For Oprah, the Golden Touch

There's just something unnerving about a disembodied Oprah head floating in space and crowned with two dogs. I'm not the world's biggest Oprah fan, as has been made abundantly clear here in the past. The woman has an outsized ego and way too much sway over the minds (and spending habits) of middle America. That's why when I saw that Oprah was the latest subject of the one-note celeb-centric artist Daniel Edwards (yes, the same guy who brought us the NSFW Britney giving birth and Paris Hilton autopsy sculptures), my face immediately mimicked the look it gets when I find my own dog has unceremoniously left a present in the middle of the living room rug. (Image courtesy Leo Kesting Gallery) As if flesh-and-blood Oprah wasn't bad enough, Edwards has transformed Winfrey into a golden goddess, replete with flowing mane and supporting life-sized likenesses of her dead dogs Sophie and...

By Liz | May 15, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (51)

Beyonce's Bootylicious Kid Ads: Over the Line?

(Image via PopGumbo.com) Yep, we know Beyonce Knowles is bootylicious, but suddenly the pop diva turned designer is at the receiving end of a torrent of criticism for marketing that image to the second-grade set. The latest from Beyonce's House of Dereon -- the fashion label she runs with mom Tina -- is "Dereon Girls." And while the clothes themselves may be innocuous enough (if trite and trendy), it is the advertisements featuring seven-year-olds in full makeup and high heels that has critics lining up to charge Beyonce with contributing to the delinquency of minors. Though the ads debuted last fall, they've been the target of a resurgent flurry of comments in the blogosphere: Asks (NSFW) blog PopGumbo: "What is the next ad going to look like? Babies wearing gold metallic bikinis while five-year old boys throw Monopoly money on them." Conservative critic Michelle Malkin, invoking JonBenet Ramsey's image...

By Liz | May 14, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (104)

10 Truths About Tom Cruise

Oprah gets a hug from pal TC. (AP/Harpo Productions) After two years of battling bad PR, courtesy of his own couch-jumping and weirdly devout ways, Tom Cruise's image rehab is officially underway. Monday's second hour of Oprah's Tom Cruise fest was, well, enh. Unlike Friday's visit to the Colorado Cruise compound (Tom Shales reviewed part one in yesterday's paper) -- complete with a peek inside Tom's inner sanctum and a visit from Suri -- yesterday's in-studio visit had all the charm of an infomercial: enthusiastic sales pitches, marketing posters and an audience of rabid believers. Still, it isn't every day we get to study the elusive Mr. Cruise for the better part of an hour and, never one to squander a chance to flop in front of a TV for 60 whole minutes, I watched. And, because this is how I work people, I took notes -- resulting in...

By Liz | May 6, 2008; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (271)

Comment Box: The Naked Truth About Miley Cyrus

15-year-old Miley Cyrus at the Academy Awards in Ferbuary. (Reuters) It's no surprise that the Miley Cyrus photo scandal is the talk du jour. Everyone -- from The Post Style section to mommy blogs to Jamie Lee Curtis -- is adding voice to the question of whether semi-topless Vanity Fair pix (released on the heels of last week's leaked Miley bra shots) of the 15-year-old Disney star have gone too far. In an utterly unscientific insta-poll conducted here yesterday, 72 percent of Celebritology readers think Miley Cyrus and her parents/management are using the Vanity Fair photo kerfuffle -- and their buyers' remorse -- as calculated plays for press. So, because we're so easily led down the path of manufactured starlet scandals, I thought we'd delve just a little deeper into the Great Miley Scandal of '08. Left: Annie Leibovitz's portrait of Miley Cyrus. Right: The June cover. (Images courtesy...

By Liz | April 29, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (546)

Celebs Descend on Annual Correspondents' Dinner

'Desperate Housewives' star Marcia Cross talks to a TV crew from the red carpet. (Liz Kelly for washingtonpost.com) I'm not sure what the attraction is for celebs who attend the annual White House Correspondents' Association dinner and after-parties. D.C. isn't exactly L.A. or Cannes and the Washington Hilton isn't exactly the Roosevelt Hotel. But perhaps attendance at the annual press do lends a certain gravitas to the walking airbrushed who attend. (Here I thought Ashlee Simpson was a lip-synching airhead until she walked the red carpet, proving that she at least knows how to catch a plane to the nation's capital. Well done, Ashlee. You're one step ahead of Miss South Carolina. You probably have a map.) Although I didn't see Pam Anderson, I'm told her table -- shared with "Hills" star Lauren Conrad, among others -- was a hub of activity during the actual dinner and Pammy even...

By Liz | April 28, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (48)

Sneak Peek: Miley Cyrus's Memoirs

Teen queen Miley Cyrus: I (heart) me. (AP) Miley Cyrus has reportedly inked a seven-figure deal to pen her memoirs. And none too soon. At 15, she's achieved the maturity and distance needed to reflect on her life's lessons. Although the book won't hit stores until 2009, Celebritology has obtained (wink wink) an incomplete outline of the book's proposed chapters, complete with handy descriptions. Chapter 1: Achy, Breaky Start -- In which I am born in the same year my pops hits the country charts with his hip-shaking "Achy Breaky Heart," a song which I hear set a new record for inspiring groans among grunged-out college kids. That record was later broken by Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On." Chapters 2 - 12: The Building Years -- At this point, I was like a high-yield hedge fund early on in its life cycle. You have to contribute before...

By Liz | April 24, 2008; 11:43 AM ET | Comments (109)

Isabella Rossellini's Going Green, In a Porn-y Kind of Way

Isabella Rossellini: Come fly with me. (Image courtesy Sundance Channel) What do you get when you cross Isabella Rossellini with the green movement? Porn. That doubletake you just did -- that's what Isabella wants -- and, in this case, she's hoping that short film aficionados and fans of her work will embrace her latest project, "Green Porno." In the series of eight short films Rossellini wrote, directed and starred in for the Sundance Institute she plays a range of cartoonish insects having sex. "Personally I've always had an interest in animals and everyone is interested in sex, so I thought that writing little shorts about how bugs mate would not only get a laugh, but would also be interesting," said Rossellini Monday in a phone interview. "My hope is that people laugh watching my film and then say, 'Hmm, I didn't know that about a fly or an earthworm.'"...

By Liz | April 22, 2008; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (14)

Highbrow: Britology

The queen of culture holds court: Britney Spears outside the Los Angeles Superior Courthouse in January. (Getty Images) Turns out there's a good reason we spend so much time covering Britney Spears -- she's the most important cultural figure in America. Or so posits Vanity Fair's Matt Pressman in an online piece examining the embattled pop tart's unprecedented coverage -- not only in the tabloids, but by mainstream media and even predictors of societal bellwethers, like The Atlantic and Portfolio. Preposterous? Not so much if you consider the level to which Spears has saturated our daily lives -- from those headlines (for example, The Britney Economy) all the way to the art world (Exhibit A | Exhibit B). Here at Celebritology, she's something of a patron saint. Not only have we deemed her the Biggest Train Wreck, I've devoted more than 44 entries to Spears over the past two...

By Liz | April 18, 2008; 10:44 AM ET | Comments (25)

Paris Hilton's Cheesy Smackdown

Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian and her assets in 2006. (AP) One thing's for sure -- it's hard to come up with a creative, fresh-sounding insult. After all, we've been dissing each other for millennia. For example, there are only so many ways you can say someone's got a large backside. Well-worn gibes range from the mild, almost complimentary ("junk in the trunk") to the scathingly severe ("wide load"). But, it would seem we've heard them all. That is until last week, when one Paris Hilton -- mainly known around these parts for her chart-shredding single "Stars Are Blind" and her humanitarian missions -- lobbed this dirty bomb of a slight at long-time pal (and noted carrier of junk in the trunk) Kim Kardashian's posterior: "It reminds me of cottage cheese inside a big trash bag." And so a new standard for anatomical insult-flinging was set by Hilton, who surpassed...

By Liz | April 17, 2008; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (33)

Melanie Brown's Catty Couture

The catty Melanie Brown. (Reuters) Look out Christian Siriano, there's nothing fiercer than animal print. Little did I suspect when I published the eyeball-singeing pic of Melanie Brown and hubby Stephen Belafonte earlier this morning that Mel's affinity for leopard print was more than a passing fancy. Well, thanks to a quick perusal of the British papers over my morning coffee, I'm astounded -- astounded I tell you -- to discover that Mel has actually designed a line of leopard print clothing aptly, yet obviously, named "Catty Couture." "I'm so excited! It got pulled together quickly, really quickly," said Brown to People magazine, yet again proving how easy it is to design clothes and combating the dangerous "Project Runway" culture that has promoted the silly idea that actual schooling in clothing construction and theory are the trademarks of the best designers. Possibly in a bid to compete with fellow...

By Liz | April 10, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (21)

Katie Holmes, Tomboy?

