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Archive: Celebritology 101
Celebritology 101: Pete Wentz, King of 'Lucky In Love' Pack
Pete Wentz with fiancee Ashlee Simpson at Saturday's White House Correspondents' Association dinner. (Getty Images) Without an ill-fated, and much publicized, marriage to Britney Spears we probably would've never heard the name Kevin Federline. But his status as the quintessential hanger-on is just so 2005. In fact, over the past year he's even become tolerable when contrasted with his erratic ex-wife. But, fear not, a strapping new crop of boy toys have risen to carry the title of biggest male celebrity hangers-on. Below, in convenient list form, the entertainment world's biggest testosterone-rich accessories: Pete Wentz: The diminutive makeup-wearing Fall Out Boy bassist was just another MTV snippet until he started dating Ashlee Simpson. Now, with rumors of a baby on the way, Wentz has parlayed his romance into 24/7 paparazzi coverage. The Madden Brothers: After Joel scored a coveted gig as Nicole Richie's baby daddy, brother (and Good Charlotte...
By Liz | May 1, 2008; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (62)
Celebritology 101: A Little Inspiration
Because of an ill-timed morning appointment and a pathological inability to plan ahead, I'm kind of flailing for a main piece this morning. While there's nothing I'd like more than to write the Holy Grail of all blog posts -- one that will enlighten, entertain and evoke a measured (yet voluminous) response from the readership -- well, today ain't the day. In search of a little inspiration, I thought I'd check in with a few frequent celebrity bloggers. What magic, I wondered, does Rosie O'Donnell possess that keeps her blog fresh and entertaining every single day? Where does Courtney Love find the words that pour forth from her MySpace page on a fairly regular basis? And, finally, what could I learn from Kanye West -- that selfless entertainer turned chronicler of a generation himself? Rosie's Latest: A Webcam video of herself and Kathy Griffin fawning over one another (You're funny!...
By Liz | March 11, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (31)
Celebritology 101: Star-Crossed Sex Tapes
Gene Simmons's family jewels find their way to a new venue. Pam Anderson has one. So does Paris Hilton. Hilton's is credited with launching her from so-so celebutante into the stratosphere of super-stardom. Which may explain why the celebrity sex tape has morphed from an image killer into a PR strategy for careers on the verge of extinction. Though it doesn't always work. Former "Saved by the Bell" child star Dustin Diamond (aka Screech) found himself the momentary butt of late night jokes about his own sex tape before he was sucked back into the obscurity from whence he came. His coinage of the phrase Dirty Sanchez now has more mileage than his name. Still, so recognizable are sex tapes as a marketing ploy that Eva Longoria even took part in a spoof tape -- in which she continuously preens for the camera -- for the Will Farrell-run site...
By Liz | February 20, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (54)
The 'Britney Law' -- A Celeb's Best Friend?
Britney Spears is photographed from above as she's carried on a stretcher to an ambulance outside her Beverly Hills in early January. (AP/KCBS-TV) While my version of a "Britney Law" would bar singers of questionable talent from recording studios, it was only a matter of time before our favorite train wreck's name was invoked in a bid to rein in the hordes of camera-wielding paparazzi that prowl the streets of Los Angeles. And so it is that L.A. City Councilman Dennis Zine yesterday proposed his "Britney Law" -- a 20-yard "safety bubble" around celebs considered to be "paparazzi targets." The scrums eager to capture the singer's every unpredictable move are a danger to her and to innocent bystanders who aren't at all interesting or tabloid worthy, says Zine. Why is it, the politician seems to ask, should the average citizen's safety be sacrificed to keep Life & Style weekly...
By Liz | February 12, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (32)
Are We All Celebrity Stalkers?
Stop the Madness: How can I, an average Joe and part-time Celebritologist let the various magazines and Entertainment Tonight's [know] that I no longer want to play a part in the unraveling of Britney Spears? Sure I can stop watching the shows and buying the magazines, but by the time they feel the impact, it may be too late. -- Submitted to last week's Celebritology Live discussion Personally, I often think that given the opportunity to see pix of one of my neighbors emerging from a car in a miniskirt or video footage of a co-worker entering a rehab facility, I'd be well within my rights to add "stalker" to my list of accomplishments. My neighbors and co-workers, though, are (for the most part) private people who have not made a conscious decision to live public lives that depend on our interest in their work, but also their personalities. But...
