Top Five Breakfast Cereals
About two months ago I mentioned that Bobby Boswell has done some Top Five Breakfast Cereal research. At the time, he wasn't ready to talk about his list. I asked again today, and he was still reserved.
From Bobby Boswell's Top Five. Tell me you don't crave some Smacks, a little.
"I just don't know if I'm ready to disclose that," he said.
But, as he and goalie Troy Perkins lifted weights after training today, the details leaked out. The Top Five might fluctuate here and there, and they're in no particular order, but here they are:
* Cinnamon Toast Crunch
* Trix
* Honey Nut Cheerios
* Honey Smacks
* Honey-Comb
That's a lot of honey, I observed. "I don't even like honey," he said, which, you have to admit, is odd for someone whose Top Five list includes 60 percent honey-based breakfast cereals. [This list doesn't count Rice Krispies, which he eats every day, and thus is not eligible for Top Five status.]
Unlike most of my nonsense, however, this is no mere trifle. See, when Boswell lived with his parents, he would go to the grocery store and buy literally 10 boxes of cereal at a time. (He really likes cereal.) Then he moved out, and discovered that cereal was expensive. Thus, he had to be a bit picky to avoid bankrupting himself on cereal, and he came up with his Top Five, and when he went to the grocery store he would limit himself to the names on that list.
He also discovered that cereal was one of those common-bond type things, a topic that can bridge demographic divides, like parenthood and taxes and disliking the Yankees. (My words, not his.)
"As a kid, you eat cereal," he said. "It's one of those things that everyone's done. Everyone can relate to it."
So now, he has this theory that a Top Five cereal list means something, that "you can tell a lot about people from their Top Five. Like my Top Five, you can tell I'm childish," he said.
Then Troy Perkins gave us his Top Five. This is in order.
1. Strawberry Delight Frosted Mini-Wheats
2. Special K with Red Berries
3. Maple & Brown Sugar Frosted Mini-Wheats
4. Fruity Pebbles
5. Honey-Comb
"He eats healthy, and he's an oddball," deduced Cereal Whisperer Boswell. "Because he gets these flavors that no one's ever heard of. He probably saves money, though. Because he gets those flavors that no one's ever heard of, he probably gets four boxes for five dollars, and then he learns to like them."
Perkins admitted that much of this was accurate. Here's my Top Five.
1. Special K
2. Corn Flakes
3. Crispix
4. Honey Nut Cheerios
5. Raisin Bran
"Very plain, very simple, petty boring," deduced the Cereal Whisperer. "That's boring. But it's healthy, so it means you care about your health. They're cheap, too. Those are pretty bland. I would expect more out of you."
Sorry. Honestly, block shtick aside, this is probably a fairly accurate personality assessment: kinda cheap, kinda health-conscious, sorta boring. The cereal test works. List your Top Five cereals below. Maybe I'll get the Cereal Whisperer to tell me what your lists mean. Oh, by the way, if he remembers correctly, Alecko Eskandarian, who has reportedly been traded to Salt Lake, prefers Fruity Pebbles.
By Dan Steinberg |
May 22, 2007; 2:40 PM ET
| Category:
D.C. United
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Posted by: Robert Lintott | May 22, 2007 2:48 PM
Steinz, you gotta check in with Esky...looks like he's been traded to Salt Lake...sucks for him - those of us who made the trip had a fantastic time in Toronto this past weekend (your absence was lamented), and Esky really seemed to have taken to the city (I'm willing to forgive him for scoring against United, esp. since DC won anyway).
Posted by: EdTheRed | May 22, 2007 2:51 PM
Why would you eat something every day that's not in your top 5? Saving them for special occasions? Or are the top 5 too expensive for an every day meal? I don't understand.....
Posted by: Lynn | May 22, 2007 3:01 PM
Top 5 many years ago:
1. Cap'n Crunch with Crunchberries
2. Cocoa Krispies
3. Rice Krinkles
4. Trix
5. Quisp
Top 5 now:
1. Grape Nuts
2. Frosted Mini-Wheats
3. Raisin Bran
4. Special K
5. Total
Posted by: Cosmo | May 22, 2007 3:03 PM
Quaker Oatmeal Squares
Oatmeal Crisp
Puffins (a Whole Foods brand
Honey Bunches of Oat
Lucky Charms
(I don't need a cereal whisperer to tell me I love the "oats").
Posted by: CeeCee | May 22, 2007 3:03 PM
Quaker Oatmeal Squares
Oatmeal Crisp
Puffins (a Whole Foods brand)
Honey Bunches of Oat
Lucky Charms
(I don't need a cereal whisperer to tell me I love the "oats").
Posted by: CeeCee | May 22, 2007 3:04 PM
No particular order:
Honey Nut Cheerios
Corn Flakes
Frosted Flakes
Honeycomb
Raisin Bran
Posted by: Kim | May 22, 2007 3:06 PM
In no particular order...