Tom Cruise (or is it?) in October 2007. (Getty Images) Katie Holmes is teasing us now, right? I really want to believe that her new haircut (see it here, we don't have rights to republish the picture ourselves) is a nod to Mia Farrow's "Rosemary's Baby" look. This theory runs something like this: Annoyed with all the comparisons made between her own shadowy Scientology birth of daughter Suri and Farrow's deliverance of the anti-Christ in the 1968 horror flick, Holmes is showing off her well-known penchant for ironic, Andy Kaufman-esque humor. She's embracing the mythology we've built up around her as the innocent offering to Tom Cruise's insatiable religiosity. I'm sure that's it. But if not, there's another possible explanation: She's sending us a message. She's shorn her once-luxurious mane in a bid to alert us to her desperation. This, her sacrifice tells us, is my cry for help....

By Liz | April 2, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (50)

Celebrity Scribes: An '08 Reading Guide

One need look no further than Paris HIlton's music or Rosie O'Donnell's art to find the proof that celebrities are multi-talented bundles of creativity. And, luckily for us, several celebs will be following memoirist Tori Spelling into the book store over the next several months. Look out James Patterson: Summer beach reading is getting an infusion star power. Below, the upcoming works are listed -- not chronologically -- but in order of least anticipated to most. Author Alec Baldwin will speak at the upcoming BookExpo America. (AP) 10. "Red Carpet Suicide: A Survival Guide to Keeping Up with the Hiltons" by Perez Hilton The only book that I'd rather read less than one written by a chimpanzee, the infamous blogger's upcoming book raises this question: How much more of this guy can we take? 9."Me Cheeta" by Jiggs The 75-year-old "Tarzan" co-star has outlived both Johnny Weissmuller and Maureen O'Sullivan...

By Liz | April 1, 2008; 12:45 PM ET | Comments (22)

Dimmed Stars: Not Gone, But Mostly Forgotten

Dom DeLuise. (Getty Images) If a star isn't visible in the night sky, has it burned out? And if a celebrity is no longer on our radar screen, is he or she in effect "dead to us?" Just now, reading through some of last week's comments, I was transported decades back in time to the late '70s -- "The Muppet Movie" and "Cannonball Run" -- by a passing mention of that jolly, bearded talent, Dom DeLuise. What happened to dear Dom and his "bowl full of jelly" brand of ribald humor? Why was he forgotten? Was he, like Robbie Benson, only supplied with enough vital fuel to burn hot and bright and disappear while we were watching "Star Wars" and getting our heads wrapped around Reaganomics? And what of Peter DeLuise, Dom's son, who endeavored to break out of that doughy DeLuise shadow to try his hand at becoming...

By Liz | March 31, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (58)

Catching Up with Kate Walsh

Kate Walsh, at Thursday's 'Stand Up For Real Sex Education' briefing on Capitol Hill and, bottom, at that evening's Planned Parenthood gala. (Top: Getty Images/Bottom: Liz Kelly for washingtonpost.com) I'll just come right out and say it: Even at a proximity of three feet Kate Walsh is utterly stunning, as I found out last night sitting opposite the "Private Practice" star in the bowels of a local hotel. Not bad, as she admits herself, for a 40-year-old actress, a mainstay on "sexiest" lists: Sexiest TV actresses, sexiest TV docs, sexiest Hollywood Obama supporters. Coincidentally, Walsh was in D.C. yesterday to talk sex -- sex education -- at a packed Planned Parenthood event. Walsh's briefing drew hordes of Capitol Hill staffers hoping to catch a whiff of her star power and get a load of the woman who has kissed both McDreamy and McSteamy. Walsh, though, says she was happiest...

By Liz | March 28, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (36)

Demi Moore Hasn't Lobotomized Herself. Yet.

Demi Moore and 14-year-old daughter Tallulah Belle. (Getty Images) Preternaturally hard-bodied Madonna swears oxygen therapy is part of her health regime. And remember last year when Debbie Harry casually let slip that she allowed doctors to inject her with sheep embryos in a bid to retain her youthful good looks? Well, Demi Moore -- cougar extraordinaire -- has one-upped Debbie, Madonna and every Botox-ified freeze face out there by submitting to a round of bloodletting by leeches to keep herself looking like a fresh-faced youth. The leeches, Moore told David Letterman, were placed in her belly button. They bit, swelled and left the 45-year-old actress feeling "detoxified" (yet still married to Ashton Kutcher). This is the part of the post, you're thinking, where Liz starts to skewer Demi for being a bubble-headed idiot of the first order (and a pretty mediocre actress to boot). Not so. Instead, I say...

By Liz | March 27, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (32)

Sarah Jessica Parker Revisited: When Maxim Attacks

I've been chastised here for critical comments about the occasional misguided haircut or unfortunate wardrobe choice. In fact, more than one reader has told me that the room in which I have to talk about looks is slightly smaller than a postage stamp. Fair enough. Sarah Jessica Parker. (AP) But nothing prepared me for the nasty-grams lobbed at Sarah Jessica Parker during last week's Celebritology Live discussion. If you were there and you're saying to yourself, "I don't remember an inordinate amount of SJP bashing," well, that's because I didn't have the heart to send bulk of them through to the chat. I mean, how many ways can you liken SJP to a horse? Actually, at least 12 different ways, by my count. Never let it be said the Celebritology readership isn't handy with a well-turned insult. What got us on the wrong-headed topic of ranking looks was the Parker's...

By Liz | March 25, 2008; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (130)

And Now, a Word or Two About David Schwimmer

Remember when David Schwimmer ruled Must See TV as a major, if slightly sappy and unlikely, heartthrob? Some of us -- certainly not me -- coo'ed and ahhhed over his years-long courtship of Jennifer Aniston's Rachel on "Friends." (Here's a particularly barfy montage of their love affair.) He was a paleontologist, he had a pet monkey, he never gave up, he was so sweet. Blech. The fashion-challenged David Schwimmer. (AP) Don't get me wrong. I like the guy okay. He totally had a handle on playing a schlumpy, depressed romantic. But his post-"Friends" career has been limited to voice work in the animated feature "Madagascar" and mercy directing a couple of episodes of "Joey." Until now. Friday marks his debut as a feature film director. Sadly, no longer assisted by network stylists, Schwimmer is more heartache than heartthrob. So, being that I'm in a magnanimous kind of mood today, a...

By Liz | March 24, 2008; 11:42 AM ET | Comments (46)

Questions I Have About Heather Mills

Heather Mills gives the thumbs up sign as she leaves divorce court on Monday. Why?! (Getty Images) This week, one-time "Dancing With the Stars" contestant and ex-Mrs. Paul McCartney made headlines when she thumbed her nose at a $50 million divorce settlement. Mills is an enigma wrapped in a tin foil placed inside a lead box and dropped into the Thames. Despite lacking most social graces, talent and much sensitivity as a parent she continues to make a steady kind of career for herself and remain in the headlines, usually because she's done something typically crass. Not surprisingly, I fixated on her and that air of mystery surrounding her raison d'etre. Below, my questions: 1. Why was she dressed like a nascent Pearlie for her divorce court appearance? 2. When disappointed with her $50 million divorce settlement, what thought process led to pouring water over the head of Paul...

By Liz | March 19, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (92)

Catching Up With Sheryl Crow

(AP) Sheryl Crow doesn't consider herself an "A" list celebrity. I laugh -- to myself, because I'm not going to stop the interview to debate her on where she ranks in the often ridiculous, but very real, pantheon of stars. I mean, it's not my place to chuckle dismissively and remind her that in addition to winning multiple Grammys, she dated Lance Armstrong or that she's BFF with Jennifer Aniston or that she is revered by some (and reviled by others) for taking Karl Rove to task at the 2007 White House Correspondents Dinner. We're talking about something much more important, anyway: cancer. Crow herself is a breast cancer survivor and now that she's beaten it, she's a vocal advocate of prevention, research and helping those diagnosed with the disease cope with treatment and recovery. So that's how I found myself sipping my Saturday morning coffee while chatting on...

By Liz | March 17, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (23)

Mary-Kate Olsen Raided My Memory

Mary-Kate Olsen and Arden Wohl at the American Museum of Natural History's Annual Winter Dance. (Getty Images) I know Celebritology readers aren't big fans of critical takedowns of celebs caught in a bad photo moment and I could never hope to out-Fug the Fug Girls, but when I saw this picture of Mary-Kate Olsen cross the wires, well, I knew it was incumbent upon me to say something. Because this photo contains concrete evidence of the lengths to which Mary-Kate will go to further her diabolical scheme to drive me insane. Mary-Kate Olsen is a shape shifter, a fashion faux pas of the first order and, now, guilty of ransacking my memory banks to find new and twisted ways in which to accoutre her diminutive frame. The evidence: 1. Mary-Kate is wearing my grandmother's mink stole, the one that spent several years stashed in an attic crawlspace with other...

By Liz | March 13, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (27)

The Animated Britney Spears

Leave it to Britney Spears to figure out the way out of her crazy train life all by herself. The rest of us (and by that I mean "I") tend to react to mental breakdowns by retreating into a fetal position and finding comfort in "Alice" reruns or Peppermint Schnapps. But leave it to Brit to hit upon a perfect solution -- one that keeps her persona in the public eye, while leaving her flesh-and-weave self free to try on outfits all day in her palatial bedroom suite. (Image courtesy The Sun) Sensing that perhaps a wobbly pole dance and a touch of mania around the eyes don't make for the best marketing tools, Brit has given her go ahead to allow an animated version of herself to appear in the video for her new single, "Break the Ice." And, wowza!, this new ani-Britney is the girl we all knew...

