missing from the celebritology blog for so long. i had to go rinse and reuse my feminine product.

Rules are good. Everyone should have rules.

Now I understand why the Lizards go to OP to make trouble. What a bunch of losers.

It's ba-a-a-a-a-ack!!!

Now I understand why the Lizards go to OP to make trouble. What a bunch of losers.

Posted by: | July 17, 2008 3:11 PM

************************************

Hey now, we've been good today.

New England, I can tell you that the Sumo Driver didn't help those Yahoo golfers who shook up the can of beer before they gave it to me. See the Golf commercial at Jack Links for details.

Thank you, atb, for you concern for cleanliness.

Bababooey, are you gonna play nice with us Lizards? We're not the On Balance MMs.

Hey! We're not MMs. We've been talkin' balls, not bile.

Wow you guys have been naughty while I was away.
Actually, like some purebred dogs, maybe Lance has had a silicone "implant" to give everyone* that "natural feeling."

*Kate, Matt, Jake, girl in phone booth etc.

sorry i've been missing from the celebritology blog for so long. i had to go rinse and reuse my feminine product.

Posted by: atb | July 17, 2008 2:56 PM

gross. thanks for sharing atb. we didnt really need to know.

"Reese's rules sound perfectly fine to me.
I don't allow shoes in my house either..."

No "shoes" in the house?

Are you implying to us that the female partner has had a double mastectomy, or that both partners are male?

Hey, we've been good today. We all agreed to leave you guys alone today. Please don't blame us for the crazies posting here today.

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus, Celebritology Island Tribal Chieftan | July 17, 2008 3:20 PM

Enough already. Stop posting crazy and disgusting messages on the OP blog. we dont care about you and your re-used feminine products.

You know, if Reese needs to keeps her "shoes" somewhere, I've got some extra space at my place.

That's right. You guys mess up our blog, and we will come to do the same to yours. Chat away as inanely and vapidly as you wish on this dumb blog, but leave ours alone. Or we will sic emily on you.

"father who was harassed for trying to take pictures of his kids on a Sunday afternoon"

There's probably a local "backstory" to this that hasn't been reported.

Posted by: You kids keep off of my lawn! | July 17, 2008 7:17 AM

The father is a consultant to a rubber manufacturer............

Posted by: Mmmmmm | July 17, 2008 7:40 AM

Dental care in the UK rocks!

Posted by: Wow! | July 17, 2008 7:44 AM

Next up. Stoneing any man who appears in public with kids and without a female.

Posted by: | July 17, 2008 7:59 AM

We don't allows any camera type de-vice in ours house. Granny is down right jealous of her weasel flambeau receipe and wouldn't take kindly to have it being a copied.

Posted by: Jed Clampett | July 17, 2008 8:03 AM

Brian

"I hate the idea that men on the playground may be seen as guilty until proven otherwise."

You don't like negative male stereotypes? Gosh, last week you wrote "Those are habits that have followed me to adulthood, where I have the typical male aversion to doctors".....

Posted by: Conundrum | July 17, 2008 8:12 AM

WWLD?

(What Would Leslie-Morgan Stiener--Do?)

Posted by: Question for Brian | July 17, 2008 8:18 AM

"(What Would Leslie-Morgan Stiener--Do?)"

Steiner would write a book, fight with Perry, go on a massive PR tour for the book, fight with Perry, sell the book to Lifetime Network for a made-for-TV movie deal, fight with perry, go back on TV for a PR drive for the TV movie, fight with Perry...

Stacey doesn't like strangers taking pictures of her kids.

Posted by: Crystal ball | July 17, 2008 8:31 AM

The playground women are hysterical, and not hysterical in a funny way. Try insane. There may be a backstory, but there may not be. I suggest all dads take their cameras to the park this weekend for a mass picture day of their kids. Make the point that you're a parent just like their mother. Until you demand to be treated the same, you won't be. Women learned that point years ago. Now men need to learn it.

