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Archive: Britney Spears
Highbrow: Britology
The queen of culture holds court: Britney Spears outside the Los Angeles Superior Courthouse in January. (Getty Images) Turns out there's a good reason we spend so much time covering Britney Spears -- she's the most important cultural figure in America. Or so posits Vanity Fair's Matt Pressman in an online piece examining the embattled pop tart's unprecedented coverage -- not only in the tabloids, but by mainstream media and even predictors of societal bellwethers, like The Atlantic and Portfolio. Preposterous? Not so much if you consider the level to which Spears has saturated our daily lives -- from those headlines (for example, The Britney Economy) all the way to the art world (Exhibit A | Exhibit B). Here at Celebritology, she's something of a patron saint. Not only have we deemed her the Biggest Train Wreck, I've devoted more than 44 entries to Spears over the past two...
By Liz | April 18, 2008; 10:44 AM ET | Comments (25)
The Animated Britney Spears
Leave it to Britney Spears to figure out the way out of her crazy train life all by herself. The rest of us (and by that I mean "I") tend to react to mental breakdowns by retreating into a fetal position and finding comfort in "Alice" reruns or Peppermint Schnapps. But leave it to Brit to hit upon a perfect solution -- one that keeps her persona in the public eye, while leaving her flesh-and-weave self free to try on outfits all day in her palatial bedroom suite. (Image courtesy The Sun) Sensing that perhaps a wobbly pole dance and a touch of mania around the eyes don't make for the best marketing tools, Brit has given her go ahead to allow an animated version of herself to appear in the video for her new single, "Break the Ice." And, wowza!, this new ani-Britney is the girl we all knew...
By Liz | March 12, 2008; 10:44 AM ET | Comments (26)
Frank's Law: Cracking Down on the Paparazzi
Yesterday, we had a serious discussion about the proposed "Britney Law." If passed, it would create a 20-yard "safety bubble" around paparazzi targets. Most poll respondents deemed the idea a good one, though the debate that followed leaves the door open for questions about the legality of limiting the press -- be they notebook-wielding wire stringers or camera-toting insta-paps. It's no surprise, though, that Celebritology field agent Frank Thomason had a completely different take on the Britney Law. In fact, he's taken what had the makings of a modest eyebrow-raiser and given it the va-va-voom befitting the name "Britney." Herewith, Frank's proposed changes to the Britney Law: 1. Paps have to use cameras from the 1930s that weigh at least 20 pounds and have those gigantic flash bulbs. 2. Barring that, no cameras should be allowed in the vicinity of a celeb -- paps must use a sketch artist or...
By Liz | February 13, 2008; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (18)
The 'Britney Law' -- A Celeb's Best Friend?
Britney Spears is photographed from above as she's carried on a stretcher to an ambulance outside her Beverly Hills in early January. (AP/KCBS-TV) While my version of a "Britney Law" would bar singers of questionable talent from recording studios, it was only a matter of time before our favorite train wreck's name was invoked in a bid to rein in the hordes of camera-wielding paparazzi that prowl the streets of Los Angeles. And so it is that L.A. City Councilman Dennis Zine yesterday proposed his "Britney Law" -- a 20-yard "safety bubble" around celebs considered to be "paparazzi targets." The scrums eager to capture the singer's every unpredictable move are a danger to her and to innocent bystanders who aren't at all interesting or tabloid worthy, says Zine. Why is it, the politician seems to ask, should the average citizen's safety be sacrificed to keep Life & Style weekly...
By Liz | February 12, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (32)
Timeline: Britney's Erratic Behavior
Since a disjointed interview with Matt Lauer in June 2006, Britney Spears's behavior has been increasingly, err, scattered. Below, we track the pop star's compounding misdeeds. Kevin Federline. (AP) 2006 Nov. 7-- Brit files for divorce from Kevin Federline. 2007 Feb. 16: Spears spends 24 hours in a drug rehabilitation facility in Antigua for treatment of an undiagnosed substance abuse problem. Feb. 17 -- Returning to the U.S., Spears wanders into a San Fernando Valley hair salon and shaves her own head. A bald Britney Spears. (AFP/Getty Images) Photo Gallery: Britney's Changing Look Feb. 21 -- A bald Britney wails on an SUV with an umbrella outside Kevin Federline's home. Feb. 21 - 22 -- Spears checks into and out and back into a California's Promises inpatient treatment facility. March 20 -- Spears leaves rehab after "successfully" completing the center's program. July 3 -- Spears sends a cryptic hand-written note...
