Maryand vs. Virginia: The Wizards Respond
Washington Wizards point guard Gilbert Arenas seems to be getting a certain amount of attention lately for being somewhat of an entertaining fellow. As Gilbert "wrote" on his "blog" today, "We have a funny locker room." I'd submit that this is a true statement, and that, publicity levels notwithstanding, the funny extends beyond the southwest corner of the locker room, where Mr. Arenas resides. Is there lunacy elsewhere in the room? Perhaps not. But funny, yes.
For evidence, I'll turn to the following verbatim conversation, which took place before Wednesday night's game with the Spurs. That makes this dialogue nearly 48 hours old, but I don't care, because no one else has blogged it yet.
The conversation started when someone made the following observation regarding Maryland's Tuesday night loss to Virginia: "Maryland isn't very good." The cavalierly defensive Roger Mason Jr. wondered why the response to the result wasn't rather "Virginia's quite good."
"Get ranked, Mason," Brendan Haywood said.
"Why can't it be "How 'bout those 'Hoos?" Why's it have to be "Maryland isn't very good'?" Mason asked again.
Someone made a very slightly disparaging remark about Virginia, but refused to allow his name to be used.
"The hate," Mason said.
"Stand behind it," Haywood argued to the anonymous person. "It's not like all the other Cavs in the NBA will be mad at you," he added, laughing.
"Get off your Tar Heel high horse, Haywood," Mason said.
"I can't," Haywood apologized. "How many guys you have in the league?"
Mason: Who cares?
Haywood: How many guys you have in the league?
Mason: Who cares? Michael Jordan started that, not you.
Haywood: Hey, I don't care, I'm just reaping the benefits. I'm Nick Bakay, and I'm just livin' the dream.
Mason: All I know is your time at North Carolina and my time at Virginia, I've got more wins than you. Head-to-head, Haywood, head-to-head, Haywood.
Haywood: You don't even know what the NCAA tournament is. You just play the pools.
Mason: Nah, I averaged 30 in the NCAA tournament.
Haywood: You played one game.
Mason: But I still averaged 30 in the NCAA tournament.
Haywood: In four years. You got one NCAA tournament game.
Mason: Three years.
Haywood: My bad. Not that that's any better. Care for a bite?
With this, Haywood held out his energy bar to Mason, earning more laughter from the assembled crowd. And now, suddenly, Cal Booth--universally acknowledged as the voice of wisdom and justice in the locker room--thrust himself into the conversation.
Booth: I'll agree with what they said earlier, though: if you play one game, you can't say averaged....
Mason [sputtering]: Well what, when they ask what your average is, what are you supposed to say?
Booth: An average is more than one game.
Haywood: Yup.
Mason: But no, no it's not.
Booth: An average implies that you're adding up and dividing.
Mason: I'm not saying what it implies.
Booth: Twenty over one does not equal an average.
Mason: Hey, I averaged 30 in the tournament.
Booth: I played one NCAA tournament game, I had 20. I did not average 20 in the NCAA tournament. I played one game and had 20.
Mason: What does it average out to be?
"Twenty," someone offered.
"All right," Mason said, ending the conversation.
By Dan Steinberg |
February 9, 2007; 3:59 PM ET
| Category:
College Basketball
,
Wizards
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Posted by: Unsilent Majority | February 9, 2007 4:08 PM
Steinz, Please tell me a book is in the works in the near future of the 06-07 Wizards.
Posted by: r.g. | February 9, 2007 4:22 PM
i'm actually tearing up right now from reading that...
hahahaha!
good stuff!
Posted by: hmmmmm | February 9, 2007 4:42 PM
Cal's right. The "average" of 20 divided by 1 is 20. But "you can't say 'averaged.'" You can't. You'd be right, but you'd still be lying. Welcome to Washington.
Posted by: Nancy | February 9, 2007 4:45 PM
"It wasn't for the money. I'm not going to make him pay. Why am I going to make him pay for me cheating."
Very good, Gil.
Posted by: Nancy | February 9, 2007 4:48 PM
It's true. How awesome would it be to have a "Paper Lions"-type deal. The Wiz could even sign one of the bloggers (Stein???) to a 10-day contract and put him out on the court during the tail end of a blow-out win. That is, if the Wiz ever actually got a blow-out win...
(Seriously, what would be the harm? What, you would have to de-activate James Lang? Oh Noes!)
Posted by: Dan Y. | February 9, 2007 4:53 PM
It just blows my mind someone namedropped Nick Bakay.
Posted by: tanforanalbino | February 10, 2007 4:22 PM
"Haywood: Hey, I don't care, I'm just reaping the benefits. I'm Nick Bakay, and I'm just livin' the dream."
Nick Bakay, huh? I eagerly await Brendan Haywood's production work on "The King Of Queens," or his voicing Salem the cat on "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch."
Posted by: Vincent | February 11, 2007 12:55 AM
The comments to this entry are closed.
Mason should tell Baby Huey to [be quiet].