Kids can be so cruel: The Esperanza Spalding vs. Justin Bieber worldwide freakout, Day Three
It's been three days since little-known jazz bassist/singer Esperanza Spalding upset Justin Bieber for the Best New Artist trophy at Sunday night's Grammy awards, commencing a YouTube/Twitter/blogosphere freakout the likes of which we have not seen since Miley last picked up a bong. Spalding's Wiki page was Bieber-bombed by irate members of his child army who threatened her life and, for reasons that are less clear, changed her middle name to "Quesadilla." Kids can be so cruel!
While we wait for the healing to begin, we thought we'd address some common questions that have arisen in the wake of what we will now, for decency's sake, refer to only as The Incident:
Who the heck is Esperanza Spalding, and is her life insurance up to date?
She's a jazz musician. She has an album out. Possibly it's good, but we're not getting in the middle of this. (Actually, it is.) And those classier than us certainly seem to like her. We think she looks like what would happen if Willow Smith and Gwyneth Paltrow had a baby. And yes, we know that's impossible.
There have been so many death threats. How can you pick a favorite?
You can't. It wouldn't be fair. But we are partial to a tweet from @Danideelove that suggested Spalding "Go die in a whole" (we think she means "hole"). More, mostly unprintable ones, can be found here.
(Bieber takes it like a man, and why Grammy voters were probably not smoking crack, after the jump.)
Could this have happened because Grammy voters figured that everyone else was going to vote for Justin Bieber, freeing them to vote for someone else? Or maybe they're just really sick of him and wanted to cut him down to size a little?
How is Bieber holding up?
Like a champ. He publicly embraced Spalding backstage, either potentially sparing her life or endangering it further: We just don't know yet. He exhibited just the right amount of disappointment during an appearance on "Chelsea Lately," saying "I'm not going to lie. People are expecting me to say something else, but I am disappointed."
Why is Bieber acting like this was his to lose, anyway? Weren't there other artists nominated in this category? Entirely credible candidates like Drake and Florence and the Machine?
Yes, which makes Spalding's win even more surprising. In a way, she took one for the team.
| February 16, 2011; 11:30 AM ET
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