When Celebs Shill: Mark McGrath's Very Bad Idea

Move over Cosmos. According to my e-mail in-box, the latest celebrity beverage trend involves root beer and Jägermeister. From a press release that just popped into my in-box: Stars are usually seen sipping cosmos or martinis, but there's a new cocktail that's making the rounds in celebrity circles -- the spiked root beer float! At Mark McGrath's new Newport Beach, Calif. restaurant A, they serve root beer floats that Mark calls a "slice of heaven". Here's the recipe: Spiked Root Beer Float 2 oz. Three Olives Root Beer Vodka 1 oz. Jägermeister 1 scoop vanilla ice cream 5 oz. Root Beer Soda Yes, while the rest of us poor shmoes have been busy playing catch up with political cocktail trends, celebs -- boundary pushers one and all -- have again confounded us with a game-changing concoction that will doubtless trickle down to your Local Mall Eatery (TM) by year's end....

By Liz | July 22, 2008; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (91)

Here's the Story of the Barfing Brady

Listen up all you kid stars. You may be some kind of cute munchkin now, rocking little ringlets and ridiculously cute outfits. But there isn't any longevity in the adorable scamp game. Okay? If you're lucky, you may transition into adulthood unscathed. But for the rest of you, it's reality TV or bust. Luckily erstwhile littlest "Brady Bunch"-er Susan Olsen (Cindy) has stepped in to show us how to reinvent herself almost 40 years after she first charmed a generation of couch potatoes with her lispy cuteness. Cindy was the cutest Brady, there's no denying it. But if you were a kid like me, cute was less likely to inspire admiration than to induce a wave of nausea. And, as it turns out, the now 47-year-old Olsen has managed to nauseate even herself. And in one two-minute segment she's also single-handedly outdone the second acts of fellow "Brady" alums Barry...

By Liz | July 9, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (40)

In the Twilight Zone with Jess and Ush

Jessica Simpson and co-star Ashley Ednar. (Image courtesy New Line Home Entertainment) There are lots of things I'd never want to see combined -- bacon and Peach Schnapps, a hybrid shark/sloth (cuz it would be the slowest death ever), me and Diane Keaton in a Port-a-Jon. But last night's double dose of a couple of stale "Twilight Zone" episodes added two new and unexpectedly foul combinations to my list of abominations against nature: 1. Jessica Simpson and a house full of evil Barbie dolls (watch here), and 2. Usher smoothly doing battle with a pimp stalking him from beyond the grave. To be fair, the episodes originally aired in 2003 and 2002, respectively, so these shows are neither new nor particularly noteworthy. Unless you, like me, happen to make a study of poorly-executed celebrity cameos. We have syndication-loving MyNetwork to thank for keeping these shows alive. And reminding us...

By Liz | July 3, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (34)

What Would Jamie Lee Do?

Jamie Lee Curtis holds a steely vigil in the galley of the Virginia Responder. (Photo by Matt Nelson for washingtonpost.com) There isn't much debate about it -- we are a society of celebrity worshippers. And despite the most vehement protests that we couldn't possibly be that shallow, I was reminded -- yet again -- last week of just how completely members of the Screen Actors Guild have replaced religious dieties in our daily lives. We look up -- not to the heavens, but to the outsized faces that gaze down on us from the silver screen. Yes, there are outliers in any survey sample -- but I'd wager that People Magazine outpaces the presence of traditional religious icons in most American homes. Not that I'm complaining. This ever-deepening development is nothing but good for my business as a chronicler of the new pantheon of gods. But no matter how...

By Liz | June 30, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (87)

Morning Mix: Comedian George Carlin Dies at 71

Headlines: Comedian George Carlin, who was once arrested for performing his famous monologue "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television," died of heart failure at the age of 71. (Gallery)... Anna Nicole's ex Larry Birkhead buys commemorative lingerie for baby Dannielynn... Naomi Campbell says she's sorry for assault (sort of)... New York judge orders 50 Cent to give up his guns ... Christie Brinkley's lawyers subpoena husband's former mistress in divorce trial... Missy Elliot, Omarion attend Timabland's wedding in Aruba... Friends and family help Minnie Driver celebrate baby shower; father's identity still a mystery... Always-understated musician Kanye West calls fellow rapper Lil Wayne a "god". Celeb vs. the Paparazzi: Paparazzi trying to film Matthew McConaughey mobbed on beach ... Photographer sues Woody Harrelson for $2.5 million, claiming the actor choked him during an altercation two years ago. Rumor Mill: Amy Winehouse's dad says she has emphysema, telling reporters her...

By Nancy Kerr | June 23, 2008; 07:16 AM ET | Comments (160)

Deliver Us from Celine Dion

(Image courtesy Storktunes.com) I've never given birth so my cred for critiquing what goes down in a delivery room is about as informed as that of a 20-year-old frat boy. And after seeing "Knocked Up" I may not take my studies in this area much further. But, still, when I came across this peppy little press release touting a birth room CD headlined by the music of Celine Dion even I knew enough to recognize bad chemistry: labor pain + Celine Dion = CDs used as throwing stars. But, not trusting my limited knowledge, I asked my friend Amy -- who gave birth to daughter Maxine in November -- to weigh in. Since the experience was still somewhat fresh in her mind, she was better able to address the effects Celine might have had on her own labor: I went from "Am I in labor?" To "I'm dying! Oh...

By Liz | June 18, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (172)

Puff Piece: Three Things for Thursday

The celebrity world isn't exactly being rocked by much this week (unless you're in the minority of readers interested in Brangelina Baby-gate) and I'm on semi-unofficial-vacation. According to my "Writing Celebritology Handbook" this confluence of events calls for only one thing: a mish-mash of random items that call for little concentration on your part (or mine), but aspires to give one and all a good chuckle and allow us to engage in the finely-tuned art of Celebritological schadenfreude: Lily Allen (right) and actress Minnie Mouse Jaime Winstone in London yesterday: (Getty Images) Who Knew? Mary-Kate Olsen is apparently complex enough to warrant her own profile in July's Elle. Behold the depth of this woman's perception: "I don't know why I wear some of the things I wear. I like wearing crazy things sometimes." Your suggestions for Naming Gwyneth Paltrow's not-yet-conceived Third Child (culled from the comments portion of Tuesday and...

By Liz | June 5, 2008; 11:43 AM ET | Comments (46)

Books: Studying Steven Seagal

(Titan Books) It's time we put away childish things and talked about a real celebrity. Someone who truly walks on air miles above our tragically un-famous heads; who redefined the very ideal of super-stardom by his mere existence and who makes other pretenders to the highest realms of celebrity (sorry Angelina) resemble Bronson Pinchot or that girl who played the cheesy robot daughter in '80s syndicated sitcom "Small Wonder." That's right. I'm talking about Steven Seagal, a real star. A guy who is so famous and so enlightened that even he is awed by his prowess. A guy who doesn't need hordes of paparazzi following his every move to validate his relevance. A man so dang good at what he does that we are sometimes afraid to look upon his rightness and recognize his preeminence as the star of all stars. Well, all of us except this guy named...

By Liz | May 29, 2008; 10:39 AM ET | Comments (29)

For Oprah, the Golden Touch

There's just something unnerving about a disembodied Oprah head floating in space and crowned with two dogs. I'm not the world's biggest Oprah fan, as has been made abundantly clear here in the past. The woman has an outsized ego and way too much sway over the minds (and spending habits) of middle America. That's why when I saw that Oprah was the latest subject of the one-note celeb-centric artist Daniel Edwards (yes, the same guy who brought us the NSFW Britney giving birth and Paris Hilton autopsy sculptures), my face immediately mimicked the look it gets when I find my own dog has unceremoniously left a present in the middle of the living room rug. (Image courtesy Leo Kesting Gallery) As if flesh-and-blood Oprah wasn't bad enough, Edwards has transformed Winfrey into a golden goddess, replete with flowing mane and supporting life-sized likenesses of her dead dogs Sophie and...

By Liz | May 15, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (53)

Beyonce's Bootylicious Kid Ads: Over the Line?

(Image via PopGumbo.com) Yep, we know Beyonce Knowles is bootylicious, but suddenly the pop diva turned designer is at the receiving end of a torrent of criticism for marketing that image to the second-grade set. The latest from Beyonce's House of Dereon -- the fashion label she runs with mom Tina -- is "Dereon Girls." And while the clothes themselves may be innocuous enough (if trite and trendy), it is the advertisements featuring seven-year-olds in full makeup and high heels that has critics lining up to charge Beyonce with contributing to the delinquency of minors. Though the ads debuted last fall, they've been the target of a resurgent flurry of comments in the blogosphere: Asks (NSFW) blog PopGumbo: "What is the next ad going to look like? Babies wearing gold metallic bikinis while five-year old boys throw Monopoly money on them." Conservative critic Michelle Malkin, invoking JonBenet Ramsey's image...

