Double-dip tonight, with the judges' top-10 performances of the first five seasons, followed by an elimination episode that had so many return stars and guest stars that the entire actual elimination, start to finish, is handled in the last 10 minutes. Which is all it really takes, actually.

The top-10 dances, in reverse order, as revealed on the show:
10. Kelly Monaco & Alex, Season 1 (winner), Freestyle. (It says a lot about Season 1 that the only entry they could come up with out of 10 was at the bottom of the pile. This was a reflection of the "need" to at least have one entry from each season.)
9. Sabrina Bryan & Mark, Season 5, Paso Doble. (So the judges could yell at the viewers one more time for eliminating one of the best dancers on the show way too early last fall.)
8. Emmitt Smith & Cheryl, Season 3 (winner), Cha Cha Cha.
7. Apolo Anton Ohno & Julianne, Season 4 (winner), Quickstep. (But would he have won if they'd dressed him in the valet parking outfit he was forced to wear for his return in tonight's results show? Just wondering.)
6. Joey Fatone & Kym, Season 4, Jive.
5. Helio Castroneves & Julianne, Season 5 (winner), Quickstep. (The banana suit and the kissy-face at the end. Is this the dance that made Helio's fiance walk?)
4. Drew Lachey & Cheryl, Season 2 (winner), Freestyle.
3. Stacy Keibler & Tony, Season 2, Samba. (The highlight of Keibler's entire career, it would appear. Unless, of course, you're a major wrestling junkie.)
2. Mel B & Maksim, Season 5, Paso Doble. (The dominatrix moment! The best--and scariest--"DWTS" costume of all time).
1. Mario Lopez & Karina, Season 3, Tango. (Note the trend here: All three of the best dances ever were not by winners.)

A slew of former contestants are on hand for the show -- so many that Tom Bergeron can only introduce or talk to a few and ends up snubbing a bunch of others. (And why did he waste so much time trying to elicit something sane from Jerry Springer, who, it must be said, looks absolutely ancient?). Among the bodies in the audience are Kenny Mayne, Vivica A. Fox, Ian Ziering, Joey Fatone, Jane Seymour and Sabrina Bryan.

Featured dances on the elimination episode include Ohno (in that maroon nightmare of a get-up), Mel B (still smokin') and Mario Lopez, whose performance -- with cast members from Broadway's "A Chorus Line" -- is obviously pre-taped, though the judges are wearing the same clothes they have on for the show, just to make us all feel as if it's live. Speaking about live shows, how about that Rascal Flatts "American Idol"/"DWTS" cross-pollination? Paula Abdul is already well-known as a DWTS stalker, showing up in the audience upon occasion, but Rascal Flatts sets a record tonight, appearing (according to my DVR) in the audience of "Idol" at 8:44 p.m. (Rascal Flatts got a shout-out from Ryan Seacrest) and then performing on "DWTS" at 9:14. Have to say, it must be a circus on those adjacent soundstages on Tuesday nights.

Some of the previous winners are asked to pick their favorites from Season 6, and the answers are pretty predictable. Kelly Monaco likes Kristi, because she wants another chick to finally win again; Apolo Ohno gives a little nod to Jason Taylor as a fellow athlete, but clearly wants his fellow skater to win as well; and Drew goes for Cristian because he's partners with Cheryl and all.

Nobody picks Marissa, but that's okay because she's the first! one! saved! and! shrieks! in! joy! Wowser, that Broadway-fan voting bloc is pretty big, because she's been due to get booted for a while now. Big hair, small hair, no hair -- doesn't matter, she who still gets giddy happy over 9's at this stage of the game is not going to last much longer.

Still, her salvation means that the boys all get to sweat out those last few minutes (really, does anyone think Kristi isn't going to the finals?). Karina gets caught on camera having a pouty face, because she pretty much knows that means she and Mario are toast. Which they are, because he doesn't have a big public voting bloc, and one-armed Cristian came into the night with his best scores ever. And Jason, well, he has to be getting all the jock votes, and his slide near the bottom of the leader board just didn't seem all that threatening at this point.

Mario, who is all of 21, thanks Len for his constructive criticism (if that's what you can call being told you have big icky feet) and shrugs off the whole youngest-competitor-ever on the show compliments by noting that guys his age are out fighting the war. Totally classy exit.

--JENNIFER FREY

.

The cross-pollination is

So Paula is already well known as a DWTS stalker, showing up in the audience

Who knew a one-armed man could move so well?

Talk about upsetting expectations. Cristian has been on the edge of departure for weeks at this point; last week, he got carried by the sympathy vote -- straight out of even the bottom two -- but it seemed unlikely he could last much longer at this point.

