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Colin Cowherd Outsmarts the Founding Fathers


Bearing in mind that virtually any Colin Cowherd monologue could be offered up in this space for black humor purposes, I present a brief portion of the radio deity's program that I accidentally happened upon Friday morning. He was, I believe, discussing the Olympics, although, as you can see, that hardly mattered.

"You know, it's real easy to be altruistic and idealistic when you're not paying the bills. And, you know, people can say all they want about bad America, but we foot the bill for the Olympics. And people can bang on Mark Cuban for not wanting his players to go to the Olympics; he foots the bill for the Dallas Mavericks players.

"You know, it's easy to be altruistic when you live in Vermont. You know, it's easy to say, 'Everybody should get a ribbon,' when you don't matter. You know, when you pay the bills, it's different. You know, it's just like my bosses, they pay the bills, I don't; they take the financial risk, I don't. My bosses get certain things that I don't because they pay the bills, they take the chance.

"You know, I've always believed that, when I used to live in Oregon...there's only one or two, you know, Fortune 500 companies in Oregon. It's not real business-friendly. One of them is Nike. And I always said, you know, 'Phil Knight should get tax breaks.' 'Well, why, he's already rich?' Because he creates 10,000 jobs. If you create 10,000 jobs in a community, you should get tax breaks. No, you should.

"I mean, well, 'All men are created equal.' No they're not!! That sounds good on paper. It sounds good on a, on a paperweight, but they're not."


Yeah. Stupid pablum-spouting paperweights. Stupid, um, Declaration of Independence. And Gettysburg Address. And "I Have a Dream" speech. Suckers, all. Pure hogwash. Some men are endowed with certain inalienable rights. Others make running shoes, and are thus somewhat better than equal. Too bad Colin Cowherd wasn't around back in 1776, 1863 and 1963; American history woulda trended in a much more inspiring direction. Clearly, Cowherd >>> Jefferson + Lincoln + King. And so on.

Coming up later in the week: Colin Cowherd uses the concept of the bullpen-by-committee to explain why freedom of speech and the separation of powers are bunk.

(PS: He went on to explain his position thus: "Some people are smarter, visionaries, can accelerate the economy. I'm all for tax breaks for people who create jobs for people. You create 16,000 jobs in a local community, I'm going to give you, as a city councilman, a break.")

(PPS: Google "all men are created unequal" and the first hit is Eugenics Watch. Lovely.)

By Dan Steinberg  |  June 23, 2008; 9:55 AM ET
Categories:  Media  
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Comments

A hired a woman to clean my house once a month. Where's my tax break?!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 23, 2008 10:06 AM | Report abuse

"All men are created equal" sounds good on a paperweight. Colin Cowherd never sounds good.


Owned.

(I am in agreeance with the anti-Cowherd lobby.)

Posted by: Nate in the PDX | June 23, 2008 10:12 AM | Report abuse

There's so many other questions that arise from this rant, such as: Why is it so easy to be altruistic if you live in Vermont? Something about the skiing, or is it just in the water? If this is some kind of shot at Ben & Jerry's, haven't they created lots of jobs, too? And is it easier to be altruistic in Vermont than in, say, New Hampshire, or Rhode Island?

Also, America foots the bill for the Olympics? What's he talking about? I believe China is footing most of the bill this summer. I suppose he might be referring to NBC, which does contribute a nice chunk of change, but I'd hardly say NBC=America.

Posted by: Fingerman | June 23, 2008 10:19 AM | Report abuse

F Colin Cowherd.......unlistenable!

Posted by: chris LArry | June 23, 2008 10:43 AM | Report abuse

"PPS: Google "all men are created unequal" and the first hit is Eugenics Watch."

He might want to watch his public commentary, if that's the case.

He's going to open his door one of these days to some men in lead aprons with an x-ray machine pointed at his crotch.

Posted by: BucktownSkinsFan | June 23, 2008 10:44 AM | Report abuse

Going point for point with this fool is silly, dismiss and move!

Posted by: chris LArry | June 23, 2008 10:44 AM | Report abuse

Cowherd sucks, his voice is F-in' annoying. Sounds like a pompas a**.

Posted by: joeblazin | June 23, 2008 10:47 AM | Report abuse

Jim Vance couldn't be more disgusted.

Posted by: StetSports.com | June 23, 2008 10:56 AM | Report abuse

While other's have, this particular rant of Cowherd's didn't deserve the the cheap shots, Dan.