By Liz | February 7, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (39)
Britney Spears's Dad Granted Temporary Conservatorship
The UCLA Medical Center where Britney Spears is currently undergoing evaluation. (Getty Images) Jamie Spears, 1. Sam Lutfi, 0. In a Friday afternoon court hearing, Britney's Spears's father, Jamie, was granted temporary conservatorship over his daughter pending a Monday hearing. What does that mean? According to People.com, Jamie will be able to restrict visitors to his daughter, employ security guards to protect her, control Brit's finances, change the locks on her home and kick out anyone currently living there. In addition, the court also reportedly granted Jamie and Lynne Spears the right to prosecute a restraining order against Spears's friend Sam Lutfi, who has been embroiled in a struggle with the Spears family for control of the singer for the past week. On Thursday, Lutfi called Jamie and Lynne Spears "crazy" in an interview with Us Weekly, saying her problems were "inherited" from her family. Polling courtesy twiigs.com....
By Liz | February 1, 2008; 06:30 PM ET | Comments (44)
Dr. Phil Gets Real. Real Low, That Is
Dr. Phil McGraw: A friend in need is a friend in greed. (AP) I always suspected Dr. Phil McGraw of being a major league fathead and now I'm sure. His unsolicited Friday visit to Britney Spears at Cedars-Sinai hospital has finally given me the opportunity to properly vent my spleen about the drawling, mustachioed huckster. Okay, so most of us were somewhat riveted by news that Brit had been locked down for a psych evaluation following a Thursday night custody standoff, but it takes a special kind of ego to look upon someone else's misfortune and spin it into an opportunity for self -promotion. Not since the days of Howard K. Stern and his unapologetic use of Anna Nicole Smith to declare himself a celebrity have we seen such chutzpah, such a naked play for press. To be fair, Phil says Britney's mom Lynn Spears asked him to intervene...
By Liz | January 7, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (119)
Morning Mix: Spears Hospitalized After Custody Standoff
Britney Spears is carried on a stretcher to an ambulance outside her Beverly Hills home on Thursday evening. (AP/KCBS-TV) Headlines: Britney Spears and son rushed to hospital after handing kids over to K-Fed... Earlier the same day, Spears finally appeared for custody case deposition... Nickelodeon not yanking Jamie Lynn Spears's "Zoey 101"... Despite doughnut generosity, striking writers miffed with Jay Leno... He is legend: Johnny Depp was 2007 box office champ... Rewards points can buy time with celebs... Dane Cook bores Laugh Factory audience for record seven hours... Kanye West credits Connect Four ("Pretty sneaky sis.") with helping him get past his mother's death... Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds to legalize wedding in U.S... Play (aka Christopher Martin of Kid n' Play) injured in car chase... Amy Winehouse's husband voted Britain's most "witless" male celebrity... Judge says neighbors don't have enough info to sue Leonardo DiCaprio... Musician Stephen Stills...
By Liz | January 4, 2008; 06:16 AM ET | Comments (41)
Friday List: Brit-ish Humor
Britney Spears -- Death Eater? (AP) The inspiration for this week's Friday List is the post below by guest blogger (and Discussions producer) Paul Williams, who is able to take a crucial step back from the episodic hype served here daily and make lemonade from Britney Spears's life, which -- of late -- has taken on the general dimensions of a freighter full of lemons. Before one person decries this focus on Brit -- yet again -- consider this. Train wreck or not, Spears is the proud mama (okay, perhaps a bad choice of words) of a hit song. Spears's new single "Gimme More" -- the same song Brit killed with a rusty knife at the last month's Video Music Awards -- is the top downloaded song on iTunes. An anomaly, you say? Hardly. Her song is also comfortably perched at no. 3 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart....
By Liz | October 5, 2007; 11:26 AM ET | Comments (52)
Breaking News: Britney Loses Custody -- Your Take?
Spears at the Sept. 1 opening of Las Vegas nightclub LAX. (AP) The Associated Press is reporting that Britney Spears has to turn over custody of her children to Kevin Federline by Wednesday: Superior Court Judge Scott M. Gordon ruled that Federline will take custody of Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1, beginning Wednesday "until further order of the court." Details are scant, but People.com reports that Gordon issued the written decision after lawyers met with him in a private session requested by Federline's lawyer. TMZ.com is reporting that Spears was again ordered to take parenting classes and submit to drug testing. No reason was included in the judge's written decision and we're obviously still waiting for more details to trickle out. Spears was spotted at Malibu eatery Taverna Tony's on Sunday with her sons. E! News Online adds that "sources familiar with the case" say Spears lost...