No video at a pool? Outrageous, especially when explained you are taking photos of your own child. Hit them with a clue by four!

Here where I live everyone knows everyone else, so there isn't an issue.

Posted by: sanity | July 17, 2008 8:39 AM

Seiously, people are way too paranoid! Not everyone is a predator, in fact, I don't think most people are predators. We take pictures of our kids at the park and other public places all the time. No one has ever seemed to have a problem with it. If I was attempting to photograph your child individually, you should are right to be upset, but it might happen that if your kid is behind mine in line she might end up in my picture. Is that really so bad?

And...is it different if my husband is taking that picture? That is messed up...

Posted by: Momof5 | July 17, 2008 8:41 AM

Wow. This is a new one. We also take lots of pictures of our kids, both at home and out and about. I naturally gravitate towards being behind the camera, but nvadad takes many pictures, too.

It appears that the people in this story were way out of line.

But I have to admit that it's now something I will think about when I take out my camera in a public place. The unfortunate flip side is that, after hearing about this incident, I will now wonder if seemingly camera-happy people at the pool or park have good or sinister intentions.

Posted by: nvamom | July 17, 2008 9:06 AM

Last weekend I was at out local pool and I was taking pictures of out daughters first time in the pool. I am the MOTHER. My kids were playing with their father and their aunt and there were NO other kids around (we were in the kiddie pool). I was asked, "very politely" to please not take pictures at the pool. I protested that the only people in the shot are my kids and family and the lady just said, "sorry, no camaras allowed."

Should I have complained to the manager? I felt so ashamed. I got the feeling it wasn't about fears I would use the photos as breach for people's privacy-- again, they were only my family and everyone in the shot was was fine with it. It seemed like it something else-- perhaps concern that something bad would happen to the camara (stolen, spashed on, etc) and that would cause a big disruption and perhaps a fight?

Also, perhaps a concern that it is ostentatious to use a camara in a public place where there are so many other people who can't afford the equiptment-- or maybe that is it just a parental no-no to be taking pictures where you should just be enjoying the moment?

I'm grabbing at straws here! Ideas? This was at the Rumsey Aquatic Center by Eastern Market.

Posted by: capitol hill mom | July 17, 2008 9:14 AM

Here where I live everyone knows everyone else, so there isn't an issue.

Posted by: sanity | July 17, 2008 8:39 AM

not everyone lives in flyover country.

Posted by: | July 17, 2008 9:15 AM

Public Photos, Pedophelia and Common Sense

It's spelled pedophilia. The "-phil" part comes from the Greek, meaning love.

Posted by: Spelling Police | July 17, 2008 9:15 AM

i should add that there wasn't a sign anywhere that I could see that said "no camaras around the pool."

Posted by: capitol hill mom | July 17, 2008 9:17 AM

I know this sounds ridiculous, but do you think perhaps it had to do with some sort of fears re legal liability, i.e., getting sued? There ARE some litigation-happy folks (& their attorneys) out there who are all too happy to file nuisance lawsuits in hopes of getting cash settlements.

Posted by: To capitol hill mom | July 17, 2008 9:18 AM

Spelling Police: Thanks for the catch. It's been fixed.

Posted by: Stacey Garfinkle | July 17, 2008 9:21 AM

I don't even know what to say. That's insane. Ya, I don't want weirdos taking pictures of my kids, but to freak out about parents taking pictures of their own kids? Really, I'm speechless.

Posted by: atb | July 17, 2008 9:24 AM

atb

"I don't even know what to say. That's insane. Ya, I don't want weirdos taking pictures of my kids, but to freak out about parents taking pictures of their own kids?"

" Really, I'm speechless."

Yeah, right! You're speechless.

Posted by: Jezebel | July 17, 2008 9:34 AM

I am surprised that none of the MM has yet admitted washing out and reusing certain feminine products.