Crispix
Lucky Charms
CornPops (i think thats the name)
HoneyNut Cheerios
Cinnamon Toast Crunch
and you're right...i do crave some smacks....a little
Posted by: HFIC | May 22, 2007 3:15 PM
Are Fruity Pebbles legal in Utah?
Posted by: Kim | May 22, 2007 3:33 PM
Berry Berry Kix
Fruity Pebbles
Puffins
Honey Bunches of Oats
Donkey Kong, Jr. (they obviously don't make this anymore, but it was the greatest cereal ever so I had to include it.
Posted by: Mike in SD | May 22, 2007 3:33 PM
@Kim: Only the 3.2% ones...
Posted by: EdTheRed | May 22, 2007 3:35 PM
I assume we're talking about straight out of the box -- no add-ons to make the healthy stuff palatable.
Mother's Peanut Butter Bumpers (kicks P.B. Cap'n Crunch in the anchor)
Fruit Loops
HoneyNut Cheerios
Maple Smart Start
Oatmeal Crisp -- any flavor
Posted by: minniwanca | May 22, 2007 3:36 PM
1. Captain Crunch with crunchberries (but they tear up the roof of your mouth)
2. Lucky Charms
3. Golden Grahams
4. Special K almond crunch
5. Apple Jacks
Posted by: b | May 22, 2007 3:38 PM
Nice Ed :)
Posted by: Kim | May 22, 2007 3:41 PM
RE: Cap'n Crunch tearing up the roof of your mouth...from Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon (http://newark.pardey.org/book/cryptonomicon/slide58.html)
"Meanwhile all his concentration is fixed on the interior of his mouth, which naturally he cannot see, but which he can imagine in three dimensions as if zooming through it in a virtual reality display. Here is where a novice would lose his cool and simply chomp down. A few of the nuggets would explode between his molars, but then his jaw would snap shut and drive all of the unshattered nuggets straight up into his palate where their armor of razor-sharp dextrose crystals would inflict massive collateral damage, turning the rest of the meal into a sort of pain-hazed death march and rendering him Novocain mute for three days. But Randy has, over time, worked out a really fiendish Cap'n Crunch eating strategy that revolves around playing the nuggets' most deadly features against each other. The nuggets themselves are pillow-shaped and vaguely striated to echo piratical treasure chests. Now, with a flake-type of cereal, Randy's strategy would never work. But then, Cap'n Crunch in a flake form would be suicidal madness; it would last about as long, when immersed in milk, as snowflakes sifting down into a deep fryer. No, the cereal engineers at General Mills had to find a shape that would minimize surface area, and, as some sort of compromise between the sphere that is dictated by Euclidean geometry and whatever sunken-treasure-related shapes that the cereal-aestheticians were probably clamoring for, they came up with this hard-to-pin-down striated pillow formation. The important thing, for Randy's purposes, is that the individual pieces of Cap'n Crunch are, to a very rough approximation, shaped kind of like molars. The strategy, then, is to make the Cap'n Crunch chew itself by grinding the nuggets together in the center of the oral cavity, like stones in a lapidary tumbler. Like advanced ballroom dancing, verbal explanations (or for that matter watching videotapes) only goes so far and then your body just has to learn the moves."
Posted by: EdTheRed | May 22, 2007 3:49 PM
My Top Five, though the order could change on a box by box basis..
1. Kellogg's Frosted Flakes
2. Cap'n Crunch Berries
3. Apple Jacks
4. Raisan Bran (2 scoops!)
5. Fruity Pebbles
Froot Loops receives an Honorable Mention
Posted by: Chris in SS | May 22, 2007 3:55 PM
1. Honey Nut Cheerios
2. Smart Start
3. Cinnimon Toast Crunch
4. Apple Cinnimon Cheerios
5. Kix
Posted by: MDG | May 22, 2007 4:39 PM
Oh's
Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Honey Comb
Fruity Pebbles
Golden Grahams
Posted by: smperk | May 22, 2007 4:47 PM
Golden Crisp blows Honey Smacks out of the water!
Top 5
Frosted Mini Wheats
Raisin Bran
Capn Crunch Crunch Berries
Apple Jacks
Golden Crisp
Posted by: Eric(Baltimore) | May 22, 2007 5:19 PM
Man, Boswell's right, this is a serious matter.
Frosted Flakes
Honey Nut Cheerios
Honey Bunches of Oats
Lucky Charms
Crispix
Posted by: Andrew | May 22, 2007 5:21 PM
No order...
Cap'n Crunch with crunchberries
Honey Nut Cheerios
Lucky Charms
POPS!
Frosted Flakes
Posted by: KateW | May 22, 2007 7:11 PM
Life (original version)
Rice Chex
Strawberry Yogurt Cheerios
Cocoa Krispies
Corn Chex
*if Post was still making Fortified Oat Flakes, it would be on this list.
Posted by: Vincent | May 22, 2007 8:50 PM
EdTheRed-Great Cryptonomicon callback!
My top five, unordered.
Whatever is on sale and I have a coupon for.
Whatever is on sale.
Whatever I have a coupon for.
No shredded wheat.
No corn puffs.
Thx,
Jay!
