Countdown to Football: Predict the Injuries

Today is Tuesday, July 15, which means that there are officially five days until Redskins training camp begins.

Before we get to today's contest, here are some reader complaints, in haiku form:

Upset reader:

Yet more contests pass
without a winner announced
classic bait and switch

Keeping the peace:

Oh dear, Bonita
readers are aggravated
please post the winners

Okay, okay, here we go. For the "Ode to Sunday" haiku challenge, it's got to be a three-way tie:


Drunk off four dark beers
Watching my crappy T.V.
How I play the game

cload and daggar:

swollen agony
Suisham kicks one hundred yards
right in the Rabachs


As the season nears
I keep my fingers crossed tight
Please, no hammy pings

Holler at me to claim your prize (a guest column).

I'm also quite pleased to announce that Jim Zorn will now be referred to here (and probably here only) as The Great Zorn Holy-O (get it?), perhaps with a Zorn Star thrown in here and there.

New contest after the jump:

Your challenge today is to predict the most likely football injury this season. It has to be funny, as opposed to what you wish would happen to one of the Cowboys on their season-opening drive.

For example:

Fred Davis dislocates his finger hitting the snooze button on his alarm clock.


Packers backup Brett Favre breaks his hip as a result of refusing to take his Boniva.

Have at it.

Thanks to former sports intern and now Sporting News some-title-more-impressive-than-mine Sean Gentille for the idea. Hey, these are tougher to come up with than you'd think.

By Lindsay Applebaum |  July 15, 2008; 2:43 PM ET  | Category:  Redskins
Previous: Featured Commenter: O's Exec | Next: Countdown to Football: Dust Off That Grill


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I've really been racking my brain about this trying to come up with something that isn't cliche, but I can't. So here are a bunch of un-funny cliche injuries.

- Chad Johnson gets tendinitis in his jaw. (Get it... from talking so much. How original.)

- Pacman Jones out 4-6 weeks after having an operation to remove a stripper's glass heel from his .... you know.

- Maybe this one will work: Reggie Brown injured in drug bust gone awry... at Andy Reid's house?

No? Too cliche. Sorry all, but it's the best I can come up with.

How about this one. It's nice and straightforward:
Terrell Owens shatters every rib in his body (on both sides)after being blown up by LaRon Landry.

Posted by: Rep. Heath Shuler (D-NC) | July 15, 2008 4:06 PM

Bonita, you seem to have a fun blog. I started with the Zorn nickname comments, but I've been checking for it since.

I'd like to acknowledge my support of the Great Zorn Holy-O as a member of the Beavis and Butthead generation (that's how we should be identified). I'd like to know the winning Tribe song as well.

Redskins Injuries: Jason Campbell suffers a collapsed lung as he is crushed by the weight of his expectatons. Todd Collins is forced to shut down because of osteoperosis due to age and underuse, and Colt Brennan gets pinched by a leprechaun at the end of his Hawaii Rainbow career.

The Redskins trade for Sage Rosenfels.

Bonus Gibbs injury: Kyle Busch runs into the wall when he tried to turn right.

Posted by: Andy | July 15, 2008 4:17 PM

TJ Houshmandzadeh injured when knee buckles under the weight of the letters of his last name.

Posted by: SMACK | July 15, 2008 4:17 PM

Joey Galloway hit out of bounds by Donald Driver.

Oh I dunno, there's a golf joke in there somewhere.

Posted by: SMACK | July 15, 2008 4:23 PM

Galloway/Driver knock Reggie Ball out of bounds?

Posted by: Nate in the PDX | July 15, 2008 4:25 PM

While we are getting into fun with names:

William James (DB-BUF) and James Williams (DB-HOU) both wound each other thinking that the other is their evil twin.

Marcus Washington, Jason Jefferson and Rosevelt Colvin miss the beginning of the season because they are too busy running in the President's race at Nationals Park (there's no one in the NFL named Lincoln).

Posted by: Andy | July 15, 2008 4:46 PM

I LOVE the President's Race! The most entertaining part of being at a Nats game, for sure.

Injury prediction: Jessica Simpson pulls Tony Romo's groin.

Posted by: P Diddy | July 15, 2008 4:54 PM

Pork Chop Womack will pull a hammy.

Posted by: dcsween | July 15, 2008 5:20 PM

Shaun Suisham will get athlete's foot.