By Liz | May 14, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (116)

Rant: Leave 'Donnie Darko' Alone

Jake Gyllenhaal, Jena Malone and freaky bunny in 2001's 'Donnie Darko.' (Dale Robinette/Courtesy NewMar) [Begin Rant] Today we take a break from our usual fare of celeb-circumspection to consider (again) Hollywood's annoying addiction to the sequel. Sure, I'm as hesitantly expectant as the next girl about the imminent release of "Indiana Jones's" fourth installment, but from the moment Harrison Ford cracked that whip back in 1981, "Indiana Jones" had franchise practically tattooed on his forehead. And we were okay with that. Despite its setting during World War II, the movie was a lighthearted, vicarious romp through bug-filled caves where daredevil narrow escapes were tempered by pithy dialogue (The grody "om nom shiva" scene not withstanding.) It was "Goonies" for grown-ups. But, never content to let a good thing remain untarnished by the stank of greed, Hollywood has aimed its indiscriminate money-making steamroller at "Donnie Darko," a movie that --...

By Liz | May 13, 2008; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (78)

Brenda Dickson: Welcome to Her Nightmare

Brenda Dickson has advice on just about everything. (YouTube) Never having watched "The Young and the Restless," I can't say I was familiar with Brenda Dickson's work until the video linked below found its way to my inbox yesterday afternoon. Perhaps because Dickson in effect disappeared from the entertainment world after being fired from "The Young and the Restless" in 1988. Though, as evidenced by these pix, she is still making the Hollywood rounds -- or, rather, the bizarro world Hollywood that is populated by Fabio and "American Idol" rejects. The video is neither new -- it was produced, directed and written by Dickson in 1987 -- or new to the Internet. Mr. Liz happened upon it while perusing Dan Savage's blog. But what it is is a study in the egomaniacal tendencies that afflict several who dare to call themselves celebrities. More akin to Elizabeth Berkley than Elizabeth...

By Liz | April 16, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (16)

Workday Waster: Just Call Me Paris

True confession: In the time I usually reserve for ruminating over the day's main post -- a process at once highly technical and spiritually draining -- I've been goofing around with this face-morphy-thingamabob that lets any user upload a photo of oneself and transform it into the visage of a celebrity (and not just any celeb, but one the site's software has determined you slightly resemble). So, duh, I lost no time in changing myself into Paris Hilton. Which immediately tells you three things: 1. The site's software is -- shall we say -- smoking something, because I look nothing like Paris Hilton; 2. I am a sucker for gimmicks; and 3. I'm not above infecting you with my feckless, workday-wasting habits. Hey, it was either this or a dissection of Madonna's latest Vanity Fair interview. Here's the result of my morning's hard work: MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy -...

By Liz | April 3, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (77)

2008: A Good Year for Britney -- So Far

Jamie Lynn Spears: The face of 2008? (Getty Images) Let's do the time warp again, shall we? We're staring down the barrel of a fresh year, rife with possibility. It's a good year for Britney Spears so far. And that's something! This time last year, Brit had already made headlines by falling asleep in a Las Vegas nightclub and would soon plunge headfirst into a year of self-mutilation. Some well-worn names are already up to their old tricks (La Lohan reasserting her tabloid dominance by making free with the lips in the Med) while others are using the time to pay for last year's transgressions (Kiefer Sutherland, Michelle Rodriguez). Still others have turned our heads by keeping some downright crazy company (Paris Hilton and K-Fed?). What will 2008 hold? Hard to say. A year ago today Anna Nicole Smith was alive. Lindsay Lohan had the buzz of a promising...

By Liz | January 2, 2008; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (53)

List-a-licious: The -est of 2007

It isn't only Santa who gets listy in December. Lazy observers of culture (present company sheepishly included) also turn to the list -- a convenient way to create splashy content with minimal reportage. Here at Celebritology central, we've been accumulating an uber-list of this year's smartest, dumbest, couply-est, searchy-est, buzziest, etc., crafted in an attempt to put a period at the end of the long, bloated, over-wrought sentence that I am writing was 2007. Grab some Earl Grey, pop in the ear buds and spend a little time with the bumper crop of lists below. And if you know of one not yet listed (duh), please add to the comments section. The 20 Most Talked About Celebs of 2007 How Paris Hilton beat out Britney Spears to top this list, I'll never understand. Oh, and if you're not Australian, stop reading after no. 13. Top 10 Smoking Hot Couples of...

By Liz | December 4, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (17)

Occupational Hazard: Celeb Ennui

This may come as a surprise to the occasional reader who likes to rail against me and the blog for, well, existing, but even Celebritologists aren't capable of unwavering interest in the lives of the rich and infamous. Some days it happens like this: I wake up to a morning of smelly Tara Reids, bottle blond divorces and the usual swarm of Britney Spears headlines and I. Just. Freeze Up. This morning, for instance. Here I sit with a vast array of silly celeb news for inspiration and I'm, well, uninspired. No "Dancing with the Stars" finale or leaked Britney video shoot anticipation for this Celebritologiest. Instead, I find myself gravitating to this fascinating story about the meaning (or lack of meaning) in our dreams and, yes, trying to wrap my head around the sudden, unexpected death of Redskin Sean Taylor. Forgive me for having an off day, but there...

By Liz | November 27, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (35)

Bai Ling's Literary Juggernaut

Author Bai Ling in January 2006. (AP) Jenna Bush isn't the only gossip column bold-facer to give in to the writing bug. While the first daughter opted to promote her book, "Ana's Story," the old school way -- with the expected in-store appearances and the obligatory Diane Sawyer interview -- Hollywood fashion mash-up queen Bai Ling hyped her upcoming book with a refreshing shin Band-aid campaign. See, on one shin she pasted a Band-Aid and used a Sharpie to write the words "MY BOOK." On the other leg -- pay attention -- she also pasted a Band-Aid, but this time scribbled the name of her book: "NIPPLES." Genius. Doubtless, Ling's "Nipples" will soon take the literary world by storm because who can hold out in the face of this spacey multimedia tour-de-force? First, though, the book will need to actually exist. Perhaps Amazon's buyers haven't been keeping up with...

By Liz | October 2, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (60)

Chris Crocker, Leave Us Alone

Chris Crocker, newly-minted 'net star. (AP) Last week, Chris Crocker rose from the obscurity of his grandparents' Tennessee house and his status as a Perez Hilton remora to become the latest Internet-created celebrity. Proof positive that there is something actually more pitiful than Britney Spears herself, Crocker is particularly hard to stomach because he's clawing his way into the pop culture lexicon by stepping on Brit's neck. If you haven't yet watched Crocker's career-making plea to "Leave Britney Alone," you can do so here. If you don't have much of a stomach for whining and crocodile tears, skip it and know that it is two minutes and 11 seconds of very calculated nails-on-chalkboard ravings by a very shrewd 19-year-old who purports to defend Spears, who he says is getting a rough break. Leave her alone, he asks, while at the same time doing everything he can to get us...

By Liz | September 25, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (34)

Walker, Texas Ranger Says War is Working

The world is a crazy mixed-up place. When Paris Hilton passes for a celebrity and Hollywood's dowagers are thrown away like so many dirty socks, all we can do is surrender to the madness, sit back and enjoy the ride. Norris as Walker, Texas Ranger. (CBS) That's why it's not surprising that action heroes can become Governators, many South Pacific islanders view Rambo as a folk hero* or that Chuck Norris -- whose biggest qualifications are shirtless, oiled-up turns in macho-porn like "Missing in Action" and "Delta Force" (Tagline: "They don't negotiate with terrorists... they blow them away! ") -- thinks anyone cares what he has to say about the progress of the war in Iraq. But Norris, currently visiting troops in Iraq, is doing his part to single-handedly balance out Hollywood's outspoken anti-war critics -- like Sean Penn (who has also had firsthand experience on the ground in Iraq),...

By Liz | September 19, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (92)

Remembering Jane Wyman

Jane Wyman at the height of her 'Falcon Crest' reign. (HO/AFP/Getty Images) I don't claim to know any more about Jane Wyman than the average bear. She was a starlet back when "starlet" meant someone who actually punched a clock at one of Hollywood's major studios. She was the first wife of Republican deity Ronald Reagan. And she presided over one of last of the great primetime soaps, "Falcon Crest." It was in this last role that she entered my orbit. As a snot-nosed Army brat living in Naples, Italy in the early '80s, I hungrily devoured tapes of American TV shipped overseas for trade in the ex-pat "Betamax club." These tapes were my first introduction to the sublime canon of early-80s TV -- "The Facts of Life," "Too Close for Comfort," "The Barbara Mandrell Show," "Simon and Simon" and, of course, "Falcon Crest." While "Dallas" left me somewhat...

By Liz | September 11, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (21)

TGIF: Misbehaving Star Malaise

Sorry guys. No Friday List this week. I just couldn't summon the requisite enthusiasm for yet another compilation of the best high school movies (especially one so wrong) or even the lessons learned from '80s-era cartoons (and that's some good listing). Instead, I find myself utterly worn out by the latest epidemic of celebrity "justice" and continued bad behavior. As evinced by this morning's Mix, Celebritology is little more than a crime blotter these days. Lilo sentenced, Nicole serving a scant 82 minutes, Amy Winehouse queuing up to be the next Anna Nicole Smith. And that's not all. Over the last week we've seen Foxy Brown jailed, Ali Lohan crash a car, Bill Murray on a drunken golf cart ride, Pete Doherty's cat hospitalized for cocaine use and even the utterly staid Bette Midler illegally felling 200 trees on her Hawaiian property. Meanwhile, Phil Spector's murder trial continues to unfold...

