http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/ en Copyright 2008 Thu, 08 May 2008 17:55:54 -0400 http://www.movabletype.org/?v=3.36 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss This is going to be my standard when deciding which athletes to follow during the Olympics this summer in Beijing: would they be able to fit in with the Wizards? Like, I went to the U.S. Women's National Team practice on Wednesday, since the team is in D.C. preparing for Saturday's friendly against Canada at RFK. Heather Mitts and Abby Wambach might have substantial followings, but there's no particular reason to think they'd fit in with the Wizards. Natasha Kai, on the other hand, was practicing in one orange boot and one red one. I'm guessing she'd fit in with the Wizards. "She's crazy," said teammate Heather O'Reilly. "She's crazy," agreed teammate Leslie Osborne. What makes the Hawaiian forward crazy? Bearing in mind I had about 13 minutes to explore this topic, here's a short list: she stretched out her earlobes so she can wear 0 gauge ear plugs, http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/natasha_kai_should_join_the_wi.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/natasha_kai_should_join_the_wi.html Olympics Thu, 08 May 2008 17:55:54 -0400 (AP Photo) Look, I gladly cash my Comcast SportsNet paychecks whenever they show up at the front door. I watch Sports Rise every morning. I keep meaning to get Buckhantz's "Dagger!" as my cell phone ring tone, and I nearly fell over myself sprinting to greet the great Michael Jenkins at D.C. United training on Tuesday. I've told the people there that if they give me a desk, I'd gladly work there every day. I bloody love that network, and that's the truth. But signing up Ryan Zimmerman as a blogger? I mean, is this the same Ryan Zimmerman I'm thinking of? The guy who openly admitted to me that he would never be of use to my blog, because his public persona is to humor and wit and free-flowing quirkiness like Nick Young is to existential despair? Let's look at his first post. The new stadium is fantastic!!! http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/ryan_zimmermans_got_a_blog.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/ryan_zimmermans_got_a_blog.html Nats Thu, 08 May 2008 15:25:20 -0400 The night Buzz Bissinger's head exploded, I was busy with the TiVo, attempting to capture the best possible ripped-from-the-TV photographs of DeShawn Stevenson wearing a Mike Vick jersey. The resulting post, somewhat depressingly, turned into the one of the most-clicked items I've ever posted on this blog. And so even though several of you asked for my Buzzish thoughts, and even though I composed several hop-scotchingly brilliant ripostes to Bissinger in my head, I never managed to join the chorus responding to his anti-sports-blogging screed, because I was busy covering the most important aspects of the Cavs-Wiz series live from Cleveland: Soulja Boy, diss tracks, pizza giveaways, media jabs, hand waggles and funny t-shirts. The sort of things, coincidentally, that Sam Smith listed on Tony Kornheiser's radio show this morning while arguing that the Wizards were much more offensive to common decency than was the whining of LeBron James. http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/bissingers_blog_bashing_under.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/bissingers_blog_bashing_under.html Media Thu, 08 May 2008 14:14:43 -0400 (Don Wright via Redskins.com.) From the very first day Jim Zorn was introduced as Redskins head coach, he has appeared singularly obsessed with Casey Rabach's posterior and, on the other side of the spoon, the squatting technique of Jason Campbell. One man needs to get higher, and one man needs to get lower, and both need to be explosive, is my general impression. At some point, the team's crack press corps will be forced to cheekily explore a huge and disturbing expanse of butt synonyms. Not today, though; I'm too busy searching for rump roast recipes in Fannie Farmer. Anyhow, the same week he was introduced, Zorn expounded on his bum rush to Comcast SportsyNet: "I've already talked to Joe Bugel to see how we can tweak that center's rear end up a little bit," he said at the time. Then last week, those media bottom-feeders discovered behind (the http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/rabachs_butt_begets_campbells.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/rabachs_butt_begets_campbells.html Redskins Thu, 08 May 2008 11:29:38 -0400 (By Jesse D. Garrabrant - NBAE via Getty.) This was supposed to be Gilbert Arenas's last blog of all time, and I was anticipating another heart-felt manifesto on the meaning of life and NBA basketball. Instead, we get equivocation; "I'll give you all a hesitant no, this is not my last blog," he said wrote. And praised be for that. There's a lot in there: his thoughts on the Cleveland series, the comeback, DeShawn Stevenson, his style of basketball, a reader challenge that could result in him doing 300 push-ups, parental aging, the mortality of childhood icons, the pathology of violent video games, his dry swimming pool, Northeast Ohio hatred and, yes, the future. Regarding that future, he says something he's said before, but with considerably more oomph: The future is the future. I want to be back in Washington, but weird things happen in free agency. If Antawn http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/gil_wont_return_without_jamiso.