By Liz | February 4, 2008; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (28)
Celebritology 101: What Price Beauty and Bulk?
Sly Stallone brandishes an HGH-enhanced veiny forearm at a 'Rambo' appearance today in Spain. (Reuters) Last week, perhaps in a bid to drum up interest in his 20-years-on "Rambo" reboot, 61-year-old Sylvester Stallone defended his use of Human Growth Hormone (HGH) to bulk up, saying, "HGH is nothing. Anyone who calls it a steroid is grossly misinformed." Okay Sly, maybe so. But HGH -- a hormone that can stimulate growth and cell reproduction but also possibly cause hypertension, extreme aggression and even a form of diabetes -- is only the latest addition to a growing list of artificial enhancers helping to keep our sports stars superhuman, actresses non-saggy and aging action heroes properly ripped. Just to name a few: - In December the sports world was rocked by the outing of several prominent -- and record-setting -- baseball players who got their edge by juicing, throwing their records and...
By Liz | January 28, 2008; 10:48 AM ET | Comments (33)
Celebritology 101: When Stars Step in It
It's not often that Jerry Lewis and Whoopi Goldberg enter the same orbit, but this week both aligned on a parallel course headed straight to the planet of misguided notions. I'm not a fan of schlocky slapstick humor, which is pretty much the limit of Lewis's "talent." I'm convinced the "he's loved in France" line is just propaganda designed to malign the French. And, despite his continued commitment to raising money for the Muscular Dystrophy Association, it's time for Jerry to follow his old pal Dean Martin to the great soundstage in the sky retire.* Aside from an early nuanced, heart-breaking performance as Celie in "The Color Purple," Goldberg has never done much for me, either. The fact that she rarely does stand-up these days is a comic relief. And, thank you, nameless Hollywood producers, for releasing us long ago from Whoopi's fabulously hackneyed movies ("Sister Act," "Jumpin' Jack Flash,"...
By Liz | September 5, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (93)
Lessons from Lilo: A Little Privacy?
The paparazzi-savvy Lindsay Lohan at May's Costume Institute Gala in New York. (AP) We've talked privacy here before and the topic will doubtless emerge again as the unpredictable mixture of celebrities and a 24/7 news cycle continue to collide in new ways. This week, we look at the issue as relates to one Lindsay Lohan -- sometime child star, party girl and recovering addict -- who has been taking tentative steps back into the world. As expected, the paparazzi have been there to capture her recent outings. Last week, Lilo -- currently cleaning up at Sundance, Utah's swank Cirque Lodge ("Recently named by Town and Country magazine as one of the top substance abuse treatment facilities." Ahem.) -- made a quick trip to a local tanning salon for a little color. Then, over the weekend, she was snapped enjoying a whitewater rafting trip with fellow rehabbers. Then, just yesterday,...
By Liz | August 21, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (29)
Celebritology 101: Vacation Tips from the Stars
Pam Anderson and Kid Rock married while vacationing in St. Tropez in July 2006. They divorced after only four months of marriage. Tip? Vacation hook-ups do not always a life-long commitment make. (AP) Last week while vacationing in North Carolina's Outer Banks, I couldn't help but get a little envious as I flipped through pages and pages of bikini-clad celebs looking camera-ready and rested as they spend the dog days of August in far-flung locales where nine-hour gridlock, 100-degree heat and sandy sheets are not considered the epitome of relaxation. It was perhaps while gazing at the zillionth pic of fake-baked Paris Hilton or a topless Matthew McConaughey (or maybe after too much sun and wine) that I received the following revelations. I now share them with you. 1. A vacation without paps is like the earth without oxygen. Why expend the effort to squeeze into a wet suit...
By Liz | August 13, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (11)
Mapping the Stars
Where does privacy end and public life begin for celebrities? Consider the following: Using tips sent in by readers and other Web reports, the Celebritology cartography staff created the map at right pinpointing recent sightings of comedian Dave Chappelle in the D.C. metro area (click the pinpoints for more info). I don't feel too skeevy about it. The sites are all public places and Chappelle actually talked to fans -- and in one case a CNN reporter -- while out and about and I've got queries out to Chappelle's publicist trying to get a statement on why he's visiting the area. My map is merely a speck on what is becoming a virtually star-studded celebrity globe, courtesy of sites like Google Earth the infinitely popular Gawker Stalker. The site, also powered by zealous fans, lists (mainly New York-based) sightings of celebrities doing everything from riding the train to shopping...
