McGrath's slide into aside, I'd probably try this one. But all I can say about Mark is, holy hell man, you used to be cool. I know it's probably corny to admit to liking Sugar Ray, but I do...I did.

"Something about the combination of sassafras, carbonation and alcohol screams projectile vomiting."

I can't tell you how many times I've heard that.

OK, I admit to liking Sugar Ray, even their cheesy later stuff. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help myself.

The free market will take its course with this concoction, leading to its early demise.

Unfortunately, Andy Dick is more relevant than Mark McGrath.

BLECH! He was cool! I remember a few years ago (ok, maybe 10) slamming shots at the Bottle/Cork in Dewey while the music played in the background.

The only way that drink could get any worse - or it might make it better - is to light it on fire.

I will take one of those B12 shots, though. Sounds like it should be a requirement for everyone in cubicle hell.

Mark McGrath just made the "Girl Drink Drunk" very happy.

Suggested marketing slogan:

"Wine Koolers too sophisticated for your palette? Try an Alcoholic Root Beer Float! It's Yummy and Intoxicating! Ice Cream and Yager, Mm Mm Good!"

As a huge fan of Jaeger, I'd be up for trying this one. Sounds good to me. I can see the licorice flavor of Jaeger going well with root beer. I can also see a bunch of lightweights freaking out when they start puking brown fizziness.

For the record, it couldn't be any worse than a shandy. Or Jaeger bombs.

FYI, the Spiked Root Beer Float is NOT available at the CI Tiki Bar: Home of the Perfect Mojito. So don't ask.

Breaking juvenile cocktail news:

Kid Rock is developing a cocktail based on Penny Marshall's favorite Milk and Pepsi-- with Jack Daniels.

Mark McGrath's restaurant looks like a Stuckey's took a U Turn into "Storybook Forest" before crashing into a Cracker Barrel.

And "A" is short for....

What's the calorie count on the Spiked Root Beer Float, anyway? That might impede its popularity, at least among the beach and show-biz crowds and their wanna-bes.

"Sorry Mark McGrath, but when I want to party like a star I'm sticking with my Cristal and B12 injection."

But can you float ice cream in Cristal? (Actually, don't answer that; Britney will get ideas.)

whys mark mcgrath get a restaurent an not dina or linsey? yall know linsey a much bettr drink than mark!

Luvlinsey has a point. A party girl like Lilo knows what a good drink is. Or at least one you don't notice is bad after 3 or 4 of them.

FYI, the Spiked Root Beer Float is NOT available at the CI Tiki Bar: Home of the Perfect Mojito. So don't ask.

Posted by: methinks | July 22, 2008 11:43 AM
__________________________________

Scene: CI Tiki Bar. methinks behind the bar, drying glasses. Two neophytes walk in and sidle up to the bar.

Neophyte: We'll have one Spiked Root Beer Float and one Laverne 'n Shirley, please.

methinks: Hey, look mister, we serve hard drinks in here for people who want to get drunk fast. And we don't need any characters around to give the joint atmosphere. Is that clear? Or do I have to slip you my left for a convincer?

Neophyte: How about two Chocolate Choo Choos?

methinks: That does it! Out you two pixies go, through the door or out the window!

it's not the carbonation and the sass that make this combo deadly, it is the mixing of ICE CREAM and Jager.

Why does Mark hate us?

whys mark mcgrath get a restaurent an not dina or linsey? yall know linsey a much bettr drink than mark!

Posted by: luvlinsey | July 22, 2008 12:02 PM

********

Think about it, luvlinsey: if LiLo *ran* a restaurant, she'd be much too busy to drink. She's taking care of herself first. It's the only way she'll get healthy. Stay strong, LiLo.

What's the calorie count on the Spiked Root Beer Float, anyway? That might impede its popularity, at least among the beach and show-biz crowds and their wanna-bes.
************
Well, see, they would specify that it be made with fat-free frozen vanilla yogurt and sugar-free root beer.
What, you thought this drink couldn't sound any worse?

Call me a lush, but I don't see the big hooha over this drink. There are much more disgusting concoctions out there: the Three Wise Men, the Four Horsemen, the Mushroom Cloud over Baghdad, the Cement Mixer and the truly, truly evil Prairie Fire (tequila and tabasco).

I bet Prairie Fire would wash down some jalapeno cheetoes real good though. I finally found some and unlike alex, remained healthy afterward.

Ugh, somehow on my first readthrough of the recipe I missed the Jagermeister.

ew.