"Oh, I only used it once on my last day! Surely, I can reuse!"

Posted by: Cecilia | July 16, 2008 4:48 PM

Posted by: from the celebritology blog | July 17, 2008 9:37 AM

Who did the asking? Another parent or someone who represents the pool?

Posted by: to capital hill mom | July 17, 2008 9:37 AM

I am surprised that none of the MM has yet admitted washing out and reusing certain feminine products.

"Oh, I only used it once on my last day! Surely, I can reuse!"

Posted by: Cecilia | July 16, 2008 4:48 PM

Posted by: from the celebritology blog | July 17, 2008 9:37 AM

I bet Mrs. Duggar never has this problem.

Posted by: | July 17, 2008 9:40 AM

Don't know if it's a father vs. mother stereotype - in the original article it notes that the children's mother was also there. And see capitolhillmom's comments above - it appears to be more aversion to cameras than to men-with-cameras.

In the original article, it's clear that the women complaining about the father were WAY out of line. It would have been very easy (and polite) to just have their children wait for a second so that the father could get pictures of only his own children.

Posted by: ArmyBrat | July 17, 2008 9:41 AM

Ya, I don't want weirdos taking pictures of my kids, but to freak out about parents taking pictures of their own kids?

Posted by: atb | July 17, 2008 9:24 AM

According to The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children up to 90% of children are sexually abused by someone that they know.

Child predators generally are:

clean cut and have not had previous trouble with the law.

Are in professional occupations or occupations which garner respect from others.

Are often involved with child related activities.

If you are at a park or the zoo or Disney World, how do you propose to distinguish between the weirdos and the dads taking picture of their own kids?

While parents waste their time worrying about the homeless guy on the Mall who is statistically unlikely to pose a threat to anyone's child, the accountant who lives next door has his way.

Posted by: | July 17, 2008 9:41 AM

Jezebel- Don't get me wrong, I could go on and on about how useless you are, but I'm speechless about the topic at hand.

Posted by: atb | July 17, 2008 9:42 AM

It was someone who represents the pool-- she was at the "reseptionist desk" when we came in and then after we were there for like half an hour she was walking around, maybe on her break. that is when she told me "no camaras allowed at the pool." If it were just another parent I would have said that I only take photos when other kids aren't around. but as I said, there weren't any other kids around-- just my family at the kiddie pool.

Posted by: capitol hill mom | July 17, 2008 9:45 AM

yet another anon- Everyone knew this guy was the father of these kids. It wasn't some clean cut guy hanging on the fringe. It wasn't the accountant next door. A "weirdo" isn't a homeless guy on the mall. A "weirdo" is a guy, clean cut or otherwise, taking pix of kids that aren't his.

Posted by: atb | July 17, 2008 9:45 AM

sorry for the misspelling! Receptionist!

Posted by: capitol hill mom | July 17, 2008 9:46 AM

Posted by: atb | July 17, 2008 9:45 AM

I thought she was speechless. Damn.

Posted by: | July 17, 2008 9:48 AM

Some people were mocking me yesterday and it has starting again today! Please use your own name and not mine!

About the photo thing. When I take little precious out in public, I always have a disguise. A floppy hat and oversized sunglasses work just fine.

Posted by: Cecilia | July 17, 2008 9:49 AM

camera

Posted by: Spelling police, again | July 17, 2008 9:50 AM

Who's the disguise for, you or your kid?

Posted by: To Cecilia | July 17, 2008 9:50 AM

I thought you were useless. I was right. Yay!

Posted by: atb | July 17, 2008 9:50 AM

"A "weirdo" is a guy, clean cut or otherwise, taking pix of kids that aren't his."

Posted by: atb | July 17, 2008 9:45 AM

Largemouth ego with all the superficial answers to life's questions on Aisle 9.

Posted by: | July 17, 2008 9:51 AM

Once, again, useless. Waste of space. Impotent. Nothing to add.