By Liz | October 1, 2007; 04:33 PM ET | Comments (41)
Britney: Just a Gum Blonde
A portrait of Spears made of chewed bubble gum titled 'Gum Blonde XLVIII' by artist Jason Kronenwald is shown at left. (Reuters) We've called Britney Spears many things here in the blog -- "bat guano," "nutty," "loopy"... even "bald" -- but "art world phenom" is an unexpected addition to her unintentional resume. One that adds a certain thoughtful irony to the sideshow of a life that Spears has managed to eke out over the last year or so. That sideshow (each chapter more gruesome and twisted than the last!) is chronicled in the new gallery show "Just Britney," an understated title that speaks volumes about our obsession with this girlie-woman gone wild. From demure teen mag cover shots to earnest paintings of what Celebritologists term "the bald phase" to a self-portrait of the latest Brit spin-off sensation Chris Crocker, it is all here in Technicolor horribleness. The show, now...
By Liz | October 1, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (15)
Chris Crocker, Leave Us Alone
Chris Crocker, newly-minted 'net star. (AP) Last week, Chris Crocker rose from the obscurity of his grandparents' Tennessee house and his status as a Perez Hilton remora to become the latest Internet-created celebrity. Proof positive that there is something actually more pitiful than Britney Spears herself, Crocker is particularly hard to stomach because he's clawing his way into the pop culture lexicon by stepping on Brit's neck. If you haven't yet watched Crocker's career-making plea to "Leave Britney Alone," you can do so here. If you don't have much of a stomach for whining and crocodile tears, skip it and know that it is two minutes and 11 seconds of very calculated nails-on-chalkboard ravings by a very shrewd 19-year-old who purports to defend Spears, who he says is getting a rough break. Leave her alone, he asks, while at the same time doing everything he can to get us...
By Liz | September 25, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (34)
Friday List: A Five-Point Plan for Britney
Today we return to the fine tradition of Friday Lists with a constructive project: crafting a comeback plan for beleaguered pop princess Britney Spears. This is Britney's week, so why buck the trend? Is the pre-teen poptart turned bizarro baby mamma past the point of no return? No way, y'all! Unless and until Brit goes all Michael Richards on us, the door is always open for a return to her former chart-topping glory. All it takes is the right alchemy and -- ring-a-ding-a-ling -- MTV, Timbaland and Pepsi will be lining up to get them some of that Louisiana mojo. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is plotting a five-point course for Spears that will return her to that sweet Shangri-la reserved for popsters-who-top-the-charts even-though-no-one-admits-to-owning-their-CDs. Important: Your comeback strategy must outline success in five moves or less. Example: 1. Hire stylists of every flavor -- hair, make-up, clothing,...
By Liz | September 14, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (55)
Who's to Blame for Brit's Belly Flop?
Spears performs at Sunday night's VMAs. (AP) After getting burned with yesterday's sweet little paean to Jane Wyman (who knew?), we boomerang back into the land of teetering starlets with a neat little ethical puzzler courtesy of one Kanye West. Despite the fact that West has a chronic case of being a whiny baby who'd do better to keep quiet and continue making money, he inadvertently dropped some wisdom following Sunday's slo-mo career-killing Britney Spears performance: "Man, they [MTV] were just trying to get ratings, and they knew she wasn't ready and they exploited her." Sincere or not (he went on to say he should have opened the show with his single "Stronger"), Kanye is the only one calling MTV on the carpet for booking Brit, who has hardly given any indication that she was ready to deliver a stellar performance. In retrospect, how could anyone -- most of...
By Liz | September 12, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (106)
Insta-Poll: Britney's VMA Performance?
Britney Spears opened Sunday night's MTV Video Music Awards with a performance touted as the opening salvo of her "comeback." But despite early buzz about a stage show including illusions courtesy of Criss Angel, Brit's rendition of her new single "Gimme More" was confined to song and dance, with the only mystery remaining the lack of surprises. (Vote below.) (Reuters) div.TWIIGSPOLL { width: 250px; } div.TWIIGSPOLL a.TWIIGSPOLLquestionlink { font: bold 11px arial; color: #333333; } div.TWIIGSPOLL a.TWIIGSPOLLlink { text-decoration: none; font: 10px verdana; color: #DD8500; } div.TWIIGSPOLL a.TWIIGSPOLLmorelink { text-decoration: none; font: 11px arial; color: #DD8500; } div.TWIIGSPOLL li.TWIIGSPOLLanswerselectionitem { font: 11px arial; color: #333333; } div.TWIIGSPOLL input.TWIIGSPOLLanswertext { /*width: 190px !important;*/ font: 11px arial; color: #333333; } div.TWIIGSPOLL input.TWIIGSPOLLanswercheckbox { font: 11px arial; color: #333333; } div.TWIIGSPOLL input.TWIIGSPOLLanswerradio { font: 11px arial; color: #333333; } div.TWIIGSPOLL input.TWIIGSPOLLsubmit { font: 10px verdana; color: #333333; } div.TWIIGSPOLL div.TWIIGSPOLLtopresults { font: 11px...
