Nick Rimando Is a Target!!! (Not for the last time)
Ok, this is fun. More fun than the search for Bobby Boswell foil Robin Rexroat, which seems to have sputtered out after my voice message left at Rexroat Realty was never returned.
So DCU beat writer Steve Goff gets an e-mail this morning from someone looking for personal information on Nick Rimando. Why, you ask? Well, because this person is one of five remaining contestants in Roche's DC101 "Water Wars" competition, in which random people with fake names attempt to shoot each other with water guns in order to win free stuff from Asylum. There are five contestants left: Two Thirds, Boba Fett, Iceberg, Sway the Irishman and the always-classy Col. Bigdix. I'll let you guess which one e-mailed Goffer. All of them look scary.
Anyhow, the point is, now that there are five contestants left and we've reached the game's sudden death, golden goal finale, they no longer have to shoot each other. Instead, they have to shoot Nick Rimando, D.C. United's veteran keeper. Naturally. Why Rimando? Roche explains in an e-mail:
Nick is a friend of mine and I wanted a fun final target for our game and Nick volunteered to do it. He knows that there are five guys tracking him with a water gun (issued by DC101) and he will be doing his best to avoid getting hit (starting tomorrow...today is recon only). They will have two opportunities to eyeball him today...after that, they have to go off intel obtained through their recon or from any other outside source.
For example, Steve Goff. The random person who e-mailed Goff wanted to know what sort of car Nicky drives and wanted photos of him in street clothes, stuff like that. Luckily, the random person has agreed to allow me to follow him tomorrow as he attempts to shoot a professional soccer player with a water gun, which should be great fun. How elusive Rimando will be is yet unknown. Roche writes:
Nick says he's going to run, and normally I'd be confident since he's a professional athlete and all. But he sprained his ankle during the playoffs...not in a match...while walking his dog! So now I'm not so sure.
Ok, DCU fans. You've helped me try to track down a random teenage girl who competed with a DCU defender on a kids' game show 12 years ago, surely you can help me help this strange person shoot Nick Rimando with a water gun. What I really need is Esky to get involved somehow....I'll bring my video camera, if that will help.
Also bear in mind these Official Rules:
The game takes place 24 hrs a day / 7 days a week, however you will not be able to eliminate your target in the following areas:
Automobiles Hospitals/Medical Buildings Churches/Religious Buildings Schools (College Campuses Excluded) Inside your home Office/Work Site Metro Trains/Busses/Stations Police/Fire Depts/Municipal Buildings Local/State/Federal Government BuildingsYou will be issued a 12-hr penalty where you cannot participate if you accidentally soak a non-water wars participant.
So clearly we need to isolate Nicky somehow. Ok, thoughts?
By Dan Steinberg |
November 28, 2006; 12:57 PM ET
| Category:
D.C. United
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Posted by: Bryan76 | November 28, 2006 1:17 PM
What kind of 'free stuff' are we talking about?
I'm not going to go out and throw Rimando under a bus (or in his case, his dog) unless I get some kind of cut of the loot.
But if you're looking to soak him, get a hold of Ben Olsen and some Gatorade.
Posted by: Kim | November 28, 2006 2:23 PM
From what I have read, Ben Olsen is one of the biggest practical jokesters in the league. He would be a valuable resource in this regard.
Posted by: pecanturtle | November 28, 2006 2:41 PM
Better than finding Robin Rexroat - find out who placed this ad - before Jaqui does
http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/w4m/240877234.html
Posted by: Lonnie | November 28, 2006 2:48 PM
"Better than finding Robin Rexroat - find out who placed this ad - before Jaqui does
http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/w4m/240877234.html"
Hmmmm, a quiet sider. Don't know her. As for Nicky, I can't rat my boy out. Esky or Boswell would rat him out in a heart beat though.
Posted by: DB | November 28, 2006 3:03 PM
You might want to try the unemployment line.
Posted by: ahole | November 28, 2006 3:06 PM
I was going to say something, but I guess by picking that particular handle, "ahole" gave us fair warning.
Anyway, this is probably the best radio contest I've ever heard of. I have a feeling Nicky is doomed, but good luck to him anyway!
Posted by: Emily | November 28, 2006 4:03 PM
Real cute "ahole". I'd still put Rimando among the top 10 keepers in MLS, it was just unfortunate for him that Perkins exploded onto the scene.
Pretty sure Esky is back in Jersey, and I think Boz is heading to the Pacific Coast to do some volunteer work. So you might need to enlist someone else to help out.
Posted by: AlecW81 | November 28, 2006 4:04 PM
I'm pretty sure I saw him in a Subaru near the canal, but that was over a year ago.
Does he get his own water gun to shoot back? I feel like it's only fair. If he gets you before you get him, you should be disqualified.
I've got to say, I'm pulling for Col. Bigdix. Juvenile humor will always win out over inside jokes.
Posted by: Chest Rockwell | November 28, 2006 4:06 PM
Dan did you want to work for the Pinkerton Detective Agency (or the National Enquirer) as a lad? You certainly like tracking people down. I just hope Nick doesn't injure himself trying to get away!
K
Posted by: SEKim | November 28, 2006 4:28 PM
Uh-oh, looks like I may need to fly out to DC to serve as personal protection for Nicky....I'll take a bullet...err, stream of water...if required...
Posted by: Steven(Rimando's Army) | November 28, 2006 4:44 PM
Interesting concept going to a sports writer for help. Fortunatly for me I habe an insider already helping. See you all at the finish line.
Posted by: 2/3rds | November 28, 2006 5:05 PM
I won't give his exact address, but I can tell you he lives in Annandale. For any history buffs, he lives on a street named after a Civil War general.
Posted by: Boss T | November 28, 2006 6:52 PM
Iceburg, 2/3s, or Sway will eliminate the final target. Iceburg eliminated me throught brilliant strategy and deception, and I am rooting for him. 2/3s is a bar owner with unlimited resources. Sway is lucky, lucky, lucky.
www.BANGBONUS.com
Posted by: BangBonusDotCom | November 29, 2006 12:28 AM
Nicky fears no sportswriter's team, because he is too concerned with the CAVALRY that 2/3rds has employed.
Posted by: G. FFX | November 29, 2006 4:45 AM
he drives a black 4 door Audi, and has tried to run me off the road before.
Posted by: RMcIntosh | November 29, 2006 8:32 AM
Hmmm....Rimando/Dogs/Anandale
Try 6621 Columbia Pike.
It's Annandales dog park.
Posted by: Pints | November 29, 2006 3:20 PM
Sway hasn't been lucky, just determined! He's the best competitor by far.
Posted by: SwayFan | November 30, 2006 6:19 PM
The comments to this entry are closed.
Lock his dog in his car and wait until he comes and punches out the back window. I think that was 2003 when that happened. This guy and dogs are a disaster.