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/gil_wont_return_without_jamiso.html Wizards Wed, 07 May 2008 17:16:00 -0400 Yours for $29.97. For sale on NFL.com, Mark Brunell replica jersey. Was $74.99, now $29.97. Available in white or burgundy; add $4.99 for maroon or black. Doesn't compare to the discount on B-Lloyd or Adam Archuleta jerseys, for some reason. (And actually, those previously discounted B-Lloyds are now going for $69.99, and those previously discounted Archuletas are now going for $74.99, which, bizarrely, is more than it costs to get a LaRon Landry. That's a $5 irony surcharge. I mean, the Bears have already cut the price on Archuleta replicas from $75 to $37.50. Although there's still a hefty discount on B-Lloyd apparel B-Lloyd replicas on NFLShop.com. Man this is confusing.) Oh, and remember how Devin Thomas wore No. 85 when he posed for photos last week, causing B-Lloyd dreams? And how he then switched to No. 11 for mini-camp? And how Gary Fitzgerald, writing on the mini-camp blog, http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/for_sale_mark_brunell.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/for_sale_mark_brunell.html Redskins Wed, 07 May 2008 16:42:37 -0400 (By Winslow Townson - AP) Remember the Papa John's Crybaby t-shirts on eBay, referenced in this space yesterday afternoon? Well, one loyal reader attempted to buy one, only to be told the item had been removed, which a quick eBay search confirms. "They're trying to make fun of me, Danny," apparently. Luckily, fantshirts has stepped into the void, creating Papa John's look-a-like t-shirts, in Papa John's colors, but without the Papa John's logo. Free wearable publicity that Papa John's, apparently, doesn't want. The pizza company, still spinning faster than an automated pizza dough mixer, keeps giving more and more money to LeBron James-related causes, while refusing to satisfy the masses with special hot-peppers-and-onions themed "Crybaby" pizzas, speedily delivered by drivers in Mike Brown masks, who would storm into your house wearing a grimace of horror and outrage while treating tips with shouts of "Terrific! Terrific! Terrific! Terrific!" More void-stepping: http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/new_crybaby_shirts.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/new_crybaby_shirts.html Wizards Wed, 07 May 2008 16:04:21 -0400 If there's one thing the D.C. area needs right now, it's a high-end, red-carpet-employing, celebrity-courting, Biz-Markie-deejayed prominent athlete birthday party. I mean, this year is already four months old, and all we have to show for it is high-end, red-carpet-employing, celebrity-courting, Biz-Markie-deejayed parties for Caron Butler, DeShawn Stevenson and Fred Smoot? Not nearly good enough. Luckily, it's almost time for Santana Moss's birthday, and, with the possible exception of Biz Markie, all the ingredients are in place, from the Friday night pre-birthday party celebration (featuring Grind More, which is either a Go-Go Band or a horseradish company) to the Saturday night birthday extravaganza (details TBA, but I can almost guarantee they include Biz Markie and Clinton Portis in neon) to the Sunday night Charity Casino night (featuring three corporate sponsorship levels, including the $5k Level One sponsorship, which grants its bearers the right to distribute promotional corporate giveaways in http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/santana_moss_is_having_a_birth.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/santana_moss_is_having_a_birth.html Redskins Wed, 07 May 2008 14:42:07 -0400 Chris Cooley is about five days away from leaving pro football and becoming a full-time reporter. Well, he would be if full-time reporters landed groupies, eight-figure contracts, sports cars, cheerleaders, free sport performance beverages and as much job security as can-be-cut-at-any-moment pro football players. The point is, this is one of the best ledes I've ever read, from Cooley's latest at Shutdown Corner: How do I end up in a bathroom stall at the Borgata with my pants around my ankles while a man named Bill stares at my penis? Let's see W.C. Heinz top that one. The story goes on to detail the trials vials and tribulations of NFL drug testing, with Cooley admirably filling my role of "goofball who asks bizarre questions to pro athletes," except without the PR guy saying "Ok, one more question guys," and with many, many, many more references to male genitalia. It http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/chris_cooleys_urine.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/chris_cooleys_urine.html Redskins Wed, 07 May 2008 13:52:10 -0400 Still winning, but just barely. D.C. Sports are obviously one big happy family, as evidenced by the following logic ladder: Clyde Simms goes to Caps games, from where Alex Ovechkin goes to Wizards games, from where Roger Mason goes to Redskins games, from where Jason Campbell goes to Georgetown games, from where Patrick Ewing Jr. sure as hell doesn't go to D.C. United games. But anyhow, you might be wondering how the Wizards and Caps fared in regular season 2007-'08 games on Comcast SportsyNet, the only network that gives you every single bit of applicable local sports news morning eve and night, plus Steve Buckhantz and Phil Chenier kissing. The answer: Caps ratings went on a spike as the team began winning. From Bruce Boudreau's permanent hiring until the end of the regular season, ratings in the D.C. market jumped 166 percent over the previous year. In that span, http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/wiz_vs_caps_on_tv.