By Liz | March 12, 2008; 10:44 AM ET | Comments (26)

Comment Box: (Not) Heath Ledger's Final Thoughts

(AP) Celebrity news reportage walks a narrow path of legitimacy. Veer a little to one side and one risks turning into just another venue for celeb PR. Overcorrect and one is liable to tumble down the slippery slope of scandal-mongering . One need look no further back than last week's Celebritology Live discussion for a flare up of the old Britney ambulance pic debate. But between flakking and fabrication, Esquire has found a new fuel to feed the cult of celebrity: fiction. In its April issue, the magazine published an item titled "The Last Days of Heath Ledger." It reads like a journal of the actor's final hours before his death from a combination of prescription medications and includes the mundane (what he ate) and the speculative (his musings on fame). It is at once boring and compelling. It is also entirely fiction. Or, as Esquire terms it: "reported...

By Liz | March 10, 2008; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (28)

Easing Diddy's Transition to the Left Coast

Sean 'Diddy' Combs walks this year's Oscars red carpet. (Bloomberg) Earlier this week Sean "Puffy" "P.Diddy" Combs announced he was shopping for homes on the West Coast. In an interview with AllHipHop.com he said, "In order to make movies, you gotta be where they are being made." I'm giving that the big side-eye. I understand more than anyone the urge to creatively express yourself and to push yourself to learn and accomplish new things. But Puff -- hard pill to swallow coming up next -- you are not a great actor. I'm sorry. It needed to be said. "A Raisin in the Sun" received some good reviews, but you fell far short of the talent and skill of Sidney Poitier next to Audra, Phylicia and Sanaa. And your small roles in "Monster's Ball" and "Made and "Carlito's Way," well, those didn't carry the movies either, did they? So before...

By Tanya Ballard Brown | March 5, 2008; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (51)

Highbrow: Marion Cotillard -- Once Sound-bitten

In a scene from the 1950 Bette Davis classic, "All About Eve," Davis is chastened by an irate playwright who -- reacting to a diva-esque monologue from Davis -- asks (and I paraphrase) "what happens when actors start thinking that the insightful words coming out of their mouths are their own?" The implication was, of course, that actors are nothing without words being fed to them and that the actor who confuses adulation with respect is treading on dangerous ground. A mural in Los Angeles. (Getty Images) As dangerous ground goes, Marion Cotillard should win some kind of long jump award for jumping clear from the Olympian heights of a lead actress Oscar win all the way to the shifting ground of public opinion in just one short week. I hesitate to write about this because it takes us out of our safety zone of light celebrity mocking and into...

By Liz | March 4, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (90)

Quick, Christina Ricci, Save Yourself!

Hi Christina Ricci. Let me just come right out and say it: You look weird. You are like a living bobblehead doll or a Margaret Keane painting. Or, as depicted in the irrefutable photographic evidence below, the living embodiment of a Keane-inspired Blythe doll. Left: Ricci. (Getty Images) Right: The Blythe doll. A little advice, Christina: Lose the bangs and the blond. You look heaps better as a vampy goth seductress -- all black hair and "Addams Family" flashbacks. While we're at it, let's talk about your career, too. There's no other way to say this. It may have sounded "daring" on paper, but donning a prosthetic pig snout (in the upcoming release "Penelope") is hardly on a par with DeNiro's "Raging Bull" transformation. Quick, before all is lost, dye your hair back to its natural dark hues and prostrate yourself before Oscar-winning "Juno" screenwriter Diablo Cody, who may just...

By Liz | February 28, 2008; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (60)

Catching Up With Jane Fonda

Fonda on Valentine's Day in New York. (AP) So I'm on the phone talking with Jane Fonda and everything is going swimmingly. We're officially chatting to discuss a charity event, but she's already gone into her thoughts on Lindsay Lohan at great length and hinted about a book in the works. So why not slip in a question about the "Today Show" incident? Though I've been asked to avoid the subject, surely she'll have something to say. No dice. Jane isn't discussing it -- at least not with me. But, as hinted above, she opens up in a big way about "Georgia Rule" co-star Lindsay Lohan and her Marilyn-esque New York magazine cover shoot. "The issues are more than a layout in a magazine," says Fonda. "That's a temporary blip. The issues go really deep." Fonda's work to prevent teen pregnancy in Georgia over the last decade or so...

By Liz | February 27, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (32)

Red Carpet, Red Faces: Last Night's Biggest Losers

By now you've doubtless seen the Gary Busey clip a few times. It was the red carpet moment and, thankfully, provided me with some good posting fodder that has absolutely nothing to do with last night's big winners, the conspicuously absent Angelina Jolie or the fact that George Clooney actually brought 20-something girlfriend Sarah Larson to the ceremony. Below, a look at Busey's sneak attack and the rest of the red carpet's biggest losers. 1. Busey Busts In The 1978 Oscar nominee totally dominated last night's field, deftly scoring a huge triple-threat sabotage maneuver on Ryan Seacrest, Laura Linney and Jennifer Garner. Not since "Gigli" has so much starpower been dimmed so quickly. Busey hasn't seen this much action since his heyday of chasing bank-robbing surfers with Keanu Reeves. Have a look at this man's method: What was Busey even doing on the red carpet? Perhaps his starring role in...

By Liz | February 25, 2008; 08:54 AM ET | Comments (67)

Highbrow: Lindsay Lohan's Bombshell Bid

(Reuters) Lindsay Lohan roared back onto the pop culture landscape earlier this week when (NSFW) pics of the 21-year-old rehab grad aping Marilyn Monroe's iconic "last sitting" photo shoot appeared in the latest issue of New York magazine. When we said back in January that Lohan was ripe for career reinvention, mimicry of a drug-addled icon was hardly what we had in mind. Which is probably why the spread is so effective. It is at once profane and provocative, sad and seductive. But is the 21-year-old "Mean Girls" star merely basking in the reflected mystique of the long dead Monroe or conjuring some mythology of her own? Mom Dinah described the pictures as "tasteful" and "artistic." Though taste is subjective. One woman's tasteful artistry is another's gimmicky, naked play for relevance. L.A. Times blogger Monica Corcoran asks why it is that starlets insist on "channeling" Marilyn to prove they've...

By Liz | February 21, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (20)

Celebritology 101: Star-Crossed Sex Tapes

Gene Simmons's family jewels find their way to a new venue. Pam Anderson has one. So does Paris Hilton. Hilton's is credited with launching her from so-so celebutante into the stratosphere of super-stardom. Which may explain why the celebrity sex tape has morphed from an image killer into a PR strategy for careers on the verge of extinction. Though it doesn't always work. Former "Saved by the Bell" child star Dustin Diamond (aka Screech) found himself the momentary butt of late night jokes about his own sex tape before he was sucked back into the obscurity from whence he came. His coinage of the phrase Dirty Sanchez now has more mileage than his name. Still, so recognizable are sex tapes as a marketing ploy that Eva Longoria even took part in a spoof tape -- in which she continuously preens for the camera -- for the Will Farrell-run site...

By Liz | February 20, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (54)

Frank's Law: Cracking Down on the Paparazzi

Yesterday, we had a serious discussion about the proposed "Britney Law." If passed, it would create a 20-yard "safety bubble" around paparazzi targets. Most poll respondents deemed the idea a good one, though the debate that followed leaves the door open for questions about the legality of limiting the press -- be they notebook-wielding wire stringers or camera-toting insta-paps. It's no surprise, though, that Celebritology field agent Frank Thomason had a completely different take on the Britney Law. In fact, he's taken what had the makings of a modest eyebrow-raiser and given it the va-va-voom befitting the name "Britney." Herewith, Frank's proposed changes to the Britney Law: 1. Paps have to use cameras from the 1930s that weigh at least 20 pounds and have those gigantic flash bulbs. 2. Barring that, no cameras should be allowed in the vicinity of a celeb -- paps must use a sketch artist or...

By Liz | February 13, 2008; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (18)

The 'Britney Law' -- A Celeb's Best Friend?

Britney Spears is photographed from above as she's carried on a stretcher to an ambulance outside her Beverly Hills in early January. (AP/KCBS-TV) While my version of a "Britney Law" would bar singers of questionable talent from recording studios, it was only a matter of time before our favorite train wreck's name was invoked in a bid to rein in the hordes of camera-wielding paparazzi that prowl the streets of Los Angeles. And so it is that L.A. City Councilman Dennis Zine yesterday proposed his "Britney Law" -- a 20-yard "safety bubble" around celebs considered to be "paparazzi targets." The scrums eager to capture the singer's every unpredictable move are a danger to her and to innocent bystanders who aren't at all interesting or tabloid worthy, says Zine. Why is it, the politician seems to ask, should the average citizen's safety be sacrificed to keep Life & Style weekly...