Not that the whole "root beer vodka" seems like a good idea either but adding in a liquor that tastes like old-school Formula 44D cough syrup.....just...ew.

I don't see the big hooha over this drink
***********
Hooha?

(Squinches eyes tightly) Must. Suppress. Visual.

Hold up wait a minute. Has JayZ lifted the ban on Cristal? I don't think we're suppose to be popping those until Jay says it's okay.

It worries me that ordinary Lizards off the street know so much about beverages.

Icky ones, too.

Us Twelve steppers are getting a little shaky....

I co-invented a drink once. We were enjoying a squadron of B-52s (Kahlua, Bailey's, Grand Marnier) when we ran out of the GM.

Feel free to sub Aunt Jemima's Pancake Syrup in place of GM and call it a B-47.

It's amazing what tastes good when you're already loaded.

Mark McGrath's restaurant looks like a Stuckey's took a U Turn into "Storybook Forest" before crashing into a Cracker Barrel.

And "A" is short for....

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | July 22, 2008 11:51 AM

Lizards and er, Lizards, we have a winner....

byoolin, that reminds me of an unfortunate teenage evening spent with Cutty Sark, grape Wyler's and a blender.

the things your parents neglect to tell you.....

I love Mark. I saw him in concert in Fairfax at the fair. I think he is cute and I am always down for my Irish boys.

However no rootbeer drink for me.

There's a bar here in town that will make a Darth Vader. What is a Darth Vader you ask, why simply take a long island iced tea and instead of adding coke, add Jager. It's surprisingly good.

I feel truly sick. I am clutching my pouch in disgust.
However, this drink might just be the one to get Miley Cyrus drunk, guys. "Hey little girl, want a rootbeer float?"

You know what else I think is just ew! is a dirty martini. Looks like a pigeon just crapped in yer glass.

While we're on the topic of revolting mixtures, just fyi--a tortilla filled with orange marmalade does not satisfy the munchies (as one would hope) after a long night of um partying.

Wouldn't the ice cream slow down the absorbtion of the liquor? In which case, it's just getting in the way....

Irishgirl

"I love Mark. I saw him in concert in Fairfax at the fair."

Before or after the demolition derby?

haha, no demolition derby. The fair over by the government center. They actually have some good concerts. Blink 182 was there and so was the guy who sings Jesse's girl. Rick Springfield.

Wowza! The spiked root beer float makes my cousin's crab juicetini sound like liquid ambrosia.

★☆★☆★blackwhitemate.com ★☆★☆★OMG!!! Are these famous guys fond of internet dating for now?? Maybe they are indeed so rich that they feel boring sometimes to need new things?

I love Mark. I saw him in concert in Fairfax at the fair. I think he is cute and I am always down for my Irish boys.

Posted by: Irishgirl | July 22, 2008 1:05 PM
*********************************

If I've told them once, I've told them a thousand times -- Mark McGrath first, Puppet Show second!

Now, I am sick. Estelle Getty died.

Nigel you are a bad boy.

Did luvlinsey already leave the building? Apparently Lilos leggings are more popular than Posh's pants. Who would have guessed.

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b147121_lindsays_leggings_already_off_rack.html

does M McGrath know that there's a Sugar Ray cocktail? It consists of midori, rum, cointreau, strawberry and black currant liqueurs.

The big question: which would make you projectile vomit the quickest - the Rootbeer Mess, the Sugar Ray or Ipecac?

Between you and me, this sounds like the type of thing Andy Dick might order at TGIFridays before dropping trou and hanging from some kind of brass ornament. I'm just sayin'.

********
What else is there to say? I would like to nominate our own Liz Kelly for comment of the week - unless, that is, she has already removed herself from consideration.

Yes, ep, Estelle's death is sad news. Before her lengthy and terrible illness took her from the public eye, she brought joy to many fans. She also valued her private family life immensely, and had a giving heart.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Estelle_Getty

Irishgirl

"I love Mark. I saw him in concert in Fairfax at the fair. I think he is cute and I am always down for my Irish boys."

Before or after the tractor pull?

My best memories of Mark McGrath are from Rock and Roll Jeopardy on VHI (host Jeff Probst). Good times.

Did luvlinsey already leave the building? Apparently Lilos leggings are more popular than Posh's pants. Who would have guessed.

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b147121_lindsays_leggings_already_off_rack.html

Posted by: wanted to pretend to be luvlinsey but just can't compete | July 22, 2008 1:56 PM
==================
With the high price of gas, the leggings make an excellent material for filtering cooking oil, one of the many steps in making biodiesel.