Posted by: dcsween | July 15, 2008 5:22 PM

The New England Patriots are forced to remove a growth, of fair play from their souls.

Chris Cooley has to sit out a prow bowl due to a symptom of excessive awesomeness.

Posted by: Alex35332 | July 15, 2008 7:24 PM

>>> "Pork Chop Womack will pull a hammy."


Posted by: P Diddy | July 15, 2008 7:41 PM

Reggie Bush picks up an STD from that Kim Kardashian, and has to sit out a week getting penicillin shots... oh wait...

Posted by: Alex35332 | July 15, 2008 7:42 PM

Junior Seau misses 1 game to tell kids about how he used to walk uphill in the snow both ways to school.

Posted by: Chest Rockwell | July 16, 2008 2:09 AM

Boni, today is a new day ... we need a new contest ...

Posted by: dcsween | July 16, 2008 11:21 AM

sween, maybe we're not doing so well on these and she's passive-aggressively encouraging more/better feedback... maybe she's running out of steam -- she admitted it's tough to come up with new contests to round out the week... maybe she has a flex work schedule and isn't rolling into the office... or maybe, and I wouldn't wish this on anyone, she has actual work to do.

(I used that four-letter word TWICE in this post... unfortunately, I have it on the brain today.)

Anyway, it bears noting that yesterday's post is timestamped 2:43PM Eastern, so there's a precedent...

Posted by: Nate in the PDX | July 16, 2008 11:46 AM

Andy, how about Lincoln Kennedy? I know he's not still in the top league, but wikipedia sez he's playing in the Arena League, which is something...

Posted by: Nate in the PDX | July 16, 2008 11:53 AM

OK, OK, I'll take it for what it is ...

Ricky Williams will get another bout of smoker's cough.

Posted by: dcsween | July 16, 2008 12:50 PM

Casey Rabach will get Planter's nuts.

[Can I say that?]

Posted by: dcsween | July 16, 2008 12:55 PM

At the apex of his campaign to get himself elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame, Cris Carter will dislocate his shoulder while patting himself on the back.

Posted by: Nate in the PDX | July 16, 2008 12:55 PM

Now I was looking for Lincoln Kennedy when perusing the NFL players lists. I knew he used to exist and he, in fact not only covers Lincoln, but covers Kennedy as well, who, while not a Mt. Rushmore/President's Race President, is still a pretty popular one. So Lincoln Kennedy it is, consider my posting amended to read:

Marcus Washington, Jason Jefferson and Rosevelt Colvin (and Lincoln Kennedy of the Arena League and undoubtedly someone's practice squad) miss the beginning of the season because they are too busy running in the President's race at Nationals Park

Still, I was surprised noting the number of professional athletes who tend to have names of our old Presidents.

Posted by: Andy | July 16, 2008 12:57 PM

These are hilarious! New contest coming shortly...sadly, writing this blog isn't the only thing a sports producer does (maybe one day...)

Posted by: Bonita | July 16, 2008 1:12 PM

Isn't Lincoln Kennedy that massive, massive, massive fellow on NFL Network these days?

Posted by: P Diddy | July 16, 2008 1:37 PM

BTW, the new Starbucks chocolate-banana drink is awesome. (it's got some ridiculous name, so I'm going to stick with the "chocolate banana thing" whenever I order it)

Posted by: P Diddy | July 16, 2008 1:38 PM

I've now wasted one hour of my day posting on three WashPo blogs. Is there a 10 step program for these blogs?

Posted by: P Diddy | July 16, 2008 1:40 PM

I think we have our first causality of the new season, The Redskins Insider blog. Talk about jumping the shark, turning the boat around and revving up for a second pass.

Posted by: chris larry | July 16, 2008 1:41 PM

Wow Boner-ita, who's the genius who thought of this one?

Posted by: Sean Gentille | July 16, 2008 1:46 PM

chRIs Larry, the Fonz was NOT driving a boat when he jumped the shark ... come correct dude, as in, whoa-a-mundo ...

Posted by: dcsween | July 16, 2008 2:26 PM

It's so nice when commenters work together to create something better than the individual. New slogan "Crowd Noise: Bringing Gestalt to Sports since 2008."

Posted by: Andy | July 16, 2008 3:47 PM

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