By Liz | July 31, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (24)
Celebritology 101: Picture Perfect
Nicole Richie's re-imagined baby pic. (Courtesy PlanetHiltron.com) Stars, they're just like us. Or at least they are over at planethiltron.com, a fabulously wicked collection of PhotoShopped star pix. Behold a pudgy Angelina Jolie dancing in a cluttered apartment, a cheesed out Ashlee Simpson, Paris Kennedy and a shrunken Tom Cruise. Culturally, we have an insatiable desire to buy magazines or browse Web sites filled with glossy pix of svelte, blemish-free, ageless hardbodies that look nothing like the real lumps of flesh we see in the mirror or next to us in bed. Despite some recent moves to feature "real" people in ads (Dove, for instance), we don't tend to spend our magazine money on pix tainted by the pesky signs of reality -- cellulite, zits and middle-aged spread. The not-too-secret secret is a shadowy army of photo retouchers magically manipulating PhotoShop and a veritable quiver of desktop tools designed...
By Liz | June 19, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (24)
The Art of the Celebrity Courtroom Sketch
Beauty, it has been said, is in the eye of the beholder and when that beholder is someone who lives and breathes celebrity news 24/7, beauty comes in unexpected forms. One starts to appreciate, for instance, the twisted world reflected by 14 over at Gallery of the Absurd and begins to annoy one's spouse by framing particularly striking tabloid covers and hanging them in areas of the house that are not my closet. Portrait of Paris Hilton as a young lawbreaker. (AP) So I was instantly charmed when last week's Paris Hilton courtroom sketches began to move on the wires. Stripped down to the bare essentials, courtroom artist Mona Shafer Edwards captured a frail, waiflike urchin surprised to find herself de-blinged, de-entouraged and decidedly un-hot. In the photo at left, we see Hilton in a new light: reduced to wearing polar fleece and trying to hide her face with her...
By Liz | June 14, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (11)
Celebritology 101: Stalkerazzi Avoidance Tactics
Is it live or is it latex? Oh, what's the difference. (Reuters) Victoria Beckham may be plastic, but plans to snap pics of the former Spice Girl recently blew up in the faces of a horde of stalkerazzi who were chagrined to find they'd been tailing an inflatable stand-in for the former Spice Girl. Not since a pregnant Gwen Stefani hid in the backseat of her brother's car to reach the relative safety of a Target mega-store, has a group of paparazzi been so handily outwitted. While cameras were busy snapping Mrs. Beckham's latex doppelganger, the real Posh was far away, enjoying a private shopping spree at an L.A. adult novelty store. Whether this brilliant bit of surreal bait-and-switch was Posh's brainstorm has not yet been confirmed, but I'm willing to give the former Spice Girl credit for outsmarting the camera-toting mob. After all, this is the woman responsible...
By Liz | May 22, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (15)
Celebritology 101: TomKat Triage
Shiny happy people Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. (Getty Images) Earlier this week, fellow Scientologist Jenna Elfman, who you may remember from sitcom TV past, surfaced to reassure us that Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are "happy." Thanks, Jenna. It wasn't until yesterday, though, when Jada Pinkett Smith emphatically remarked that Katie Holmes isn't a prisoner in her own home and is, in fact, a "tigress" (roar!), that my TomKat radar (like "Spidey Sense" minus the webbing) went into all kinds of high alert. See, of late our insatiable appetite for details (true, false and in-between) about the private lives of the TomKat clan has been well fed. Let's face it, we've been downright spoiled. Here's just a sampling of recent buzz about the mythical pair: -- Katie has been flirting with "Mad Money" co-star Adam Rothenberg. -- Katie has been secretly meeting with Catholic priests. -- Katie's telling...
By Liz | May 4, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (38)
Celebritology 101: Phil Spector's Dreadful Locks
Phil Spector is seen in court via closed circuit TV on April 26. Gallery: Spector's Hair Through the Years Forget Sanjaya's fauxhawk or Britney's shaved pate. When it comes to harebrained hairstyles, Phil Spector lays the competition to waste. Whether supporting a globe-like 'fro or a demure pageboy, the legendary rock and roll producer has proven that a little dab will do you (if your aim is convincing the rest of the world that you are, indeed, "relatively insane.") Which may be just the right cut if Spector's legal team decides to mount an insanity defense in his trial for the alleged murder of B-movie actress Lana Clarkson in 2003. The much-postponed court proceedings finally got underway last Wednesday in Los Angeles, though a sick lawyer has delayed the case for at least today. Peruse this gallery of Spector's hair over the years, from '60's mod to new millennial...
