Rabach's Butt Begets Campbell's Hammy
(Don Wright via Redskins.com.)
From the very first day Jim Zorn was introduced as Redskins head coach, he has appeared singularly obsessed with Casey Rabach's posterior and, on the other side of the spoon, the squatting technique of Jason Campbell. One man needs to get higher, and one man needs to get lower, and both need to be explosive, is my general impression. At some point, the team's crack press corps will be forced to cheekily explore a huge and disturbing expanse of butt synonyms. Not today, though; I'm too busy searching for rump roast recipes in Fannie Farmer.
Anyhow, the same week he was introduced, Zorn expounded on his bum rush to Comcast SportsyNet: "I've already talked to Joe Bugel to see how we can tweak that center's rear end up a little bit," he said at the time. Then last week, those media bottom-feeders discovered behind (the scenes) maneuvering.
"We're going to come to a happy medium on that, make both parties happy and go from there," a laughing Rabach told the press. "If raising my butt an inch or two is going to help, whatever, I'll accommodate them. It'll take a little time. It'll feel awkward at first, but we'll get it done."
Even as Rabach was shaking his tailfeather upward, Jason Campbell continued to get low, against his deepest-seated tendencies, which led to this Zorn quote upon getting word of Campbell's hamstring problem yesterday, certainly the happiest-sounding coach-discussing-his-injured-QB quote I've ever seen.
"He felt it grab," Zorn said, in another bit of butt-appropriate verbiage. "He was feeling his hamstrings all along, and I think it's because I have him sinking down a little bit. It's a change, and so I was kind of excited about it, not that he pulled his hamstring or tweaked his hamstring, but just the fact that different things are happening to his body. And for me, it's good."
"Different things are happening to his body," sounds like something a gym teacher might say to the parents of a 13-year-old boy, but regardless, it's good to know this is nothing serious, and that the injury heralds exciting times ahead, to break with the theme. Anyhow, if the hamstring winds up ruining Campbell's career, the Skins could always try to trade for John David Booty.
By Dan Steinberg |
May 8, 2008; 11:29 AM ET
| Category:
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Posted by: ahhahaha | May 8, 2008 12:00 PM
That was a bit to cheeky for my taste...
Posted by: WaPoLiveFan16 | May 8, 2008 12:08 PM
Snyder is currently working on a contract to bring Dave Butz out of retirement.
Posted by: qualude conduct | May 8, 2008 12:10 PM
What, nothing about Rabach's Brain? You think it's easy to lift that thing so far? I, for one, would like to see you try.
Posted by: kwamesnani | May 8, 2008 12:35 PM
I think we're seeing the emerging coaching style of Jim Zorn. We'll have to wait for the season to see how it works out, but it seems like he's more of a delegater. He's only a micro-management guy so far in terms of the QB coaching, which makes sense, given his background. I'm a bit concerned that he might not be ready to handle the coaching of an entire team, but this is extremely premature. I just have to hold out hope that The Danny and Vinny know a good head coach when they interview one.
Now I shall commence in anxiously awaiting the upcoming season, which will either be a disaster or the crowning of the next "genius" of coaching.
Posted by: Mike | May 8, 2008 12:50 PM
I didn't catch the majority of these jokes until the back end of the post.
Posted by: StetSports.com | May 8, 2008 1:15 PM
asstonishing!
Posted by: the_squire | May 8, 2008 1:30 PM
Do you think Casey Rabach could block the great Dave Butz?
lol
Posted by: the_squire | May 8, 2008 1:31 PM
They should have drafted a high-waisted center in the draft instead of 6 receivers.
Posted by: | May 8, 2008 1:49 PM
a whole bog post about butts? really steinz?? incredible.
Posted by: inconceivable | May 8, 2008 3:50 PM
I certainly hope it doesn't suggest that I read the entire post if I post a comment here.
Because I won't admit it if I did read the whole thing.
Posted by: Nancy | May 8, 2008 5:12 PM
This post's headline is Onion-worthy. Brilliant! I am late for work and yet have no choice but to post a comment, so overwhelming is this headline.
Posted by: | May 8, 2008 6:10 PM
Zorn appears to be someone who's unafraid to appear in public as:
1. Intelligent
2. A little silly
We'll see how that plays in D.C., where fans have gotten used to the Joe Gibbs Cliche-O-Rama. (Not saying that Joe was not an intelligent man - far from it; you don't win three Super Bowls being a numbskull - but he kept this intelligence strategically hidden.)
Posted by: Lindemann | May 9, 2008 8:26 AM
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this is outrageous. talk about a real numbskull. he ought to be teaching the wideouts how to block for clinton portis, not micromanaging rachbach's glutes