Posted by: atb | July 17, 2008 9:53 AM

For both of us, you silly goose!

Posted by: Cecilia | July 17, 2008 9:55 AM

anonymous troll at 9:41: "If you are at a park or the zoo or Disney World, how do you propose to distinguish between the weirdos and the dads taking picture of their own kids?"

Well, if I see a man who's obviously spending time with a child or small group of children, particularly if there is another adult or group of adults also with the child/children, I'm going to assume that it's (a) the father; (b) a group sponsor/chaperone; (c) another "approved" male (e.g., uncle, grandfather, mother's new boyfriend).

It's really not that hard.

In the case described by Brian, here, it was trivially easy to see that the man in question WAS with the children in question, and that there was another (female) adult also with them.

Posted by: ArmyBrat | July 17, 2008 9:57 AM

capitolhillmom- They should have the policy posted. They aren't likely to make exceptions, just like no one can take pictures at airport security, even if they are just screwing around. That the kids are in swimming suits is just too much. It really sets of alarms, kind of like camera phones at the gym.

Posted by: atb | July 17, 2008 9:58 AM

"According to The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children up to 90% of children are sexually abused by someone that they know."

This would imply that more than 90% of all children are sexually abused, either by someone they know or someone they don't, which is wrong.

Do the math.

Posted by: math police | July 17, 2008 9:59 AM

"If you are at a park or the zoo or Disney World, how do you propose to distinguish between the weirdos and the dads taking picture of their own kids?"

Are you saying that parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles/family friends should not take pictures of children? WOW

Posted by: to anon at 9:41 | July 17, 2008 10:00 AM

Then why did you use the singular, "A floppy hat"?

Posted by: Grammar Sheriff | July 17, 2008 10:01 AM

atb

"weirdo" is a guy, clean cut or otherwise, taking pix of kids that aren't his. "

Right, guys NEVER abuse their own kids...

Posted by: | July 17, 2008 10:02 AM

Sigh...

Every afternoon post these days seems to degenerate into some sort of p1ss1ng contest over whose chat/blog is better.

As the kids would say, I'm soooo over it.

All this cojone-related humor and nobody has mentioned Truck Nutz? I'm sure you could tie them beneath your bike seat.
Also- thanks for the bike short pics, Liz. They have brightened my crazy work day immeasurably. NOM NOM NOM.

"Chat away as inanely and vapidly as you wish on this dumb blog"

Hate: it's what's for dinner.

For the record, I've stayed away from the OP Blog. I think some anarchists are posting on OP under our aliases.

Truck Nutz? Not in Florida, you don't:

http://jalopnik.com/382185/truck-nutz-now-fineable-in-florida-one-state-senator-admits-guilt

Rowe, the humanity!

Dear 3:33:
1) A single commenter does not a Lizard invasion make.
2) If you are attempting to make a point, there must be a more effective way to do so.
3) Please don't do that again.

Don't tempt me.

The MMs aren't even posting on their own blog right now.

3:33. Massive cut & paste can work both ways.

Liz, please delete spam at 3:33 PM.

Ya know?

This is the most childish thing I have seen in quite awhile.

These are BLOGS, people. Get a grip.

Oh, yeah, and carm down all a ya

Sigh.
cant we just go back to talking about Jake G and his secret love affair with Lance Armstrong?

I thought Jake G's secret love affair was with Austin somebody?

If his relationship with Reese is a sham as has been alleged, it's a pretty elaborate one. Moving in with a gal is hard to fake. Isn't it?

I thought Jake G's secret love affair was with Austin somebody?

If his relationship with Reese is a sham as has been alleged, it's a pretty elaborate one. Moving in with a gal is hard to fake. Isn't it?

Posted by: new england | July 17, 2008 4:18 PM

i doubt its that difficult. They probably have an understanding. Just like Kelly Preston and her wife, John Travolta.

Or they could just go both ways.