By Liz | May 1, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (45)
Celebritology 101: The Art of the Blind Item
Which pop diva makes her friend go out undercover to get fried chicken so her mom doesn't find out? Which pop megastar celebrated his visit to NYC last week with an east Village go-go dancer and gay-for-pay rent boy? "He was fat, completely hairless and doesn't really like being touched," says the young gentleman. Which starlet amuses friends by carting her cocaine around town in a simply darling little Hello Kitty change purse? Sometimes there is no more satisfying read than the questionable, and often ridiculously sublime, blind item. As in the examples above, the blind item -- long a staple of gossip columnists hoping to avoid messy litigation or add a little spice to an otherwise slow news day -- hits that irresistible sweet spot between salacious hearsay and our desire to fill in the blanks. Of course, here at Celebritology we would never engage in blind item generation...
By Liz | March 27, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (19)
Busting Hollywood's Double Standard Wide Open
We spend a lot of time here talking about hair styles, fashion flubs, physical attributes and such. But, not surprisingly, when we get on the "What was X thinking?" trip, "X" usually equals a female celebrity. (For instance, this morning's links to some seriously gnarly pictures of Christina Aguilera and Sharon Stone.) Jack Black bares his rack in 'Nacho Libre.' (Paramount Pictures) If you're into this kind of entertainment (i.e. pointing and laughing at the expense of others with too much money and too little taste), you probably -- like me -- have a well-worn Go Fug Yourself bookmark, too. (If you're not familiar with it, Fug bloggers Heather and Jessica viciously, yet hilariously, rip fashion-challenged starlets to shreds daily). Again, though, a quick scan of the "Frequent Offenders" menu reveals categories for 25 women and zero men. Not much of a revelation, I know, in a world where women...
By Liz | March 7, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (65)
Celebritology 101: Celebrity Secrets Revealed!
(Courtesy Simon & Schuster, Inc.) Thanks to the proliferation of breathless blogs covering the sort of things we here in Celebritology 101 use as our primary syllabi material, we live in an age of instant gratification when it comes to getting a fresh whiff of the dirty laundry generated by our celebrity lab rats. One can hardly turn on a cable news channel or even safely check one's e-mail box without learning -- seemingly within hours, if not minutes -- that Britney Spears has whaled on a SUV with an umbrella, that Paris Hilton reportedly accessorizes her bathroom with big piles of "white powder" or that Scientology (as practiced by celebrities) is, like, weird. One almost forgets that there was a time when the Hollywood spin machine was able to keep scandalous revelations -- like sexuality, child abuse, substance abuse and even run-of-the-mill partying -- far away from the...
By Liz | March 6, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (15)
Celebritology 101: Stars We Love to Hate
That annoying Diane Keaton mugs at the premiere of her new movie, 'Because I Said So.' (Getty Images) So many stars and not enough room in our hearts to love them all. This explains why my sainted, nurturing mother can hate Matt Damon or why a friend who shall remain nameless contorts her face into a hideous mask when she catches even a brief glimpse of Jim Carrey or, to get to the point, why it is that I utterly and completely detest Diane Keaton. I apologize to the Keaton lovers out there. I'm willing to concede that Keaton is a perfectly fine actor and deserves some kind of credit for her part in movies like "Annie Hall," "The Godfather(s)" and "Reds." Grudging credit granted. Still, there is just something about the fashion-challenged, whiny, goggle-eyed woman that I find maddening. And no, beyond these superficial criticisms, I just can't...
By Liz | February 1, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (403)
When Child Stars Attack Grow Up
Two of the planet's most sacred child stars have done the unthinkable: started to grow up. Daniel Radcliffe poses in a promotional shot for 'Equus.' (AP) First, celluloid darling Dakota Fanning caught major fan backlash after a film depicting Fanning as a 12-year-old rape victim premiered at Sundance last week. The movie, "Hounddog," has been decried as child abuse and even inspired an online petition seeking the arrest of Fanning's mother and agent. Then, yesterday, 17-year-old Daniel Radcliffe -- yes, geeky, awkward and universally adored Harry Potter -- showed us he's all grown up in some racy equestrian shots released to promote his performance in a London stage production of "Equus." Parents are verklempt -- some British moms and dads say no more Hogwarts yarns for their little ones. Said one: "We as parents feel Daniel should not appear nude. Our nine-year-old son looks up to him as a role...
