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Fresh Gilbert Quotes (From the Past)


Gilbert hasn't been talking or blogging for a minute. The AP is saying he's discovered a silent alter-ego, with Eddie Jordan lavishly praising Gil's performance and saying "we're all happy" about his silence. Based on past experience, I'd say either Gil maintains this silence for weeks, or starts spinning hilarious tales tonight, or five minutes from now, or three hours ago. Keep hitting refresh on that blog.

In the meantime, here's some fresh, never-before-seen Gilbert content courtesy of Todd Gallagher, author of the pretty tremendous "Andy Roddick Beat Me With a Frying Pan," a compendium of real-life tests of late-night-alcohol-fueled questions. You can read excerpts of the book at ESPN.com or True Hoop (or read the humorous tale involving the Caps and an 800-pound goalie at WSJ.com), and you can buy the book at Todd's Web site or Amazon.

There's an all-Wiz chapter about a rank amateur attempting to best DeShawn Stevenson in a free-throw shooting contest, an event described typically brilliantly by Pulitzer Prize winner Gene Weingarten, although he left out the part where DeShawn wins the contest and screams "chicken and grits, grits and chicken!"


Gilbert also figures into the chapter "Do Athletes Think About Their Statistics While They're Playing," with Dwyane Wade and Carmelo Anthony holding Gilbert up as an example of a player who charts his stats in his head. Gilbert then clarifies.

"The way I keep stats in my head for me to have a good game is make two layups, make two free throws, hit a jump shot," he tells Todd. "That's how I think of it. Like, a series or a little task. Get me two assists, have two rebounds. And I have someone chart it. They'll tell me I need to get three [of each] next time."

Who charts these little tasks? Daren Jenkins? No idea. Would like to find out.

Anyhow, Todd was kind enough to pass on a whole mess of Gilbert quotes that he wasn't able to use in the book. To repay him for this kindness, please go buy seven or 13 copies of his book immediately.

Arenas on heckling

I'm trying to get Ficker back. When they moved to the new arena the seats got changed and they moved up the price and he didn't want to do that anymore.

I love heckling because they do get creative. We were playing the Clippers and I'm shooting free throws. This guy starts yelling about how it's the trade deadline and I just got traded to the Knicks, saying I was being traded for Stephon Marbury, and he just named like 12 other players. The crowd started laughing. I made both of them and I started laughing.

So the next player got up there and it was Etan Thomas. The ref thought it was offensive but our whole team thought it was funny. He starts going "Shaka Zulu!" He airballed both of them and everybody just started laughing. It's entertaining. That's what they came there for. Some guys get pissed off, but that's what I want my fans to do is start heckling the opponent. Because as soon as they start interacting with you, they forget about the team.

Arenas on being in the NBA

The biggest perk? I get to buy all the video games I want. And movies. I just try to keep it mellow, because money comes and goes but I don't want mine to go fast. They always say NBA players spend their money on cars and jewelry. I'm into stupid stuff: movies, video games. I can buy four TVs and it's not gonna cost like a $400,000 car. I don't do the free stuff cuz the free stuff comes with something. I just want to be a regular guy and buy my stuff.


Arenas on females

I ain't even gonna lie, I know how girls feel when guys grab on them and stuff. Because the girls... Woo! Woo! They over me like flies in D.C.! I have this thing where if you don't go out as much, people want you more. You're a hot commodity. I go to the club, once a month, three times a year, and I'm like a wildfire in there! I like to just to go sometimes to put my face out there and show people I'm still here.... If I see a celebrity women I'm going at them. Halle Berry where you at? I'm next.


Arenas on being careful when going out

If you wear 400 thousand dollars worth of jewelry to a club, then yeah. I don't wear jewelry. I don't carry money, so people in D.C. know that if you rob me you're just gonna be practicing. because I don't have anything.

Arenas on fighting for stats

When I first started out in Golden State, I was faster than my team, plus their team, so I never had to worry about getting shots. I was the point guard and I'd just run up the court. That's how I got established.


Arenas on his prep career

I started off playing football. I actually played every position. For some reason, I don't know what it was, but our high school basketball team played against our high school football team in football. We won. For some reason...I don't know how my body type was structured, but I couldn't get tackled....Muscles, I can't lift weights, but when it comes to contact I can take contact.

Arenas on basketball mismatches

I beat a team one-on-three. One of the guys went to my high school and scored 76 in one game. It was 12-3. We played winners and I didn't let them touch the ball.

By Dan Steinberg  |  April 11, 2008; 1:29 PM ET
Categories:  Wizards  
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Comments

Hey Dan,

Looks like you jinxed yourself because Gil just posted a new blog, and possibly his last of the season, a few minutes ago...

It's priceless especially for how he rips the WTimes' reporter...

Posted by: Stumptown Chris | April 11, 2008 2:23 PM | Report abuse

I'm impressed that Gilbert knows about Robin Ficker.

"I don't carry money, so people in D.C. know that if you rob me you're just gonna be practicing. because I don't have anything."

That's classic. If Gilbert put his mind to it, he could be a better writer than Weingarten.

Posted by: Anonymous | April 11, 2008 2:26 PM | Report abuse

"Based on past experience, I'd say either Gil maintains this silence for weeks, or starts spinning hilarious tales tonight, or five minutes from now, or three hours ago. Keep hitting refresh on that blog."

You were so right! (It's like you knew something we didn't . . . .) Gilbert's post is exactly correct -- this media about one single shot is absurd. Gilbert correct!

Posted by: Nancy | April 11, 2008 5:09 PM | Report abuse

Interesting thing about this book, after they had the author on as a guest, a certain local radio show decided to challenge the Mystics. They play on April 24.

Posted by: 04-24-08 | April 12, 2008 1:15 PM | Report abuse

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