By Liz | September 9, 2007; 09:57 PM ET | Comments (50)
Britney Spears: The Naked Truth
Spears at last week's opening of the LAX Nightclub at the Luxor Resort and Casino in Las Vegas. (Getty Images) With Britney Spears's big "comeback" scheduled to unfold in approximately 60 hours at Sunday's Video Music Awards, what better time to consider the following question, which arrived courtesy of an anonymous celeb-behavioral savant during last week's Celebritology Live chat. (The question was prompted by this NSFW photo of Brit, whose cheeks speak louder than words): "Brit's Butt: Right before her big breakdown, Mariah Carey also appeared in public with increasingly smaller amounts of clothes. Based on such unshakeable empirical evidence, can we posit that starlets undergoing mental breakdowns manifest their cries for help by appearing nearly nude in everyday situations? Think also of Lindsay posing with her ankle bracelet in a bikini. I think there is a serious scholarly article waiting to be written." Although I had a tendency...
By Liz | September 7, 2007; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (30)
For Britney, Five Truths Worth Knowing
As mentioned in this morning's Mix, official Celebritology train wreck Britney Spears was recently snapped exiting a Hallmark store carrying the inspirational book "50 Truths Worth Knowing." Described on the Hallmark Web site as a "collection of fifty true-life experiences, this uplifting and unforgettable book offers convincing proof that the most important truths are often revealed in simple and surprising ways." Of course, Simple Brit should know this by now. She's had some important truths revealed to her in surprising ways over the past couple of years: Surprise! Don't drive with a kid on your lap. Surprise! Don't marry a back-up dancer. Surprise! Don't shave your head. I could go on. In the spirit of supporting Brit's new self-help stance, though, I offer an alternative, condensed text below -- one small enough for a laminated wallet card or even a convenient forearm tattoo. And, at FREE, the price is...
By Liz | August 14, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (36)
Morning Mix: Britney's OK! Interview Leaked Online
Britney Spears: Blog posts Britney's OK! magazine interview a day early. No shocking photos accompany the story (maybe because OK! is refusing to pay Spears for the interview). The details: -- Britney filmed a self-financed music video the same day. -- Britney racked up $21,267 bill in damaged and "taken" items. -- Britney wiped greasy fingers on a $274 gown. -- Britney's Yorkie puppy pooped on a $6,700 Zac Posen gown. -- Britney seemed disoriented after multiple trips to the bathroom. -- Britney eventually stormed out of the photo shoot. Also, K-Fed reportedly not speaking to Britney. Headlines: Nicole Richie interview to air on GMA next week... John Mayer falls into the Gap... Harold Perrineau (Michael) returning to "Lost"... Matt Damon gets star on Hollywood Walk of Fame... Paris Hilton buys (another) new dog... Mindy McCready taken into police custody... "Pulp Fiction's" Peter Greene arrested for possession of crack cocaine......
By Liz | July 26, 2007; 08:15 AM ET | Comments (40)
From the Desk of Britney Spears
The over-communicative Britney Spears. (AP) What better way to spend a slow post-pyrotechnic workday than pondering the latest message from the disjointed mind of Britney Spears? We've had much fun at the expense of her brain droppings in the past -- translating her free-form poetry and even enlisting an expert to draw conclusions about her aberrant personality from her words and actions. Today though, as we nurse hot dog hangovers and begin the long countdown to Labor Day, we are allowed the lazy indulgence of simple catty disbelief. As in, what the heck is this woman talking about now? As reported in this morning's Mix, Brit sent a hand-written note to paparazzi agency X17 on Tuesday, reading: Dear X17, I want to apologize for the past incedent with the umbrella. I was preparing a character for a possible movie role where the husband doesn't play his part so they...
By Liz | July 5, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (16)
Signs of the Brit-Pocalypse
For those of you who didn't vote for Britney Spears as the biggest celebrity train wreck in this year's Lizzies, well, I hate to burst your bubble, but Spears is totally crouched and ready to spring into a big ol' belly flop off the sanity diving board yet again. Signs of an impending Brit-pocalypse are lining up like overemphasized clues in a summer slasher flick. Portent No. 1: The blond bimbo bites it. Britney dyed her hair black over the weekend, emerging for the waiting paparazzi looking like a countrified Elvira in hot pants. What's worse, Brit did the dye job herself and reportedly spilled the black dye all over her face. Portent No. 2: More skin = impending doom Following the typical horror equation, Britney's see-through top and bra-baring paparazzi show can mean only that the little devil sitting on Brit's right shoulder has like totally knocked out the...
