'Dancing With the Stars': Let's Get a Little Raunchy

Quote of the season thus far:
Len, to Cristian, after the contestant smooth-steps his way through a dashing foxtrot: "If you're in the bottom two tomorrow, I'll show my bum in the supermarket."

Bruno and Carrie Ann -- like this viewer, and I presume most others -- do their best to eradicate that image from their minds in the immediate aftermath ("Picture go!" Bruno demands), but the point is made. Last week, we knew Cristian had landed in a place where he must dance his way through each week. His fan base is not there, and not big enough. This week, he does. Maybe?

Dance of the season thus far:
Kristi. Just when you think that someone else might try to give her a run for the title (and Mario is seen crowing about how he wants to challenge her), she shows up and just blows-everyone-away. She does a jive -- each contestant has a different dance this week, something he/she hasn't competed in before -- and it was so complicated, so sharp, so fun, I really do hope the judges ask her to repeat it, again, this week. Any shock from anyone that she gets her first 30? (Emphasis on first -- it's hard to imagine there aren't more in her future). There has been some waffling on my part in terms of how much of an advantage Kristi has because of her skating background -- interesting, isn't it, how the show does a taped segment informing viewers that Kristi was born with club feet, as if to tell us she's got her own disadvantage? -- but I am officially won over. I can watch her for weeks.

On the upswing (in addition to Cristian, natch):
Marissa. Finally, the costume designers give her something flattering to wear (that would be for her Viennese waltz, not in the group country "Showdown," but let's get to that later). Looking, as Len put it, "like a true princess," Bubbles is elegant, her movements are fluid and she gets rewarded with her first 9's of the season, from Carrie Ann and Bruno. And goes absolutely giggle-bust over them. She gets a season-best 26, putting her smack in the middle of the pack.

Mario. Len's crotchety underpants get in a twist over this rumba, perhaps because Mario and Karina are basically doing it vertical with their clothes on. Passion? Maybe. Lust? Definitely. Len declares them the equivalent of a "strumpet and a gigolo," calls the dance "too raunchy" ... and offers up a 9, regardless. Bruno goes ga-ga, and either my DirectTv has a blip or the network censors him (help, anyone, with another cable outlet?) because when he starts describing their performance as either "making up to each other or eating ..., " I am left to my imagination to finish the thought. Carrie Ann calls the performance "better than good sex," and Karina is embarrassed enough to turn away and all but cover her face. Bruno drools up a 10, and Mario gets his best score thus far: 28. (Alas for him, he dances right after Kristi's perfection, so there is no time to actually gloat).

And on the downswing:
Jason. He does the Cha Cha and gets mediocre responses and a trio of 8's, which drop him near the bottom of the leader board.

Shannon. Sure, there are all those shots of her and Derek on the beach at sunset, Derek stripping down to his bare chest, her in his arms, crushed into an intimate hug, etc., etc. But, backstage after a middling rumba, neither will bite when it comes to Samantha's question about their romance (or is it a "showmance," she asks?). Don't they know that the only thing keeping her on the show besides Derek is the possibility that she and Derek will get it on? At least be smart enough to feed the tease for the votes!

Marlee. Alas, for the second week in a row, Marlee has a dance -- this time the mambo -- where the speed of the steps and the difficulties of keeping time to the music overwhelms her thus-far remarkable ability to dance with precision despite not being able to hear the music. The judges all but sound as though they are bidding her a farewell with their comments, each making sure to emphasize, again, what an achievement it is for her just to have made it this far. She sinks even lower in the scoring, to a 21, despite getting a midweek pep talk from Henry Winkler, who says things like "your spirit is intense" and "your spirit is on fire." I seem to recall that the Fonz dished out his best advice in a men's room, so perhaps that's the problem.

The show wraps up with the first group dance, a country-western hoedown that gives everyone a chance to try lifts. It's campy and a bit wild and it's pretty hard to focus on any individuals save for when the couples each get a brief moment in the spotlight. Easily the most impressive? Jason, who uses all that NFL muscle to hoist and hold Edyta in the lift of the night.