By Liz | January 31, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (56)
Celebritology Clip n' Save: How to Live In America (If You're a British Soccer Star or His Wife)
The Beckhams are coming to America. Becks -- international soccer star, Mr. Posh and all around pretty boy -- is reportedly set to sign a five-year $250 million dollar contract with the MLS's L.A. Galaxy soccer team. This is apparently some kind of big deal for American soccer, as ably explained by The Post's Steven Goff and Dan Steinberg, but I'm more interested in seeing if Becks and Posh will be able to bend it like Brangelina -- meaning, how will these two English roses react to the hot Hollywood climate? Victoria and David Beckham, California bound. (AP) Hoping to ease their trip across the pond, I've called on celebrity advice SWAT team member Lisa Todorovich to help me come up with a few tips for the transplants. 1. No matter what, stay away from Paris Hilton. Her tastes tend to run more to fallen pop stars and Greek shipping...
By Liz | January 12, 2007; 11:00 AM ET | Comments (22)
Celebritology 101: When Egos Attack
A certain amount of ego is required to be successful in the entertainment world -- a certain amount of self-aggrandizement is not only expected, but necessary to get out your brand: you. But somewhere between the in-your-grill braggadocio of professional wrestlers and self-deprecating shtick of Woody Allen and Albert Brooks, one should strive to strike a happy balance between egomaniac and wallpaper. If only this lesson had been available last week, before Kanye West stormed the stage when his "Touch the Sky" failed to win best video at the European MTV Awards. West grabbed the mike and proceeded to hold forth about why he should've won -- his video cost $1 million and starred Pamela Anderson. But wait: On Monday, "sources" told the New York Post that West's hissy fit was a "prank" designed to spoof his cocky image. Do you think this man is joking? I'm not buying it....
By Liz | November 7, 2006; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (31)
For Madonna, It's Oprah Time
When you're alone and life is making you lonely you can always go... downtown. -- Petula Clark When you're surrounded by tabloids and suffocating under the press of the worst PR fiasco in recent memory, you can park your butt on Oprah's couch and hope that O's talent for defusing scandal and transforming bad press into good rubs off on you. A few tears and some tough love may set you on the path to righteous box office numbers (or album/book sales or even possibly get people to stop criticizing an international adoption). Tom Cruise famously jumps Oprah's couch on May 23, 2005. (The Washington Post) That last is a reference to Madonna who, amidst an ever-widening PR nightmare over her adoption of a 13-month-old Malawi boy, will tape an appearance on Oprah today to be aired at 4 p.m. ET tomorrow. I'm going to make a wild prediction: Madonna...
By Liz | October 24, 2006; 10:44 AM ET | Comments (18)
Celebritology 101: The Art of Cheek!
Today we turn our attention to the satisfying pleasure afforded by a well-written headline. Particularly in the world of celebrity news, a headline can make a paper buyable, a link clickable and elevate the subject matter from the mundane to the sublime. The surreally sublime, that is. The New York tabloids have made a passable sport out of headline-writing, mainly relying on the power of the pun to sell a few more copies. Still, New York has nothing on the British, who win the world title for clever cheeky headline-writing. No contest. Some recent examples: 'Drunken Twit' Tarrant Thrown Out by His Wife for Canoodling Busty Liz is Simply the Chest Lo' Unsteady as She Goes! It's the vocabulary, you see. The British press has embraced the colloquial and freely use slang and the latest in pop culture references (see above's "Unsteady as She Goes") when composing. Also, gone is...
By Liz | September 12, 2006; 10:44 AM ET | Comments (5)
Celebritology 101: Why Ben Affleck Should Shuddup
Warning: Viewing this picture may affect your enjoyment of 'Hollywoodland.' (AP) In Venice to promote his new movie "Hollywoodland," Ben Affleck gave the press a piece of his mind about the paparazzi and how they are ruining the film industry: "I think more and more people pay attention to actors' private lives (and that) makes it difficult to suspend disbelief when you are going to watch their movie because really what you are thinking about is whatever you have read about them in a magazine rather than the performance they are giving, and it makes the actor's job harder," Affleck said at a news conference. "The movies become incidental pit-stops and commercial breaks in the soap opera of their life." I'm glad Ben said something because this gives me, and all other shame-faced celebrity scribes, the opportunity to turn our attention to Mr. Affleck, who in recent years made...