By Liz | August 24, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (18)

Perez Hilton Comes to Town

Perez Hilton -- aka Mario Lavandeira. (Liz Kelly for washingtonpost.com) Video: Liz Quizzes Perez Aug. 17, Arlingon, Va. 10:05 p.m. It's Friday night at Clarendon ballroom and event promoters -- in this case radio station Hot 99.5 -- are buzzing the assorted journos gathered in a basement greenroom regularly to assure us that he --- Perez Hilton -- is still coming, and soon. Perez Hilton is hot. So hot that in the past month he's turned up in the realities of both Victoria Beckham (on NBC's one-hour "Welcome to America" special) and Kathy Griffin (on her Bravo show "My Life on the D List") and, for one brief shining morning, in Rosie O'Donnell's vacated "View" seat. He calls his celeb-skewering blog "Hollywood's Most-Hated Web Site" and this self-described "queen" -- who tonight is sporting haphazardly-dyed orange hair, a rumpled shirt and a shiny red tie -- is a bona...

By Liz | August 20, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (30)

Rant: When Good Stars Go Bad

Jason Lee at the July 30 'Underdog' premiere. (Reuters) It is a nightmarish scenario. Sitting in a movie theater, you are trapped in a polyester-covered chair, your feet gingerly brushing a sticky floor as a preview for a movie so execrably bad slowly unspools itself on screen, burning its 18-wheeler-sized vileness into your retinas. Despite the fact that you are in America, your nostrils are filled with the noxious scent of Camembert -- not from an epicure snacking close by, but from the cheese on screen. Then, just as the bile starts to settle back down your esophagus, the face of an actor you like appears. You blink, hoping you missed the transition to a new trailer, but this is only denial, pathetically trying to make the bad thing go away. Sigh. And so it is that this happened to me on Sunday when confronted with the uncomfortable realization...

By Liz | August 1, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (30)

Mapping the Stars

Where does privacy end and public life begin for celebrities? Consider the following: Using tips sent in by readers and other Web reports, the Celebritology cartography staff created the map at right pinpointing recent sightings of comedian Dave Chappelle in the D.C. metro area (click the pinpoints for more info). I don't feel too skeevy about it. The sites are all public places and Chappelle actually talked to fans -- and in one case a CNN reporter -- while out and about and I've got queries out to Chappelle's publicist trying to get a statement on why he's visiting the area. My map is merely a speck on what is becoming a virtually star-studded celebrity globe, courtesy of sites like Google Earth the infinitely popular Gawker Stalker. The site, also powered by zealous fans, lists (mainly New York-based) sightings of celebrities doing everything from riding the train to shopping...

By Liz | July 31, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (24)

Does Dave Chappelle (Heart) PWC?

With apologies to Celebritology's international audience, today we hop on the trendy "hyperlocal" train to talk about a little Beltway buzz. Dave Chappelle. (AP) Yesterday, rumors about Dave Chappelle's possible Prince William County, Va. hospitalization made the blogosphere rounds and had fans frantically calling in sightings to one local D.C. radio station. By day's end, a Chappelle spokesperson issued a statement saying the comic was hospitalized over the weekend for "exhaustion" and had since fully recovered. A friend of Chappelle's also came forward to say the comedian had been hospitalized, yes, but in San Francisco. The truth of the matter seems elusive and we may never know if one of America's funniest dudes was in fact confined to a padded room across the street from Manassas's Red Panda Buffet (where an all-you-can-eat lunch buffet in close proximity to where a major celeb may or may not have been confined is...

By Liz | July 18, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (20)

An Ode to Lindsay Lohan on the Occasion of her 21st Birthday

Birthday girl Lindsay Lohan. (AP) On starlet birthdays, though you may not know it The Celebritologist Becomes a poet. Who do we honor? Let me explain: She sings, she acts, She drives on cocaine. That's right, Lindsay Lohan, Rehab darling du jour, Turns today twenty-one And is sober, we're sure. A paparazzi target Who parties real hard, She's left Disney for "Mean Girls," And earned that SAG card. But with mom a floozy And dad an ex-con, Lindsay's made a habit Of carousing till dawn. So a little advice For this most jolly of days: Keep your promise -- don't drink And renounce girl deejays. And for just a while Avoid those old haunts, Goodbye to the Ivy And to Chateau Marmont. Let's see a new LL Without coke and scotch And show the world You're more than a [Editor's Note: Liz can't use that excellent rhyme here. This...

By Liz | July 2, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (85)

Still Spicy After All These Years

Above: The Spice Girls in 1997. (AP) Below: Today in London. (Reuters) Remember the late '90s when the Spice Girls dominated the charts? Girl power and whatnot? Me either. I was too busy getting into Rage Against the Machine and the Foo Fighters second album and generally dissing overproduced pop of the Spice variety. If pressed, though, I guess I can't deny that their prototypical single "Wannabe" was a global mega-hit and the gimmicky success of their formulaic nicknamed (Sporty, Scary, etc.) image. And I definitely have to hand it to the Girls (or their management) for well-done self-parody in 1997's "Spice World." So, like many former hit-making gimmicky bands before them (The Monkees, The Police) wth the prospect of making a few more bucks before totally hitting the wall, the five Spices reunited today in London to announce plans for a world tour set to launch in L.A....

By Liz | June 28, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (65)

Am I My Brother's Keeper?

Ray J: "You know you want me." Remember Brandy, the teen R&B singer from the early '90s, who bounced around in her video singing about her cute little brother, Ray J, and how he was her bestest friend in the whole wide world and she would always be there for him through thick and thin til' death did they part? Well, forget about her, (though she's been in some hot water lately) it's the brother I want to talk about today. Through the years Ray J has tried ever so hard to jumpstart his own entertainment career. He starred as Brandy's little brother in her now defunct sitcom, "Moesha". He's put out three albums to lukewarm reception, though one or two of his singles snapped off -- notably one with rapper (and plastic surgery addict) Lil' Kim, who he was also rumored to be dating. He starred in one...

By | June 7, 2007; 11:00 AM ET | Comments (23)

Morning Mix: Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson Split?

Headlines: Paris Hilton "doing well" after first night in the slammer; officials describe her as a "polite and gracious" prisoner ... "Borat" star Sacha Baron Cohen and girlfriend Isla Fisher are expecting... "Criminal Minds" and "Young and Restless" hottie Shemar Moore arrested on suspicion of DUI... Lynne Spears (Brit's mom) cancels her planned appearance on "The View"... From the "just plain weird" file: Creepy knife photos of Lindsay Lohan and Vanessa Minnillo from June 2006 surface.... Pam Anderson debuts as Vegas showgirl. Rumor Mill: Splitsville for Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson?...Katie is ready for baby number two...Jude Law dumped by magazine editor girlfriend.... Are Beyonce and Jay-Z engaged? We'll Always Have Paris: For more on Paris in prison, check out Bill Booth's story "Paris Hilton's Early Check-In"...

By Nancy Kerr | June 5, 2007; 08:22 AM ET | Comments (20)

Who Has the Most CRASS?

Yep, Britney has plenty of CRASS. (AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill) Liz is out today because she either is secretly Canadian and wants to celebrate Victoria Day or she has a case of the Mondays. Either way, she'll be back tomorrow. Once upon a time, March 2006 to be exact, a woman named Liz had a dream that one day she could be washingtonpost.com's source for snark and cattiness (David Broder notwithstanding). Through her grit and determination, not to mention her alacrity and pizzazz, she made it happen. And now, 625 Celebrity postings later, it's time to look back and see what we've covered. We examined every one of the 625 posts to determine which celebrities have been mentioned the most. Since all posts aren't equal, we created something we call the Celebritology Reference Accumulated Scoring System, or C.R.A.S.S. Celebrities earn 1 CRASS point for appearing in a Morning Mix...

By | May 21, 2007; 11:21 AM ET | Comments (15)

Weekend Read: 'Tabloid Prodigy'

(Running Press) Timing is everything and for Marlise Elizabeth Kast, May 2 turned out to be a propitious day to have an item about Tobey Maguire run in the New York Post. The release of Kast's book, which included a juicy tidbit about the time she'd been assigned to investigate rumors that Maguire and close friend Leonardo DiCaprio were once lovers, was picked up by Page Six just two days before the U.S. release of "Spider-Man 3." This week, I exchanged e-mails with Kast to talk about her book, "Tabloid Prodigy" -- her account of years spent as an undercover infiltrator of the Hollywood scene and her own growing internal struggle to reconcile her career with her own moral code. Read on to find out how far Kast went to get her stories, why she thinks celebs need the tabloids and which story she wishes she could take back......

By Liz | May 11, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (15)

Comment Box: All-Star Politicians

Since Fred Thompson probably running [for] president has arguably pulled presidential politics into your "ology", are there any other actors or actresses out there who you think could be viable presidential contenders? -- Submitted during last week's Celebritology Live Fred Thompson, playing a fictionalized version of himself in 'Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World.' (Shangri-La Entertainment) Is this a trick question? I don't know your name, but I'll call you Barbra and, Barbra (if you are indeed for real), you may be one of the few Americans actually open to the idea of an actor insinuating himself (or herself) into the political arena. To give you some idea of what an anomaly you are, here is an example of the question I'd expect to receive on this topic: "Actors are narcissists who have no business exercising the same basic right of every American citizen to run for office. Don't...