By Liz | June 27, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (14)
K-Fed, Father of the Year
Kevin Federline. His boys can swim. (Getty Images) If fame were based on fecundity, Kevin Federline would finally achieve the massive stardom to which he's always aspired. This morning, Cindy Adams broke news to us -- and apparently to Federline -- that ex and mommy of two of his previous children Shar Jackson is seven weeks pregnant with Federline's latest release, offspring number five... putting him one baby closer to Bob Marley's massive 13 kid brood. According to Adams, who herself quotes Star magazine, Jackson (who may want to check her "Ex-Wives Club" contract before getting too cozy) is hoping the baby will bring them back together as a family. Perhaps she forgets that Federline spent the months she was pregnant with their last child, Kaleb Michael, courting Britney Spears. If K-Fed really (oops) did it again -- how will Britney react? Only yesterday rumors of a reconciliation between...
By Liz | June 13, 2007; 11:13 AM ET | Comments (32)
Analyzing Britney
Britney says her life is "crazy and surreal." (AP Photo/Alex Brandon) Last night Paris Hilton checked into jail to begin serving her punishment for flouting the law. But I say the biggest punishment for Paris would not be jail, but to take the spotlight off her and put it on someone else. So today, let’s focus on her former friend Britney Spears and her recent letter to her fans that was posted on her Web site last week. In case you missed it, Britney basically says she’s sorry y’all but it’s not her fault. Brit blames her missteps on the tabloids, the people in her life, and ADD. What do you expect from her when her life is crazy and surreal? And, consequently, she hasn’t figured out the meaning of life yet but I’m hoping she’ll tell us when she does. Hopefully via a song and/or dance. On the...
By | June 4, 2007; 10:13 AM ET | Comments (25)
Where in the World is Jayden James?
(Jeremy Norman for washingtonpost.com) Hey Y'all. What with all the head-shaving and fishnetting, one can easily forget that Britney Spears is also the mother of two tykes: Sean Preston (SPF) and Jayden James. SPF scored primo PR last year with a couple of tabloid stories about mom's bad parenting: There was the cracked skull mishap resulting in a visit from child services and the infamous lap-driving incident (they're so "country"!). And, recently, SPF has been seen making the scene with mom at L.A.'s Millennium Dance Studio, where she's busily hatching her plan to bring the sexy back. But the astute observer of celebrity domestication may have noticed that something is missing from this family portrait: Spears's eight-month-old son Jayden James. Not since the months-long wait for the first pictures of little Suri Cruise or Anna Nicole Smith's first marriage has so much ink been expended on someone who wears...
By Liz | May 15, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (30)
Britney Spears: Suddenly Svelte
If nothing else, Britney Spears has an amazing ability to keep us guessing and illustrates perfectly the fact that we, despite our propensity for picking apart celebrities, have an astounding capacity to forgive and forget when presented with a set of killer abs. Hot on the heels of her stint in rehab -- which was itself hot on the heels of self-inflicted head-shaving, partying with Paris and a split from K-Fedex -- Spears has thrown us a curveball yet again. To put it in reality TV terms, she's gone from "Biggest Loser" to "Pussycat Doll" in what seems to be the span of about a month. And where other celebs (though no one in particular comes to mind) tend to show some wear-and-tear as a result of sudden body overhauls, Spears looks healthy, toned and -- as several male friends termed it -- "hott." Don't trust me, though. See for...
By Liz | April 24, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (26)
Britney Back in Rehab (Again)
AP is reporting that Britney Spears has returned to a treatment facility. We will add more details as we get them. Interestingly, People.com says the confirmation came from Kevin Federline's camp and that Federline has since canceled an emergency custody hearing scheduled for today....
By Liz | February 22, 2007; 12:41 PM ET | Comments (4)
Oops, She Did It Again: Britney Leaves Rehab
Apologies for not posting this sooner, but that Paris Hilton midget thing scared me off for a good long while: The Associated Press is reporting that "Britney Spears left a live-in drug rehabilitation facility early Wednesday, less than a day after checking in, according to several reports." TMZ.com is also investigating a report that Spears tried to hit a tattoo parlor on her way home, but it was closed. Last week, Spears spent one day in the Crossroads rehab facility in Antigua. Unless she checks into a Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, I'll save further details for tomorrow's Morning Mix....
