Terps Gag, Hokies Puke: The Story
The mop lady, getting instructions, as students chanted "MVP." (By Preston Keres - TWP)
[Warning: this is gross. Really gross. Video available at The Sporting Blog.]
I went to Maryland-Virginia Tech tonight not knowing what to write about, just hoping something interesting will happen. "Don't worry," the boss said. "Something interesting will happen."
With 59.1 seconds left in the first half, something interesting happened. As Maryland's Jason McAlpin was shooting a free throw, Virginia Tech freshman guard Dorenzo Hudson vomited on the court. Chaos, of course, ensued.
A towel was placed over Hudson's head, and he was led off the court. At least a half dozen other towels were thrown onto the court, pressed into an emergency mission that would require every fiber of their being. The media, seated at the other end of the floor, began debating what had happened. A very bloody nose? A loss of bladder control?
"THAT'S DIS-GUS-TING," the student section began chanting.
I left the media area and ran over to the clean-up area, where Terps fans seated in the front row told me what had happened. Vomit. And lots of it. The media quickly ran through the list of eligible puns. Would the Terps regurgitate their lead? If so, would Gary Williams be filled with bile? Would Greivis Vasquez continue throwing up ill-advised shots? Which team would fight its guts out? Meanwhile, the e-mails were already rolling in.
"What a magnificent spray pattern is all I'll say," read one.
It quickly became clear that this particular clean-up would require more than mere towels, and so a woman marched onto the court carrying a mop, the first sign that arena officials were getting serious.
This is where the dirty towels went. (By Preston Keres - TWP)
"M-V-P, M-V-P," the students chanted at her. The "Fear the Fro" kids, in a nifty bit of improv, turned one of their signs into "Fear the Mop." The sign made the jumbotron, to loud cheers. One mop became two, and then three. Spray devices were deployed. At least five or six employees and half the towels in metro Washington got into the clean-up, along with at least one game official. The smell wafted into the stands.
"I got a whiff of it," confirmed Maryland fan Russ Dlin, seated in the front row. "It smelled like puke, is what it smelled like."
Others were more descriptive, and again, feel free to look away.
"I thought he got hit by a drink," said Gary Harraka, also from the front row. "It just went squirting out. It was pretty disgusting."
"He was going into his shirt, but it was still flying up," said senior Greg Weller.
"He was holding his mouth and it sprayed up in the air," said senior Dan O'Keefe.
"It sprayed at least two feet in the air," agreed senior Clark Johnson.
"That was mostly liquid, though," Weller chimed in. "First he blew out mostly chunks right there, then when he started covering up it started deflecting off his shirt."
Seriously, this photo makes me smile.
"I almost puked myself," added senior Sean McConaghy. "It was disgusting."
"That delay cost us time at the bar later," he added, after thinking things over.
The clean-up seemed to go on forever, one absorption tactic followed by another cleansing effort, minute after minute ticking by, as the coaches wondered what happening and the floor was wiped cleaner than the men's room at a Hannah Montana show. At last the teams played the final 59 seconds of the half, and then the crew did even more cleaning up during halftime, dealing with what was described to me as a mixture of macaroni and Gatorade. This went on even as the Maryland Gymkana halftime show trotted out, some students dressed like turtles while others leapt through rings of fire.
And then came the postgame. I walked past Virginia Tech's locker room and easily heard the laughter and loud chants, "My name is Willie Beamen!!!!" referring to the Any Given Sunday quarterback prone to vomiting. So did we ask players about the incident? Are we not bloggers? Have we not waited our whole lives for this chance?
"I was on the bench but I seen him lean back and I was like, 'Aww, mannnn,' " Deron Washington said. "It was more funny than gross. We was laughing. I couldn't focus for a few minutes 'cause he did that....That's a first time for me. It was pretty hilarious....I started laughing, then I started getting a little queasy, but we just started clowning him after that."
And the clean-up continues.
"That's got to make ESPN or something," guard Hank Thorns told my colleague, Adam Kilgore. "We're making fun of him right now, as we speak. We called him Willie Beamen That was probably the funniest thing. He puked because he was playing hard. We give him a lot of props for that. He was a man about it....My mouth just dropped. I've never seen nothing like that in my life."
How about you, Coach Greenberg?
"Thirty-one years, I've never seen someone blow their freaking lunch," Greenberg said. "That's the first thing I said. I turned to him and I said, 'I've never seen somebody lose their lunch.' "
Hudson was one of the last Hokies out of the locker room, wearing headphones and a smile.