Nothing like a good war to make you appreciate a good mixed drink like Orange and Bourbon. Hey, can we get a Orange & Bourbon at the Tiki Bar for old time's sake?

It was one of our favs in 'Nam. (What could you do when all the REMF's kept all the Coke-Cola for themselves?)

I bet Prairie Fire would wash down some jalapeno cheetoes real good though. I finally found some and unlike alex, remained healthy afterward.

Posted by: Angela | July 22, 2008 12:32 PM

********

Yikes. I almost needed to call 911 just reading about this! Or at least have a fire extinguisher handy.

Of course, in the original instance, it was the combination of the JC Cheetos mixed with the Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper that did me in.

(BTW, Angela, thanx for the PW link a couple of weeks back. I've been enjoying catching up on the archives.)

Dear Mr. McGrath,

Your root beer vodka is not all that. Root beer schnapps has been around for years.

I, personally, would substitute vanilla schnapps or Licor 43 for the Jäger, you know, to prevent projectile vomiting.

Alex,

Two weeks after your unfortunate jalapeno cheetos incident, the USDA now implicates jalapeno peppers in the recent e coli outbreak.

Hmmm....

I totally just posted a comment and it didn't show up ... no curse words or anything. ??? Do the Celebritology gods hate me today?!? :( I guess I must retype and look for possible inappropriateness to exclude:

I think I will avoid trying that root beer vodka, blech. Although, the spiked root beer float drink sounds worthy of trying it at least once.

Does anybody remember an episode of How I Met Your Mother that had a root beer and jager drink made at a halloween party that was supposed to taste like a tootsie roll?

Aha! It posted this time. I think the name of the episode is what got my comment denied before. If anybody remembers, it had the word pumpkin in it.

flutterbyjen, I tried to post the name of that episode, just as a test and you were so right! I never would have guessed that word would trigger the filter, and i have to wonder why it does.

Just in case anyone else is wondering, the word in question rhymes with "nutty" but begins with an "s" and is used to describe a woman of questionable morals. (Let's see what you make of that, byoolin!)

I'm imagining Byoolin frantically trying to type different combinations of $lutty Pumpk1n into his "name line".

I did not intend to write $lutty twice. Hmmm....

I blame the jalapenos.

Alex,
Two weeks after your unfortunate jalapeno cheetos incident, the USDA now implicates jalapeno peppers in the recent e coli outbreak.

Hmmm....

*************************
Good catch MoCo, but it's hard to imagine there is any actual plant material left after the processing involved in cheeto manufacturing.

That's weird.

I have no reason to know what on Earth "REMF" should stand for, yet I do...

I had the same thought, MoCo. What will we eat on the island if our Cheetos are tainted?

Was it e. coli or Salmonella, tho? (Not that it matters much.)

"What will we eat on the island if our Cheetos are tainted?"

Why, tainted Cheetos, of course.

You gonna let a little salmonella scare you? No negotiation with microorganisms!

I bet Prairie Fire would wash down some jalapeno cheetoes real good though. I finally found some and unlike alex, remained healthy afterward.

Posted by: Angela | July 22, 2008 12:32 PM

It's the combination of jalapeno cheetos and the spiked root beer float that would be truly deadly.

I had CJ cheetos last night and suffered no ill effects. I think Angela is right about the cheeto process making the final product pretty much devoid of plant material. Of course, I could probably eat Jed Clampet's weasel flambeaux (sp?) and not get sick, so maybe I'm not the best test case.

It wasn't the e. coli. It was the e. Omarosa.

Thank you to whoever came up with that and noted it in the Morning Mix. I believe we have a new term for the Glossary.

byoolin, that reminds me of an unfortunate teenage evening spent with Cutty Sark, grape Wyler's and a blender
***
does anyone remember spanada? that's all i'll write.

"What will we eat on the island if our Cheetos are tainted?"

There's always Pop Tarts.

I'm glad its not a variation on the Cement Mixer. That is some nasty stuff.

Bailey's and Rumpleminze or Jagey (I think) which you begin to drink, but before swallowing you vigorously shake your head back and forth until it curdles, then swallow. Maybe musicgeek knows for sure.

Janet,

Was that the fermented grape beverage they advertised on the CB radio?

No. I don't remember it. I was too busy drinking Boone's Farm.

What will we eat on the island if our Cheetos are tainted?"

why, Emily's Spinach Pie, of course.