By Liz | April 16, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (20)

Friday Task: Cast a New Mötley Crüe

(Harper Collins) A ray of metallic sunshine entered our lives last fall when rumors of a movie based on the Mötley Crüe bio-book "The Dirt" began coalescing into actual pre-production and "Borat" director Larry Charles (whose impressive resume also includes "Seinfeld," "Entourage," "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and "The Tick") was attached to the project. But, since then, not much has happened to this Holy Grail of rock tales, which holds the promise of "This Is Spinal Tap," "The Decline of Western Civilization Part II" and "Almost Famous" rolled into one big fat decadent hair band orgy. The movie's IMDB page hasn't been updated in months and once solid buzz about Christopher Walken's being hired to portray Ozzy Osbourne is now shaky at best. Vince Neil, Nikki Sixx, Tommy Lee and Mick Mars celebrate the unveiling of their star on the Walk of Fame. (AP) Call me a dreamer, but my...

By Liz | March 23, 2007; 10:53 AM ET | Comments (32)

Posh Spice: Hot or Not?

Her Poshness. (Getty Images) This Friday we take a break from lists to continue a dissection of Hortense the Pointy-Faced Girl, aka Posh Spice, whose hotness quotient arose as the subject of casual debate in yesterday's Celebritology Live discussion. To quickly recap: After I characterized Posh as rat-like, one reader described Mrs. Beckham as a "hot robot," by which I suppose we're meant to draw parallels to "Cherry 2000," not this guy. From that point, the conversation seemed to neatly divide down gender lines, with women taking my view -- that she's eminently fug-worthy -- while the male portion of the audience (who I now envision as a faceless horde of underwear-clad La-Z-Boy jockeys*) seemed to consider her big time fantasy material. A disclaimer is in order: I'm not usually one to get into the hot-or-not debate, but this case is allowable, in that it provides an interesting opportunity...

By Liz | March 16, 2007; 10:30 AM ET | Comments (113)

Busting Hollywood's Double Standard Wide Open

We spend a lot of time here talking about hair styles, fashion flubs, physical attributes and such. But, not surprisingly, when we get on the "What was X thinking?" trip, "X" usually equals a female celebrity. (For instance, this morning's links to some seriously gnarly pictures of Christina Aguilera and Sharon Stone.) Jack Black bares his rack in 'Nacho Libre.' (Paramount Pictures) If you're into this kind of entertainment (i.e. pointing and laughing at the expense of others with too much money and too little taste), you probably -- like me -- have a well-worn Go Fug Yourself bookmark, too. (If you're not familiar with it, Fug bloggers Heather and Jessica viciously, yet hilariously, rip fashion-challenged starlets to shreds daily). Again, though, a quick scan of the "Frequent Offenders" menu reveals categories for 25 women and zero men. Not much of a revelation, I know, in a world where women...

By Liz | March 7, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (65)

My Vacation: Mariah and Dinoflagellates

Mariah was here: Vieques. (Liz Kelly for washingtopost.com) Last week, while vacationing on an island where driving directions regularly include steps like "drive down the old Navy airstrip to get to the beach," "make a left at the dog sleeping in the road (but don't hit him)" and "if you pass the cockfighting venue you've gone too far," I thought I was reasonably safe from the reach of celebrity news. Silly me. The island was Vieques and Mr. Liz and I had comfortably settled in for a week of Mojitos, reggaeton and R&R while attending a friend's wedding. About 10 miles off the coast of Puerto Rico, Vieques is probably best remembered as the site of some pretty high profile protests of the Navy's use of the island as a bombing range and ammo dump. In fact, the tiny island managed to attract a lot of international attention and...

By Liz | March 5, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (21)

TTYL

I'm out of here for a week -- joining fellow post.com blogger Kim O'Donnel in celebrating her wedding in a warm, tropical environs where the beach is only a few steps away and the mojitos are closer. I'll be back next Monday, but in the meantime enjoy the all-star team of guest bloggers taking over Celebritology this week. (And I'll try to bring some of the warm back with me). Cheers....

By Liz | February 25, 2007; 04:31 PM ET | Comments (1)

Paris Hilton and Midgets and Goats, Oh My

(Photo Illustration courtesy Worth1000.com) With all the heavy news we've had lately -- Anna Nicole's death, Britney's rehab and the bust up of the Van Halen reunion that never got off the ground anyway -- my mind was ripe for distraction. So, let me tell you how this went down. I was minding my own business, clicking around the New York Post when I read the following sentence about Paris Hilton's 26th birthday party: After downing TY KU liquor and bottles of Dom Perignon, guests reported seeing Hilton play with a monkey while a band of midgets led a pack of goats around the room. (Full Item) Immediately recognizing that my 26th birthday party did not include midgets, goats or monkeys, my finely-tuned Celebritologist sixth sense knew there was something here worth investigating. So, because it's my job (hey, someone has to do it) to probe these things while...

By Liz | February 21, 2007; 10:46 AM ET | Comments (8)

My Funny Valentine

Full disclosure: I asked celebrated wit and official Celebritology mentor Gene Weingarten to craft me a few stanzas having to do with celebrities and Valentine's Day, but -- shucks -- I never expected this masterpiece, proving -- once again -- that the funny bone is the quickest route to a girl's heart (at least this one's heart): Paris in the springtime Is like Paris in the fall. A minute watching Paris, And Paris starts to pall. Britney is a spaniel Nice but really dumb. Don't care if she wears panties -- Who wants to see her bum? Lindsay's got no flesh left And J.Lo's got too much -- Anna's dead; besides, I dread Her creepy Midas touch. My choice of famous valentine Takes no apologist -- It's without shame I say the name Of the Celebritologist....

By Liz | February 14, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (8)

When Child Stars Attack Grow Up

Two of the planet's most sacred child stars have done the unthinkable: started to grow up. Daniel Radcliffe poses in a promotional shot for 'Equus.' (AP) First, celluloid darling Dakota Fanning caught major fan backlash after a film depicting Fanning as a 12-year-old rape victim premiered at Sundance last week. The movie, "Hounddog," has been decried as child abuse and even inspired an online petition seeking the arrest of Fanning's mother and agent. Then, yesterday, 17-year-old Daniel Radcliffe -- yes, geeky, awkward and universally adored Harry Potter -- showed us he's all grown up in some racy equestrian shots released to promote his performance in a London stage production of "Equus." Parents are verklempt -- some British moms and dads say no more Hogwarts yarns for their little ones. Said one: "We as parents feel Daniel should not appear nude. Our nine-year-old son looks up to him as a role...

By Liz | January 31, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (56)

Rosie vs. The 'Comb-over Bunny'

Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell. (AP Photos) Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump are still at it. Not only did Rosie up the ante yesterday by referring to Trump as a "comb-over bunny," the New York Post is also reporting that the "View" co-host took boss Barbara Walters to task yesterday for not defending her... enough. If you're late to this particular funfest, here's a quick recap: Miss USA Tara Conner is busted partying underage and comes thisclose to losing her crown. Trump, who owns the pageant, forgives her, saying she deserves a second chance. Rosie asks where Trump gets off posing as the moral compass for teenage girls and adds that he's been bankrupt several times. This is accompanied by some jabs at his swoosh of hair. Donald, incensed at Rosie's criticism, bites back. He calls Rosie fat. He calls Rosie a slob. American families are divided: reasonable, intelligent...

By Liz | January 9, 2007; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (69)

Happy Holidays

I'll be on vacation for the next week trying to squeeze some happy holiday-ing in while moving into new digs. Undoubtedly, the world of celebrity news will keep going, so keep up with the Entertainment News wires and I'll be doing my normal weekly Washington Post Radio gig each Sunday at 10:10 a.m. ET (listen online). You can also hear me in today's podcast talking with radio's Ed O'Keefe about the top 10 celebrity stories of the year. Thanks to everyone -- from Petal to Che to the lurkers -- for making this such a fabulous first year for Celebritology. See you bright and early here on Jan. 2, 2007. I leave you with a little holiday cheer from the ever-fabulous 14 at Gallery of the Absurd: "Vicodin Elf" (Courtesy Gallery of the Absurd)...

By Liz | December 22, 2006; 04:01 PM ET | Comments (5)

He Oughta Be in Pictures

Noah K. with Paris Hilton. (Photo courtesy Noah Kalina) If you watched VH1's "Big in '06" awards show earlier this month, you might have noticed the random photos of stars leading into and out of commercial breaks. From Paris Hilton to Flavor Flav to Danny Bonaduce, they all had one thing in common: Noah Kalina. Who is Noah Kalina? He's the mastermind behind the Web site Noah K. Everyday -- a six-year (so far) archive of self-portraits -- and the viral video hit based on the project. VH1 asked Kalina to slightly modify his project for the awards show and the result is now compiled on Kalina's flickr stream. Yesterday, Kalina and I e-mailed about what it's like being an Internet sensation, which stars played nice and why Will.i.am was kind of annoying: Liz: Although you're probably sick of it, can you briefly describe the premise behind Noah K....

