"Just Run Like An Idiot": On D.C. United and Goals
Eight reporters gathered around Ben Olsen in a mini-news conference today, asking about last Sunday's three-goal explosion. "The stars aligned," was his humble explanation. A colleague asked about the post-game response from friends around the league.
"I got more calls and e-mails than I did for my wedding," Olsen said. "People were blown [away]. I understood why."
A for execution, C- for originality. (Haraz N. Ghanbari - AP)
Because in truth, Olsen's offensive output lately hasn't exactly rivaled Don Imus's; eight goals over three-plus seasons before Sunday's detonation. And while the finishing was clinical, the post-finishing left a bit to be desired; his goal celebrations (see below) consisted of earnest fist pumps, raised-arm entreaties for more noise from the crowd, and even the old hands-behind-the-ears gimmick, surely nothing befitting a stylish scoring onslaught.
"To be honest, Benny needs to work on his celebrations," English teammate Kasali Yinka Casal said. "They're terrible. He doesn't do anything. He just walks off, or he just stands there."
"They were pretty terrible," defender Bobby Boswell agreed. "He's kind of the professional, seasoned veteran, doesn't show a lot of emotion, just acts like he's done that a million times. For me, I needed a lot more."
"It was too simple," Guy-Roland Kpene summarized. ""It wasn't good enough."
There were no shortage of suggestions. Kpene said he was known for "some crazy stuff" during a prolific career at Dowling College. Before he learned that American refs would give him a yellow card for excessive celebrating, he once made like a dog that had too much to drink, if you get my drift. He said he's been working on a move called "The Chicken Wings," and that fans would not be disappointed with his celebrations. "You'll see, man," he promised, "you'll see."
Casal is partial to those who flip; he particularly likes the celebrations of Ireland's Robbie Keane, who used to famously tumble and then unleash fake firearms, and Obafemi Martins, a flipping Nigerian who plays for Newcastle. I asked whether Benny should try the flips; "No way," Casal said. "He's getting on a bit. How old is he, 30? I love Benny, but maybe not now."
Boswell isn't into the flips--"soccer players aren't gymnasts, personal opinion," he said--but he had his own ideas for Olsen.
"I think Benny should embrace the monkey," said Boswell, who collects unflattering action photos of the midfielder that have occasionally run in local periodicals. "His arms are so long, they dangle," Boswell explained, "so I told him to embrace the monkey and just start swinging from the rafters or something....Or maybe climb the fence or something. Or just do the whole hand-under-your-arm, scratch-your-head, beat-your-chest, let-your-knuckles-hit-the-ground thing. That's what I would do if I were him."
Newcomer Nicholas Addlery took pains not to criticize the veteran Olsen, but he's crafted a plan for celebrating his first MLS goal: take off his shirt and shorts and head into the stands. "I don't know if you can do that in the MLS," he allowed. "You'd definitely be hit with a suspension, wouldn't you?"
I didn't run these ideas by Olsen, but I did ask him about his post-goal style. He said he's never been one to plan out scoring celebrations in advance. He said his displays were once more elaborate, in his college days, but that even then, none were particularly worth mentioning. Ever the company man, he said his favorite MLS celebration was a D.C. United classic in which players would march in a circle together while wagging their hands; "If I ever score again, I'm going to try to bring that one back," he said. And he said that he's "a bit of a stoic," but that any planned outburst wouldn't work regardless.
"It's such a euphoric moment to score a goal, that my emotions would take over my brain, and you just run like an idiot," he said. "Just kind of do what you do."
(Please feel free to contribute other favorite MLS goal celebrations. Several players mentioned Alecko Eskandarian's Red Bull drinking stunt; that will "go down in MLS history as probably one of the best celebrations," Boswell said. Boswell also was partial to an Esky celebration in Columbus, where he yelled out "Schweinsteiger!!!" in honor of the German midfielder. Someone else mentioned Clint Dempsey's RFK batting stance, and of course, Robbie Fowler's pretend cocaine snort.)
By Dan Steinberg |
June 13, 2007; 4:59 PM ET
| Category:
D.C. United
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Posted by: G-Unit | June 13, 2007 5:13 PM
I really, really, really miss the old DCU spinning circle celebration and have been wanting them to bring that back for a couple years now.
Posted by: Goose | June 13, 2007 5:22 PM
I'm very excited that Esky was yelling Schweinsteiger. Spanish-language announcers during the World Cup last year really seemed to emphasize his name. It became a running joke at my house. It also meant that every single person in my Champions League fantasy game had Schweinsteiger on their team.
A couple MLS classics:
- Jorge Dely Valdes, back when he was with Colorado in '99 and '00, used to pretend to make a cell phone call after most of his goals.
- Clint Dempsey's "stop, drop, and roll" celebration after scoring against the Chicago Fire
I would love it if Benny brought back the old DCU celebration.
Posted by: Chest Rockwell | June 13, 2007 5:45 PM
Hellllloooo. Digital Takawira, of KC, and the Digital Crawl?
Posted by: Kim | June 13, 2007 7:09 PM
My two married friends named their cat after Schweinsteiger. I really hate them.
Posted by: Dave | June 13, 2007 7:27 PM
Personally I'm a fan of the low-key approach, though I did like the spinning circle. For me, John Riggin's "I've been here before and I'll be here again" for the pre-Snyder Redskins was the best pro-sport scorer's reaction. No hype, no showboating. It just said, "This is my job. I do it well. Try and stop me,"
Posted by: Stevan | June 14, 2007 8:28 AM
I hate to say this, but I have to give props to Clint "Deuce" Dempsey, who scored in the north goal at RFK and then stood at home plate and mimicked hitting a home run.
However, Benny actually did have my all-time favorite MLS goal celebration: back before they yellow carded players for taking off their shirts, Benny scored at RFK, whipped off his shirt and kind of waved it around. Nothing special...except for the clearly visible (esp. on tv) set of two-handed scratch marks on his back. Way to flaunt it, Benny Boy, way to flaunt it... ;-)
Posted by: EdTheRed | June 14, 2007 10:40 AM
Chest nailed it;
Dempsey's Stop, Drop, and Roll against the Fire, which was like a week after the 'home run' at RFK (which for some reason I didn't enjoy)
Posted by: Matt | June 14, 2007 11:15 AM
As much as I despise Dempsey sometimes, his topical celebrations were awesome. That goal against DC gutted me, but the celebration made me laugh.
Posted by: brian | June 14, 2007 12:35 PM
I'm with Goose, bring back the spinning circle celebration.
Spin, spin...spin the black circle
Spin, spin...spin the black, spin the black...
Spin, spin...spin the black circle
/Eddie Vedder
Posted by: onside kick | June 14, 2007 12:37 PM
What else would Olsen do? He bleeds black and red and he has a love affair with the fans.
His celebrations were perfect: hug his teammates, encourage the crowd, and laugh about the absurdity of an Olsen hat-trick with Jaime.
It was classic Benny.
Posted by: Anonymous | June 14, 2007 4:05 PM
I'm partial to Peter Crouch's "Robot" dance personally, though I will admit Dempsey's celebrations are usually pretty good.
Posted by: Rick in Ashburn | June 15, 2007 9:18 PM
The comments to this entry are closed.
Much better ... I was worried that here it was after five on Wednesday and still nothing.
I think Goff has a link to a bunch of great celebrations that includes all the ones mentioned.
Favorite celebration I've seen is Cantona karate kicking the fan ... oh wait, that's not a celebration. Umm, in that case, the Italian referee who jumped up, scored a diving header, then blew the final whistle on the kick-off and walked right out of the stadium, never to ref again.