(sunnydaze speaks in *her* mean mommy voice)
I agree with 'Mudge.
btw, I have been gone all day today and again, look at the mess you all have made. Didn't I tell you kids to stay away from the uncivilized kids down the street? They are a bad influence and I won't have it. There will be punishment the next time this happens.

Sorry Sasquatch, sometimes a shoe really is just a shoe.

I was speaking regular ol' English, not Lizardspeak. ;-)

Punishment?!!! Do tell.

Perhaps the deadly mold spores that Liz is growing in her basement have seeped onto the chats and we're all getting loopy.

Whoa. I know I was a little AWOL for a while (NOT luving linsey I swear), but how did this war with the OP blog start? Yikes.

I still find Private Parts to be a huge dork, btw.

The Lizards started it...

But the MMs will finish it.

Well, I take that back. Guess I shouldn't start a fight WITHIN this blog, when we apparently are gathering arms against another. I say we continue with xenophobia and only soclialize with ourselves, talking about celebs and rescued pets (but no short pets with hooves).

Mommie Power.

i went to the OP site to see what the big stink is about. the comments that appear to be from OP non-regulars are funny, not mean and threatening like the ones that have been apparently written on this blog by OP people. what's w/that?

Most of the people on the OP blog seem to be anons, with a few regulars here and there.

Agree with sigh and curmudgeon and anyone else who wants to build a Great Wall of Celebritology to keep aliens out.

If I wanted to hear about kids, I'd be a parent. Actually, chatting with the kids themselves would probably be better than chatting with their mothers.

Now, in celeb related comments, business travel plus hotel room equals some quality Hannah Montana viewing time. All 2 minutes of it, because I couldn't take any more. Whoa, lame stuff. And Billy Ray? You'd be unemployed if not for your daughter. Now take some of her money and get yourself a shave and a decent haircut. And some acting lessons.

Would you good folks at Celeb take a hankering to some of Granny's Weasel Flambeau?

Granny will make up a messofit, just be a-tellin' me hows many are comning over.

Hey, I'd love some weasel flambeau! Tastes great the next day, too. Better than cold pizza.

"If I wanted to hear about kids, I'd be a parent. Actually, chatting with the kids themselves would probably be better than chatting with their mothers."

Hateful much?

Jed,

Pull up a chair at the Tiki Bar and sit a spell. We can fix you up with a nice drink, and talk about that rascal Andy Dick.

I've heard a lot about Granny's weasel flambeau, and wondered how it tastes. That's an interesting recipe for weasel that Granny must have. A flambeau? I figured that, being weasel, Granny would POP it into the oven to see how it goes.

What kinda vittles go with weasel flambeau, anyway?

Seems to me that Moose Turd Pie would be the dessert of choice after Weasel Flambeau. Good, though.

Jed, ever have Moose Turd Pie?

"Rule 5(a). BLACK bicycle shorts. Black only. No other color is acceptable. For the reason why, see:
http://www.alivewithlove.com/cyclists.html
Posted by: Sasquatch | July 17, 2008 11:30 AM"
Hmm, what could be so bad about non-black bike shorts? ::click::

ARGHHHHHHHH! Rowe, The Humanity!!

Xends writes:

"They probably have an understanding. Just like Kelly Preston and her wife, John Travolta."

Time to wipe of the monitor.

Jed, what does Granny use to keep her weasel on fire for the whole flambeau process? I've tried Jack Daniel's mixed with sugar to give it a crunchy glaze, but I always end up with too much caramel on the snout.

'Mudge, this here Lizard island being mostly Mike Rowe Country, does it make sense to modify the exclamation to "Rowe! The humanity!"? Or maybe add it to the lexicon alongside the other variants.

Ya know, I just thought of a question that Liz could have asked. And we'll have to ask it of Mike this coming Fall (Unless the answer is already on his blog or a fan's web site):

You walk into a bar. Bartender says, "Mike, what'll ya have?" What do you order, Mike?