Then he comes in and trounces the leader board. As he puts it, "We should have started dancing with one arm before!"

In the ballroom, he manages the lift with one arm, and all three judges rave about seeing no indication in the choreography that anything is wrong. In the Latin round, with Cristian wearing practically no shirt and a sparkle arm brace (and please, Tom Bergeron, for the benefit the parents of arm-injured adolescent girls everywhere, give viewers the toll-free number for ordering that puppy next time out), his left armless-ness seems more pronounced, but he manages yet another lift and a hot enough mambo to earn his second Carrie Ann '10' of the night (three total; Len was giving up nothing tonight). Two dance score: a 57 that had him two points ahead of Kristi.

Kristi wasn't bad -- never will be, natch -- but she had another off round ("off" in her vocabulary involves eight spins into a drop that leaves Bruno drooling). After owning the leader board for the first half of the competition, she gets bested for the second straight week. Relatively sure it's not based on that combo McDonald's/Big Bird outfit (think red and yellow -- and feathers) she wears for the Latin round, but who knows? Carrie Ann, who just last week declared that Kristi is pretty much a 9 no matter what, rolled out an 8 for the Latin round and was the lone holdout in the ballroom competition keeping Kristi from a second 10. That said, even with two 10s from the boys in the first dance, she's down again.

Mario continues to work it, and even shows great sportsmanship (no negative words, just a horror face) when Len -- who is in a world-class bad mood this episode -- compares his ballroom dancing with "Britney Spears getting out of a car. Not very elegant." Ouch, ouch. That, though, is clearly a canned comment he thought up, cause his real evaluation of Mario's ballroom is that it's elegant this time around. Mario, by the way, wins the punching bag of the week award, because Len also feels compelled to analyze his Latin dance with a reference to his feet as a "bloody big mess." Still, he clocks in at third.

Jason doesn't disappoint with the lifts -- Edyta is flying -- but he doesn't thrill, either, and it seems as if he needs to up his star a bit at this point. His ballroom is great (two 10s, with a discount from Len), but he gets crushed on the samba (nobody is doing well in samba-land right now). Maybe it's that awfully distracting spray-tan he was given ("with my complexion, you just should not be spray-tanned" he astutely points out) but not even the lift of the night at the end can save him. Len rolls out a 7 -- a 7! -- the week before the semis, and Jason gets a 23 in total, which is ominous.

But the one worrying overnight has to be Bubbles Jaret Winokur, who has worked hard, and has improved, and has nice hair tonight (big once, bun once, lovely all around), but is rapidly cruising to the end of her outing. Her mediocre ballroom outing starts her at the bottom of the pack, and then she does a mambo that -- gasp! -- Len bemoans because of it's lack of raunch. If Len thinks you're too chaste, that's trouble.

Elimination round coming up is a double-hour in honor of the show's 100th episode, with some returning stars, etc. Which sucks for Marissa, who is going to spend two hours waiting around to see if her inevitable plop into the bottom two spells the end.

The scores:

Cristian: 28/29=57
Kristi: 29/26=55
Mario: 27/26=53
Jason: 29/23=52
Marissa: 25/25=50

-- JENNIFER FREY

Addison's back! And in the first few minutes of her return to Seattle Grace -- alas, only for a visit; she's still tied to "Grey's" spinoff "Private Practice -- she walks into yet another awkward Derek-Meredith moment and gets propositioned by McSteamy. Oh, Addison, you have been missed.

It's quite the contrary when it comes to Izzie. Only recently has this show come back and the instinct is to ship Izzie off to that holistic health place in California in lieu of Addison (sorry, Tim Daly and Taye Diggs). In this episode, she pouts about George getting all buddy-buddy with the other interns, pouts her way into an invitation to go with the interns (who all rightfully cringe in horror at the thought), and is ham-handed with a pregnant patient who is HIV-positive. Then she thinks she has a "Gandhi moment" when she tells said pregnant, HIV-positive patient that she has a 98 percent chance of having a healthy baby. Really, we think the girl could have found that information on the Internet.

Back to relationships. One of the lovely uses of Addison's return is to recap exactly how the writers have managed to implode pretty much all the relationships on the show since Addison blew town. She obviously knew about the nuptial disaster that was Cristina and Burke; now she finds out that Bailey is heartbroken because her husband left, Callie and George are divorced, the Chief's wife has left him -- oh, and that Meredith and Derek have broken up. Which, of course, horrifies Addison, who figures if she can't have Derek back, it must be because Meredith (whom she awkwardly hugs in the beginning) has finally figured out how freakin' lucky she is that Derek hasn't run away screaming yet and is ready to settle down with him. Addison is so horrified, in fact, that when she's performing the delicate surgery that has brought her back to Seattle Grace -- the birth of a baby with its heart growing outside his body -- she starts cracking jokes about Derek's McRebound Girl. While Rose is standing right next to her. Oops. (But is there any better way of showing how McBland Rose is than having her land in an end-of-the-show elevator with Steamy, Dreamy, Mer and Addison?)