By Liz | February 21, 2007; 03:48 PM ET | Comments (11)
Parsing Britney's Meltdown
A bald Britney. (AFP/Getty Images) Photo Gallery: Britney's Changing Look Unless you spent the long weekend in a sensory deprivation chamber, you know Britney Spears -- in full view of a horde of photographers -- wandered into a neighborhood hair salon in California on Friday night and proceeded to shave her head. Images of a bald Britney have been burned into our retinas, joining Michael Jackson's balcony baby dangle, Tom Cruise's couch jumping and Mel Gibson's mug shot in the celebrity meltdown hall of fame. Mothers who once accompanied teenyboppers to Spears's concerts are faced with the daunting task of turning this trainwreck into a life lesson. Grown men who slavered over the post-Disney/pre-preggo Brit just a couple of years ago have now dropped her from their top five. And the AARP crowd -- more accustomed to stars who self-destruct the old-fashioned way -- are risking whiplash with the...
By Liz | February 20, 2007; 11:01 AM ET | Comments (78)
Britney's Bold Bald New Look
Britney Spears shows off her newly-shorn skull. After reportedly spending one day in rehab, the pop singer shaved her own hair off after a California salon owner refused to do it for her. | Full Story (AP/KABC-TV)...
By Liz | February 19, 2007; 07:57 AM ET | Comments (56)
Britney vs. K-Fed: You Be the Judge
Remember last summer when we buzzed about Matt Lauer's interview of a seemingly unhinged Britney Spears? We were shocked at her dismissal of driving with an infant on her lap and even Robin Givhan was moved enough to write about Britney's move to the trashier end of the fashion spectrum. Britney vs. K-Fed. (AP) Well, here we are a mere 17 days into the new year and Spears has gone way past unhinged and trashy to somewhere around out of control and Anna Nicole territory. Did she pass out on New Year's Eve? Did she spend $40,000 on a one-night hotel stay? Did she puke in her new boyfriend's hands? And -- the latest -- is she pregnant again? The pregnancy rumor has been denied by Brit's people, but the rest is more or less true. Spears spends more time at nightclubs than with her newborn; she's managed to find...
By Liz | January 18, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (28)
Wanted: A Little Reality for Britney
Help me help her. (AP) Oh my god, y'all: As mentioned briefly in yesterday's morning mix, a Miami production company may be hiring supporting cast for a new Britney Spears reality show. This want ad (scroll down) was purportedly posted to Miami's Craigslist sometime on Sunday, though I can't seem to find it online now. Still, Britney Spears doing another reality show (the first was "Chaotic") falls into the realm of the believable, almost more believable than any chance of a 2007 musical comeback for the self-destructing singer. The show concept apparently places a succession of average fans as Spears's personal assistant -- 24 hours a day for five straight days: Your job will be to give her guidance, perception and help her with comeback. For this 16 week audition/interview, we are looking for 8 males and 8 females to compete for a position on Britney's new team. The...
By Liz | January 10, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (41)
A Desperate K-Fed Kicks Off 2007
I was a little worried about my first day back on the blog. I've been out of touch for a week -- that's like a decade in celebrity time -- and it's a brand new year. Would 2007 feel the same as 2006? Would I be thrown into some strange, altered entertainment landscape and have to get my bearings all over again? Would the subjects of so many outrageously good headlines in 2006 suddenly get their acts together, forcing me to write about something else? Kevin Federline, restoring my faith in celebrity news. (AP) Then last night, while contemplating how to hijack White House Briefing, the answer hit me. Or, rather, it hit Kevin Federline. Don't worry, the hit was a fake, courtesy of professional wrestler John Cena. See, Federline (who now says he doesn't want to be called "K-Fed") somehow found the time in his busy schedule to fit...
By Liz | January 2, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (13)
Celebritology Clip 'n' Save: A 12-Step Plan for Britney Spears
Spears at last week's American Music Awards. (AP) Since filing for divorce from Kevin Federline in early November, former pop princess Britney Spears has been making a very public metamorphosis. At first, all was good -- a svelte, glam Spears visited David Letterman, was spotted meeting with former publicist Leslie Sloane-Zelnick in New York, and reportedly worked on a new album (though it's rumored that partying took priority, leaving Pharrell Williams hanging in the studio). But the week of Thanksgiving, something happened. Something named Paris Hilton. And Britney went from triumph to tabloid overnight. All is not lost, though. Britney -- who celebrates her 25th birthday tomorrow -- can still turn this quarter-life crisis around and come back bigger than before. Here's how: 1. Step away from Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. Harpies are not suitable playmates. 2. Relinquish all faith in your own judgment. Instead, rely on the...
