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Lists: The top five signs your band should not get back together

van halenThis won't end well. We know that based on history. (Ricky Carioti/TWP)

By Allison Stewart

So the crazy kids in Van Halen are giving it another go with erstwhile frontman David Lee Roth, despite the fact that every single DLR/Halen incarnation in history has gone horribly awry.

Van Halen have gone through enough breakups and reunions to know that their latest incarnation probably will end in lawsuits/tears/rehab. But what if you're a famous musician who isn't in a cartoony '80s metal band? Or what if you're Screech, the lone "Saved By the Bell" reunion holdout? How will you know if getting the gang back together is the right thing to do?

We're here to help! We at Click Track have assembled a definitive guide:The Top Five Signs Your Band Should Not Get Back Together:

1. Your lead singer is dead.

A deceased frontperson is God's way of telling you that your band should break up. Forever. He could not have made this more clear.

Chief Offenders: The Doors, INXS

2. You wish your lead singer was dead

No matter how much you try to pretend you like each other with strained between-song banter, audiences know bad juju when they see it, Don Henley and Glenn Frey.

Chief Offenders: Soundgarden, the Eagles, the Spice Girls, Stone Temple Pilots, every Van Halen reunion ever.

(Reunion "don'ts" for the cool and the uncool, after the jump.)

axl roseIt's not a reunion if Axl is the only member there. (REUTERS/Karoly Arvai)

3. Your "reunion" consists of one or two remaining band members reuniting with session musicians she/he has barely met.

As with many things, let Guns 'n' Roses serve as a cautionary tale.

Chief Offenders: Hole, Smashing Pumpkins, Fleetwood Mac, the Lemonheads, the Supremes

4. You used to be cool

Reunions are cred killers. Bands who were primarily known for their awesomeness may find themselves financially richer, but with their legacies diminished. This is why the Replacements never got back together. And also, they probably haven't gotten around to it yet.

Chief Offenders: Pavement, the Pixies, Sex Pistols, the Velvet Underground, the Stooges

5. You were never cool

The only thing worse than the cool band everyone wants to see reunited is the hapless and awful band no one wants to see reunited, but who gets back together anyway.

Chief Offenders: Creed, Limp Bizkit, Genesis with Phil Collins

By Allison Stewart  |  August 11, 2010; 11:45 AM ET
Categories:  Lists  | Tags: David Lee Roth, Fleetwood Mac, Guns N Roses, INXS, Pavement, Smashing Pumpkins, Soundgarden, Spice Girls, Stone Temple Pilots, The Doors, The Eagles, Van Halen  
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Comments

I'm surprised Malitz permitted you to say anything remotely critical of Pavement. :-)

The Stooges may have lost some cool, but their live show in '07 was awesome. The jury is still out on the post-Ron Asheton, Raw Power-flashback version.

Posted by: Miles_Standish_Proud | August 11, 2010 1:30 PM | Report abuse

Fleetwood Mac? Which time? I know Christine McVie has been sitting out in recent years, but Lindsey and Stevie together are usually worth the price for me.

Unless you mean when Lindsey left and it took two people to replace him - or are you old school and after Peter Green left it all went downhill?

Posted by: Hemisphire | August 11, 2010 1:58 PM | Report abuse

I meant their non-McVie lineup. That was not okay. It felt craven to me. Why did she sit those tours out? What else could she possibly be doing? Do they hate each other that much? I wonder...

Posted by: Allison Stewart | August 11, 2010 2:10 PM | Report abuse

See with Smashing Pumpkins it was still kinda okay until Jimmy left for good. Now it feels kinda wrong.

And Lemonhead had like 57 different lineups. Even for the Shame About Ray lineup, no one remembers who the drummer was.

Posted by: M__N | August 11, 2010 2:38 PM | Report abuse

The worst attempt I ever saw at a group trying to get back together was the terrible reality show that remaining TLC members T-Boz and Chilli used as a last ditch attempt to replace Left Eye...that was just hopeless.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSdFAci7Wn8

Posted by: williamse | August 11, 2010 3:28 PM | Report abuse

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