"Because he creates 10,000 jobs. If you create 10,000 jobs in a community, you should get tax breaks."

Colin expressed a typically conservative political viewpoint, one more worthy of debate than debasement.

Posted by: Truthsayer | June 23, 2008 11:15 AM | Report abuse

Sports equivalent of Bill O'Reilly.

If you've read back to them what they have said out loud they would probably say you were making it all up.

Posted by: Crabhands | June 23, 2008 11:19 AM | Report abuse

to Truthsayer,

where are the cheap shots you say Dan used?
He quoted not just 1/2 a sentence but multiple paragraphs.

debasement is too good for Colin.

Posted by: Crabhands | June 23, 2008 11:21 AM | Report abuse

re: Crabhands - the whole post is a cheap shot, especially this part:

"Stupid pablum-spouting paperweights. Stupid, um, Declaration of Independence. And Gettysburg Address. And "I Have a Dream" speech. Suckers, all. Pure hogwash. Some men are endowed with certain inalienable rights. Others make running shoes, and are thus somewhat better than equal. Too bad Colin Cowherd wasn't around back in 1776, 1863 and 1963; American history woulda trended in a much more inspiring direction. Clearly, Cowherd >>> Jefferson + Lincoln + King. And so on."

All Colin did (in the quotes Dan used) was argue some conservative views, he didn't disparage King, Jefferson or anyone else that Dan mentioned.

Why not have more fun posts about how wacky our local athletes are and leave the hating alone. (At least let the commenters do the hating a la the DC Personality Ratings posts.

Posted by: Truthsayer | June 23, 2008 11:35 AM | Report abuse

@ Truthsayer:

I think you scored less than average on the reading comprehension section of the SATs. Steinz's point, I believe, was the point out how ludicrous it was of Cowherd to say the following:

"I mean, well, 'All men are created equal.' No they're not!! That sounds good on paper. It sounds good on a, on a paperweight, but they're not."

The following section is a shot at Cowherd's notion that men are not created equal, NOT his conservative tax position.

"Stupid pablum-spouting paperweights. Stupid, um, Declaration of Independence. And Gettysburg Address. And "I Have a Dream" speech. Suckers, all. Pure hogwash. Some men are endowed with certain inalienable rights. Others make running shoes, and are thus somewhat better than equal. Too bad Colin Cowherd wasn't around back in 1776, 1863 and 1963; American history woulda trended in a much more inspiring direction. Clearly, Cowherd >>> Jefferson + Lincoln + King. And so on."

This is not a political debate. This is about Cowherd making an overtly racist, stupid, stupid, stupid comment.

Posted by: Incredulous | June 23, 2008 11:45 AM | Report abuse

"I mean, well, 'All men are created equal.' No they're not!! That sounds good on paper. It sounds good on a, on a paperweight, but they're not."

Cowherd didn't actually mean that all men aren't created equal. The context from Colin's earlier comments implied that his rant was about the relative importance of people who contribute a lot to society.

Colin has said prejudiced things in the past. This wasn't one of them.

Posted by: re: Incredulous | June 23, 2008 12:12 PM | Report abuse

Well at least Phil Knight doesn't wear an ascot.

Posted by: RH | June 23, 2008 12:44 PM | Report abuse


Dan,

You're too smart to be listening to that show.

Posted by: odessasteps | June 23, 2008 1:19 PM | Report abuse

All Colin did (in the quotes Dan used) was argue some conservative views, he didn't disparage King, Jefferson or anyone else that Dan mentioned.

Posted by: Truthsayer | June 23, 2008 11:35 AM

***

Well gosh, I hadn't realized that the concept of all men being created equal wasn't a conservative position. Then again, eight years ago, I thought that opposing state-sponsored torture and warrantless spying on U.S. citizens were conservative positions, but it turns out I was wrong about that, too. Silly founding fathers, with their quaint notions of equality! You know, it really is beyond my why they even bothered with the whole revolution thing, when The Lord Our God gave them had provided a perfectly good king to rule over them...

Posted by: EdTheRed | June 23, 2008 1:41 PM | Report abuse

Cowherd is the embodiment of small white man on a power trip. For all his "comman man" talk, he sure lives on a throne. When he rips my school for its football culture, sure, that's fine because it's sports related.