Boone's Farm??? Snarky, are you that old? I thought I was the old fart on this here blog.

and Annie Green Springs.

Yep, that would be one variation of the Cement Mixer. Sometimes it's done with lime juice. Anything that will curdle the cream will work.

I, personally, loved any flavor of Boone's that was intentionally misspelled. Country Kwencher was a favorite. Boone's Sangria was not.

However, Boone's was the epitome of class and sophistication compared to Thunderbird and Cisco.

Sas, college kids still drink the Boone's Farm, mostly because it's dirt cheap.

Spanda--OMG, I totally forgot about that. Of course, it was everywhere--sort of like cilantro is these days.

Ok, folks, I got drunk early in my life one time on gin and rootbeer. And set the kitchen on fire. And my parents came home and found me naked in the front yard wearing cowboy boots. So think twice about the root beer-- I think that is the problem.

sunnydaze has a stomach of steel!

*******

Wow--is that like abs of steel, sunnydaze?

To Nick: re, the 12:08 post...
Loved the dialog (lovingly lifted from 'It's a Wonderful Life') between meself and the two pixies who (hypothetically) walked into a bar (the CI Tiki Bar) and ordered the spiked root beer float. In fact, if you're looking for a job in Celebritology Island, I could use a bouncer named Nick.

don't remember it. I was too busy drinking Boone's Farm.
*****
in the same family. ditto annie green springs. boy, have not thought of that in years and years. annie green springs. hahahahaha.
and chocolatetiara, gin & rootbeer? talk about initiating the gag reflex. but the story is wonderful. your parents must have been both proud and impressed.

Thanks, chocolatetiara. I told my boss that I was waaay too busy to go to a meeting this afternoon but I'm ruining the looking dilegent effect by laughing like a hyena at my desk.

(How'd you get your pants off over the cowboy boots? There's a story there.)

Ok, folks, I got drunk early in my life one time on gin and rootbeer. And set the kitchen on fire. And my parents came home and found me naked in the front yard wearing cowboy boots. So think twice about the root beer-- I think that is the problem.

Posted by: chocolatetiara | July 22, 2008 4:17 PM
=====
I started singing this to myself and I think I might just have Jessica Simpson's breakthrough country hit....

To Nick: re, the 12:08 post...
Loved the dialog (lovingly lifted from 'It's a Wonderful Life') between meself and the two pixies who (hypothetically) walked into a bar (the CI Tiki Bar) and ordered the spiked root beer float. In fact, if you're looking for a job in Celebritology Island, I could use a bouncer named Nick.

Posted by: methinks | July 22, 2008 4:21 PM
__________________________________

I accept.

[Ringing the cash register] Hey! Get me! I'm giving out wings!

Curmudgeon, could you please add Nick the Tiki Bar Bouncer to the Celebritology Island list of jobs. I'll vouch for him. He's with me.

Wow--is that like abs of steel, sunnydaze?

Posted by: alex is awed | July 22, 2008 4:21 PM

*************

Ha! Um, No. Unfortunately...

Curmudgeon, could you please add Nick the Tiki Bar Bouncer to the Celebritology Island list of jobs. I'll vouch for him. He's with me.

Posted by: methinks | July 22, 2008 4:43 PM
=========================================

Chief?

All this talk of alcohol has made me a little parched and nary a drop in the house. I may have to hit the pure vanilla.

That's weird.

I have no reason to know what on Earth "REMF" should stand for, yet I do...

Posted by: ...unless byoolin got the 'Rear Echelon' part wrong. | July 22, 2008 3:33

No byoolin, the MF stands for mucho funny! (or maybe master farters??)

But methinks never told me if I could get my root beer and Scotch!

Was that the fermented grape beverage they advertised on the CB radio
***
not sure what it was. supposed to be a wine. but it couldn't have been. think it was supposed to taste like kool aid or pop, just to make big drinkers out of us

I remember some swill called "Night Train". And there was a time when we were all fancy because we were drinking wine: Riunite.

I was in a store that had a big wine selection, with little cards telling you about the wine and what to pair it with. They had a bottle of Mogen David and the card read "good for chafing dishes". I was not sure if it meant as fuel for a chafing dish or taking the finish off actual dishes.

Estelle Getty and I have (had?) the same birthday. If she could have hung on until Friday, she'd have been 85. Now, I must celebrate my birthday with Matt LeBlanc, Iman, and Ileana Douglas (I love imdb's "on this day").