Taking sides... Choose your own Coachella adventure
In an effort to turn everything in life into some kind of draft and/or fantasy sport, Click Track has developed a Coachella salary cap game. This allows us to sift through nearly 100 acts playing at April's massive music festival in the California desert and curate our own mini-fest. But it's not as easy as simply putting your 10 favorite bands on the bill. You must work within a budget.
The rules: You get $500,000 to spend. Each band is assigned a value based on poster placement. (Top line = $200k, 2nd line = $100k, 3rd/4th line = $60k, 5th/6th line = $40k, others = $20k; an easier to read breakdown is available after the jump.) You must pick at least 7 bands. You may pick no more than 10 bands. This means you can't just pick Jay-Z, Gorillaz, Thom Yorke???? and call it a day.
After the jump we reveal our lineups, our reasoning and our toughest omissions. Please play along and share your own creations -- just make sure to stick to the rules. (Note: We know that these are not the actual dollar amounts these acts are getting paid; Chris especially knows this. It just made it easier for this exercise.)
Sly and the Family Stone ($60k + $40k bonus), Faith No More ($100k), Spoon ($60k), Phoenix ($60k), Dirty Projectors ($60k), Calle 13 ($40k), Wale ($20k), Aeroplane ($20k), Beach House ($20k), Shooter Jennings ($20k)
Sly Stone gets the headlining slot at my Coachella -- and to prevent him from delivering a disastrous set, he'll be paid a $40,000 bonus the moment he steps off stage for turning the party out. Faith No More will be grossly overpaid for their warm-up slot, but if we're all going to spend the day fighting heat exhaustion, we deserve to hear "Epic" at sundown.
Spoon and Phoenix will perform back-to-back sets just to confirm that they aren't the same band. If Wale has UCB backing him, he's a steal. But if the band stays home, he has to freestyle a cameo verse over Beach House's "Zebra." And Belgian disco bros Aeroplane will be holding it down in the dance tent all day long. Who wouldn't want to listen to those guys play records for 14 consecutive hours?
Jay-Z/Thom Yorke ($200k - they could perform as Jaydiohead and split the money), Pavement ($100k), Dead Weather ($60k), Sleigh Bells ($20k), Beach House ($20k), B.o.B. ($20k), Corinne Bailey Rae ($20k), Girls ($20k), Delphic ($20k), Baroness ($20k)
First of all, I don't want any grief over my top choice: Hova and Thom Yorke? Why couldn't that be a thing? Otherwise, I tended to stick with cheaper bands - there are many hours to fill and a person can only spend so much time in the chill-out tent. Also, this being Coachella, I tried to make my list a mix of white hipster bands and other kinds of white hipster bands. I think I succeeded. I left out a lot of electronic acts - they tended to be more expensive. And it feels like rock's year, anyway.
Acts it killed me to leave out: Devo, Major Lazer, Wale, Gil Scott-Heron, MGMT, Spoon, Sly and the Family Stone
Act I easily did without because I do not like them: La Roux.
Jay-Z ($200k), Sly and the Family Stone ($60k), De La Soul ($60k), Grace Jones ($40k), Gil Scott-Heron ($40k), John Waters ($40k), DJ Lance Rock ($40k), P.O.S. ($20k)
I spent most of my half-a-mil on hip-hop and soul here -- hey, it's what I like. Would I love to see Gossip or Dirty Projectors? Sure -- just not on my own (imaginary) dime. I thought long and hard about blowing $200,000 on Jay-Z and almost didn't -- I've seen him before and he'll mostly be doing material from "Blueprint 3," which I hate. But, if his set includes even one track from "Reasonable Doubt," I'll consider it money well spent.
Wale was hard to omit, but those of us in D.C. have opportunities to see him all the time. Faith No More was another toughie to leave off, as I was quite the fan back in junior high school, but I was unwilling to blow 1/5 of my budget on a nostalgic thrill. DJ Lance Rock is included because it'll help me impress all the little youngsters I know. Sly and John Waters are risky picks -- who knows what they'll do? -- but I couldn't not pick them, ya know?