While she's in all her full, Addison glory, Kate Walsh also sets off the night's best storyline when she just assumes that giggly BFFs Callie and Hahn are Seattle Grace's newest couple, sending Callie into a total tailspin (Hahn, all the hints are meant to scream, is gay or bi -- and is hot for Callie).

Best dialogue of the night:
Callie to Meredith and Cristina: "Anyone ever think you two are a couple?"
Meredith, without missing a beat: "No, because we [sleep with] boys like whores on tequila."
Cristina: "Then we either try to marry them or drown ourselves."
Callie decides to clear up all her internal personal confusion by doing the obvious -- dirty dancing at the bar with McSteamy, then inviting him to go have some McSex. Stay tuned on this one.

On other fronts, Ava/Rebecca Pope reappears, and immediately pops out the news that she's pregnant. Alex responds by asking her whether she's going to have an abortion, then going all negative on the poor parents-to-be of the baby with the outside heart. There is the requisite "I'm not the father type" grumbling, and general avoidance, right up until the point when Heart Baby's little heart starts to beat inside his carefully reconstructed chest cavity. All we see are Alex's eyes over his surgical mask, but they get all misty and we're supposed to believe the Grinch just had that moment when his heart grows three sizes. All of which would be distressing if not for the lovely twist thrown in at the end: Ms. Ava/Rebecca isn't really pregnant at all! Instead, she's a manipulative nutball! (Or truly deluded. But let's hope for the former).

Little to report on the Meredith-Derek-Rose triangle. Rose is pretty much nothing but a foil for Addison this week, and Mer/Der launch their new clinical trial and try, but fail, to save the guy with the tumor who tangoed with the bear last week. But just in case anyone misses Addison's main point (and, really, the only one dense enought to miss it is Meredith), she gets in one last salvo before the show ends, getting into Meredith's face at the bar and letting her know just how stupid she is if she lets Derek get away. Again.

-- JENNIFER FREY

You know the chefs aren't going to love a challenge when it starts out with guest Art Smith --personal chef to Oprah and the king of simple & healthy -- and a lot of containers of microwaveable Uncle Ben's rice. Kick in the fact that the Quickfire has to be completed in 15 minutes and faces are miserable. That's right: complete meal, using the rice, in mini-time.

Guess who comes out in the top three? Um, let's see. Richard (d'oh!), Dale (d'oh!) and Antonia, who embarks on what I'm calling the Reputation Rehabilitation Edition, which is practically an entire show cut to show that she's not really as witchy as she has come across in previous weeks.

Of course, before we get to the rehabilitation part, we do have to start out the episode with Ms. Attitude-Ness announcing back at the house that she thinks she should just (expletive) everybody. Can I just say that all the bleeping-out of curse words is getting tiresome? And really, Antonia, if what we're to learn about you is how much of a great single mommy you are (complete with cute cellphone call to daughter at home and, later, tears!), perhaps it would be best to stick to child-friendly language. Isn't that lovely little girl of yours watching this at home?

So Antonia wins the Quickfire by making a rice salad -- a mixture of warm and cold flavors -- to go with a simple grilled skirt steak. I personally want some of Dale's scallops with pineapple fried rice and long beans but, alas, with all our fabulous new technology, I still can't eat through my screen.

On the bottom are Mark, with his dried-out miso-glazed turkey breast, Lisa, with an unoriginal grilled shrimp, and Stephanie (uh-oh, what's up with the women's fearless leader of late?) with a rice pancake of sorts involving seafood.

Onward to the Elimination challenge, which is another one of those set-ups that the cheftestants normally can't stand: Cook a delicious, nutritious and simple meal for a family of four on a budget of $10! So everyone stampedes to the chicken at Whole Foods, and as person after person loads his/her cart with chicken breast or thighs or a whole bird, it's easy to start feeling sorry for the judges and all that poultry in their future. But hey, as Lisa puts it, it's healthy and cheap! What else are they supposed to make?

This week's twist involves a parade of cooking "assistants" -- all of them children from Art Smith's "Common Threads" program. Much to my shock, all the cheftestants accept these additions to their kitchen with attitudes ranging from enthusiasm (Richard) to tears (Antonia, reminded of cooking with her daughter), to general acceptance and patience. Even cranky Lisa informs us that her partner has a kid and he sometimes helps her cook. There isn't a grunt in the bunch.