Sas, Thank ya' kindly for the invite. Them there high flautin' kind over theres at OP just don't seem to likes Me & Granny and the rest of my clan.

But Sas, really, I am old enough to haveing told that joke about Moose Turd Pie and Rocky Mountian Oyster many time meself!

You be askin' bout Granny's world famous weasel flambeau. Well, as you city folks might say (didnt say city slicker like thems there over at OP) would be a callin' GWFWF both an enter and a desert. It is just that doggone good!

Specilaly when we have a little White Lighin' or Elderberry wine wit' it.

The younin' and womem folks drink the wine. They just a can't talk a little "country rum" (Tells the truth, Jethro can't be handlin' the Lightin' either!)

Whats kind of drinks do you have here at this here Tiki Bar?

Bawlmer,

You gotts to use that Kountry Koolaid. You know, that there corn likker!

I think Jake's home rules are somehow good for family loving people. But it would not work with everyone.

---------------------
Anthony

Knox Leon

Howdy Jed,

Our Tiki Barkeep, Methinks, can set you up with most anything you like. Her specialty is Manhattans.

Curmudgeon, our Tiki Bar Matre'd, can fill you in with details about our food and drink menu. Best of all, it's on the house. Not literally, of course. ;-)

Uhh, Jed, I don't know if our Tiki Bar has a supply o' white lightnin'. You wouldn't happen to know a reliable source for the good stuff, woudja?

Man,
I miss the good stuff. Weasel Flambeau and moose turd pie, yum. Add a side of spinach souffle and we are good to go. And if you are really good, flan for dessert.

i'm in on the weasel flambeau, so long as there are chitlins on the side and some louisiana style boudin sausage (not kathy the terrorist). and don't forget the dixie beer. tastes like the aftermath of a rat's ass dragging along the pavement, but hey, it was brewed in new orleans.

"tastes like the aftermath of a rat's ass dragging along the pavement"

BWAHAHAHA! Thanks janet, after the day I have had, I needed that! And I have had Dixie and have to second that description. ew!

methinks, I would like to order a very, very large mojito, por favor. Or, if jed comes through, I will just spend the rest of the night getting plumb snockered on the *real* stuff - it has been many a year since I puked white lightnin', but I still remember how.

Sas,

Them damn revenooers has put a big hurt on my regular supplier. I been havein' to dig into my 'mergency supply. Ya know, kinda' like the fool federal govmint buys some crude from me to puts in a big hole in the ground!

And I's a glad we ain't eatin' nuthin' on the roof.

what is in them thar Mahmattans, is that there one of them girly drinks with a little fruitty umbreller?

ET go home!!!

Howdy Jed. A Manhattan ain't no umbrella drink. Think of it as martini with hair on its chest. Best thing about the Tiki Bar is that you can get any kind of drink you want (kinda like Alice's Restaurant), from umbrella drinks to shots o' red-eye.

(are they gone yet?)

Well, thany kindly, Sas, but I gotsa to mosey on home now.

And Janet, if you was a true N'Alwins citizen you would be a-sayin'

"tastes like the aftermath of a rat's ass dragging along the banquette"

And the brewery is still a going strong down on Tulane Avenue.

Do you recollect Jax beer? We done used that as antifreezem for our tractor radiators! Better that that Pretonnne stuff!

Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed,
Poor mountaineer barely kep' his family fed,
Then one day he was shootin' at some food,
And up from the ground come a bubblin' crude,
Oil, that is, black gold, texas tea...

Well the first thing you know ol' Jed's a millionaire,
Kin folk said, "Jed, move away from there!"
Said, "Californy is the place you oughta be,"
So the loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly,
Hills, that is, swimming pools, movie stars..

Bonus points for anyone who remembers who played the banjo on the original recording.

Earle Scruggs?

Earl Scruggs or Buddy Ebsen?