By Liz | February 12, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (32)

Ledger Died of Accidental Overdose

(AP) The AP is reporting that Heath Ledger's death has been ruled an accidental overdose. TMZ.com has obtained a copy of the just-released medical examiner's report. The report states that Ledger death was "accidental," resulting from the "abuse of prescription medications," including oxycodone, hydrocodone, diazepam, temazepam, alprazolam, and doxylamine. Ledger's family immediately released a statement reading, in part, "Today's results put an end to speculation, but our son's beautiful spirit and enduring memory will forever remain in our hearts," and "Heath's accidental death serves as a caution to the hidden dangers of combining prescription medication, even at low dosage." Photo Gallery: Heath Ledger, 1979 - 2008 Share your thoughts below......

By Liz | February 6, 2008; 10:39 AM ET | Comments (61)

Heidi's Hills, Alive with the Sound of Music

Starlets today, so multi-talented. So savvy. So... musical. Heidi Montag now has become the latest in a growing lineup of reality show dodos to jump the shark into a "singing" career. Or, to be more precise, the busty blond star of MTV's "The Hills" has released a video showcasing her talents -- which so far as I can tell are surgically enhanced and contained in two triangles of fabric about 10 inches south of her chin. Have a look: We expected no less more of her after getting this sneak peek last year. Ah. The production qualities rival that of 14-year-old boy's surreptitious YouTube video of his sister at the beach. The song is reminiscent of early Paris Hilton, her high-pitched tweet similar to that of the almost interchangeable Brooke Hogan. But, ever the fan of a good trainwreck, it is Montag's utter inability to look natural while singing this...

By Liz | February 5, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (41)

Are We All Celebrity Stalkers?

Stop the Madness: How can I, an average Joe and part-time Celebritologist let the various magazines and Entertainment Tonight's [know] that I no longer want to play a part in the unraveling of Britney Spears? Sure I can stop watching the shows and buying the magazines, but by the time they feel the impact, it may be too late. -- Submitted to last week's Celebritology Live discussion Personally, I often think that given the opportunity to see pix of one of my neighbors emerging from a car in a miniskirt or video footage of a co-worker entering a rehab facility, I'd be well within my rights to add "stalker" to my list of accomplishments. My neighbors and co-workers, though, are (for the most part) private people who have not made a conscious decision to live public lives that depend on our interest in their work, but also their personalities. But...

By Liz | February 4, 2008; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (28)

Britney Spears's Dad Granted Temporary Conservatorship

The UCLA Medical Center where Britney Spears is currently undergoing evaluation. (Getty Images) Jamie Spears, 1. Sam Lutfi, 0. In a Friday afternoon court hearing, Britney's Spears's father, Jamie, was granted temporary conservatorship over his daughter pending a Monday hearing. What does that mean? According to People.com, Jamie will be able to restrict visitors to his daughter, employ security guards to protect her, control Brit's finances, change the locks on her home and kick out anyone currently living there. In addition, the court also reportedly granted Jamie and Lynne Spears the right to prosecute a restraining order against Spears's friend Sam Lutfi, who has been embroiled in a struggle with the Spears family for control of the singer for the past week. On Thursday, Lutfi called Jamie and Lynne Spears "crazy" in an interview with Us Weekly, saying her problems were "inherited" from her family. Polling courtesy twiigs.com....

By Liz | February 1, 2008; 06:30 PM ET | Comments (44)

Don't Look Now, Here Comes Marie Osmond Again

Marie Osmond, from dance-off to daytime. (AP) Since I'm riding on a pre-"Lost" high, it would take a lot -- like a Diane Keaton-Gwyneth Paltrow smothering nightmare -- to bring me down right now. But the coquettishly evil Marie Osmond almost managed to harsh my mellow with news of her impending daytime talk show, sickeningly titled "Marie." Yes, the one-time teen star turned dollmaker who credited the Bible with inspiring her "Dancing With the Stars" participation will be bringing her unique talent for [jury's still out] to the talk show landscape. Suddenly I can't beat back images of Osmond, dressed like this, surrounded by a council of freakish Osmond-created dolls, all polyester lace and cackles, emitting some cloying, flowery scent that surely masks some soul-stealing vapor. Which kind of runs counter to this statement from one Josh Raphaelson who will be partly responsible for bringing this abomination to TV:...

By Liz | January 30, 2008; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (54)

Lindsay Lohan, Washed Up at 21?

Linday Lohan, always ready for her close-up. (Getty Images) I know what you're thinking: What is Lindsay Lohan up to these days? Since emerging from three months of treatment at Utah's Cirque Lodge rehab center in October, La Lohan -- formerly a stalwart of the Morning Mix -- has been relatively quiet. She's hardly reached Melissa Joan Hart status yet , but with Perez Hilton registering more name recognition than LL, she's dancing dangerously close to full-blown yesterday's news territory. We last checked in with Lohan over the holidays when the one-time singer/actress and current [TBD] made a minor ripple by sipping champagne and kissing her way around Capri by way of welcoming the new year. But when stacked up against the hospitalization of Britney Spears and, like, the return of late night TV, LL's latest exploits just seemed dull somehow. Lindsay Lohan was snapped falling off the sobriety...

By Liz | January 29, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (30)

Celebritology 101: What Price Beauty and Bulk?

Sly Stallone brandishes an HGH-enhanced veiny forearm at a 'Rambo' appearance today in Spain. (Reuters) Last week, perhaps in a bid to drum up interest in his 20-years-on "Rambo" reboot, 61-year-old Sylvester Stallone defended his use of Human Growth Hormone (HGH) to bulk up, saying, "HGH is nothing. Anyone who calls it a steroid is grossly misinformed." Okay Sly, maybe so. But HGH -- a hormone that can stimulate growth and cell reproduction but also possibly cause hypertension, extreme aggression and even a form of diabetes -- is only the latest addition to a growing list of artificial enhancers helping to keep our sports stars superhuman, actresses non-saggy and aging action heroes properly ripped. Just to name a few: - In December the sports world was rocked by the outing of several prominent -- and record-setting -- baseball players who got their edge by juicing, throwing their records and...

By Liz | January 28, 2008; 10:48 AM ET | Comments (33)

For Heath Ledger, a Surprise Ending

Update, 10:31 a.m. ET: Medical examiner says autopsy results for Ledger were inconclusive and will need about 10 more days for additional tests. ----- A smiling Heath Ledger arrives at the New York premiere of his movie 'Candy' in November 2006. (AP) Photo Gallery: Ledger's Life While we were busy agreeing that Britney Spears's is a life that can only end badly and prepping obits for Spears and other high-profile troubled starlets like Lindsay Lohan and Amy Winehouse, it was Heath Ledger who apparently lived fast and died young before we had a chance to gawk at a leaked YouTube video or tut-tut at a DUI charge. Ledger, 28, was found dead yesterday in a New York apartment, apparently from a drug overdose. We're left with two things -- Ledger's interesting, still nascent career and a question: Why didn't we notice? We've harnessed the incredible power of the Internet age...

By Liz | January 23, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (70)

Heath Ledger Dead at 28

Ledger at the 2006 Academy Awards. (AP) The Associated Press is reporting that actor Heath Ledger has been found dead in a New York City apartment. According to the New York Times City Blog, Ledger was discovered by a masseuse who had arrived at the house for a scheduled appointment and that pills were found near the body. As recently as last week, Ledger was reportedly in London shooting the upcoming film "The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus." Ledger will (will he?) next be seen in the role of the Joker in the next Batman Installment, "The Dark Knight." Ledger, nominated for an Academy Award for his performance in "Brokeback Mountain," leaves behind a two-year-old daughter Matilda Rose with ex-girlfriend Michelle Williams. Background Info: Filmography (IMDB.com) Biography (Wikipedia)...

By Liz | January 22, 2008; 04:56 PM ET | Comments (41)

The Oprah-fication of America

Oprah's on! And on and on and on... (Getty Images) Okay, we've talked about Oprah Winfrey here before. And either you people are humoring my distaste for the doyenne of daytime or the average Celebritology reader is so far out of the mainstream you'd send Bobby Trendy into cardiac arrest. What has inspired my doubt, you ask? The continued creep of Winfrey's influence into popular culture. Someone -- a lot of someones -- it seems, is watching, emulating, buying. How else to explain O's unchecked sprawl into TV, satellite radio, film, magazines, books, Broadway and politics? The latest front in this woman's seemingly unstoppable ubiquity is cable television. Discovery networks yesterday announced the creation of OWN -- the Oprah Winfrey Network, set to launch next year in approximately 70 million homes in America. From the AP story: Winfrey envisions the programming dealing with issues such as money, health, weight,...

By Liz | January 16, 2008; 10:30 AM ET | Comments (98)

Risky Business: Chronicling Cruise

(St. Martin's Press) Ah, the celebrity biography -- usually a quick, dirty read (unless the author is Tina Brown, in which case forget the "quick" bit) designed to reinforce our preconceived notions about the mythology of celebrity without actually bolstering that myth with fact. Which is, coincidentally, the perfect formula for maximum book sales, a spot on the bestseller list and a sit down with Larry King. It would appear that the latest entrant into the genre promises more of the same. Despite a scathing early review from Entertainment Weekly ("a 323-page air sandwich"), Andrew Morton's unauthorized biography of that enigmatic couch-jumping box office battleaxe Tom Cruise hit the radar this week with all the force of a pre-release PR blitz. And, on queue, Cruise is reportedly considering a $100 million lawsuit against Morton and his publisher. Cha-ching! Set to hit shelves next week, Morton's book (if the name...