In addition to the chicken, a lot of the grocery lists look markedly similar as the cooking begins, with lots of black beans and apples on many of lists. Andrew and Dale decide to depart from chicken nation; Spike with a pasta puttanesca and Dale with the risky turkey sausage. Only one child gets hurt by a vegetable peeler, and no fingers are lost. And Richard finishes up by announcing that "I want to go home and I want to make some babies!" Alrighty then. Please wait until the show is over, thank you, because I'd prefer not to be privvy to those plans.

The diners are more kids, plus the judges, of course, who pluckily never comment on how many birds make it to their table. Stephanie makes chicken with peanut butter, tomato and lemon juice, and let's just say it looks (and tastes) as bad as the inexplicable combination sounds. Really, this is totally her off day. Mark decides to make a veggie curry without a lot of veggies and no protein (what did he spend that $10 on?) and Lisa fails to season her black beans and edamame, so her roast chicken winds up on a bed of blah. Bottom three, everyone.

In the top three are Andrew and his chicken paillard; Antonia with a chicken and vegetable stir-fry over whole-wheat pasta that she's made with her daughter; and Nikki, who wins heart-strings story of the day by telling anyone and everyone that her one-pot roasted chicken with potatoes and vegetables was something she used to cook for herself as a kid with a single working parent. Her story is better than Antonia's, but Antonia's pasta still wins, giving her a double-dip and an overall personality resuscitation. Not a bad day.

Lisa (who remains in need of more image adjustment) thinks she's going home, and she has a reason to worry -- if there's anything we learned last week, it's that Stephanie can have the worst dish and still be safe. Which is true again this week. Instead, Mark finally runs out of time and is sent packing with his knives.

Speaking of last week, I asked Tom Colicchio about his whole ruling that chorizo qualifies as polish sausage from the Improv challenge. He said that the judges really discussed it a lot longer than was seen on screen and in the end, the decision was to buy Antonia and Lisa's argument that if they have the license to "improv," then substituting one kind of sausage for another was okay. (If they'd made stuffed cabbage, he says, it would have been another story).

Other little morsels from Tom, speaking to us by phone:

* When Stephen got sent home in Season 1, several members of the crew actually applauded his demise. "We're like, what's that about? And they said, 'You have no idea what a jerk this guy is.'"

* Also from Season 1: Tiffani really, really isn't that awful in person. Tom says he's gotten to know her in the aftermath and she's actually "one of the nicest people you could meet."

* He also defends the decision to send home Zoi and her carpaccio in the elements challenge (remember, she was on Team Earth?) rather than go after a member of Water--namely, Richard--for serving fish covered with scales, arguing that the public diners felt the same way as the judges. "It may have seemed worse," he says, "but we didn't think so and the comment cards agreed with us 100 percent."

* He also says that a lot of people have expressed that they find this season to be pretty disappointing. "Maybe it's the level of personality," he says. "People aren't identifying." Agree? Disagree? Let's hear your thoughts.

* And any hints as to where it's going from here? Chef Tom did say that there will be surprises. "Going back to Season 3, Trey was a very accomplished chef. He was working in a great restaurant in Dallas and most people thought he has going to run away with it. And he messed up. It's not an accumulation. If you mess up one challenge, you're gone."

--JENNIFER FREY

As the field of "Dancing With the Stars" finalists grows smaller, we caught up with ever-personable show judge Carrie Ann Inaba to talk "DWTS" injuries (from cramped limbs to bruised egos), censors, possible perceptions -- and the idiosyncrasies of her fellow judges.

CHANNEL THIS: Will Cristian be able to dance next week, with his arm injury?
CARRIE ANN: I don't know ... I have mixed feelings about Cristian. You have to take care of your body. It's for life. The competition is only 10 weeks. ... I just truly hope he doesn't hurt himself [more severely].

CT: And what about performing the lifts this next week?
CA: I'm sure Edyta will be flying across the floor" (referring to Jason and his big man-arms).

CT: What about what Bruno said after Mario did the hottie-hot dance with Karina that resulted in the network censors bleeping him out last week? (He said it looked as if Mario was going to "eat her alive.")
CA: He's worried that people would think he [said] something worse than that.

(NOTE: Speaking of that dance, Carrie Ann's own comment about it being better than "good sex" got her an e-mail from a parent chastising her for feeling the need to draw the comparison between dancing and sex because children watch the show. Carrie Ann -- who says she responds regularly to her fan e-mail -- wrote back to the woman to say: "You know what? You're right. It was in the moment. It was just so sexy. Perhaps we should have censored not just my words, but the dance as well.")

CT: What about Kristi's skills, and the impact it has on the other contestants?
CA: The rate of improvement for the rest of the cast is so much greater than it's ever been, and that's because Kristi has started out so strong.