Pavement ($100k), LCD Soundsystem ($100k), Echo and the Bunnymen ($60k), Phoenix ($60k), Charlotte Gainsbourg ($60k), Grace Jones ($40k), Gil Scott-Heron ($40k), Sleigh Bells ($20k), The Soft Pack ($20k)
The headliners were obvious choices -- my favorite band of the '90s (Pavement) and one of my very favorites of the '00s (LCD Soundsystem). Plus, Echo and the Bunnymen is definitely on the shortlist for best of the '80s! Get a little French connection with Phoenix and Charlotte Gainsbourg, get some spectacle with Grace Jones. Gil Scott-Heron if only so James Murphy can introduce him by saying, "Gil! Scott! Heronnnnn!" Sleigh Bells to see what the buzz is about and the Soft Pack because I already know the buzz is deserved.
Bonus encore = Pavement and the Bunnymen teaming up on "The Killing Moon" with Malkmus and McCulloch trading verses. Swoon. I left off some indie rock faves -- Spoon, Yo La Tengo, Deerhunter -- because I've seen them all plenty of times and this wouldn't be the ideal setting, where as Phoenix and Grace Jones could really do it up on the big stage. Sly Stone was a tough omission, but I want my (fake) money to be well accounted for.
Who would play your dream Coachella? The (totally made-up) price points for each band are below. Share your ideal line-ups in the comments!
Jay-Z, Muse, Gorillaz
LCD Soundsystem, Them Crooked Vultures, Faith No More, Tiesto, Pavement, Thom Yorke????
Vampire Weekend, Deadmau5, Public Image Limited, the Specials, Grizzly Bear, Passion Pit, Echo and the Bunnymen, Benny Benassi, Fever Ray, MGMT, David Guetta, the Dead Weather, Hot Chip, Devo, Coheed and Cambria, Kaskade, 2ManyDJs, Major Lazer, Dirty Projectors, Gossip, Z-Trip, Phoenix, Orbital, Spoon, Sly and the Family Stone, De La Soul, Julian Casablancas, Plastikman, Gary Numan, Charlotte Gainsbourg
Grace Jones, She & Him, Erol Alkan, the Avett Brothers, Calle 13, the Whitest Boy Alive, the Cribs, La Roux, Yeasayer, Lucero, DJ Lance Rock, the Dillinger Escape Plan, Proxy, Ra Ra Riot, Deer Tick, Wolfgang Gartner, the xx, John Waters, Les Claypool, the Raveonettes, Mew, Sia, Camera Obscura, Tokyo Police Club, Porcupine Tree, Old Crow Medicine Show, Aterciopalados, Bassnectar, Frightened Rabbit, Dirty South, Sunny Day Real Estate, Yo La Tengo, MUTEMATH, Deerhunter, Infected Mushroom, Club 75, Matt & Kim, the Big Pink, Gil Scott-Heron, King Khan and the Shrines, Florence and the Machine, Yann Tiersen, Little Boots, Miike Snow
Aeroplane, Iglu & Hartley, Sleigh Bells, P.O.S., Baroness, Hockey, Little Dragon, White Rabbits, Wale, Kate Miller-Heidke, As Tall As Lions, Jets Overhead, Alana Grace, Pablo Hassan, Flying Lotus, Corinne Bailey Rae, Pretty Lights, Shooter Jennings, RX Bandits, the Almighty Defenders, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, Craze & Klever, Zoe, the Temper Trap, Portugal. the Man, Band of Skulls, Girls, Beach House, Steel Train, Frank Turner, Talvin Singh, Ceu, B.o.B., Babasonicos, Owen Pallett, the Glitch Mob, Mayer Hawthorne, Local Natives, Rusko, the Middle East, Hadouken!, the Soft Pack, Kevin Devine, Paparazzi, Delphic, One EskimO
January 21, 2010; 2:25 PM ET
Categories: Taking sides | Tags: Baroness, Beach House, Calle 13, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Coachella, Corinne Bailey Rae, De La Soul, Dead Weather, Dirty Projectors, Echo and the Bunnymen, Faith No More, Gil Scott-Heron, Girls, Grace Jones, Jay-Z, LCD Soundsystem, Pavement, Phoenix, Sleigh Bells, Sly Stone, Spoon, The Soft Pack, Thom Yorke, Wale
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