By Liz | December 1, 2006; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (34)
Terrible Two: Britney and Paris
Paris Hilton with new best friend Britney Spears. (Cliff Sobel/Splash News) Just a little over a week ago, everything was coming up Britney. The singer, long bedeviled by a millstone of a spouse with delusions of grandeur, had finally pushed him out of the McMansion. She also reentered the public spotlight looking trim, stylish and utterly together. She dropped in on David Letterman, skated Rockefeller Plaza, met with her former (star-making) publicist Leslie Sloane Zelnick and seemed to glow with the confidence of a woman sure of her pre-nup. Spears was back, baby, after two long years spent diminishing her brand in just about every way possible*. But for anyone else out there who, like me, had already moved Britney from the "has-been" to the "come back" column, I'm sorry to say she's done it again. Thanksgiving week was apparently one big spree for Spears, who seems to have...
By Liz | November 28, 2006; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (32)
Sex Tape? Bring It On, K-Fed
Kevin and Britney in February 2005. (Getty Images) Maybe Kevin Federline is flailing considering the one-two punch of a tepid -- actually, downright cold -- reception for his album, "Playing With Fire," and Britney Spears's decision to kick him to the curb. Of course, we were all pretty sure he was low-rent when he glommed on to Britney, knocked her up (twice), then started rapping about all the things he bought with his allowance, but in the last week, he reached a low not seen since CHUD or maybe David Gest. First, news surfaced that Federline plans to sue for custody of his two children with Britney Spears (oddly, he never bothered to do the same for the two kids he fathered with Shar Jackson) and over the weekend British tabloid News of the World reported that Federline has a four-hour sex tape of his lovemaking with Spears, but...
By Liz | November 15, 2006; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (31)
Britney and K-Fed's Texting Transcript
It has been reported that K-Fed was notified by text message that Britney was divorcing him. While we won't comment on the um... maturity of such an action, it does make us wonder what really transpired. Luckily, we obtained the transcript, thanks to a well-placed source who prefers to go unnamed. The text messages are to the tunes of two of Britney's biggest hits. If you need a refresher, watch "Oops!.. I Did It Again" and "... Baby One More Time." Note: This transcript has been satirized for your protection. Britney: Oops! You did it again You played with my heart, Got lost in the fame, Oh Feddy Feddy Poof! You think we're involved But our marriage is dissolved You're not getting custody K-Fed: I must confess, that your thoughtlessness Is killing my sales Of America's most hated CD But those kids are mine You sneaky serpentine Writ me baby...
By | November 13, 2006; 04:16 AM ET | Comments (19)
Morning Mix: R.I.P. Spederline Edition
Take a good look. You may not see this man again for a very long time. (AP) In Case Y'all Missed It: Late yesterday afternoon, Britney Spears totally distracted us from the midterm elections by filing for divorce from Kevin Federline. What happened? Us Weekly claims there was a final blowout last week, though Life & Style Weekly reports that Brit merely beat Kev to the punch. Still, the news hasn't stopped Britney from hitting the town in New York and making an unscheduled stop at "The Late Show With David Letterman." What will K-Fed do now? According to Best Week Ever, he'll lick his wounds with $30,000 a month (for a while) while trying to decipher Britney's divorce petition. Rest assured, The Washington Post knows the fans are the real victims here, so pop "...Baby One More Time" in the CD player and reminisce with a Britney/K-Fed timeline...
By Liz | November 8, 2006; 08:33 AM ET | Comments (21)
Britney and K-Fed, a Timeline
A quick guide to the Spears-Federline ups and downs over the past two years. Spears performs in 2004. (AP) Jan. 3, 2004: Britney Spears marries childhood pal Jason Alexander in a late-night Las Vegas ceremony. An annulment was granted two days later. May 2004: Spears admits she's dating former back-up dancer Kevin Federline. June 27, 2004: Spears reportedly pays for her own five-karat engagement ring. [Source] Sept. 18, 2004: Spears and Federline marry in "secret ceremony" in California. Guests dine on chicken wings, ribs, mini cheeseburgers, crab cakes and Waldorf salad. The couple honeymoons in Louisiana and Fiji. Spring 2005: Reality show "Britney and Kevin: Chaotic," chronicling Spears's and Federline's pre-marriage romance while touring in 2004, airs on UPN. Sept. 14, 2005: Spears gives birth to son Sean Preston. Britney and K-Fed in February 2006. (AP) Feb. 2006: Britney is photographed driving with baby Sean Preston on her lap. March...
By Liz | November 7, 2006; 05:34 PM ET | Comments (5)
Britney Spears Files for Divorce
Britney and K-Fed in 2004. (Getty Images) It's official: Britney Spears has filed for divorce from Kevin Federline just two years and two babies after the two tied the knot in September 2004. The date of separation was listed as yesterday on court filings and Us Weekly reports Spears has already hired divorce attorney Laura Wasser, "whose client roster includes Angelina Jolie, Nick Lachey and Kiefer Sutherland." Spears and Federline have two children, Sean Preston, 1, and Jayden James, born Sept. 12. TMZ.com has the official documents (PDF) and quotes sources as saying the couple has an "iron-clad" pre-nup. Coincidentally, a newly-svelte Spears made a surprise visit to David Letterman last night. Still no update at either Spears's or Federline's official Web sites, but we're watching. So, was this the most predictable break up ever?...