By Liz | January 9, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (29)

Dr. Phil Gets Real. Real Low, That Is

Dr. Phil McGraw: A friend in need is a friend in greed. (AP) I always suspected Dr. Phil McGraw of being a major league fathead and now I'm sure. His unsolicited Friday visit to Britney Spears at Cedars-Sinai hospital has finally given me the opportunity to properly vent my spleen about the drawling, mustachioed huckster. Okay, so most of us were somewhat riveted by news that Brit had been locked down for a psych evaluation following a Thursday night custody standoff, but it takes a special kind of ego to look upon someone else's misfortune and spin it into an opportunity for self -promotion. Not since the days of Howard K. Stern and his unapologetic use of Anna Nicole Smith to declare himself a celebrity have we seen such chutzpah, such a naked play for press. To be fair, Phil says Britney's mom Lynn Spears asked him to intervene...

By Liz | January 7, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (119)

Trailer Trash: Katie Holmes in 'Mad Money'

So yesterday I nipped out in the middle of the day to take in a matinee of "Charlie Wilson's War." I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I'm a slacker of the first order. You're thinking this is the part where I declare this film the worst hair movie ever. (Seriously, big props to the stylist who can make Julia Roberts look like a skeleton wearing a labradoodle and to the cataract-ridden person who dyed Philip Seymour Hoffman's hair black -- you missed a spot!) However, today's post is dedicated to a much more important topic -- the trailer for "Mad Money," the mind-melting upcoming release which promises approximately 90 minutes of "entertainment" facilitated by the detestable Diane Keaton, the I'm-in-everything Queen Latifah and the pert shell of what used to be Katie Holmes. How bad could it possibly be? Based on the trailer alone (see above), I'd have to...

By Liz | January 3, 2008; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (44)

2008: A Good Year for Britney -- So Far

Jamie Lynn Spears: The face of 2008? (Getty Images) Let's do the time warp again, shall we? We're staring down the barrel of a fresh year, rife with possibility. It's a good year for Britney Spears so far. And that's something! This time last year, Brit had already made headlines by falling asleep in a Las Vegas nightclub and would soon plunge headfirst into a year of self-mutilation. Some well-worn names are already up to their old tricks (La Lohan reasserting her tabloid dominance by making free with the lips in the Med) while others are using the time to pay for last year's transgressions (Kiefer Sutherland, Michelle Rodriguez). Still others have turned our heads by keeping some downright crazy company (Paris Hilton and K-Fed?). What will 2008 hold? Hard to say. A year ago today Anna Nicole Smith was alive. Lindsay Lohan had the buzz of a promising...

By Liz | January 2, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (53)

Jamie Lynn Spears, in the Family Way

Jamie Lynn Spears: All grown up now? (Getty Images) So Jamie Lynn Spears has outdone her sister. As noted in this morning's Mix, the 16-year-old sibling-in-waiting to Britney (aka Trainwreck of the Year) managed with two little words to shift the spotlight away from her sister's hairball of a life in L.A. and on to her own in Kentwood, La. Those two words? "I'm pregnant." But it's impossible to be the sister of Britney Spears -- the same Britney who shared her wedding night details with People Magazine, shaved her own head and self-immolated on-stage at the VMAs -- to quietly step back from her public life (as star of Nickelodeon's "Zoey 101") and figure this thing out. Instead, the minor announced her news from the bright, busy cover of OK Magazine. There she sits, all H&M get-up, hip hair and lip gloss with the gigantic-sized letters announcing her...

By Liz | December 19, 2007; 11:22 AM ET | Comments (222)

How Webby is Bill Shatner?

In which we evaluate the Web presence of celebrities. Not very. (WilliamShatner.com) William Shatner's Web site is -- how shall we put this? -- dated. It's all primary colors and overdramatic fonts. Not only does it look as if it hasn't been redesigned since 1998, Bill's very own blog portion of the site ("Bill's Space") hasn't been updated since June. In fact, it seems Shatner has washed his hands of the site since posting this November video gripe about his lack of involvement in J.J. Abrams' new "Trek" movie. Seriously, his site is like parsecs behind that of other "Star Trek" alums like the tragically hip George Takei. And, instead of cashing in on his kitschy 'net cred by highlighting gems like this quirky favorite, we're instead greeted with a call to congratulate Bill on his Golden Globe nomination. Says one adoring fan: "Bill you DEMON. You've done it again."...

By Liz | December 14, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (25)

Catching Up With Dave Navarro

Dave Navarro and 'Spread' co-host Todd Newman. (Spread Entertainment) Dave Navarro is a little annoyed when I ask him about the "reality show curse." "If you say there's a reality TV show 'curse' then you're saying curses are real," said Navarro in an interview yesterday. "And if curses are real, all the other unknowns must be potentially real -- such as UFOs, Big Foot and the Loch Ness Monster. So, maybe we should be looking for those things instead of putting Nick and Jessica through hell." Point taken. Though the guy who staked his claim in the entertainment business as the Jane's Addiction guitarist does admit that his own experiences in documenting his wedding with then-bride-to-be Carmen Electra may have been one factor that ultimately led to their divorce. Another may have been the uptick in interest from tabloids (and, by extension, readers) in prying into stars' private lives....

By Liz | December 13, 2007; 11:20 AM ET | Comments (48)

Paris Peddles Her Party Girl Rep

Feeling rich: Hilton is on hand to launch the new Rich Prosecco campaign in Berlin today. (Marcus Brandt/AFP/Getty Images) Nothing says class like champagne in a can. Unless that nothing is a gold spray-painted Paris Hilton writhing on a cracked, post-apocalyptic Earth. Sounds kooky, I know, but maybe kooky does wonders for canned champagne sales? In any case, the gold-encrusted Paris (NSFW) is the new face air-brushed body of Rich Prosecco. A promotional Web site for the 21st century Zima describes it as "The perfect "starter drink" for your night." Apparently the copywriters stopped short of adding "have several hours before your arrest on suspicion of DUI -- just like our poster girl, Paris Hilton!" And that is the crux of what most bugs me about this ad. There's just something impertinent about a woman who has a record of driving while intoxicated hawking "starter drinks" to anyone who...

By Liz | December 12, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (42)

In Praise of Julia Roberts

Julia Roberts walks the red carpet at the L.A. premiere of 'Charlie Wilson's War.' (AP) Every so often we take a break from the snark, push aside our vitriolic hate of Diane Keaton and get all doe-eyed here at Celebritology central. Like any other average Jane, we're (I'm not putting on airs. I refer to myself and my dog, Page.) susceptible to the charms of brilliant, shimmering star power -- especially when that wattage is the equivalent of green energy. Which is a nerdly way of saying "good." And so today, we gather to sing the praises of one Julia Roberts -- who has again been popping up on red carpets to promote her new movie, "Charlie Wilson's War." She of the big eyes and big smile. She who lives her life largely away from the wack crowd we normally track here. She who pretty much plays herself in...

By Liz | December 11, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (65)

Celebrity Jailbird: Injustice Averted?

Celebrity Jailbird (In)Justice? As of this writing, Kiefer Sutherland -- who started serving his jail sentence late yesterday afternoon -- has already served (approximately) Lindsay Lohan's 84 minute jail stint nine times over. And, at first glance, Sutherland appears to be getting a rough deal compared to some other celebrity offenders (see below) to see the inside of a jail for only minutes this year. But looking a little bit closer, Sutherland -- who was convicted of drunk driving while on probation for a previous DUI offense -- may be yet another example of the special rules governing celebrity justice. Sure, the "24" star agreed to serve 48 days, but initially had an agreement in place to serve 18 days, then return to complete filming the remainder of "24's" season before finishing out his sentence. While it isn't exactly 84 minutes, it's difficult to imagine myself getting a dispensation to,...

By Liz | December 6, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (11)

K-Fed: Dad of the Year in Five Easy Steps

Or: How to Succeed at Parenting Without Really Trying Listen up, Alec Baldwin. You may be an Oscar and Emmy-nominated successful working actor with a hit NBC show, but you ain't no K-Fed. As dutifully reported in yesterday's Morning Mix, one Kevin Federline was cited (along with Anna Nicole Smith baby daddy Larry Birkhead) as Dad of the Year in Details magazine's list of 2007 Power Players. How did a 29-year-old with a resume shorter than Hervé Villechaize top Ryan Seacrest and Harry Potter as an "influential" simply due to his parenting skills? First, listen to K-Fed's thoughts on parenting: Then, in five easy steps, we break down the K-Fed Path to Parental Domination: 1. K-Fed's Johnny Appleseed-esque parenting strategy was hatched before his Spears spawn, Sean Preston and Jayden James, were even a glimmer in his "Chaotic" eye. By fathering four children (two with ex Shar Jackson) K-Fed shrewdly...