By Liz | December 22, 2006; 10:44 AM ET | Comments (20)

Video Vacation

It's the week before Christmas which may not mean much except that things have slowed to the usual pre-holiday pace. It's nearly impossible to get anything done, so we turn to distractions -- like celebrity blogs -- to make it through the day. It's okay, I won't tell. In fact, as colleagues duck out for ski trips, sudden sick days and long afternoons of last-minute shopping, close your office door/put on your headphones and have yourself a nice little video vacation. I promise the day will go faster. Viral Video Chart has compiled what it considers to be the top celebrity viral videos of 2006. I'm underwhelmed with their No. 1 choice of Britney Spears seemingly-stoned babbling to a pre-marriage K-Fed. And Justin Timberlake's late-in-the-year entry from "SNL" didn't make the list at all. Still, goodies like Paris Hilton singing happy birthday to Hugh Hefner and Pam Anderson's f-bomb assault...

By Liz | December 20, 2006; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (3)

Biggest Celebrity Stories of 2006?

Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and daughter Suri -- the biggest headline grabbers of 2006? (AP) I've been asked to compile a digest of the biggest celebrity stories of 2006. I'm fairly certain I can rattle off many of the year's big headlines in my sleep (the inevitable result of hours spent scanning my weekly stack of tabloids and the far reaches of the celebrity blogosphere), but odds are that if I rely on my usual top-of-mind method of research I'll miss an important story or trend. That's where you come in. What celeb-centric story or stories do you consider the biggest of 2006? Did a new king or queen of the headlines rise above the crowd? Did any stars flame out? What was the biggest surprise or unexpected trend? Who got too much attention and who too little? Who should we watch heading into 2007? I could rattle off...

By Liz | December 14, 2006; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (56)

Celebritology Holiday Guide: Memorabilia Mania

Let's face it: Fruit baskets and gift cards are just so overdone. Show your friends and family you really care this holiday season by giving a gift that speaks to their obsessions. Maybe you know someone with a "collection" or have an uncle who sets his watch to Graceland time or even know a certain Celebritologist who would so kill to own a shirt Tom Cruise wore in "Vanilla Sky"* -- surprise them with something they'll always um... cherish. A world of items once owned -- or touched, or chewed -- by celebrities is yours for the buying. Unfortunately, an egg-salad sandwich half-eaten by Britney Spears was snapped up by Internet casino GoldenPalace.com earlier this year. But, fear not, there is plenty left to round out your holiday gifting. Below, a quick survey of some of the more interesting one-of-a-kinds making holiday wish lists this year. Jessica Simpson's alleged gum....

By Liz | December 4, 2006; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (7)

Celebritology Holiday Guide: Celebrity Scents

J.Lo's Love at First Glow. (Photo by Liz Kelly for washingtonpost.com) You think she shines like a starlet, but this holiday season help her smell like one. But which one? So many choices, so little time. With only 28 shopping days till Christmas, the Celebritology Holiday Guide helps you navigate the odiferous world of celebrity fragrances. The Best Beyonce Knowles, True Star Gold What They Say: "Creates an aura of irresistible attraction, fully charged and electrifying." What We Say: The only thing fully charged will be your credit card after dropping the plastic on too many bottles of this scent. Still, it's subtlety makes it a standout in the celebrity scent realm. Pumpkin flower, raspberry, honey. Yes, please. Price: $45.99 (Wal-Mart, Target, Macy's) The Worst: Britney Spears, Fantasy What They Say: "A magic love potion of sweet temptation that leaves a tantalizing trail of embracing sensuality." What We Say:...

By Liz | November 27, 2006; 10:33 AM ET | Comments (12)

Giving Thanks for Paris Hilton, Jimi Hendrix and Richard Simmons

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and although I'll be spending most of the morning trying to produce a reasonable facsimile of Kim O'Donnel's tofu pumpkin pie (Kim also has some fab-looking lard-inclusive recipes), I'll try to remember to pause and be thankful for the good things in life: - Waking up to stories like Paris Hilton Parties Till She Pukes and heart-warming pictures, like this of Bai Ling, nemesis to stylists everywhere. Truly, I am the luckiest girl in the world. - The knowledge that icons are able to endorse products from the grave. For instance, Jimi Hendrix, whose name is being used to sell Hendrix Electric Vodka, a 100 percent grain vodka. Visit his official Web site for promo photos of bikini-clad blondes and recipes, like the Foxy Lady or the Purple haze. It's just so rock and roll, right? - Richard Simmons on Circus of the Stars XVII, circa 1992:...

By Liz | November 22, 2006; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (9)

Bob's Broadway Bomb

This photo from "The Times They Are A-Changin'" screams Bob Dylan, doesn't it? (Craig Schwartz/AP) Apparently Bob Dylan should stick to making music, starring in iPod commercials and writing weird screenplays. This week, word came that the Broadway musical "The Times They Are A-Changin'," conceived by "Movin' Out's" Twyla Tharp and based on Dylan's music, will close after just 28 performances. Your last chance to see this show about a traveling circus whose members dance to "Mr. Tambourine Man" and "Like a Rolling Stone" -- what, you honestly think I could make this up? -- is Nov. 19....

By Jen Chaney | November 10, 2006; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (8)

Be a Virtual Celebrity Stylist

Beefcake Jake and Naughty Camilla. (Courtesy Stardoll.com) I spent much of this morning playing with dolls. Virtual celebrity paperdolls, so I was working, you see. The fruit of my ground-breaking research is Jake Gyllenhaal dressed like one of the Village People, a tarted-up Camilla Parker Bowles and an amusing (to me) tableau of Tom Cruise coming out of the closet as Katie langorously looks on from a nearby couch. This morning of mischeviousness was made possible by Stardoll.com, a site that claims to target the 7- to 17-year-old set of budding celebrity worshippers. I freely admit that I took what seems to be a pretty neat fan/social networking site for building mindless brand loyalty in younguns and used its slick tools to satisfy my own offbeat sense of humor. It's addictive. You can spend a significant amount of time here dressing up -- or down -- caricatures of Dolly...

By Liz | September 29, 2006; 11:49 AM ET | Comments (15)

Maxim Gets Ugly

Maxim's no. 3, Tina Fey. (Paramount Pictures) From time to time, something comes to my attention that causes even me to shudder involuntarily. That happened today when I received a press release about Maxim's list of the 10 LEAST appealing women, excuse me -- "ladies" -- ever to appear on television. This is Maxim magazine -- known for its bodacious cover girls, scant articles and undisguised randiness -- so yet another list of women ranked by their looks isn't much of a surprise. The surprising part is who is actually on the list, which must not be targeted at Maxim's core demographic of misogynistic recliner jockeys. From the press release: "If you're looking for Rosie O'Donnell on this list, think again (just too obvious)." Gee, that's clever. I'm not exactly on the same wavelength as the Maxim staff, but given the above statement, I can only conclude that they...

By Liz | September 21, 2006; 10:40 AM ET | Comments (179)

Dr. Phil, Heal Thyself

(CBS) Dear Dr. Phil: I was recently drooling while sifting through entertainment industry press releases when I happened upon this one about season five of "The Dr. Phil Show." I thought it was just more boring hype until I read this quote from you: "My theme this season is 'I'm coming for you.'" Are you serious, man? Not to overanalyze here, but you might want to consider something a little less, er, Freudian before Oprah notices. You'll be out on your butt quicker than you can say "Gayle's second chance." Let's see. Maybe "Going all the way for you" or "Penetrating your paranoia with a man's point of view" would be better? No? Clearly I'm no good at this, but I'm sure you have a whole staff of fresh, young copywriters able to churn out more a appropriate press release. If you ever move the show to late night...

By Liz | September 19, 2006; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (32)

Sizing Up Movie Musicals

Today is a momentous day in the history of television, what with Rosie and Katie's big debuts. That's why I thought it would be a good idea to turn our attention to something completely different and of much more pressing import: movie musicals. Judy Garland warbles a little song about rainbows in 1939's "The Wizard of Oz." (AP/Warner Bros. Pictures) The American Film Institute (AFI) has been up to its old tricks again, releasing yet another list created, it would seem, solely to vex the movie-loving public. This time the group has listed what it deems to be the "25 Greatest Movie Musicals of All Time." AFI's list is topped by "Singin' in the Rain," which is a fine film, but no "Sound of Music" (which surprisingly only rated as fourth best). The top five is rounded out by "West Side Story," "The Wizard of Oz" and "Cabaret." (Full List)...

By Liz | September 5, 2006; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (54)

Elton's Shizzle

Just received an important dispatch from sometime guest Celebritologist Mike Corones: From: Michael Corones Sent: Mon 8/28/2006 2:58 PM To: Liz Kelly Subject: RE: help! This Elton John rapping thing has me all atwitter. Some possibilities: Saturdizzle Nizzle is All Rizzle for a Fizzle Don't Let the Sizzle go Dizzle on Mizzle Goodbizzle Yizzle Brizzle Rizzle I Guezzle That's Whizzle They Cizzle it the Blizzles Crockadizzle Rizzle Candizzle in the Wizzle Bennizzle and the Jizzles Philadelphizzle Frizzle Don't Gizzle Brezzling My Hizzzle Sad Sizzles (Sizzle So Mizzle) ---------- I think I could get my shoulder lean on to some "Crockadizzle Rizzle." But can Elton top this?...

