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Posted at 12:00 PM ET, 02/ 7/2011

Five things we learned from the Black Eyed Peas' halftime show

By Allison Stewart

BEPIt's Fergie, Will.I.Am. and, um, the other ones! (Getty Images)

Well, it wasn't the worst Super Bowl halftime show in history. (This was. Let us never speak of it again).

It wasn't even the worst halftime show recently (how could you, Edward James Olmos in Super Bowl halftime show XXXIV?).

The Black Eyed Peas delivered exactly what was expected of them: high-octane, space age ridiculousness, rendered with enough aggressive good cheer to make Up With People seem like Radiohead.

In a way, the Peas were just right. The Super Bowl halftime show is no place for the decent (Bruce Springsteen, 2009) or the tasteful (U2 2002). It's custom-fit for marching bands, exploding things and mindless spectacle. Super Bowl halftime shows are like governments: We get the ones we deserve.

A few other things we learned last night:

1. Fergie is not human. She's some kind of nerve-free, Jaime Sommers-like fembot constructed entirely of steel, pleather, sparkles and -- take it from a girl -- impressively applied hair extensions. We will never doubt her again.

2. The presence of Usher and Slash is pretty much a tacit admission that someone, somewhere, thought the Peas weren't a strong enough act to go it alone.

3. Those lit-up, Tron-like dancers were creepy, like a strange race of faceless, DayGlo worm people. And when they were all lit up in red, in the shape of a heart? Yikes.

4. There are two other Black Eyed Peas! The Guy With The Pageboy Haircut and...Other Guy.

5. "Sweet Child O' Mine" will now forever be associated with Fergie doing a half-hearted snake dance with furry man-creature Slash. Somewhere, Axl Rose is weeping.

By Allison Stewart  | February 7, 2011; 12:00 PM ET
Categories:  Riffs  | Tags:  Black Eyed Peas, Slash, Usher  
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Next: In concert: Vanity Theft at U Street Music Hall


The other guy's name is "". Swear to God.

Posted by: tomtildrum | February 7, 2011 12:44 PM | Report abuse

Another thing we learned was that they were not lip-syncing...

Was there any point during their halftime show that all four microphones worked at the same time? And would they have sounded better or worse had we been able to hear them all?

Posted by: whovous | February 7, 2011 12:48 PM | Report abuse

It was crappoptastic.

Posted by: nonsensical2001 | February 7, 2011 1:43 PM | Report abuse

The '60s cursed us all with mistaken belief pop music had to make some big political statement. Oh... the half-time act calls for jobs? Yeah. Obama slapped himself on the head and realized, "Damn! The Peas are right! We need jobs!!!" The band would best have been served polishing those tattered vocals and sound mix. Woooeeee!

Posted by: SanFernandoCurt | February 7, 2011 2:11 PM | Report abuse

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