By Liz | November 29, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (23)

Matchmaking: Celebrity Species

Yesterday's rumors of Paris Hilton's interest in drunken African elephants turned out to be greatly exaggerated. In fact, the most exotic drunk Paris has ever seen is probably Stavros Niarchos. But, this non-story could serve as an inspiration to Paris and other stars who -- in the name of good PR -- should flock to the ever-expanding list of endangered species to adopt a pet cause. Below, we pair a few more celebs with endangered species in need of a little star power. 1. Mary-Kate Olsen and the Black-Footed Ferret In addition to sharing a striking resemblance and hyphenated names, both Mary-Kate and the ferret have experienced trouble staying properly nourished. 2. Star Jones Reynolds and the Slender Chub Reynolds, who faced her own obsolescence from "The View," may find it easy to identify with Virginia's Erimystax Cahni. 3. Duane "Dog" Chapman and the Wild Ass This beefy bottle blond's...

By Liz | November 14, 2007; 10:40 AM ET | Comments (35)

Coming Soon to a Theater Near You: Jessica Simpson's 'Major' Stinker

In the just-released trailer for the upcoming Jessica Simpson idiot-vehicle movie "Major Movie Star," co-star Vivica Fox delivers this prophetic line: "I think I just threw up in my mouth a little." Prophetic because as I watched the trailer, well, let's just say I identified. Let's see if you can go the whole two minutes and 20 seconds without even a burp: For those not able to watch the trailer at work, the movie features Simpson as a bankrupt starlet who joins the Army (cue in-your-face product placement) in a desperate attempt to change her life. Tagline: "The Few. The Proud. The Blonde." Yeesh. Beyond the fact that "Major Movie Star" advertises itself as yet another Jessica Simpson-fronted stinker ("Employee of the Month," "Dukes of Hazzard." When will they learn?), I can't help being annoyed by the deeper incongruity here: While "Major Movie Star" is hardly the first military-centric screwball...

By Liz | November 13, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (55)

2007: The Year of the Celeb DUI?

Mickey Rourke smiles for the camera. (AP) Mickey Rourke, arrested yesterday in Florida for allegedly driving a scooter under the influence, is the latest Hollywoodie to mix drinking and driving in the last 10 months. Below, a dis-honor roll of 2007 celebrity DUI arrests. Nov. 8 -- Mickey Rourke The versatile star, who once played drunk Charles Bukowski ("Barfly"), is arrested in Miami Beach for failing a field sobriety test after erratically piloting a scooter. Oct. 31 -- Lane Garrison The "Prison Break" star is sentenced to 40 months in prison for a December 2006 DUI that killed a 17-year-old high school student. Oct. 30 -- Rebecca DeMornay A cooperative DeMornay, who once tempted Tom Cruise in "Risky Business," is arrested with a .09 blood alcohol level while driving in Beverly Hills. (Perhaps she was trying to blot out this memory.) Oct. 25 -- Daniel Dae Kim The actor...

By Liz | November 9, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (57)

Doubletake: Celebrity Clones as Art

A Bush-a-like takes on the Rubik's Cube. (TASCHEN) Artist Alison Jackon's work gives one pause, to put it mildly. The British artist's work -- both on film and in still images -- centers on interjecting celebrity lookalikes into jaw-dropping scenarios. There's the peek inside a nightmarish Scientology-approved delivery room as Katie Holmes delivers Suri, playful shots of Princes William and Harry cavorting in Nazi regalia and peeks at a very domesticated Paris Hilton behind bars. Casual observers, though, can easily mistake Jackson's fantastical, elaborate recreations as the real thing. Maybe because we suspect they mirror reality. Jackson describes herself as an interpreter of public fantasies, an artist giving concrete form to our wild speculations and shrewdly tapping into the insatiable appetite for celebrity dirt. "It's really about an obsession with celebrity and how we think we know celebrities intimately, but we don't really know them for real," said Jackson....

By Liz | November 8, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (12)

A Decidedly Non-Rosie Outlook

Rosie at an October 'Celebrity Detox' signing. (Getty Images) When Rosie O'Donnell walked away from "The View" after last spring's serial spat with conservative nemesis Elisabeth Hasselbeck, I cheered. It wasn't so much because I'm a Rosie-hater (though, in the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that I'm not her biggest fan). Rather, it was because she decried the split-screen treatment of the shout-down. She'd had enough, she said. She didn't want to be "Hannity & Colmes," she said. She was tired of it all and wanted to return to the comfort and quiet of her family. Good on her. But, alas, she lied. Hours (at least in Celebritology time) later, O'Donnell was pushing herself back into the national blather-feuled dialogue by posting pseudo-cryptic blog slams to anyone in arm's reach (Hasselbeck, Barbara Walters). And just a few short months after her abrupt departure from daytime talk, she...

By Liz | November 6, 2007; 12:00 PM ET | Comments (15)

Catching Up With... Andy Dick

Andy Dick. (Reuters) To download a 45-minute MP3 of my entire interview with Andy Dick, right click here and save to your computer. Andy Dick is tired of the negative publicity, the TMZ cameras, celebrity feuds and -- for now -- drinking. Oh, and he's got something to say to Jon Lovitz. We'll get to that in a sec. When I talked to Dick on Wednesday afternoon he was refreshingly upbeat. Driven. Defiant. Sober. And, well, domestic. In fact, he interrupted our phone conversation to instruct a friend on the proper way to re-heat lasagna ("We don't want it to get all crispy") for his roommate, 19-year-old son Lucas. So that was unexpected and quaint. As Dick himself said, a Rachael Ray moment. What wasn't surprising was Dick's trademark stream-of-consciousness high-speed download. He's a guy with a lot to say and, if you ask him, a lot more than...

By Liz | November 2, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (19)

The World According to Kanye

I have completely flip-flopped on Kanye West. I like him. And not as a musician really, though I can dig a little "Touch the Sky" from time to time when it pops up on the old iPod. What I like about Kanye is his never-say-die approach to self promotion. When faced with adversity, Kanye does not go quietly into that good night. No, as seen in the footage below, captured at August's Video Music Awards, this guy is a one-man Kanye West activist. (Although his tirade is laced with profanities, most have been bleeped, but this is still NSFW. The good stuff starts at 00:41.): Is he really so blindly self-absorbed or is this all some kind of Andy Kaufman-esque persona created to keep his name in the press? The first few times Kanye's mouth made headlines, I dismissed him as a loudmouthed egomaniac. And so he is, but the...

By Liz | October 30, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (14)

Trouble in the Kidman-Urban Paradise?

(Reuters) When asked about her level of marital bliss, Nicole Kidman recently told Interview magazine that marriage is "beautiful and complicated" and that you "never know where something's going." Some would take this as refreshingly honest. Here in Celebritology 101, though, where we are fluent in celeb speak, Kidman's words took our interest in this still young union to DefCon 1. Could Kidman be telegraphing an unstated message? Is there trouble in what has been, until now, a rocky first year of marriage? To recap: Kidman married country singer, and fellow Aussie, Keith Urban in June 2006. Four short months later Urban checked into rehab for treatment of alcohol abuse. After three months in recovery, Urban emerged in January to announce plans for a world tour, which continues through mid-December. Kidman, in the meantime, has continued to work at a frenzied level, with three movies hitting theaters in 2007...

By Liz | October 24, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (29)

Tom Hanks: His Space

It would seem that sometime last spring, Tom Hanks quietly (as is his wont) jumped on the MySpace train (see his profile here). He joins hordes of celebs who have come before to use the ubiquitous social networking site. One can only assume that witnessing Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler's shoutfest and Courtney Love's stream-of-semi-conciousness screeds, that Hanks said "I need to get me some of that." And so Hanks -- Oscar winner, Hollywood untouchable -- has populated his page with details that defy his previously low profile. Aside from movie premieres and the occasional late night interview, we don't see much of Hanks off-screen. But, thanks to the magic of MySpace, we can now read about his summer reading ("The Diana Chronicles") and his love of Disney's "Darby O'Gill and the Little People." And we can watch shaky home movies, like this one in which Hanks talks about his...

By Liz | October 23, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (23)

Love to Hate: Oprah's Shoe Fetish

I have not been an Oprah Winfrey fan for years. I think she's self-absorbed, disconnected from reality and holds way too much sway over the minds and tastes of her target demographic. So, my disgust wasn't too difficult to summon when I saw this story about Jessica Seinfeld's $15,000 thank you note to Oprah. Seinfeld -- wife of Jerry -- appeared on Oprah's show last week to promote her new cookbook "Deceptively Delicious." With the book now comfortably perched on the bestseller list, Mrs. Seinfeld sent Oprah a thank you gift of what is estimated to be $15,000 to $20,000 worth of shoes. Here's a look, along with a peek in Oprah's closet: Yes, Jessica is undeniably guilty of Gilded Age behavior here; I expect a velvet-liveried monkey delivered the gift on a recommissioned Concord. But by sharing a glimpse of Seinfeld's largesse with her audience -- along with a...

By Liz | October 16, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (104)

Lindsay Lohan: A Changed Woman?

