How Many Metaphors Are There for 'Losing Baseball Team?'

Nationals Journal commenters might just be the most pessimistic group of folks out there, and who can blame them?

Sure, the fact that the team is 25-40 and last in the NL East could put anyone over the edge, but I blame (and by blame I mean thank, of course) new beat writer Chico Harlan for turning commenters into a bunch of metaphor-spouting cynics.

It's easy to transform from a moper into a cynic when you're reading stories that go like this:

"One hour and 52 minutes after his workday began, Brandon Webb walked off the mound to a roar. He'd thrown 113 pitches. The 34 batters he'd faced looked more like accomplices than opponents. None reached beyond second base. When Willie Harris, the final Washington batter, struck out swinging, everybody clapped and went home for dinner. Comedies tend to run short."

Or this:

"Clubhouse attendants moved through the gloom, grabbing luggage and packing bats, used purely for decorative purposes the past two games."

Or how about this:

"Instead of a win, the Nationals simply duplicated misery, which is the one thing they do best."

In the latest Nationals Journal post, commenters pay tribute to the Chico Harlan Style:

SC Nats Fan: I've been a disciple of the plan since its inception. I'm losing faith. Sometimes when no light can be seen at the end of the tunnel, you have to change direction. Perhaps it's time to do that. It might be time to pull heads out of the sand, for lack of what I'm really thinking, and realize that maybe they'd better re-check the GPS and go in a different direction. An infusion of talented players to stem the tide is needed. Where these magical players will come from...who knows, I don't. But these professional baseball people had best figure it out and soon. If they take the time to read these blogs, they'll realize that people are losing interest. These times of high gas prices and such make fans think twice about where there entertainment dollars will be spent and they will be spent on rewarding entertainment. The Nats currently do not offer rewarding entertainment. This has to change quickly.

dale: This seems like London during the blitz. It is hard to see 2 years out when your ships are sinking in view of your harbors and the bombs are falling all around you on a nightly basis. I guess when the good news is being broadcast by a propaganda machine like MASN then we all have become big discounters of anything with a touch of optimism. Even Flynnie and 506 have been beaten down into shelter mode. . . Perhaps all will work out by August, perhaps not. Perhaps it will be August '10 before we can get out of our bomb shelters.

HaHa1ABisquickin506: the suggestion that a cure lies within the comments by this assembled mass of losers violates rule number one of holes -- when in one, stop digging.

Anonymous: ...break into the stadium and turn on the sprinklers so you don't actually have to play through another miserable nine innings...

(That last one's not a metaphor, but rather a very good idea.)

To sum up:

lowcountry (searching for answers): Dark times, indeed.

By Lindsay Applebaum |  June 10, 2008; 2:08 PM ET  | Category:  Nationals
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