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D.C. United Catches Lightning


Before we get to the results of the D.C. United Haircut-Off '08, a word about the after-festivities. After all the dignitaries and TV stations had left, and just two hair stylists and two clients and a few random teammates and employees remained, Jeremy Barlow and Quavas Kirk began discussing whether Kirk should get a lightning bolt shaved into his head. Then they thought of a better idea: make third-string keeper James Thorpe (aka "Thorpedo") get a lightning bolt shaved into his head.

Thorpe provided little resistance, and soon, professional hair stylist Karen Hennessee was crafting her first lightning bolt in a half-decade. Meantime, Kirk began narrating the history of the lightning bolt.

"Well, back in the day...all the brothers used to have the swirls, the S Curls," he began. "Then they brought out the lighting bolt in about 1992, when Kid 'n Play came up, with House Party I. And they did the high and tight fade with the box on the top and they threw in a lightning bolt every once in a while, so that's where it started. And Thorpie's about to get one, and it's going to look amazing."

"It's going to be weird, having a lightning bolt in a 'fro," Thorpe said, reconsidering as the clippers descended.


"I don't why you didn't already have it, actually," Barlow said, as the bolt took shape. "That is so sick. It's perfect."

"It's brilliant," Kirk added.

"Do a racing stripe on the other side," Barlow commanded.

"This is for the world, son," Kirk agreed.

"That's just awesome," Barlow said, as three stripes emerged on the other side of Thorpe's helpless head. "I was making jokes earlier, but now I'm just jealous."

"You just got hooked up," Kirk said. "You got a lightning bolt AND three stripes, for free. That don't come cheap."

There is a D.C. United reserve game tomorrow at 10 am against Toronto FC. Thorpe played in the last reserve game. He has promised these images will remain in his head for the next 24 hours. Here's hoping.

By Dan Steinberg  |  June 17, 2008; 3:49 PM ET
Categories:  D.C. United  
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Next: United Haircut-Off Marred by Flying Hair

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