CT: What about the does-she/doesn't-she debate over whether Kristi's ice skating training is an unfair advantage?
CA: People could decide they're tired of her (and not vote for her). Mario Lopez is the perfect example. He was so good, and he didn't win.

CT: What about the infamous comment by ousted contestant Adam Carolla?
CA (laughing): I understand where the feelings are coming from. I get that Adam Carolla would call me his friend "Mitch," as he likes to say. I thought it was funny. But we are a family show and children watch our show, so we have a responsibility.

CT: What about your role as a judge and your insistence on following rules?
CA: I don't know that is, but I don't like (Len's and Bruno's refusal to call out couples for breaking rules regarding lifts). There's a sheet of paper on our desk every night that says no lifts and what a lift is. I follow the rules.

(Lastly, Carrie Ann dishes on her fellow judges, whom she says she adores: Bruno loves to sunbathe and takes his shirt off at every opportunity; Len never does go shirtless, being the turned-out, dapper guy he is, and but incredibly picky about his outfits, especially the ties. Oh, and he likes to speak in limericks.)

-- JENNIFER FREY

It takes "DWTS" eight full minutes to recap the previous night's show, which is just another example of how badly they need to stretch and stretch to fill the results hour. Eye roll. And this week there's even news to report! But noo, we can't get told what's up with Cristian's arm until the final five minutes either.

The entertainment is Def Leppard, which brings back all kinds of horrific teenage memories, so let's not go there. But the spoof of the week -- with Jerry Rice and Kenny Mayne coming back to do a "DanceCenter" news bit patterned on ESPN's SportsCenter -- is truly awesome! First time this season that the show's attempt to do a funny skit is actually really, really funny. And love Kenny's eye shadow.

But that only fills a few minutes and then it's back to waiting and waiting. And Waiting. Finally, it's time to tell us what's up with Cristian, who has a black brace on his arm. Apparently, he's deciding to play the serious manly-man, because the doctors told him he has a ruptured tendon after the previous night's disastrous second dance, and that he needs to get surgery, but he's just going to put it off and do the best he can for as long as voters keep him on the show. Given that bad second dance, and the (I thought somewhat mean) score of 21 the judges gave him for it, he comes into the night with the lowest score -- but he doesn't get dumped into the bottom two. Have to assume that the fans phoned in a major sympathy vote, given that he's already been in the bottom two. Anybody have a problem with that?

Well, maybe Derek. He and Shannon got away with shooting their mouths off about the judges while backstage last week, and even put forth a tango this week that was declared Shannon's best dance. But Dance No. 2 resulted in a whole lot of talk about how unnatural and gawky she is, so she comes into the night in trouble and just sinks. Maybe because the audience is sick of her crying and Derek's whining? I am. And I don't care if there are photos out there of the two of them smooching on the beach. Enough of both of them already. She's so annoying she's made Derek less likable. Sigh.

So, anyway, the no-hip fake-butt Shannon is dumped into the bottom two, alongside Marissa, who winds up there despite getting her first 9's of the competition. (Gotta love Marissa for saying that she can't believe she got her first 9's without the big hair! Which is big again in the results show, of course.) Bubbles is safe, though, and it's bye-bye Shannon. So the Houghs are now officially toast this season.

Looking ahead to next week, how many of you think Cristian is really going to be able to bring it despite the lame arm? And how unfortunate is it for him and Cheryl that the judges announce that all couples can do one lift next week? Jason and Mario will be busting that out for sure, given what we saw in the hoedown group dance, but it seems pretty unlikely that a lift is in Cristian's future, unless he's a seriously strong one-armed man.

-- JENNIFER FREY

Thwack. Kristi not only gets hit upside the head for imperfection this time around, but she gets dumped down the leaderboard to No. 4 -- out of six celebs -- in the first round of the competition's first double-dance night. Now, mind you, the major criticism is that the spectacularly difficult spin and drop she does is not perfect (never mind that no other contestant could possibly attempt them). But. Still. A moment for parity here, please.

Ah, yes, Kristi rebounds in the Latin half of the night -- when she decides to compete with Marissa for Biggest Hair of the Competition -- to finish second. Still, she gets her first 8 score ever. This is a rough night.

Speaking of that 8, help me out here. What's even more uncomfortable than crotchety pants, because clearly Len is wearing them this time out? He's such a crank monster that when Carrie Ann and Bruno bestow more 10's on Kristi, he can't even muster up a 9. This, because he's apparently annoyed that she threw in some "boogaloo" hip-hop into her Cha Cha Cha. I like Len, but this time around I'm feeling like my toothless uncle from Texas got in the judges' chair.