And Marissa's denim miniskirt? Um, not what she should be wearing when she plans to turn upside-down. More to come on Marissa's costuming...and on that hair. Nothing against big hair here, but are there only three ways for her to do it? A,k.a., big, bigger and biggest? And someone please burn the outfit she wore for the interview that ran in the pre-taped segment. Okay, enough fashion commentary. On to the scoreboard:

Kristi: 30
Mario: 28
Cristian: 27
Marissa: 26
Jason: 24
Shannon: 24
Marlee: 21

-- JENNIFER FREY

By Jennifer Frey | April 22, 2008; 11:17 AM ET Dancing With the Stars
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Although I thought Mario did dance well last night, I really have to concur with Len -- some of Mario's moves bordered on fully-clothed soft porn. Also, Mario would benefit from reining in his ego a bit.
Some other thoughts:
* Cristian looked great and danced very well last night, especially that series of really fast steps at the beginning of his routine.
* I had picked Marissa as an early goner from the program, but she has definitely turned it around for herself over the last 2 weeks.
* My guess for the bottom two this week: Shannon and Marlee

Posted by: gail24 | April 22, 2008 12:58 PM

I, too, kept wondering why they didn't put Marissa's hair up in an elegant bun or something - when they made a stab at a decent dress for her. Trust me - the big curly long hair doesn't make her look any "taller".

On the other hand, if looking really good was what this thing is all about, Marlee would have gotten the 30 score.

Posted by: Jean | April 22, 2008 1:05 PM

I agree with you Jennifer and the posts.

I love Marlee - great personality, very graceful (more so than Shannon or Marissa), and beautiful. BUT, at this point her dancing can't progress as much except in those few dances (waltz, foxtrot) with most continued body contact with partner (to feel rhythm).

Marissa has a winning personality and good moves, BUT, except for white dress, has been horribly costumed.

Shannon was a disappointment last night. She looked very physically awkward which surprised me since she appeared to have improved so much since week 1.

Kristi- I could watch her all night. Love Jason and Christian too. They move well and besides being incredibly handsome, have wonderful self-effacing humor. I enjoy Mario too, but agree about his ego, though part of it may be his schtick.

Marlee is probably headed home.

Posted by: guiltypleasure | April 22, 2008 1:20 PM

I've read rumors in other blogs that Derek is gay and Elizabeth is just "cover". Word on the 'net is she used to be seen out with Lance Bass, but draw your own conclusions.

BTW, I'm gay so this is in no way to be construed a homophobic comment. Derek is one of the main reasons I watch the show! He should take his shirt off more often... ;-)

Posted by: Arlington, VA | April 22, 2008 2:33 PM

Three of us at work noticed the censor - wonder what it was!

Posted by: censored! | April 22, 2008 3:21 PM

Last night, it appeared that Jason Taylor was "happy to see" Edyta or was something in his pocket.

Posted by: miami | April 22, 2008 4:33 PM

I'm confused. Who's Stephanie? As in the Stephanie who asked the question about the showmance? (Samantha??)

Posted by: alex | April 22, 2008 4:33 PM

Was I imaging this, or was there a glimpse of Paula Abdul in the audience last night?

Posted by: Alexandria, VA | April 22, 2008 4:48 PM

OK, time to lay off Marissa! Since when is it wrong for a woman with curves not to stand tall and wear moderately revealing outfits? Does everyone have to look like Kate Moss???

I, for one, thought she would be a goner after her clunky jive several weeks ago, but her spunk and confidence are infectious, and her dancing has come a long way. As on objective viewer, I'm really rooting for her to keep it going.

And, she can wear what's appropriate for the dance. Foxtrot? Long, flowing dress. Samba? Short and sassy. Why not? Also, from a dancing perspective (and having been told this in competition), what you wear can make the difference in judging. A short,sassy outfit on Marissa in latin dance allows for footwork and lower body motion to be fully exposed, which only makes it fair to everyone.

Mario had his "scare" this week. Assuming he continues to improve, he'll lock into the top 3 (note that this happened to Mel B last season, and as the season wore on, folks liked her more as her dancing followed suit).

I'm rooting for Marissa to join him, and it's certainly possible since, while I admire Jason, he needs to maintain his light feet while exuding a confidence that he normally reserves for football. Cristian is an enigma; I'm also rooting for him, but he's been uneven.

Kristi will win the title. Not only is she great, but her low-key happy demeanor is also infectious, and she really came out of her shell with that jive, showing versatility. The Apolo Ohno of this season, and the first female winner (finally).

Posted by: wxdancer | April 24, 2008 10:46 AM

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