By Liz | November 7, 2006; 04:49 PM ET | Comments (23)
Britney Does It Again
Spears in July 2005. (Getty Images) We are living in a changed world. Britney Spears reportedly gave birth to a second son early Tuesday morning -- just a few days shy of baby no. 1's (aka Sean Preston) first birthday. No word yet on a name and it's way too early to get pouty about a lack of baby pix. Satisfy yourself with a gander at this Britney birthing sculpture until we have the real deal. Details continue to trickle out to wire stories and blogs. Here's a smattering of the latest: - Baby weighed in at 6 lbs., 11 oz. - Kevin was all smiles in delivery room. - Will Xtina and Timberlake be godparents? - Can Britney bring her career back from the brink? - What will become of the name Jailynn and all the pink stuff? - Is Britney the basis of "Law & Order" episode?...
By Liz | September 13, 2006; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (20)
Report: Britney Gives Birth
A preggo Britney introduces husband K-Fed at August's Teen Choice Awards. (AP) The National Enquirer (I know, I know) is reporting that Britney Spears gave birth around 2 a.m. this morning to a second son. The report is short on details and credibility, so if anyone spots any corroboration or updates, please add to the comments section. From the Enquirer: "Kevin took Britney to the hospital in the evening hours of Sept. 11 to prepare for the Cesarean birth," an insider said. Only her mother Lynn, and her sister Jamie Lynn were present at the birth. None of Kevin's family was there. ---------------- Celebritology field agent Alicia Castiglione contributed to this report....
By Liz | September 12, 2006; 01:09 PM ET | Comments (14)
Sean Preston Chats With Suri
Vacation is all she ever wanted; Vacation, she had to get away... but Liz will be back next week. For now, tune into an exciting episode of “Great Moments in Celebaby Wiretaps.” Thanks to a fortuitous combination of NSA wiretapping and well-timed leaks (thanks Karl!), we were able to get our hands on a transcript of a recent IM chat between Sean Preston Spears-Federline and Suri the Pseudo-Baby. Sean Preston: Yo Suri! Wazzup? Suri: Sean! I'm just chillin' and trying to clear my latest engrams (painful memories). My daddy was dancing around in his underwear and screaming “You're dangerous, Maverick!” into the mirror. Mommy then mistakenly yelled, “Be quiet Dawson!” and it went downhill from there. Sean Preston: At least your dad is in his underwear. My folks walk around the house naked and make up raps like: We're country y'all, and we've hit the wall;Cuz we got no chance,...
By | July 24, 2006; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (111)
A Message From You, Britney
Jack Handey Britney Spears. (AP) Britney Spears has done it again, made contact with us via her Web site. This time in the form of a snippet of poetry and her thoughts on wildlife. The short posting has all the nuance of a high school journal entry, reeking of that teen spirit that informed attempts to assert angst-ridden creative individuality (you remember, it preceded the attendant writer's remorse, humiliation and destruction of said journal). It's a pitiful little piece of work. My 14-year-old niece could do better than this while battling a summer cold and text messaging three friends simultaneously. If we factor in Britney's other recent gaffes, like a somewhat disjointed interview with Matt Lauer, an abrupt switch to the dark side and a Demi-copying nude magazine cover, one is forced to wonder -- where is Britney's publicist/manager and why isn't this person doing his job? Still, in...
By Liz | July 20, 2006; 10:44 AM ET | Comments (28)
It's Official: Paris Hilton Most Over-Hyped Celeb
The votes have been counted and -- minus complications from pesky Diebold voting machines, hanging chads and unpredictable Academy members -- we can safely declare the winners of the inaugural edition of the annual Celebritology Honors (aka The Lizzies). Let's bypass the tedium of an intro montage featuring Billy Crystal and a green screen and get right to the winners, who will be faxed a printout of this page suitable for framing! (Reuters) Celebrity Most Likely to be Insignificant if it Weren't for the Paparazzi and Celebrity Tabloids/Blogs The nominees: Kevin Federline, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, Janice Dickinson, Taylor Hicks And the Lizzie goes to... Paris Hilton. Paris couldn't be here to accept this award so I'll just congratulate her on her talent for staying in the news while doing approximately nothing. The unprecedented interest in her social life, catfights with equally the vapid Nicole Richie and Lindsay...
By Liz | July 5, 2006; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (15)