Lohan at the November 2006 premiere of 'Bobby.' (AP) Lindsay Lohan, fresh from a two-month stint in rehab, is like so changed. I know this because LL said so in a new SUPER EXCLUSIVE post-rehab interview with OK! Magazine in which the penitent party girl says she's ready to lead a different life. Though the issue won't hit stands until Thursday, OK! is already busy flakking some tidbits -- and an EXCLUSIVE gallery of her exit from rehab -- online. Rehab was "a sobering experience," said Lilo. "It made me look at myself and all the people, places and things in my life in a different way." By "different way" she must mean in OK! as opposed to at TMZ.com. Because surely making a pit stop with one of the skeevier tabloids while running as fast as you can back to Los Angeles isn't necessarily the best way to...

By Liz | October 9, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (40)

Bai Ling's Literary Juggernaut

Author Bai Ling in January 2006. (AP) Jenna Bush isn't the only gossip column bold-facer to give in to the writing bug. While the first daughter opted to promote her book, "Ana's Story," the old school way -- with the expected in-store appearances and the obligatory Diane Sawyer interview -- Hollywood fashion mash-up queen Bai Ling hyped her upcoming book with a refreshing shin Band-aid campaign. See, on one shin she pasted a Band-Aid and used a Sharpie to write the words "MY BOOK." On the other leg -- pay attention -- she also pasted a Band-Aid, but this time scribbled the name of her book: "NIPPLES." Genius. Doubtless, Ling's "Nipples" will soon take the literary world by storm because who can hold out in the face of this spacey multimedia tour-de-force? First, though, the book will need to actually exist. Perhaps Amazon's buyers haven't been keeping up with...

By Liz | October 2, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (60)

Breaking News: Britney Loses Custody -- Your Take?

Spears at the Sept. 1 opening of Las Vegas nightclub LAX. (AP) The Associated Press is reporting that Britney Spears has to turn over custody of her children to Kevin Federline by Wednesday: Superior Court Judge Scott M. Gordon ruled that Federline will take custody of Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1, beginning Wednesday "until further order of the court." Details are scant, but People.com reports that Gordon issued the written decision after lawyers met with him in a private session requested by Federline's lawyer. TMZ.com is reporting that Spears was again ordered to take parenting classes and submit to drug testing. No reason was included in the judge's written decision and we're obviously still waiting for more details to trickle out. Spears was spotted at Malibu eatery Taverna Tony's on Sunday with her sons. E! News Online adds that "sources familiar with the case" say Spears lost...

By Liz | October 1, 2007; 04:33 PM ET | Comments (41)

Britney: Just a Gum Blonde

A portrait of Spears made of chewed bubble gum titled 'Gum Blonde XLVIII' by artist Jason Kronenwald is shown at left. (Reuters) We've called Britney Spears many things here in the blog -- "bat guano," "nutty," "loopy"... even "bald" -- but "art world phenom" is an unexpected addition to her unintentional resume. One that adds a certain thoughtful irony to the sideshow of a life that Spears has managed to eke out over the last year or so. That sideshow (each chapter more gruesome and twisted than the last!) is chronicled in the new gallery show "Just Britney," an understated title that speaks volumes about our obsession with this girlie-woman gone wild. From demure teen mag cover shots to earnest paintings of what Celebritologists term "the bald phase" to a self-portrait of the latest Brit spin-off sensation Chris Crocker, it is all here in Technicolor horribleness. The show, now...

By Liz | October 1, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (15)

Highbrow: O.J. Revisited Edition

O.J. Simpson in 2001. (AFP/Getty Images) Inspired by columnist Gene Robinson's thoughtful op-ed column, today's Highbrow focuses on O.J. Simpson -- one-time football star and Americana hero who in the '90s transformed into acquitted murderer and cultural lightning rod. For anyone out there who might have spent the last week somewhere this sort of news doesn't permeate immediately, like for instance Ua Pu, a brief recap: Simpson was arrested on Sunday in Las Vegas on suspicion of armed robbery, assault with a deadly weapon, conspiracy and burglary after an incident in which the former NFL-er says he was merely trying to take back some memorabilia that rightfully belonged to him. The tale of the tape (the alleged victim recorded the entire incident), though, reveals a tense situation in which guns and plenty of profanity figured. And, suddenly, we are re-glued to the news, trading "remember whens" about white Broncos,...

By Liz | September 18, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (79)

Who's to Blame for Brit's Belly Flop?

Spears performs at Sunday night's VMAs. (AP) After getting burned with yesterday's sweet little paean to Jane Wyman (who knew?), we boomerang back into the land of teetering starlets with a neat little ethical puzzler courtesy of one Kanye West. Despite the fact that West has a chronic case of being a whiny baby who'd do better to keep quiet and continue making money, he inadvertently dropped some wisdom following Sunday's slo-mo career-killing Britney Spears performance: "Man, they [MTV] were just trying to get ratings, and they knew she wasn't ready and they exploited her." Sincere or not (he went on to say he should have opened the show with his single "Stronger"), Kanye is the only one calling MTV on the carpet for booking Brit, who has hardly given any indication that she was ready to deliver a stellar performance. In retrospect, how could anyone -- most of...

By Liz | September 12, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (106)

Remembering Jane Wyman

Jane Wyman at the height of her 'Falcon Crest' reign. (HO/AFP/Getty Images) I don't claim to know any more about Jane Wyman than the average bear. She was a starlet back when "starlet" meant someone who actually punched a clock at one of Hollywood's major studios. She was the first wife of Republican deity Ronald Reagan. And she presided over one of last of the great primetime soaps, "Falcon Crest." It was in this last role that she entered my orbit. As a snot-nosed Army brat living in Naples, Italy in the early '80s, I hungrily devoured tapes of American TV shipped overseas for trade in the ex-pat "Betamax club." These tapes were my first introduction to the sublime canon of early-80s TV -- "The Facts of Life," "Too Close for Comfort," "The Barbara Mandrell Show," "Simon and Simon" and, of course, "Falcon Crest." While "Dallas" left me somewhat...

By Liz | September 11, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (21)

Insta-Poll: Britney's VMA Performance?

Britney Spears opened Sunday night's MTV Video Music Awards with a performance touted as the opening salvo of her "comeback." But despite early buzz about a stage show including illusions courtesy of Criss Angel, Brit's rendition of her new single "Gimme More" was confined to song and dance, with the only mystery remaining the lack of surprises. (Vote below.) (Reuters) div.TWIIGSPOLL { width: 250px; } div.TWIIGSPOLL a.TWIIGSPOLLquestionlink { font: bold 11px arial; color: #333333; } div.TWIIGSPOLL a.TWIIGSPOLLlink { text-decoration: none; font: 10px verdana; color: #DD8500; } div.TWIIGSPOLL a.TWIIGSPOLLmorelink { text-decoration: none; font: 11px arial; color: #DD8500; } div.TWIIGSPOLL li.TWIIGSPOLLanswerselectionitem { font: 11px arial; color: #333333; } div.TWIIGSPOLL input.TWIIGSPOLLanswertext { /*width: 190px !important;*/ font: 11px arial; color: #333333; } div.TWIIGSPOLL input.TWIIGSPOLLanswercheckbox { font: 11px arial; color: #333333; } div.TWIIGSPOLL input.TWIIGSPOLLanswerradio { font: 11px arial; color: #333333; } div.TWIIGSPOLL input.TWIIGSPOLLsubmit { font: 10px verdana; color: #333333; } div.TWIIGSPOLL div.TWIIGSPOLLtopresults { font: 11px...

By Liz | September 9, 2007; 09:57 PM ET | Comments (50)

Britney Spears: The Naked Truth

Spears at last week's opening of the LAX Nightclub at the Luxor Resort and Casino in Las Vegas. (Getty Images) With Britney Spears's big "comeback" scheduled to unfold in approximately 60 hours at Sunday's Video Music Awards, what better time to consider the following question, which arrived courtesy of an anonymous celeb-behavioral savant during last week's Celebritology Live chat. (The question was prompted by this NSFW photo of Brit, whose cheeks speak louder than words): "Brit's Butt: Right before her big breakdown, Mariah Carey also appeared in public with increasingly smaller amounts of clothes. Based on such unshakeable empirical evidence, can we posit that starlets undergoing mental breakdowns manifest their cries for help by appearing nearly nude in everyday situations? Think also of Lindsay posing with her ankle bracelet in a bikini. I think there is a serious scholarly article waiting to be written." Although I had a tendency...

By Liz | September 7, 2007; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (30)

Lessons from Lilo: A Little Privacy?

The paparazzi-savvy Lindsay Lohan at May's Costume Institute Gala in New York. (AP) We've talked privacy here before and the topic will doubtless emerge again as the unpredictable mixture of celebrities and a 24/7 news cycle continue to collide in new ways. This week, we look at the issue as relates to one Lindsay Lohan -- sometime child star, party girl and recovering addict -- who has been taking tentative steps back into the world. As expected, the paparazzi have been there to capture her recent outings. Last week, Lilo -- currently cleaning up at Sundance, Utah's swank Cirque Lodge ("Recently named by Town and Country magazine as one of the top substance abuse treatment facilities." Ahem.) -- made a quick trip to a local tanning salon for a little color. Then, over the weekend, she was snapped enjoying a whitewater rafting trip with fellow rehabbers. Then, just yesterday,...