By Liz | August 28, 2006; 04:11 PM ET | Comments (3)

Celebrity Head-Scratchers

If you haven't yet visited, I suggest at least a daily sojourn to Emil Steiner's OFF/beat blog for the RDA of screwy news. But celebrity news -- as regular readers well know -- offers a modest supply of oddities, too. Some recent head-scratchers below. Doncha Wish Your Burqa Was Hot Like Me? KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia -- Malaysian authorities fined organizers of a concert by the chart-topping Pussycat Dolls for allowing the singers to wear skimpy costumes and for their "sexually suggestive routines," a news report said Wednesday. (Full Story) This straight-faced Associated Press story dutifully reports the reaction of incensed Malaysian officials following a standard Pussycat Dolls concert. The article gives us only a taste of the absurdity here, though -- a burlesque-inspired girl group performing "sexually suggestive routines" in a predominantly Muslim nation (to a sold out house, by the way). Officials routinely ask Western acts to "tone down"...

By Liz | August 10, 2006; 10:33 AM ET | Comments (4)

Aging Action Heroes: The Perfect Vintage

With Sylvester Stallone resurrecting both the Rocky and Rambo franchises and Harrison Ford on tap to reprise his role as Indiana Jones one more time, it isn't that much of a stretch to imagine other action heroes of yesteryear eagerly queuing up to reanimate characters ripe for some boomer-style butt kicking. Bruce Willis. (DON EMMERT/AFP/Getty Images) The latest addition to this buffet of "mature" hams is Bruce Willis, who is on tap to make a fourth "Die Hard" movie as detective John McClane in "Live Free or Die Hard," tentatively planned for an Independence Day 2007 release. The flavor of the millennium thus far has cast most of our big budget action stars as superheroes -- with no old reliable opponent (i.e. The Cold War and the Soviet threat), Hollywood has turned its action agenda over to comic book heroism. We have Batman, X-Men (and women), Superman, Electra, etc., but...

By Liz | August 8, 2006; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (19)

Friday List: The Uncoolest Cuts

Anyone ever heard of Q magazine? Hunh. Me either, but thanks to Q anyway for providing us with fodder for another Friday List. Q recently published a list of "Uncool Songs It's Okay to Admit You Love." Although Q published an "official" list, I contend that the list is a very personal experience, different for all of us. Perhaps more than anything, this list reveals much about our personalities and desires. I think we can all admit that we have an ideal "me" we try to project to the world -- depending on who you are, that ideal me may wear a Motorhead T-shirt and drive a Prius or wear Gwen Stefani's L.A.M.B. line of clothes and ride comfortably in a Porsche. Either way, we are saying this is who I want to be and I want the world to know it. But, when you admit to liking an uncool...

By Liz | August 4, 2006; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (246)

A Scheme of Hasselhoffian Proportions

A seemingly innocuous David Hasselhoff signals to his minions at Wimbledon. (Reuters) There is some kind of wrinkle in the fabric of the universe, a glitch in the matrix, if you will, and this intergalactic snafu, this disturbance in the force, centers on one man: David Hasselhoff. To wit, Hasselhoff's "Baywatch" co-star Pamela Anderson married Kid Rock over the weekend. But Anderson was previously married to Tommy Lee, who is currently appearing on "Rockstar: Supernova" with Dave Navarro, who recently split with Carmen Electra, who also co-starred on "Baywatch" with, yes, David Hasselhoff. (Graphic illustration by Liz Kelly) Dismissed as coincidence. I'm not yet sure what this means or why we should care, but it's no coincidence. Hasselhoffian forces are mobilizing and up to no good. The evidence continues to mount: Why would Pam and Kid suddenly reunite and marry if it weren't somehow to Hasselhoff's advantage? Why would...

By Liz | August 3, 2006; 10:41 AM ET | Comments (19)

Essential Celebritology Vacation Reads

Next week, I'll be spending a week at the beach on a self-imposed break from blogging and all current celeb news. We all have to detox, ya know? Five guest bloggers will take turns subbing for me each day of next week. Play nice, they are all fabulous, savvy Celebritologists. (Truth be told, one or two might not harbor the same zeal for the world of celebs, but it can't hurt to look at this menagerie from a different angle. Just smile, nod and know that person will be gone the next day.) Still, I can't be expected to go cold turkey, so I've gathered a few books (and the makings of a pitcher of Mojitos) to take along to occupy the long hours on the sand, near the pool, on the chaise longue. My picks are below. I haven't read them yet, but please share your recommendations for new...

By Liz | July 21, 2006; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (7)

Bikini Tips, Wuss Rock and Harry Dean Stanton

It's a muggy Friday in mid-July and a bit of a hush has come over the world of celebrities as they withdraw to pricey enclaves to lounge poolside, hide from the paparazzi, writhe on the sand, get in a little face time with loved ones and bond with same-sex friends. Bikini ready Liz Hurley. (Getty Images) Still, it's never too hot for a trio of celebrity-centric items to set the tone for the weekend. Today's first item comes to us from one-time Powers girl Elizabeth Hurley, who recently launched her own line of swimsuits. Liz Hurley's Bikini Tips (Courtesy Sky Showbiz) 1. Choose the best shape: "There's a lid for every pot, as my grandmother says, " advises Hurley. "Almost everyone looks better with a slightly high-cut leg... Bandeau tops look great on most small busts whereas adjustable straps, often a halter neck, are better for bigger busts." 2. Prepare...

By Liz | July 14, 2006; 10:44 AM ET | Comments (27)

A Communal '80s Mix Tape

Was "Billie Jean" the greatest song released in the '80s? Run DMC's "Raising Hell". (Courtesy of Arista Records) According to British magazine Q it is, but we know better: that you can't really choose one best '80s song because there were so many. Hence the recent uptick in '80s oldies stations, the bulk of VH1 Classic's programming and revival bands like D.C.'s fabulous Legwarmers. Although Q listed its version of a top five list, why stop there? Use the comments area to add your own top five or 10 '80s songs. By the end of the day we should have the makings of a great iTunes playlist (or "mix tape" to stick to the '80s vernacular), suitable for mid-summer hi-fi blasting. Q's Top Five: 1. "Billie Jean" (Michael Jackson) 2. "Blue Monday" (New Order) 3. "Kiss" (Prince) 4. "Walk This Way" (Aerosmith/Run DMC) 5. "Sweet Child O' Mine" (Guns n'...

By Liz | July 12, 2006; 10:44 AM ET | Comments (135)

Comment Box: Why Is Taylor Hicks Famous?

Welcome to midsummer (when we carefully protect our computers from splashy pools and strong mojitos) and another week of Celebrity scrutiny. Is this man in pain or just famous? (AP) Could somebody please explain to me why Taylor Hicks is famous? He has no visible talent whatsoever. It appears to be yet another twist on the tale of the Emperor's New Clothes. Ergo, he was deemed "talented" by a "talent jury" on TV. Yet he has not talent! -- Stars in My Eyes comments on Morning Mix: Independence Eve Edition Not so fast. I wouldn't label Taylor Hicks famous just yet. As the latest "Idol" winner, he's benefited from the attendant buzz, but remember that there are different levels of fame -- much like the ever-worsening rings of hell in Dante's "Inferno." At the moment, Hicks is still in one of the lesser rings reserved for doughy Joe Cocker rip-offs...

By Liz | July 10, 2006; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (18)

Hollywood Mysteries: Where's Suri?

A few puzzlers to ponder until "Entourage" airs on Sunday night. Mystery No. 1: Where's Suri? Eighty days have passed without a glimpse of TomKat spawn Suri, who may at this moment be communing with Xenu to plot the total eradication of journalists and the re-release of John Travolta's Scientology-fi epic "Battlefield Earth." Either that or she's up to the normal 80-day-old routine of drooling, pooping and eating mashed peas. Needless to say, this massive delay in introducing Suri to the world can only mean one thing: that she is in fact an alien and will pass her larval (OR PUPAL) stage in seclusion, emerging next summer when daddy's next movie is in need of a little PR boost. I'm kidding. Really. Obviously, the delay is easily explained -- mom and dad either want more cash for the first pix or they are commendably sheltering their wee one from the...

By Liz | July 7, 2006; 10:42 AM ET | Comments (12)

It's Official: Paris Hilton Most Over-Hyped Celeb

The votes have been counted and -- minus complications from pesky Diebold voting machines, hanging chads and unpredictable Academy members -- we can safely declare the winners of the inaugural edition of the annual Celebritology Honors (aka The Lizzies). Let's bypass the tedium of an intro montage featuring Billy Crystal and a green screen and get right to the winners, who will be faxed a printout of this page suitable for framing! (Reuters) Celebrity Most Likely to be Insignificant if it Weren't for the Paparazzi and Celebrity Tabloids/Blogs The nominees: Kevin Federline, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, Janice Dickinson, Taylor Hicks And the Lizzie goes to... Paris Hilton. Paris couldn't be here to accept this award so I'll just congratulate her on her talent for staying in the news while doing approximately nothing. The unprecedented interest in her social life, catfights with equally the vapid Nicole Richie and Lindsay...