Jake's House Rules:

First rule is: The laws of Germany.
Second rule is: Be nice to mommy.
Third rule is: Don't talk to commies.
Fourth rule is: Eat kosher salamis.

Okay, so I am trying to figure out who is who around here since I am visiting more often now.

Sasquatch - guy or girl I think guy, but please verify.
Curmudgeon - girl right?
Sunndaze - girl
Bawlmer - please identify your gender
MoCoSnarky - same as before
Liz D - I know you
Jed - Just checking, since I see you at OP. Are you an OP regular visiting here, or are you a Lizard visiting OP?

And don't hide, folks, I don't bite.

Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs

Nope, Emily, I am just Jed. Don't a-like to eat lizard but they sure as shootin' are more friendly that thems over at OP!

Enjoy an "Umbrella drink," or, as The Kids In The Hall call it, "Girl Drink."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epa5YZIJU8I

Nah, we're plenty friendly at OP. Once you get to know us.

Er, I think you meant "to," Jed, "to." As in, "...thems over *to* OP!"

Of course, I could be girl drink drunk right now. Best to disregard my advice.

Wells, Emily, I don't rightly know 'bout that. Look at this there coment aimed at me today!

Jed Clampett - if noone has told you yet, your schtick has been old for some time. Do you have any genuine humor to contribute, or are you that person that tells the same tired jokes over and over?

Posted by: Uncle Leo | July 17, 2008 10:13 AM

Chewey,
Where are my bonus points? I answered first.

Jed, that's just my grumpy Uncle Leo. He's been a little off these days because of constipation and hemorrhoids. They'll do that to you, you know.

byoolin lives in WV and knows from sprechen der Hillbilly.

Wells, I reckin' you rite, byoolin but I wents to the Beverly Hills Charm school were they a learned me to say "at" whens I means to say "to"

Earl Scruggs!!!!

All those who answered Earl Scruggs, you get bonus points good for Supersized drinks at the Tiki Bar.

Thank you. I'll have a Margarita - hold the booze if you please - since I am still breastfeeding.

Jed rites:
"I wents to the Beverly Hills Charm school were they a learned me to say "at" whens I means to say "to"

Jed, in Charm School did they teach ya to say "Oh, really," instead o' "Yer *hittin' me!"?

Emily, won't the alcohol help put the little one to sleep?

There are so many other ways to say "Yer *hittin' me!"

You're kidding!
Get outta town!
No way!
I don't believe it!
For real?
Are you serious?
Holy crap!

Although I'll grant you that Holy Crap is not taught in charm school

"Emily, won't the alcohol help put the little one to sleep?"

I use benadryl for that.

Sas,

I went to a really high flautin' school. Theys be a-teaching me to says "incredible" when I bees a-thinkin' Cow Pies or Moose Turds!

Welll, Sas and Methinks and Crum, I reallys gottas to be mosying along. Granny is makin' rabbit and squerrial stew for supper.

What I think would be interesting is hillbilly school. Now that would be an education. Some of our best citizens have been there: George W Bush, Bill Clinton, even Cheney went (although he flunked because during the shooting test, he missed the target and shot his buddy instead).

Them there high flautin' kind over theres at OP

Jed Clampett

Guess the MMs must be playing flutes. That's what I get for dropping off the blogosphere for a few hours.

Dear lord, wtf happened here today?

Alex,
In charm school, you would learn to say

"What on earth happened here today?"

"wtf" is just not charming. Although I would not say it's hillbilly speak either. It's urbane enough. Just not very nice.

Do you recollect Jax beer
*****
i do, i do. another new orleans delight. yack. between dixie and jax beers, no stomach lining left plus the breath of a rat dragging....... you get the picture

janet, I think we need Frankie's services. . .

I want to celebrate The Lance Armstrong Testicle Festival.
_____________________
veny
http://www.knoxleon.name

I think we need Frankie's services.
****
i already advised her of the situation and she is ready to go