The key moment of the night falls to the first non-Derek medical crisis: Cristian goes limp in a cramping left arm midway through his second dance and can't finish (let alone hold up Cheryl). The judges are all sympathetic and say they'll just base their scores on what he's done so far, but if that's the case, what he'd done so far was really lousy because he got 7's across the board. (Cristian was sent to the hospital for safety's sake, but initial analysis was a pulled muscle).

Forget the arm, though, let's move on to the fake booty. After getting all huffy last week about being told her practically nonexistent hips don't shake it well enough, Shannon not only dons a fake butt under her costume, but she also decides to plant it right in Len's face, not once but twice, in the course of her Latin performance. Len manages to muster up the phrase "bionic bum," but Carrie Ann is left entirely speechless. Frankly, I'm with Carrie Ann.

(Oh, and let us all note that Shannon chastises Derek for working her hard in the pre-dance tape with this: "Not when you go home alone tonight." Ahem. Now, at least they are trying to float a bit of the showmance.)

The man of the night is Jason, rebounding from last week's sink-fest to top the leaderboard despite getting totally torpedoed in his Latin dance by the music -- which is built around the hideous "Monday Night Football" theme song. And he and Edyta wear these awful themed outfits in Miami Dolphin colors. ACK, ACK, ACK. If he didn't have those hips working, I'm turning away. As it turns out, though, he's smoking in both dances and walks away with the night's best combo score. In fact, he even pouts for a sec when Len won't pony up the 10 the others give him for his ballroom performance. (Note to Len: Time to buy new underwear.)

Marissa, meanwhile, continues to rise -- they put her hair in a bun for her first dance! shocking! -- and Mario continues to skate on the edge of trouble, given that it's now evident that those 16-year-old girls who like to drool over 21-year-old boys don't actually use their text-messaging moments on this show.

To the scoreboard:

Jason: 29/26 = 55
Kristi: 26/28 = 54
Marissa: 27/25 = 52
Mario: 24/27 = 51
Shannon: 27/24 = 51
Cristian: 25/21 = 46

-- JENNIFER FREY

This is one of the more creative and fun elimination challenges I've seen. But first, the Quickfire.

It's the dreaded pastry cook-off. And, really, I have to wonder about these guys, who watch the previous seasons and then show up without at least two to three decent desserts memorized. Some obviously do, but others just wing it. Spike, who does have a planned dessert (the classic chocolate molten cake), inexplicably chooses to try his hand at a souffle instead. As he explains it, he wants to look as if he's taking a risk. Risk fails: he's in the bottom three.

Also joining him there are Antonia, who seems not to care one bit about this challenge, and Mark, who isn't doing very well of late.

The top three are Richard (no surprise), Dale (again, no surprise) and Lisa. Richard's take on banana "scallops" wins the challenge, earning him immunity yet again.

Then the chefs are told they are getting a fun night out at Chicago's famous Second City comedy club, which -- as Mark tells any viewers who might not already know -- spawned the likes of James Belushi and Bill Murray and, more recently, Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert. Anyone who thinks that this is just going to be a lark is an idiot; obviously, this is a setup for the Elimination Challenge.

So, surprise, surprise, when the cheftestants are introduced and the audience proceeds to craft their next, "improv" challenge by throwing out random words in three categories: color, emotion and food. The chefs are then told to form teams of two -- no knife-drawing, they get to pick -- and each team must prepare one of five courses for the Second City crew using the color/emotion/food combo they get.

As always, this kind of challenge poses quite a conundrum for the person who pairs with the guy who has immunity -- lose and you're out, buddy -- but mega-confident Dale wants to be with Richard, so that's a done deal. The two of them get what is easily the hardest emotion -- "perplexed" -- and one of the less exciting foodstuffs (tofu). Their challenge: to create a green, perplexed tofu second course.

The other teams include Andrew & Spike, whose assignment (a yellow/love/vanilla first course) affords Spike the opportunity to make that squash soup Antonia fought against a few weeks back. Mark gets Nikki (poor Mark) and they pull a third course of purple, depressed bacon. (Anyone who gets bacon in anything should rejoice, I strongly contend). Stephanie and Jennifer are next with orange/turned on/asparagus. And last is Antonia and Lisa -- who I'm about ready to start calling the bad-attitude twins -- with magenta/drunk/Polish sausage.

Richard and Dale carry this one with a truly excellent (and creative) team effort. Dale makes a smoking, complex green curry sauce with eggplant and Richard gets the butcher to give him a bunch of beef fat, which he grills up and uses to flavor his tofu "steak" so that it looks like a happy veggie entree but tastes like meat. Everybody loves it, they get a tandem win, and the two of them continue to be front-runners in the competition.