By Liz | July 5, 2006; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (15)

Inaugural Celebritology Honors: Polls Open

Welcome to the first observance of what we here at Celebritology (and when I say "we" I mean "me") hope will be a yearly event: The Celebritology Honors, AKA The Lizzies. Although there's no red carpet, no paparazzi and, sadly, no Harry Winston jewels for your hostess, I can offer you the opportunity to pick the winners losers in the three categories chosen by Celebritology readers last week: to paraphrase, Most-Overhyped Celebrity, Celeb with the Worst Case of Foot-in-Mouth Disease and Biggest PR Train Wreck. Voting is officially open. Cast your vote, e-mail to your friends and comment below. Polls will be open through midnight July 3. Winners will be announced on Wednesday, July 5. Most likely to go away if we stop looking? Starting at left: Janice Dickinson (AP), Taylor Hicks (AP), Lindsay Lohan (Getty Images), Nicole Richie (Reuters), Kevin Federline (Reuters), Paris Hilton (Getty Images) VOTE HERE...

By Liz | June 28, 2006; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (19)

Vote for the Best Celeb Honor

Last Friday I asked you to submit ideas for a recurring honor that Celebritology can award to a lucky star (or stars) each year. The response was big, the ideas good and the selection tough. So tough, in fact, that I'm going to ask you to weigh in again -- this time by voting for what you consider the best idea. Then we'll add your vote to those of a few in-house heavyhitters to decide what our honor, or honors, will be. Polls will be open till Sunday at midnight ET. Vote early, vote once and pass it on. Some great ones that didn't make the cut for various reasons: -- Most inappropriate facial hair displayed in the presence of young children (really only a couple good candidates). -- Most frequent winner of meaningless awards (quantitative, not qualitative). -- Of the group of babies recently born to celebrities, the one...

By Liz | June 23, 2006; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (3)

Two Coreys Are Better Than One

Once upon a time there were two boys named Corey: Corey Feldman and Corey Haim. In the course of a decade they went from cool to kitsch, from potential River Phoenixes to, well, a two-headed C-list monster known as "The Coreys." We loved them, we hated them, we loved to hate them. For years now, wistful 30-somethings like me have dared to dream a little dream that the Coreys would find their way back to the limelight together. Feldman has released a couple albums (the refreshingly named "Former Child Actor"), appeared on a season of "The Surreal Life" and variously claimed Michael Jackson made him look at dirty pictures. Haim's recent history has been a bit more troubled. Although both Coreys can add addiction to their CVs, Haim suffered a drug-induced stroke in 2001. He now maintains he's clean and sober. Positive movement has finally been detected on the Corey...

By Liz | June 22, 2006; 10:44 AM ET | Comments (10)

My Celebrity Eating Disorder

Time for another lesson in Celebritology 101, in which I point out something rather obvious, mix it up with something you (hopefully) haven't seen before, then arrive at an unexpected conclusion, which may or may not make sense in relation to the rest of the piece. Today's lesson is a double-header: Once you're a celebrity, privacy evaporates and no matter how mundane, there is an audience for anything celebrity related. Don't pay any attention to the hideous visage of Johnny Knoxville chowing down on a snow cone. (AP) To illustrate the above, I share the following re-enacted anecdote. On Friday night, I was overcome by a serious craving for pictures of celebrities eating. Having already wasted $4.99 on "Hostel" on OnDemand, I was desperate for entertainment. Did I dare hope for such a treat? I dared. My appetite was sated by a quick Google search and the No. 1 return:...

By Liz | June 20, 2006; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (5)

Comment Box: Don't Mess With Bill

Another Monday morning in sunny Washington, D.C. where the humidity is rising faster than the water in "Poseidon" (ba-dum-pah!). Time to review your comments. Gza, Rza and Bill Murray in "Coffee and Cigarettes." (AP) Totally unrelated question here: Liz, how do you feel about your favorite leading man voicing Garfield the sequel? Will you be first in line at the movies tomorrow? -- Dana comments on Help K-Fed Tell His Story Dana is referring to Bill Murray, an actor about whom The Post's Gene Weingarten and I have disagreed in the past. Weingarten chracterizes Murray as a one-note, relatively untalented actor/comic who is basically capable of playing one character and accuses me of a blinding crush on the man, rendering me incapable of competently judging his work. He also particularly loathed his performance in "Lost in Translation." Gene is jealous. I, predictably, thought he was great in "Lost in Translation"...

By Liz | June 19, 2006; 11:28 AM ET | Comments (6)

The Best Celeb Best (or Worst) Ever?

There's nothing I like better than a meaningless honor given to a celebrity. No, I'm not talking about an Academy Award or a Barbara Walters interview. Set your sights even lower: I'm talking about the growing array of "Bests" and "Worsts" that seem to be announced on an almost daily basis. It's not only People magazine's "Most Beautiful" list or Mr. Blackwell's "Worst Dressed" anymore. Every day we are treated to new -- and increasingly idiotic -- honors hurled at the feet of celebrity. Announced with all the weight of a transparent play for attention by the publication or group bestowing the honors, they are nevertheless entertaining. Just this week we've had a flurry of them: -- Tom Cruise named the "Most Powerful Celebrity" by Forbes magazine. -- Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise named "Most Affectionate Couple" in a survey from In Touch Weekly. -- Brad Pitt named "Best Celebrity...

By Liz | June 16, 2006; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (38)

Help K-Fed Tell His Story

If only there were a cheesy movie about this guy's life. (AP) This is the stuff that Celebritology dreams are made of: Kevin Federline wants to make an '8 Mile' style film -- about himself. The fledgling rapper --who is married to pop star Britney Spears -- is reportedly seeking wealthy sponsors to back his project, which would cast him in the lead role. (Full Story) And although K-Fed has apparently already penned his own script, I thought it might be helpful for us to bolster his effort by suggesting some of the major selling points of his movie. So, today's assignment is to craft a K-Fed movie pitch of 200 words or less. For inspiration, I direct you to the eminently bookmarkable Query Letters I Love and a few humble efforts (crafted with help from all-star guest contributors): A young drifter (K-Fed) arrives in Las Vegas to become...

By Liz | June 15, 2006; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (31)

Comment Box: What's Brangelina's Sign?

Happy Monday from a rain-soaked Washington, D.C. where the coffee is hot and your comments and questions are center stage. Is it true that Brad and Angelina are planning to sign with their baby? and teach their older children? -- Michelle Lancaster on Baby Brangelina Hi Michelle, I've searched the Web for a story either supporting or refuting this rumor and can find nothing mentioning Angelina and her brood in the same sentence with "sign language." However, Brad Pitt is a different story. He stars with Cate Blanchett and an ensemble cast in the upcoming "Babel" -- described as a "polyglot, multi-everything film" tracing "the various miseries of American tourists in Morocco, a Mexican nanny living in Southern California, two very young Moroccan goat-herders, and a deaf-mute schoolgirl in Japan." The film, which screened at Cannes, does feature sign language and early reviews are positive. Why the need to identify...

By Liz | June 12, 2006; 12:00 PM ET | Comments (9)

The Scales of Celebrity Spokesmanship

"Celebrity spokesperson" usually invokes images of late night infomercials and '70s TV stars -- you know, flashes of Victoria Principal tending her auburn locks with a Flowbee* or Suzanne Somers detailing, in repetitive childlike tones, the glories the ThighMaster. "It's Suntory time." (AP/Focus Features) "Celebrity spokesperson" is a stop on the way down from stardom. Think Bill Murray's washed-up actor filming Japanese whiskey commercials in "Lost in Translation." Haven't had a regular job since the "Bionic Woman"? Fear not, you can find your way back into living rooms (of shut-ins and insomniacs) on late night Sleep Number Bed infomercials. "Celebrity spokesperson" is not to be confused with "The new face of..." as in "Madonna is the new face of H&M." In such cases we understand that H&M is grovelingly thankful to be paying Madonna beaucoup bucks to appear in glossy mag ads. But there's been a disturbance in the force....

By Liz | June 2, 2006; 10:45 AM ET | Comments (7)

Celebrity Baby Boom

Are babies the latest must-have celebrity accessory or what? Uber-Celebrity Mom Angelina Jolie. (People) Just when you think the ridiculous run of bold-faced births is finally over -- baby Brangelina just felt like a season finale of sorts -- there are more. This week, Gwen Stefani and Mira Sorvino joined the Celebrity Mommy Class of 2006, giving birth to, respectively, sons Kingston James and Johnny. They were preceded in the maternity ward this year by Katie Holmes, Brooke Shields and Gwyneth Paltrow -- to name just a few. But wait, there's more: Yesterday we learned that director Sofia Coppola ("Lost in Translation") is expecting her first child with boyfriend Thomas Mars. And a cursory Internet search quickly turns up a bumper crop of Hollywood moms-to-be: Rachel Weisz, Mariska Hargitay, Jennie Garth, Matt Damon's girlfriend wife Luciana Bozan, Britney Spears. And beyond the confirmed soon-to-be parents we have, of course, the...