By Liz | September 6, 2006; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (44)
Celebritology 101: Pop Quiz
Who is the smartest celeb of them all... today? a. Eric McCormack, who has handily prevented any chance of future TV mediocrity by actually choosing to avoid sitcom work now that his eight-season (syndicated) run with "Will & Grace" has come to an end. b. Meredith Vieira, who recently called "The View" a "joke" and says she no longer watches now that she is moving on to co-host the "Today" show. c. Every D-list celebrity and rusty musician who chose NOT to participate in "Celebrity Duets." d. Paris Hilton, just because. Your answer: ________________ (Answer key after the jump)...
By Liz | August 29, 2006; 10:39 AM ET | Comments (12)
Overblown Rumor of the Summer: Brangelina Breakup?
Considering the big headlines of just a couple weeks ago (Pam and Kid Rock, Mel Gibson) and the massive "SoaP" hype hangover, celebrity news sites are somewhat becalmed by a relatively uneventful late August. Cunning marketing execs try to take advantage of the news vacuum to drum up interest in novelty releases, photogs flock to pools and beaches for a few last shots of skimpy Speedos and so-what somehow passes for breaking news. Conditions are therefore perfect for The Overblown Rumor. In this instance, a rumor so anemic Nicole Richie could best it in a cage match is multiplying across the the Web like so many Tribbles. Being a responsible, restrained purveyor of celebrity scuttlebutt, I have no choice but ignore it and return to the distribution of stories of import. Who am I kidding? Brad and Angie (complete with pillow-lips), together forever in wax. (Getty Images) BRANGELINA IS ARE...
By Liz | August 23, 2006; 10:44 AM ET | Comments (9)
Celebritology 101: Lindsay Lohan & the Celebrity Spin Machine
Believe what I say, not what I do. (AP) Pay close attention to what comes out of the mouths of celebrities. They may not always mean what they say. They probably didn't actually come up with these words (remember, most are paid performers) and in most cases their utterances -- whether on Entertainment Tonight or surrounded by salt-of-the-earth villagers in Namibia -- are calculated to add value to their brand. Imagine them henceforth as officially sanctioned sociopaths very carefully manipulated by an able band of helpers. Below we study an annotated version of a very commonly used celebrity device in attempted image rehabilitation: ---- Lohan Wants to Visit U.S. Troops in Iraq The Associated Press Celebritology Annotation in Italics NEW YORK -- Lindsay Lohan says she wants to go to Iraq with Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton and entertain American troops there. Lindsay Lohan has suffered some big setbacks in...
By Liz | August 9, 2006; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (20)
Essential Celebritology Vacation Reads
Next week, I'll be spending a week at the beach on a self-imposed break from blogging and all current celeb news. We all have to detox, ya know? Five guest bloggers will take turns subbing for me each day of next week. Play nice, they are all fabulous, savvy Celebritologists. (Truth be told, one or two might not harbor the same zeal for the world of celebs, but it can't hurt to look at this menagerie from a different angle. Just smile, nod and know that person will be gone the next day.) Still, I can't be expected to go cold turkey, so I've gathered a few books (and the makings of a pitcher of Mojitos) to take along to occupy the long hours on the sand, near the pool, on the chaise longue. My picks are below. I haven't read them yet, but please share your recommendations for new...
By Liz | July 21, 2006; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (7)
Celebritology 101: Mariah's Purple Passion
Celebritology 101: Mariah's Purple Passion Listen up, here's another for lesson Celebritology 101's growing syllabus: Do not look to the stars for advice or guidance on politics, diet, exercise, money management, driving or realistic aging. Mariah Carey before embarking on her purple foods regimen. (Getty Images) Although some undoubtedly live sensible, exemplary lives (the ones you don't hear much about outside of press junkets), you can never be sure when a seemingly level-headed personality will detour into the land of the absurd. Absurdity can take the form of sitting in a tree for extended periods of time, penning self-help books, acting as one's own stylist and, as you'll read below, dispensing illogical dietary advice. Mariah Carey, long considered a wit of some reknown acclaimed the world over for her demure outfits and scholarly bearing, has shaken my faith in her "smarts" by declaring that henceforth she will only eat purple...