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/wiz_vs_caps_on_tv.html Caps Wed, 07 May 2008 10:14:55 -0400 If you haven't been reading Chris Cooley's blog, here's what you've missed: Concerning the draft, a punter? "I know really. A punter? Hopefully he can kick the [stuffing] out of the ball." If you haven't been reading Chris Cooley on Shutdown Corner, here's what you've missed: The NFL Combine is comparable to a strip club with owners and coaches for customers. The better the man looks running around in his spandex the more dollar bills end up on his stage. The funny thing is the onlookers at the combine are probably more excited than the creepy old man in the corner at the strip bar. And if you haven't been watching Washington Post Live on Tuesday evenings, here's what you might have missed: two bloggers, one microphone, one NFL player, zero group awkwardness, and one lingerie reference. Trust me, the six minutes after this interview were a lot more entertaining, http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/cooley_does_blog_show.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/cooley_does_blog_show.html Redskins Wed, 07 May 2008 09:01:47 -0400 Well that didn't take TOO too long. Five LeBron James Papa John's Crybaby t-shirts available on the eBays, all priced between $11 and $18. Like I said, if Papa John's would just sell these shirts in D.C., and sell "We're Not Really Crybabies and In Fact the Term Highly Offends Us to the Point That We'll Complain Bitterly But Not, Mind You, to the Point of Tears" t-shirts in Cleveland, plus 23-cent pizzas, everyone would be happy. Question: In many circumstances, fans of the vanquished team grab hold of the vanquishers' shirt-tails, in order to say that their team at least lost to some top-flight operation. Furthermore, in many circumstances, fans whose teams have been eliminated root for the biggest underdog remaining. Both of those circumstances would suggest Wiz fans root for the Cavs, starting tonight. Hahahahaha. Ok, that wasn't really a question. http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/get_yer_crybaby_tshirts.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/get_yer_crybaby_tshirts.html Wizards Tue, 06 May 2008 16:46:40 -0400 V-dub in da haus! Free cars for everyone! If you don't think the scent of corporate dollars was wafting about RFK Stadium today like so many mildly reheated animal products, you better get your nostrils checked out. We're talking about a major multinational corporation ordering several large helpings of D.C. United, generously slathering its logo onto the team's signage and uniforms and merchandise, even parking an inspirational truck bearing the "V-dub in da haus" logo right on the field, so that players could practice their inevitable goal celebrations. "If I do that? Free car," promised Dane Murphy. "I'm doing it. Even if it's a reserve game, I'm doing it. I'm calling it: Straight to ESPN2." No arguments here. Then there were the hints that team employees, including players, could be due for some sort of discounted car purchase program; "one of the things that Volkswagen asked is that we http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/one_last_bit_of_vw_propaganda.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/one_last_bit_of_vw_propaganda.html D.C. United Tue, 06 May 2008 15:52:53 -0400 If all's it takes to get goofy pictures of United's foreign stars is a new corporate sponsorship, I say we make this a weekly feature. This week VW (ding), which joins Adidas; next week Der Spiegel, and the following week Ritter Sport. Anything to get the word "Joghurt" on the DCU kit. Furthermore, what would be the proper celebration for corporate-sponsor-hating Alecko Eskandarian to break out should he score a goal in RFK? I'm currently torn between lifting up his jersey to reveal a BMW t-shirt, flashing the "V-dub in da haus" hand sign and then slashing his throat a la DeShawn Stevenson, being tossed a replica toy bug from the sideline and then stomping on it, or screaming out "Beep Beep [bleeper bleepers]." Anyhow, courtesy Behind the Badge and its Flickr gallery, here are goofy photos of United's foreign stars. http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/united_players_are_excited.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/united_players_are_excited.html D.C. United Tue, 06 May 2008 13:28:26 -0400 Before we get back to the business at hand (providing free publicity for Volkswagen, making "V-dub in da haus" jokes), a brief interlude concerning United first-year midfielder Quavas Kirk, whose e-mail address prominently features the phrase "Black Thunder." You'll never figure out the full address, so don't bother guessing, but "Black Thunder" is definitely the most interesting chunk. "I was real young," Kirk explained. "Back in the day, I thought I was THE Black Thunder, just That Guy." Yeah, but why "Black Thunder?" "Obviously the chocolate of the skin," he said. "And then the thunder, which was pretty much how I used to play: with the thunder, the power." He said he doesn't actually go by "Black Thunder" as a nickname, and that no one on the team actually calls him "Black Thunder," which is a major shame. Does he have "Black Thunder" tattooed across his chest? Customized "Black http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/quavas_kirk_is_black_thunder.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2008/05/quavas_kirk_is_black_thunder.html D.C. United Tue, 06 May 2008 12:54:50 -0400