Standing next to them in the top two are Andrew and Spike with the soup, which turns out to be perfectly seasoned and totally yummy even though part of the "improv" surprise to this challenge is that all the electric tools in the Top Chef kitchen are AWOL. In other words, no food processor, this soup has to be pureed and strained by hand. It's yellow, it has a lovely vanilla creme fraiche, and it screams mommy-love.

In that never-never land of neither great nor terrible are Mark & Nikki. Their purple depressed bacon takes the form of a pork tenderloin with a slice of crisp pancetta and a potato base for the color. One of them seems due to go home, but they skate this week.

So on to the bottom two:
The Bad Attitude Twins get all huffy and pretentious over the mere concept of Polish sausage. Apparently, they are waaay too good for that staple of my childhood. Ditto their attitude toward beer, which they reject out of hand. (Hey, beer-braised Polish sausage with some kraut and some magenta-y red cabbage? Please. Toooo pedestrian for them). So they decide to thumb their noses at the challenge and make a sea bass with a piece of chorizo hidden underneath. Huh. Interesting take on the term "improv." As for the drunk part, they use a little tequila in the finish, then drink tequila shots in front of the guests, who are clearly put out that they do not get any tequila for themselves. Yeah, well done, ladies.

Meanwhile, Jen and Stephanie are trying to be sexy, so they make this big hideous slice of toasted (and soggy) bread as a prop so they can make their asparagus look, ahem, "turned on." They also buy a big log of cheese to grill, and put the cheese between the orange and the asparagus for their version of a menage-a-trois. Nobody likes it.

In the end, it is the judges who are perplexed by the ingredient choices. It seems to be self-evident that either Antonia or Lisa should go for totally ignoring the directions for this competition, but somehow Tom manages to equate the big hunk of cheese (which he deems the centerpiece of that dish) to Antonia's fish, and lumps both teams in the category of not focusing mainly on the assigned foodstuff. Hmm. At least Jen and Stephanie *used* asparagus. Seems like a pretty lame comparison to me. And while we're on that bandwagon, then what was up with Mark & Nikki? The bacon was a teeny slice and what they really focused on was the tenderloin. Then again, if we're slicing this rule in a lot of different ways, bacon and pork are both from the pig, so I suppose they could be safely considered to be "improvising."

Anyway, back to the bottom two. After successfully managing to tie the two teams to the same sinking ship, the decision comes down to which dish is less tasty, and that's the asparagus. Again, I'm feeling cheated. I mean, if Jen and Stephanie had decided to go way off the reservation and cook a filet mignon and hide some asparagus stalks underneath, I think their dish might have been pretty tasty, too.

But the judges are set in their decision, and so Jen is toast. Technically, it's probably Jen because she is the one who made the bad bread, but in reality, there's no way the judges want to dump Stephanie -- the most promising woman chef this season -- this early in the game. So off Jen goes to reunite with her poor, lost Zoi. Perhaps tomorrow they'll cook up a nice batch of purple depressed bacon.

-- JENNIFER FREY

Mario in the bottom two with a second-best score of 28? Hmm. Either we have a boatload of prudes watching this show -- Mario and Karina were pretty raunchy in their highly rated dance Monday night -- or there is a Sabrina Bryant-style home-judging uprising on the launch.

This time, there's no passing off the desire to upend Mario as simply a viewer decision that he has an unfair advantage because he does choreographed dancing for his concerts and videos. Um, yeah, the "unfair advantage" thesis -- the one used to explain away Sabrina's way-too-early departure, and the departure of Mel B, last season -- holds no water this time around. Not with Kristi in the house.

So why are viewers so anti-Mario?

Really, this week looked pretty simple. Marlee finally had to go -- and, yes, she did -- despite all the judge/viewer sympathy and support for her incredible talent.. And you try dancing the mambo when you can't hear. She almost pulled it off -- okay, maybe the great masses of spray-tan and that fabulous (mini) outfit almost pulled out enough distraction to get her through. Still, she was in the bottom group two weeks in a row, and she had far and away the worst score this week. It was time.

But joining her in the bottom two? Would it be Shannon, who has no hope of winning this thing and is just holding on (to Derek) as long as possible? Would viewers turn on Jason, despite his usual top-of-the-leaderboard status, because he clocked a lousy 24? Would folks go after Cristian, who racked up a 27 but was in the bottom two last week? (Hmm, how many votes do you think Cristian got from the folks who work/live near Len's supermarket? Seriously. I'd dial in to avoid his threat of showing off his bum near the frozen peas). Perhaps even Marissa would hit the bottom two -- sure, she got her first 9's of the season, but she still clocked a middle-of-the-pack 26.

