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Join the Gilbert Arenas Club, Lose Your Wallet

I keep talking about how the Wiz are accumulating The Fans They Deserve. Well, it would appear they would also be accumulating The Fan Clubs They Deserve, if they were Internet hucksters instead of basketball players.


The club's official logo.

See, the Gilbert Arenas Club's stated goal is to meet Gilbert Arenas. Some people might just go to one of his many autograph signings to accomplish this goal, but GAC started a club. You can join, for free, but if you did that you'd be an idiot. Because, idiot, you can pay a $5 lifetime fee to become an All Star Member, which means if GAC ever meets Gilbert, you'll get to meet Gilbert too (blackout dates may apply, speak to a membership representative for more details, all rights reserved). If you're really smart, you'll pay the $10 lifetime fee to become an MVP member. GAC is supposedly attempting to get some Gilbert autographs, and has no idea if this will ever happen, but if it does, the MVP members will be first in line. Personally, I'd prefer to put down $15 for a yet-to-be-offered Grand Champion membership, under which I would get to move into Gilbert's spare bedroom, just in case GAC ever got that deal worked out, or even the $25 Agent Daddy membership, under which I would be first in line to adopt Gilbert's children, just in case he decides to offer the kiddies up to his fan club.

Seriously, if Enron had ever decided to start an NBA fan club site, this is something like what their pitch might have sounded like:

Where does the money go, you might ask? Well, we will use any money made from this site towards reaching our goal. Money will go towards getting the GilbertArenasClub.com site to the point it needs to be. Money will go towards advertising and bringing in MORE Gilbert Arenas fans. If necessary, money will go towards getting the man to meet his CLUB MEMBERS!

You might also be thinking, "Why don't I just wait until these guys get closer to getting Gilbert to visit, and THEN upgrade." Well the answer to that is: 1) We will most likely increase the price to become a member if we are getting real close to bringing them in for a visit! Right now it's just $5, that is all you pay! In 2 years, it could be $50. Who knows. 2) If he agrees to meet our Club but say, "I'll only meet with a group of 200." Well, it's first come first serve. If you were one of the first 200 to upgrade, you'll be in. So as you see, if you are interested in this idea and want to be a part of it, now is probably the time to upgrade!

So, after all of that. You are absolutely welcome to enjoy this site as a regular Club member. But if you feel it's worth the $5 or $10 investment towards the POSSIBILITY that you MIGHT meet Gilbert Arenas someday, than join the All-Star or MVP members and help us Make This Happen!

And I was all ready to join, but the thing is, I've already put down the $10 for my lifetime MVP membership in the Soriano Club, so I'm running a little light just now. What, you've never heard of the Soriano Club's lifetime MVP membership? Idiot. Check this out:

You might also be thinking, "Why don't I just wait until these guys get closer to getting Soriano to visit, and THEN upgrade." Well the answer to that is: 1) We will most likely increase the price to become a member if we are getting real close to bringing Alfonso Soriano in for a visit! Right now it's just $5, that is all you pay! In 2 years, it could be $50. Who knows. 2) If Soriano agrees to meet our Club but says, "I'll only meet with a group of 200." Well, it's first come first serve. If you were one of the first 200 to upgrade, you'll be in. So as you see, if you are interested in this idea and want to be a part of it, now is probably the time to upgrade!

Anyhow, as long as you're not an idiot, you've probably already signed up for MVP membership of both clubs. Me, I've got to go work out the final details of this Sports Bog Club I've been putting together.

By Dan Steinberg  |  February 26, 2007; 11:41 AM ET
Categories:  Wizards  
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