Celebritology Archive: TomKat

Caption This: We're Suri You're So Cute

While our Creative Captioning exercises usually devolve into a snarkfest within the first few minutes, today's picture (it is hoped) can only inspire us to reach the warm, fuzzy and eternally sunny heights of shameless gushing. Because, no matter how one feels about Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Thetans or baggy jeans -- Suri Cruise is one of the most adorable children to ever step in front of a camera. Come on, you know it -- she makes LOL Cats and even this ridiculously sappy thing look like a piece of highway construction equipment. Even this sneezing baby panda would have a hard tim holding his own next to our girl Suri. She's that cute. Just give in. (SplashNews) You know the drill. Share your hilariously apt captions below and the best entry will win its writer the title of "Official Celebritology Captionologist" for the week of Aug. 17 - 23....

Insta-Poll: Is Tom Cruise Too Old for Action?

Too old or just right? Tom Cruise at Monday's L.A. premiere of 'Tropic Thunder.' (AP) Tom Cruise, it seems, has been kicked to the curb in favor of Angelina Jolie in the upcoming action movie "Edwin A. Salt." What has Angie got that Tom hasn't? She's wanted by men (even men who look like Brad Pitt), admired by (most) women and -- at 33 -- 13 years younger than TC who, despite his ability to leap over couches in a single bound and, like, father children, is within striking distance of AARP membership. In absence of any concrete clues as to why TC was actually dropped, we'll examine the "too old" theory here (and leave the "too crazy" and "box office poison" theories for another day). And, let's face it, there are cold, hard facts backing Angie's preeminence and Tom's failing ability to muster a box office frenzy. Jolie's...

Nothing Comes Between Katie and Her Toms -- Except Me

Dear Katie Holmes, I don't know what kind of game it is you're playing with us, but wearing your husband's jeans has taken marital devotion to a whole new level of cuckoo. And not just because your husband is Tom Cruise and kookiness just kind of goes with the territory, but because he's pudgier than you, taller than you and these jeans look like they were ready for the discard pile about a year ago anyway. I know your career's kind of in remission and you pretty much blew the whole "Batman" thing, but surely TC could spring for a pair of 7s or Joe's for you. I mean, my god (and I mean no slight to your husband's religion when I say "god" and not "Xenu"), you're about an inch of waistline away from mom jeans and the gaping button-fly alone is enough reason to trade these things...

10 Truths About Tom Cruise

Oprah gets a hug from pal TC. (AP/Harpo Productions) After two years of battling bad PR, courtesy of his own couch-jumping and weirdly devout ways, Tom Cruise's image rehab is officially underway. Monday's second hour of Oprah's Tom Cruise fest was, well, enh. Unlike Friday's visit to the Colorado Cruise compound (Tom Shales reviewed part one in yesterday's paper) -- complete with a peek inside Tom's inner sanctum and a visit from Suri -- yesterday's in-studio visit had all the charm of an infomercial: enthusiastic sales pitches, marketing posters and an audience of rabid believers. Still, it isn't every day we get to study the elusive Mr. Cruise for the better part of an hour and, never one to squander a chance to flop in front of a TV for 60 whole minutes, I watched. And, because this is how I work people, I took notes -- resulting in...

Katie Holmes, Tomboy?

Tom Cruise (or is it?) in October 2007. (Getty Images) Katie Holmes is teasing us now, right? I really want to believe that her new haircut (see it here, we don't have rights to republish the picture ourselves) is a nod to Mia Farrow's "Rosemary's Baby" look. This theory runs something like this: Annoyed with all the comparisons made between her own shadowy Scientology birth of daughter Suri and Farrow's deliverance of the anti-Christ in the 1968 horror flick, Holmes is showing off her well-known penchant for ironic, Andy Kaufman-esque humor. She's embracing the mythology we've built up around her as the innocent offering to Tom Cruise's insatiable religiosity. I'm sure that's it. But if not, there's another possible explanation: She's sending us a message. She's shorn her once-luxurious mane in a bid to alert us to her desperation. This, her sacrifice tells us, is my cry for help....

Highbrow: Tom Cruise's Straight-to-Video Hit

Cruise in an image from what celeb-tracking Web site Gawker calls his 'Indoctrination Video.' (YouTube) In one of the feverishly earnest videos that surfaced last week in which Tom Cruise extols the virtues of Scientology, he says something to the about the duty of that group's members to stop at car crashes because, see, only a Scientologist is capable of truly understanding the situation and providing help. In that spirit, today's Highbrow attempts to shed a little light on Cruise and his recent ramblings. Proving the old saw that there's no such thing as bad publicity, Cruise's IMDB Star Rating (I'd link, but it's behind a pay-for-play wall) has spiked since the release of the videos last week. He's nowhere near list toppers Ellen Page ("Juno") and Johnny Depp ("Sweeney Todd"), but Cruise's Scientology vids have given the actor the kind of profile bump he sorely needed when "Lions...

Older Entries in This Category »

Risky Business: Chronicling Cruise, Liz , January 9, 2008

Trailer Trash: Katie Holmes in 'Mad Money', Liz , January 3, 2008

Celebritology 101: TomKat Triage, Liz , May 4, 2007

Happy Birthday to Suri, Liz , April 18, 2007

Report Card: TomKat Gets Schooled, Liz , April 10, 2007

TomKat: A Fairy Tale Wedding in Verse, Liz , November 20, 2006

TomKat Wedding: Believe the Hype, Liz , November 16, 2006

Comment Box: Secrets of Scientology Weddings, Liz , November 6, 2006

Tom Cruise, Studio Honcho, Liz , November 2, 2006

TomKat Moving to Virginia?, Liz , October 4, 2006

TomKat Make the Scene at Redskins Game, Liz , September 11, 2006

We're Soooo Suri, Liz , September 6, 2006

Paramount Cuts Ties to Tom Cruise, Liz , August 22, 2006

Sean Preston Chats With Suri, , July 24, 2006