But no, they gun for Mario, a guy who got a 10 (from Bruno) this week. Apparently young and/or one-name music stars do not get the love from the "DWTS" viewer demographic. Or maybe it was just the vertical sex. We shall stay tuned til next week to see...

-- JENNIFER FREY

Quote of the season thus far:
Len, to Cristian, after the contestant smooth-steps his way through a dashing foxtrot: "If you're in the bottom two tomorrow, I'll show my bum in the supermarket."

Bruno and Carrie Ann -- like this viewer, and I presume most others -- do their best to eradicate that image from their minds in the immediate aftermath ("Picture go!" Bruno demands), but the point is made. Last week, we knew Cristian had landed in a place where he must dance his way through each week. His fan base is not there, and not big enough. This week, he does. Maybe?

Dance of the season thus far:
Kristi. Just when you think that someone else might try to give her a run for the title (and Mario is seen crowing about how he wants to challenge her), she shows up and just blows-everyone-away. She does a jive -- each contestant has a different dance this week, something he/she hasn't competed in before -- and it was so complicated, so sharp, so fun, I really do hope the judges ask her to repeat it, again, this week. Any shock from anyone that she gets her first 30? (Emphasis on first -- it's hard to imagine there aren't more in her future). There has been some waffling on my part in terms of how much of an advantage Kristi has because of her skating background -- interesting, isn't it, how the show does a taped segment informing viewers that Kristi was born with club feet, as if to tell us she's got her own disadvantage? -- but I am officially won over. I can watch her for weeks.

On the upswing (in addition to Cristian, natch):
Marissa. Finally, the costume designers give her something flattering to wear (that would be for her Viennese waltz, not in the group country "Showdown," but let's get to that later). Looking, as Len put it, "like a true princess," Bubbles is elegant, her movements are fluid and she gets rewarded with her first 9's of the season, from Carrie Ann and Bruno. And goes absolutely giggle-bust over them. She gets a season-best 26, putting her smack in the middle of the pack.

Mario. Len's crotchety underpants get in a twist over this rumba, perhaps because Mario and Karina are basically doing it vertical with their clothes on. Passion? Maybe. Lust? Definitely. Len declares them the equivalent of a "strumpet and a gigolo," calls the dance "too raunchy" ... and offers up a 9, regardless. Bruno goes ga-ga, and either my DirectTv has a blip or the network censors him (help, anyone, with another cable outlet?) because when he starts describing their performance as either "making up to each other or eating ..., " I am left to my imagination to finish the thought. Carrie Ann calls the performance "better than good sex," and Karina is embarrassed enough to turn away and all but cover her face. Bruno drools up a 10, and Mario gets his best score thus far: 28. (Alas for him, he dances right after Kristi's perfection, so there is no time to actually gloat).

And on the downswing:
Jason. He does the Cha Cha and gets mediocre responses and a trio of 8's, which drop him near the bottom of the leader board.

Shannon. Sure, there are all those shots of her and Derek on the beach at sunset, Derek stripping down to his bare chest, her in his arms, crushed into an intimate hug, etc., etc. But, backstage after a middling rumba, neither will bite when it comes to Samantha's question about their romance (or is it a "showmance," she asks?). Don't they know that the only thing keeping her on the show besides Derek is the possibility that she and Derek will get it on? At least be smart enough to feed the tease for the votes!

Marlee. Alas, for the second week in a row, Marlee has a dance -- this time the mambo -- where the speed of the steps and the difficulties of keeping time to the music overwhelms her thus-far remarkable ability to dance with precision despite not being able to hear the music. The judges all but sound as though they are bidding her a farewell with their comments, each making sure to emphasize, again, what an achievement it is for her just to have made it this far. She sinks even lower in the scoring, to a 21, despite getting a midweek pep talk from Henry Winkler, who says things like "your spirit is intense" and "your spirit is on fire." I seem to recall that the Fonz dished out his best advice in a men's room, so perhaps that's the problem.

The show wraps up with the first group dance, a country-western hoedown that gives everyone a chance to try lifts. It's campy and a bit wild and it's pretty hard to focus on any individuals save for when the couples each get a brief moment in the spotlight. Easily the most impressive? Jason, who uses all that NFL muscle to hoist and hold Edyta in the lift of the night.

And Marissa's denim miniskirt? Um, not what she should be wearing when she plans to turn upside-down. More to come on Marissa's costuming...and on that hair. Nothing against big hair here, but are there only three ways for her to do it? A,k.a., big, bigger and biggest? And someone please burn the outfit she wore for the interview that ran in the pre-taped segment. Okay, enough fashion commentary. On to the scoreboard:

Kristi: 30
Mario: 28
Cristian: 27
Marissa: 26
Jason: 24
Shannon: 24
Marlee: 21

-- JENNIFER FREY