By Liz | July 6, 2006; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (9)
My Celebrity Eating Disorder
Time for another lesson in Celebritology 101, in which I point out something rather obvious, mix it up with something you (hopefully) haven't seen before, then arrive at an unexpected conclusion, which may or may not make sense in relation to the rest of the piece. Today's lesson is a double-header: Once you're a celebrity, privacy evaporates and no matter how mundane, there is an audience for anything celebrity related. Don't pay any attention to the hideous visage of Johnny Knoxville chowing down on a snow cone. (AP) To illustrate the above, I share the following re-enacted anecdote. On Friday night, I was overcome by a serious craving for pictures of celebrities eating. Having already wasted $4.99 on "Hostel" on OnDemand, I was desperate for entertainment. Did I dare hope for such a treat? I dared. My appetite was sated by a quick Google search and the No. 1 return:...
By Liz | June 20, 2006; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (5)
The Scales of Celebrity Spokesmanship
"Celebrity spokesperson" usually invokes images of late night infomercials and '70s TV stars -- you know, flashes of Victoria Principal tending her auburn locks with a Flowbee* or Suzanne Somers detailing, in repetitive childlike tones, the glories the ThighMaster. "It's Suntory time." (AP/Focus Features) "Celebrity spokesperson" is a stop on the way down from stardom. Think Bill Murray's washed-up actor filming Japanese whiskey commercials in "Lost in Translation." Haven't had a regular job since the "Bionic Woman"? Fear not, you can find your way back into living rooms (of shut-ins and insomniacs) on late night Sleep Number Bed infomercials. "Celebrity spokesperson" is not to be confused with "The new face of..." as in "Madonna is the new face of H&M." In such cases we understand that H&M is grovelingly thankful to be paying Madonna beaucoup bucks to appear in glossy mag ads. But there's been a disturbance in the force....
By Liz | June 2, 2006; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (7)
Paris Is Burning Me Up
I'm a celebrity newsaholic. I scarf up miniscule updates about Angelina's pregnancy (she may be induced on June 3rd) and literally lost four hours looking through the wire feed of entertainment photos. This is some kind of sick compulsion, I know, and I'm sure each glossy tabloid purchased and hour spent watching E! is killing off brain cells. Am I smiling because I'm paid to smile or because I'm paid so much to smile? (Getty Images) I take some comfort in the fact that I am not alone and, like most of you who check in here each day, I do try to keep my appetite for celebrity news in its proper place. I walk my dog, pet my cat, pay bills, exercise, hang out with the husband and read most of the paper each day (note: all of these -- except dog-walking -- can be done while watching E!)....
By Liz | May 25, 2006; 10:44 AM ET | Comments (57)
How to Curse Your Celebrity Child
Two things were made clear to me in the last several hours. 1. Geri Halliwell wasn't called "Smart" Spice or even "Appropriate" Spice and with good reason. 2. Distracted by Brangelina and their rumored intention to name their baby "Africa," we lent our help to the wrong bundle of joy. Geri Halliwell, aka "Tasteless" Spice. (AP) But how were we to know about the horror that was unfolding halfway around the world? In the recent crush of celebrity gestations and spawnings, you might have missed the fact that a B-level pop singer who wasn't lucky enough to marry a soccer star star footballer was expecting: Yes, the afore-mentioned Halliwell, aka "Ginger" Spice. Halliwell's child, a baby girl, was born May 14 in London. And with an over-the-top disregard for all that is right and good in this world, she's topped a very able entry from Gwyneth Paltrow (Apple) when it...
By Liz | May 24, 2006; 12:43 PM ET | Comments (16)
Nosing Around Ashlee's New Look
Here's a Friday lesson in Celebritology 101: When Being a Celebrity Sucks. Because I happen to pay attention to this sort of thing, I can see that being a celebrity might actually become a drag sometimes. This is a hard thing for a person who lives and breathes Us Weekly, E! and this Web site to reconcile, but we all have to grow up sometime. This week's lesson is about how some very private feelings about self-image can become a very humiliating and very public topic of conversation. We all know Hollywood upholds a pretty unrealistic ideal of attractiveness, especially when it comes to what constitutes feminine beauty. The average American woman is a size 12 (though with fudged sizing, thank you Weingarten) that may change. Still, Hollywood has a seemingly endless supply of fresh-faced, lithe beauties that populate not only the covers of fashion magazines and music videos, but...
By Liz | May 12, 2006; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (27)