By Liz | June 1, 2006; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (11)

How to Curse Your Celebrity Child

Two things were made clear to me in the last several hours. 1. Geri Halliwell wasn't called "Smart" Spice or even "Appropriate" Spice and with good reason. 2. Distracted by Brangelina and their rumored intention to name their baby "Africa," we lent our help to the wrong bundle of joy. Geri Halliwell, aka "Tasteless" Spice. (AP) But how were we to know about the horror that was unfolding halfway around the world? In the recent crush of celebrity gestations and spawnings, you might have missed the fact that a B-level pop singer who wasn't lucky enough to marry a soccer star star footballer was expecting: Yes, the afore-mentioned Halliwell, aka "Ginger" Spice. Halliwell's child, a baby girl, was born May 14 in London. And with an over-the-top disregard for all that is right and good in this world, she's topped a very able entry from Gwyneth Paltrow (Apple) when it...

By Liz | May 24, 2006; 12:43 PM ET | Comments (16)

Rocking the Prime Time Line-Up, Part 2

On Friday, after word that Mick Jagger will star in his very own ABC sitcom this fall, I asked readers to come up with alternate sitcom pitches (because surely we can do better than the current Jagger premise -- a group of New Yorkers trying to rob his apartment. Talk about mission improbable.) For the Simpsons, a bite of reality. Anyhoo, you came through with some excellent concepts. See the full range of offerings here. A few of the best are excerpted below. Cat Scratch Liver: Ted Nugent gets a liver transplant and has to take a job in a veterinarian clinic. (JP Evans) Money for Nothing: Dire Straits frontman Mark Knopfler teaches buttoned-down students from New England prep schools how to become petty street criminals and pickpockets. (Ed) The Simpsons: Jessica and Ashlee Simpson both gain 50 pounds and learn how difficult the life of a musician is when...

By Liz | May 1, 2006; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (2)

Rocking the Prime Time Line-Up

I see a sitcom and I want to paint it black. (AP) As noted earlier this week, Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger is slated to star in his own TV sitcom this fall on ABC. So far, the premise is a bit fuzzy, but U.K.'s Guardian newspaper confirms Jagger has completed work on a pilot and describes the show as a "24-part series about a group of hard-up New Yorkers who decide to rob Mick Jagger." The working title? "Let's Rob Mick Jagger." Oooohkay. We can do better than that. This thing could be the latest in the wave of crossover TV stars and our ticket to pilot gold. If captains of industry (Donald Trump) and princesses of trust funds (Paris Hilton) can make it on the small screen, why not Mick and a slew of other former guitar slingers? There have to be halls-of-fame full of aging rockers...

By Liz | April 28, 2006; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (17)

Stars, They're Just Like Us!

Or are we just like them? Maybe not yet, but with an explosion of celebrity designed or endorsed clothing lines, make-up, perfume and jewelry it's easier than ever to wear our celebrity brand loyalty on our sleeves, so to speak. Happy Homeowner Hilary Duff. (ShowbizIreland/Getty Images) Tonight, the latest guide to help us keep up with the Joneses (or the Jones Reynolds) debuts at 9 p.m. ET on the Style Network. "My Celebrity Home" will help us average folk learn to make our homes pretentious just a little bit more like those of our favorite stars: After exclusive tours of stars' posh pads -- Hilary Duff shares the secrets of her special sewing room, Kathy Griffin shows off her hip L.A. digs -- host Peter Marr joins forces with a lucky average homeowner and a famous designer to re-create the high-end look without the Hollywood price tag. Sewing room? I'd...

By Liz | April 26, 2006; 10:44 AM ET | Comments (3)

Million Dollar Baby

It's on. The race to deliver the first photo of baby Suri, born Tuesday to Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise has begun. The winning paparazzo will probably earn at least $1 million (and possibly much more) for the sale of that first picture to the highest bidding celeb-centric publication. Cruise's Los Angeles compound has been surrounded for weeks and the furor isn't likely to die down until baby Suri is thoroughly snapped. Why the high price? An insatiable public appetite. From tabloids to blogs devoted to celebrity babies, megastar baby shots are where the money (and the interest) is at. Photographers rush a car arriving at Tom Cruise's house on Tuesday. (AP) Not so surprising, considering the frenzy, that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have chosen to de-camp to Namibia for the arrival of their soon-to-be-born child. One overzealous photog was recently pepper-sprayed after getting too close to Pitt and...

By Liz | April 20, 2006; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (9)

Supremely Silly Superlatives

Gilbert Gottfried. (Getty Images) This week Gilbert Gottfried was honored with the title of "Unsexiest Man in the World." You may remember Gottfried from a variety of places -- his stand-up routine, "Mad" magazine, recurring bit parts on "The Cosby Show" and "Wings," from the recent film "The Aristocrats," or as the voice of the AFLAC duck. In his long career, I don't think it can be said that Gottfried has ever attempted to trade on his looks and I can't say his facial features or general appearance are the first things I'd mention when ticking off his talents, but still, give the man a break. We're daily surrounded by the ridiculous here at Celebritology (Tom Cruise eating placenta and Britney birthing sculpture), but this is too much. Gottfried is a master of comic timing, not a box office lothario, for goodness sake. His resume is longer than, well,...

By Liz | April 19, 2006; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (9)

Bob Geldolf: Top of the Pops?

Tom Cruise could learn a thing or two from Bob Geldof. Geldof has been named "Best Celebrity Dad" by esteemed Web site remind4u.com. (A few weeks ago Sharon Osbourne was named best celebrity mum by the equally distinguished Freemans of London.) Top pop Bob Geldof. (AP) Geldof, long an advocate of father's rights, won full custody of his three daughters (Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches and Pixie) with Paula Yates in 1997. After Yates' death from a drug overdose he became legal guardian of her daughter with deceased INXS singer Michael Hutchence, Heavenly Hiraani Tigerlily. The Brit-centric list of winners also features David Beckham in second place and celebrity chef Jamie Oliver in third. Americans Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt also both made the list, but Depp effectively lives in France and Pitt is reportedly holed up in an African game reserve with expectant partner Angelina Jolie....

By Liz | April 12, 2006; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (4)

TGIF

Eight good things about the upcoming weekend: 1. Sleeping In. 2. George Mason Basketball. 3. "Ice Age: The Meltdown": The sequel to 2002's "Ice Age" has finally arrived, complete with Ray Romano, John Leguizamo and Dennis Leary. Pack up the kids (or not) and get thee to the multiplex. (All new movies) 4. April Fool's Day: That's right; Saturday is April 1st, so prepare your gags and put up your own guard. The Museum of Hoaxes ranks the 100 best April Fool's pranks. I'm particularly fond of the 26-day marathon runner and completely floored by the worst prank ever. 5. Time Change: ABC offers tips on how to adjust to daylight saving time. These tips involve something called "exercise" and conspicuously leave out any mention of naps. Oh, and next year the change will happen three weeks earlier thanks to the Energy Policy Act of 2005. Still, lighter evenings can't...

By Liz | March 31, 2006; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (4)

Beatles: The White-Washed Album

In the recent satire "Thank You for Smoking," the crunchy anti-tobacco-crusading Senator played by William H. Macy suggests at one point that smoking be digitally removed from old movies. In the context of a somewhat surreal movie, this suggestion came off as somewhat wrong-headed; as going too far. (Capitol Records/EMI) Well, the surreal became reality this week when EMI announced that the re-issued version of the Beatles' compilation, "Capitol Albums Volume 2" will have one major difference from the original: no cigarettes. In fact, the cover shot has been altered to remove any signs of smoking from John, Paul and Ringo. A sloppy edit has also reportedly left Ringo minus two fingers (those holding his cigarette). A cigarette was also reportedly removed from Paul McCartney's hand on the 1984 re-release of "I Want to Hold Your Hand." This is somewhat wrong-headed. It is going too far. I'm not defending cigarettes...

By Liz | March 30, 2006; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (19)

'80s Teen Movies: The List

Thanks to everyone for weighing in on the '80s teen movies thread from last week. At the end of this post I'll include an alphabetical list of all the movies mentioned in the comments thread. Plenty of goodness here to fill up my niece's Netflix account (and my own). Matthew Broderick as "Ferris Bueller." (Paramount Pictures) The fundamental question about whether or not the movies were better hasn't been definitively answered, but we did get a lot of food for thought. JenaeMB thinks movies, and performances, were better back in the day: Remember the first time you saw "The Outsiders" (or even the last time) and how great Matt Dillon's portrayal of Dallas was. After that, think of his performance in "Crash". Now think of Linday Lohan in whatever she's starred in (the Parent Trap not included) and imagine her being nominated for an Oscar in 25 years. Can't do...

By Liz | March 27, 2006; 10:43 AM ET | Comments (20)

Lindsay Lohan, Wonder Wha?

Wonder Woman Lynda Carter (left, courtesy Warner Bros.) and Not-Wonder-Woman Lindsay Lohan (Getty Images). Lindsay Lohan has done something very irresponsible. In an interview that has been floating around the blogosphere f