Posted by: JayRockers! | May 22, 2007 8:57 PM
You're all wrong.
Posted by: sitruc | May 22, 2007 9:04 PM
Golden Grahams
Kix
Honey Nut Cheerios
Apple Cinnamon Cheerios
Honeycomb
in no real order
Posted by: Anonymous | May 22, 2007 9:46 PM
You all realize that Kix cereal is the last remaining vestige of the old NASL, right?
General Mills, makes Kix (always has), owned the Minnesota Kixx.
Posted by: Kim | May 22, 2007 11:12 PM
I hate cereal.
Gives me gas.
Posted by: viv | May 23, 2007 9:21 AM
King Vitamin!
Cap'n Crunch
Honey Nut Cheerios
Count Chocula
Honey Bunches of Oats
Posted by: Papitas | May 23, 2007 9:59 AM
Froot Loops
Lucky Charms
Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Cinnamon Life
Corn Pops
Posted by: Riz | May 23, 2007 10:00 AM
Smart Start (don't knock it till you try it)
Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Grape Nuts (with bananas chopped up)
Raisin Bran
Corn Pops (Critical as a GW alum)
Posted by: Tennessee Curler | May 23, 2007 10:07 AM
Aww hell's yes, Riz knows what's up with the Cinnamon Life! For some reason though, Life cereals always seem more expensive than other brands. (I used to sprinkle on extra cinnamon when I was a kid)
My top 10.
Cinnamon Life
Golden Grahams
Honey Comb (favorite dry eating cereal - my best friend and I used to hang out at his house after school and chow down on an entire box of this while playing Nintendo and watching MASK/Transformers, his parents always stocked Honey Comb)
Corn Pops
Frosted Flakes
Frosted Mini-Wheats
Fruit Loops
Lucky Charms
Crunch Berries (a.k.a. mouth shredders)
Cinnamon Toast Crunch (even if if leaves a weird film on the roof of your mouth)
Posted by: SteveWWJ | May 23, 2007 11:17 AM
As an aside, I constantly make fun of my other best friend, who's parents are big health nuts and forced him to eat that Kashi Crap, that they sell at Trader Joe's, when he was a kid.
He's a big guy, 6'0"/225lbs, and he and his two brothers have always been subjected to this sort of health-nutiness on the part of his parents. As a way to rebel, he and I go to Bennigans and order possibly the most unhealthy sandwich ever made, "THE MONTE CRISTO". Deep-fried heaven dipped in raspberry preserve joy.
Posted by: SteveWWJ | May 23, 2007 11:26 AM
Cheerios
100% Natural (that granola stuff)
Cocoa Krispies
Colon Blow
Quarry
Posted by: SSFSCoWA | May 23, 2007 11:40 AM
Cocoa Puffs
Honey Chex
Oh's
Trix
Golden Grahams
Posted by: Katie | May 23, 2007 12:16 PM
Giggling at work because of Cosmo's list. His top 5 long ago vs. the "I need to poop" Top 5 of today.
My Top 5
Cinnamon Life
Apples & Cinnamon Quaker Oatmeal
Bite Size Frosted Mini Wheats
Cranberry Vanilla Crunch
Chex
Posted by: Bryan76 | May 23, 2007 12:44 PM
Kix
Grape Nuts
Lucky Charms
Honey Nut Cheerios
Golden Grahams
Posted by: TCompton | May 23, 2007 12:57 PM
1. Reeses Peanut Butter Puffs
2. Kix
3. Frosted Flakes
4. Honey Bunches of Oats
5. Wheaties Honey Gold (No longer made, sadly)
Posted by: MJ | May 23, 2007 1:39 PM
Posted by: SSFSCoWA
"Quarry"
Mmmmm, crunchy!
Thx,
Jay!
Posted by: JayRockers! | May 25, 2007 11:27 PM
I hope you're having fun with all of these!
Cocoa Puffs - definite favorite!
Honey-Nut Cherrios - wing man
Lucky Charms - a little childish, but always pulls through
Golden Grahams - sturdy back-up
Cinnamin Toast Crunch - ol' reliable, always stocked in my parents house since it's my dad's favorite!
Posted by: Jenny | June 13, 2007 5:38 PM
1. Cinnamon Toast Crunch
2. Rice Krispies
3. Chex rice
4. Honey-Nut Cheerios
5. Corn Pops
Posted by: Douglas | June 13, 2007 10:26 PM
Oreos
Frosted Mini-Wheats
Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Banana Nut Crunch
Kix
Posted by: evan | June 14, 2007 10:37 AM
My Top Five:
Ben Olsen's Beard Clippings
Honey-Nut Cheerios
Frosted Flakes
Honey Bunches of Oats
The Blood of the Poor
IN THAT ORDER.
Posted by: Bones | June 14, 2007 1:08 PM
The comments to this entry are closed.
In no particular order:
Honey Bunches of Oats
Lucky Charms
Plain Cap'n Crunch
Peanut butter Cap'n Crunch
Maple and Brown Sugar Frosted Mini Wheats