As heard on TV... "Jersey Shore"

Who is this? Why, it's Locksley. Surely you remember their song from the scene in which Vinny graciously takes the Situation's sister home from the club in a most gentlemanly manner.

There's no easy way to say this: Next week is the last episode of "Jersey Shore," otherwise known as The Awesomest Show In The History Of The Entire World.

This week, MTV, which has every logical reason to stretch things out a little, decided to show two episodes in a row. This means twice the brawling, vomiting, hair pulling, questionable music choices and trips to the free clinic. (Just kidding about that last one. But seriously-these people should get themselves tested.)

You're probably already missing those two hours of your life, which you'll never get back. So without further ado, our musical guide to last night's episode(s) lies after the jump.

(WARNING: Mild spoilers ahead.)

FIRST EPISODE

Artist: Glycerin
Song: "Strangers Waiting"
Playing During: The scene when Vinny hangs out at the bar with his boss/landlord's girl. Not much to see here.

Artist: Locksley
Song: "Why Not Me (Why Can't I Be You)"
Played During: The scene where Vinny takes the Situation's sister home from the club. "Mike's sister was definitely a for-sure thing. I think that's why I chose that route," he says pensively.

Artist: Heavy Young Heathens
Song: "Catch A Thief"
Played During: The girls are in the car on the way to Atlantic City. Again, not a lot to see here.

Artist: Fighter Pilot
Song: "Norway"
Played During: The increasingly-more-terrifying JWoWW describes getting kicked out of the club. This all probably could have been condensed into one episode.

SECOND EPISODE

Artist: Atreyu
Song: "Ex's and Oh's"
Played During: The scene where the Situation talks about "committing robbery" on Vinny's girl from the club.

Artist: Two Guns
Song: "The Yellow Book"
Played During: JWoWW recounts the night's events to the world's most disapproving boyfriend. Get wasted, vomit in public and assault your roommate, and suddenly everyone judges.

Artist: Hero Pattern
Song: "Monster"
Played During: Pauly D. describes trying to decide between the girl with the strict parents and a new girl, Danielle. Danielle won't have sex before she's married and also, she seems kind of needy, so this doesn't take very long.

Artist: Nycole Valentina
Song: "Shook Up"
Played During: Snickers dances with her Irish cowboy person in the club.

Artist: Jonas Sees in Color
Song: "I Own These Streets"
Played During: Pauly D. runs into his stalker Danielle on the boardwalk. "She's definitely a Stage Five Clinger," opines Vinny.