Now, more and more, when Cowherd rips something, or even opens his mouth - I keep waiting for someone to insert a lawsuit or for ESPN to insert a pink slip for his sexist, racist, elitist, (insert your own description) diatribe.

Posted by: Hoos Alumni | June 23, 2008 1:45 PM | Report abuse

You know, it really is beyond *ME* why they even bothered with the whole revolution thing, when The Lord Our God *[gave them]* had provided a perfectly good king to rule over them...

This is what happens when you take a phone call while posting...d'oh!

Posted by: EdTheRed | June 23, 2008 1:45 PM | Report abuse

I resolve to wake up half an hour earlier so I can hate Colin Cowherd even longer each day.

Posted by: Chris Moore | June 23, 2008 4:00 PM | Report abuse

Colin Cowherd for City Council! Show him enough "jobs created" and he'll do whatever you want. New stadium? Done. Sweetheart contracts? You bet! Tax breaks? Just try to stop him. Look the other way while you exploit workers in the 3rd world? He's your man.

Yes, yes, the future is bright indeed.

Posted by: jamie | June 23, 2008 4:03 PM | Report abuse

If a company deserves a tax break for "creating" jobs, doesn't that mean that every company should get a tax break? And if every company gets a break, is it really a break?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 23, 2008 4:10 PM | Report abuse

"Jim Vance couldn't be more disgusted."

Hahahahaha!
But Doreen's hair looks magnificent.
Now, where's Wendy Rieger?

Posted by: Arlington Pimp | June 23, 2008 5:28 PM | Report abuse

Not surprising. Cowherd's act can be reduced to two sentiments: "Rich guys rule!" and "People who give a sh*t are losers." Rinse, repeat for four hours.

Posted by: Josh | June 23, 2008 6:02 PM | Report abuse

First let me say that Colin can get on my nerves as much as the next guy, especially when he goes off the deep end with some of his theories and analogies. Still, I listen to the show because I can admit it, unlike most of you.

However, Dan, I find it highly amusing that you just "happen" to come across his show every month or so and write a blog on it. Just admit that you listen to the show like everybody else, like him or not. All you people that rant and rave and say "F Cowherd" are probably the ones that listen every day of the week. If you really hated Cowherd, you wouldn't ever mention him again. By dedicating an entire blog entry to this guy every month, you are driving people to listen to it, not turn it off.

I will say that I definitely agree with something that Amanda said on the show recently... guys in America today are becoming such total wussies. The comments on this board are just more proof. "His show offends me. waah-waah." If it offends you so much, turn it off.... instead of listening to it then clogging up message boards with your whining.

Posted by: Fan of none | June 25, 2008 5:22 PM | Report abuse

Actually, I quit listening a long time ago. The Sean Taylor nonsense is finally what did it.

Posted by: Josh | June 25, 2008 9:46 PM | Report abuse

The Sean Taylor murder made a lot of media talking heads look really stupid, including Cowherd. Jason Whitlock also comes to mind with his "Black KKK" rant.

What was more disgusting was how a lot of fans (and you know who you are out there) were saying the exact same things before he died. I don't see them apologizing either. Taylor was called a "thug" by a lot of people long before his murder, but as soon as his life ended they want to say "R.I.P. Sean Taylor" and talk about how great of a guy he was. Please, excuse me while I vomit on your newly-found sympathy just because he played in the NFL.


Posted by: Fan of none | June 25, 2008 10:50 PM | Report abuse

"The Sean Taylor murder made a lot of media talking heads look really stupid, including Cowherd. Jason Whitlock also comes to mind with his "Black KKK" rant."
----
Which only gives the lie to Cowherd's "Dutch Uncle" schtick where he supposedly tells you the harsh truths that nobody else has the guts to say.

And when Amanda said that guys today are wusses, are you sure she wasn't referring to the squeaky-voiced, Whole Foods-shopping, Johnny Quest-loving host of the show?

Posted by: Josh | June 25, 2008 11:07 PM | Report abuse

Heh. Yeah, don't know about you, but I never think of "manly" and "Whole Foods" in the same sentence.

Seriously, though... what she was referring to was how you can't say anything without this group or that group taking offense to it. People these days have very, very thin skin.

I listen to the show because even when I disagree with Cowherd (which is often), at least he says what's on his mind, even if it ticks people off. If I want to listen to constant lying and telling people what they want to hear, I follow politics.

Posted by: Fan of none | June 26, 2008 3:29 PM | Report abuse

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