By Liz | August 21, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (29)

Perez Hilton Comes to Town

Perez Hilton -- aka Mario Lavandeira. (Liz Kelly for washingtonpost.com) Video: Liz Quizzes Perez Aug. 17, Arlingon, Va. 10:05 p.m. It's Friday night at Clarendon ballroom and event promoters -- in this case radio station Hot 99.5 -- are buzzing the assorted journos gathered in a basement greenroom regularly to assure us that he --- Perez Hilton -- is still coming, and soon. Perez Hilton is hot. So hot that in the past month he's turned up in the realities of both Victoria Beckham (on NBC's one-hour "Welcome to America" special) and Kathy Griffin (on her Bravo show "My Life on the D List") and, for one brief shining morning, in Rosie O'Donnell's vacated "View" seat. He calls his celeb-skewering blog "Hollywood's Most-Hated Web Site" and this self-described "queen" -- who tonight is sporting haphazardly-dyed orange hair, a rumpled shirt and a shiny red tie -- is a bona...

By Liz | August 20, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (30)

Ethan Hawke: Ladykiller

The smooth-as-stucco Ethan Hawke. (AP) My dislike of Ethan Hawke was solidified several years ago when reading a Jane Magazine article in which Hawke -- at the time married to a pregnant Uma Thurman -- said men were not meant for monogamy and that his eye had a tendency to wander. This guy, I said to myself, is a jerk. That opinion was confirmed when news of Hawke's extra-marital dalliances led to the couple's ultimate divorce. Hawke's unapologetic take on the break-up: "Martin Luther King Jr. suffered from infidelity, so did John F. Kennedy. You're more likely to find great leadership coming from a man who likes to have sex with a lot of women than one who's monogamous." Oh, thanks for that light bulb moment, Ethan. Get the Swedish bikini team to the White House, stat. In the intervening years, Hawke hasn't done much to shake my low...

By Liz | August 15, 2007; 10:44 AM ET | Comments (97)

For Britney, Five Truths Worth Knowing

As mentioned in this morning's Mix, official Celebritology train wreck Britney Spears was recently snapped exiting a Hallmark store carrying the inspirational book "50 Truths Worth Knowing." Described on the Hallmark Web site as a "collection of fifty true-life experiences, this uplifting and unforgettable book offers convincing proof that the most important truths are often revealed in simple and surprising ways." Of course, Simple Brit should know this by now. She's had some important truths revealed to her in surprising ways over the past couple of years: Surprise! Don't drive with a kid on your lap. Surprise! Don't marry a back-up dancer. Surprise! Don't shave your head. I could go on. In the spirit of supporting Brit's new self-help stance, though, I offer an alternative, condensed text below -- one small enough for a laminated wallet card or even a convenient forearm tattoo. And, at FREE, the price is...

By Liz | August 14, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (36)

Skin Deep: A Trio of Questionable Celeb Looks

I know. You're expecting to settle in for your weekly Highbrow dose. Highbrow will return in two weeks. In the meantime, step right up for a peek at a selection of celeb-curiosities. Below, behold fashion victims, freaks of nature and unruly follicles. Mary-Kate, Fashion Plate (AP) Don't look now, but here's Mary-Kate Olsen sporting yet another questionable ensemble. This time the diminutive multi-millionaire paired the bottom half of a Morticia Addams costume with what looks to be a large mens' V-neck T-Shirt. She added the coup de grace with a massive blinged-out (sorry Kanye) cross, earning herself a title as the wackiest wardrobe mashup artist to grace the red carpet since Bai Ling. See more of Mary-Kate's transgressions at gofugyourself.com. Neck Hair, Anyone? (AP) We love Seth Rogan. He makes schlumpy cool. He added an extra bit of slacker-fab to "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," totally kicked butt in this summer's "Knocked...

By Liz | August 2, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (27)

Rant: When Good Stars Go Bad

Jason Lee at the July 30 'Underdog' premiere. (Reuters) It is a nightmarish scenario. Sitting in a movie theater, you are trapped in a polyester-covered chair, your feet gingerly brushing a sticky floor as a preview for a movie so execrably bad slowly unspools itself on screen, burning its 18-wheeler-sized vileness into your retinas. Despite the fact that you are in America, your nostrils are filled with the noxious scent of Camembert -- not from an epicure snacking close by, but from the cheese on screen. Then, just as the bile starts to settle back down your esophagus, the face of an actor you like appears. You blink, hoping you missed the transition to a new trailer, but this is only denial, pathetically trying to make the bad thing go away. Sigh. And so it is that this happened to me on Sunday when confronted with the uncomfortable realization...

By Liz | August 1, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (30)

Mapping the Stars

Where does privacy end and public life begin for celebrities? Consider the following: Using tips sent in by readers and other Web reports, the Celebritology cartography staff created the map at right pinpointing recent sightings of comedian Dave Chappelle in the D.C. metro area (click the pinpoints for more info). I don't feel too skeevy about it. The sites are all public places and Chappelle actually talked to fans -- and in one case a CNN reporter -- while out and about and I've got queries out to Chappelle's publicist trying to get a statement on why he's visiting the area. My map is merely a speck on what is becoming a virtually star-studded celebrity globe, courtesy of sites like Google Earth the infinitely popular Gawker Stalker. The site, also powered by zealous fans, lists (mainly New York-based) sightings of celebrities doing everything from riding the train to shopping...

By Liz | July 31, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (24)

Catching Up With Ricki Lake

Ricki Lake. (Getty Images) It's Tuesday morning and Ricki Lake is calling from Halifax, Nova Scotia, where she's wrapping up work on the Lifetime movie "A Very Lucky Girl" and looking forward to a weekend visit from her kids. While Lake had her make-up touched up between shots, we talked about her acting debut in the 1988 John Waters-directed "Hairspray" (she originated the role of dance-crazed Baltimore teen Tracy Turnblad), her cameo in this month's well-reviewed remake and, in light of Lindsay Lohan's latest arrest, how she managed to navigate celebrity as a young actress. With a few movies in the offing, a documentary project and a possible ABC pilot, things are picking back up for the woman who credits "Hairspray" for giving her a 20-year (and counting) career. Read the full interview after the jump......

By Liz | July 25, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (18)

Does Dave Chappelle (Heart) PWC?

With apologies to Celebritology's international audience, today we hop on the trendy "hyperlocal" train to talk about a little Beltway buzz. Dave Chappelle. (AP) Yesterday, rumors about Dave Chappelle's possible Prince William County, Va. hospitalization made the blogosphere rounds and had fans frantically calling in sightings to one local D.C. radio station. By day's end, a Chappelle spokesperson issued a statement saying the comic was hospitalized over the weekend for "exhaustion" and had since fully recovered. A friend of Chappelle's also came forward to say the comedian had been hospitalized, yes, but in San Francisco. The truth of the matter seems elusive and we may never know if one of America's funniest dudes was in fact confined to a padded room across the street from Manassas's Red Panda Buffet (where an all-you-can-eat lunch buffet in close proximity to where a major celeb may or may not have been confined is...

By Liz | July 18, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (20)

Victoria Beckham's 'Major' Debut

Victoria Beckham, ready for her California close-up. (AP) The Victoria Beckham (aka Posh Spice) who asks earthquake specialists if her knickers are showing and half-seriously says "Let me get myself miserable before we go out" is way more likeable than the actual miserable specimen we Yanks have been spoonfed for the past several years courtesy of tabloid pics in which she poses like a severe mannequin at the side of husband David Beckham. As it turns out, Posh may have been England's best kept secret. After last night's airing of NBC's "Victoria Beckham: Coming to America" special, though, the cat is out of the Prada bag and smoking hot in skintight fuschia spandex, baby -- ready to laugh at her own lame Lionel Richie jokes and unapologetically call Eddie Murphy a naughty censor-worthy name on primetime network TV. She's over the top, sassy and manages to simultaneously poke fun...

By Liz | July 17, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (61)

Daniel Radcliffe Conjures Up an Adult Image

Emma Watson reacts to co-star Daniel Radcliffe's Details spread. (AP) We spend a fair amount of time here handwringing about the overt sexuality of starlets. Today's Miley Cyrus is tomorrow's Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Fergie, Elizabeth Berkley, etc. One day it's all pigtails and formulaic TV capers and the next its bustiers, plaid minis and kissing Madonna on stage at the MTV awards. It's tough territory for a parent to negotiate. Kid-safe entertainment fare is -- in its best form -- a respite from a world of nine-year-olds with cell phones, 11-year-olds with boyfriends and 13-year-olds with midriff-baring Abercrombie ensembles. Much ink has been spilled pondering how to square on-air "G" ratings with young female stars quickly growing into PG-13 and even R-rated real lives. But what about the boys? We don't usually worry about them. Like the Disney Channel's Zach and Cody, they live the sweet life. We...

By Liz | July 10, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (48)

From the Desk of Britney Spears

The over-communicative Britney Spears. (AP) What better way to spend a slow post-pyrotechnic workday than pondering the latest message from the disjointed mind of Britney Spears? We've had much fun at the expense of her brain droppings in the past -- translating her free-form poetry and even enlisting an expert to draw conclusions about her aberrant personality from her words and