'Dancing': If ONLY It Were a Dancing Contest...

I hate to say I told you so... Especially when what I told you that Helio -- never mind those two left feet -- would win, thanks to his dimpled grin and stage-hogging flashiness of his dancing partner. The best woman -- Mel B -- didn't win. A woman has never won "DWTS," even when she's hands-down, the better of the two -- what's up with that? (Kelly Monaco, you say? To you I say: Remember the dance-off.) Eh, it's a popularity contest, what are you going to do?

My bitterness is greatly tempered one thing: Marie didn't win, either! And she got the boot early on in the evening, giving me faith that yes, there is a dancing god. (And how is Donny O going to continue to ride her coattails as "Entertainment Tonight's" "special correspondent"?)

Even while she was heading out the door, though, she continued to grate on my nerves. "I am so pleased to be here at my age." Girlfriend! You're not old! You just dance old! Baryshnikov will be 60 in two months and he's still dancing, full-out. Jane Seymour has a good many years on Marie...

Speaking of old, Wayne Newton, he of the freeze-dried face and the shoe-polish hair, didn't dance, thanks to his recent health scare. But he said his doctor cleared him to perform with the "DWTS" tour. Oooh, can't wait. Floyd Mayweather didn't dance, either, because he's got a fight coming up on 12/8: "Grueling training camp." He's no dummy -- he knows who's signing his checks.

Those that did dance pretty much demonstrated why they got the ax early on, except of course, Sabrina, who wiggled and jiggled and jete'ed and did just about everything she could to prove that the voters got it wrong, wrong, wrong.

This was a show filled with filler, with endless montages of past episodes, including a puzzling one that showed clips of sizzling hot dance moments on the show... including Marie's famous faint. Freudian slip, maybe, on the part of the producers? After all, they got a lot of ratings mileage out of Marie conking out on the dance floor. So for them, I guess, it was a sizzling sexy moment. Drama on "DWTS" = endless coverage on "Entertainment Tonight" and in the tabloids. Everybody wins!

I'm no Celine Dion fan, but she looked good, sounded good and kept the cheese factor to a minimum. And for that, I am grateful.

Mel B reprised her mambo, a smart move after Monday night's freestyle dud. It showed her off, spicy, sexy. Len told her, "You are an absolute revelation." She scored a perfect 30 for a total score of 85.

Helio reprised his zoot-suit jig, mugging and grinning and then, at the end of his number,
grabbing Julianne and planting a big, wet one on her lips. A kiss that went on, and on, and on.... Any day now, I'm expecting an US Weekly cover with them declaring their undying love for each other.

--Teresa Wiltz

Teresa Wiltz  |  November 28, 2007; 8:35 AM ET Dancing With the Stars
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Meh, I don't know how you can be even remotely bitter about this given the fact that Sabrina had been eliminated weeks ago and she was much better than Mel and Helio anyway.

Posted by: Chris | November 28, 2007 12:58 PM

Mel was robbed.

Posted by: Elvis | November 28, 2007 1:16 PM

Yes, it's completely fair Helio won the competition. Melanie Brown and Sabrina Bryan should have never been on the show. They are singers and performers by which dance is a big part of their shows.

Mario Lopez got ripped for having dance lessons as a child but Brown and Bryan get a pass? Not.

Helio was the every best dancer of the so-called stars who fits the description of what the show aims for--stars who are not professional dancers.

Posted by: rickNmd | November 28, 2007 1:42 PM

Who ever said this was a dance competition? The audience vote has always weighed in the decisions, hence the high ratings.

Remove the audience participation and the ratings would drop to Big Brother level (like after season 1).

Helio was one of the best dancers this seasons and I'm fine with him winning.

ps; I disagree with the folks that didn't want Mel B and Sabrina competing because of their "dance experience". True, they are entertainers. But they had no formal dance training. Pop star dancing is a far cry from ballroom or salsa.

Posted by: dacnova | November 28, 2007 7:24 PM

Forgot to mention... Helio's former fiancee announced today that it has been over between them for a couple weeks...

Posted by: dacnova | November 28, 2007 7:28 PM

Melanie was the best in every way. When she was heavily criticized early in the year, she took it with grace and a smile. When she got praise she was gracious and appreciative. When she lost to Helio there was not one hint of bitterness. Yeah she wanted to win but she never stopped laughing and joking and making other people happy. Melanie was class all year. Congratulations Helio.

Posted by: dallas | December 15, 2007 6:55 PM

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