"I don't know, just an upset stomach," he said as he walked toward the team bus, claiming he wasn't at all embarrassed. "It happens."
It should be pointed out that, in addition to being incredibly brave and gracious to talk about his incident--and with that smile, no less-- Hudson also re-entered the game in the second half. He wore a different uniform, with a different number and without his name on the back. And the guy promptly nailed a three-pointer, a shot which played a not-insignificant role in the Hokies' four-point win, which has a very real chance of completely changing the postseason hopes of both teams on that court.
Anyhow, I asked Hudson whether he felt better after halftime.
"Not really," he said, "but I knew I had to go back out there."
"I feel like I'm about to throw up right now, as we talk," he added," which, using my years of journalism training, I interpreted to mean that it might be a good time to end this particular interview.
Oh, and Thorns did tell Kilgore what the pre-game meal was. "Same thing we always have," he said: "steak, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese."
Fear the Mop, indeed.
By Dan Steinberg |
February 21, 2008; 1:44 AM ET
| Category:
College Basketball
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Posted by: Hobes | February 21, 2008 2:03 AM
It was gross and funny on television. Nobody could hear the televisions, but there were plenty of jokes going around. All of the Hokies I was with were laughing at the "That's Disgusting" chant from the students. That the staff and officials took so long and had so much trouble cleaning up the situation only added to the fun of safely watching it on tv. That was an ugly game. I was surprised to see so many leaving when it was only a two possession game.
Are the Scout boards the primary boards used by Maryland fans? A quick look over there and it is worse than a meltdown on The Sabre and more hate-filled than any WVU board.
Posted by: sitruc | February 21, 2008 2:34 AM
Fixed, thanks Hobes.
Posted by: Dan Steinberg | February 21, 2008 8:55 AM
WOW! That's really interesting. I didn't know that Virginia Tech also had a player named Jason McAlpin. What a coincidence! Hey Dan, you do know there is a guy on Maryland with that name, don't you? In fact, I think he was on the court when that happened. You're the sports expert/writer, can you tell me all about this Jason McAlpin who plays for the VA Tech? I can tell you that the one for the Terps is a walk on.
Posted by: Tripp | February 21, 2008 9:04 AM
Drive-by vomiting is the worst.
Posted by: Red Sox Monster | February 21, 2008 9:16 AM
And Maryland loses again. This team is a heartbreaker.
Posted by: JDP | February 21, 2008 9:31 AM
Tripp, I wrote that at 1:30 in the morning and fixed it soon after, but regardless, you just became the first person to call me an "expert," thanks. I believe the technical term is "yodeler."
Posted by: Dan Steinberg | February 21, 2008 9:37 AM
Vomit couldn't even induce the Terps to hold the lead?
Expect new levels of puke-related pith on this week's poll.
Posted by: ScottVanPeltStyle.com | February 21, 2008 10:05 AM
He is now known as Dorenzo "Ralph" Hudson
Posted by: hphokie | February 21, 2008 10:10 AM
was Dorenzo Hudson tailgating with CP's mom before the game?
Posted by: qualude conduct | February 21, 2008 10:19 AM
If somebody vomits during your free throw don't you deserve another one? The lane was violated after all...
Posted by: Broken Clipboard | February 21, 2008 10:29 AM
free throw free throw up
To-may-to To-mah-to
Posted by: qualude conduct | February 21, 2008 10:41 AM
Mop Lady needed to ask for an immediate raise, to like $1 million.
And the next time Hudson has pancakes before a game, he needs to make sure that the syrup isn't "syrup of ipecac"...
Posted by: Rob Iola | February 21, 2008 10:55 AM
In a war of bodily emissions, Hudson's projectile vomit was no match for the turd the Terps dropped last night.
We must disinfect this house!
Posted by: laz | February 21, 2008 12:28 PM
Wow, I hope they REALLY clean that flor hard since I sit down by there for the women's games.
You coming out this Sunday Dan? It's Senior Day.
Posted by: EricS | February 21, 2008 1:23 PM
No Pics of the Puke
Dan your slacking man
Posted by: G20 Fdacowboys | February 21, 2008 5:06 PM
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Come on Steinz, Jason McAlpin plays for Maryland, not Virginia Tech.
It was gross though. I was sitting in the third row behind the basket where they were shooting and it's shocking just how much vomit he produced. I don't think I'll ever see anything like that again. Don't think I want to either.