Buy Your Ironic Jerseys
It is the height of hipster irony to wear an athletic uniform featuring a player who was a total disaster. Redskins-loving hipsters, for example, could do no greater deed than to proudly wear an Adam Archuleta uniform to some indie rock show. T.J. Duckett and John Hall would also qualify. Bonus points for Ife Ohalete in a number 26, before Portis stole it.
Luckily, the mobile team store out beyond the gates at Redskins Park makes this task exceedingly easy, by selling all manner of irony-approved authentic gameworns. Many are retailing for the non-ironic price of $263, which just seems wrong. Irony should never cost more than a third of a month's rent. You can look that up.
Anyhow, your hipster-approved roster of three-digit cast-off jerseys includes:
Patrick Ramsey (a major score, even at $263), Gibran Hamdan, Chad Morton, Bruce Branch, Rashad Bauman, Walt Harris, Champ Bailey, Robert Royal, Ryan Clark, Sage Rosenfels, Clifton Smith, David Terrell, Dan Wilkinson, Brian Kozlowski, Rod Gardner, Taylor Jacobs, Chris Clemons, Bernard Holsey, Derrick Dockery, Pita Elisara, Brandon Noble, Brenden Stai, Ross Tucker (in the old school No. 68), Darnerien McCants, Jessie Armstead, Alex Molden, Benard Jackson and Justin Skaggs.
If the Snyderites ever--I mean, ever--sell a Pita Elisara jersey for $263 to anyone other than Pita Elisara's mother, well, I'd like to meet the buyer. I've got a lovely Dodge Minivan to sell to him.
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