I have to disagree with the advice to the mother. Santa presents seem to come from thin air. To receive something he really wants from his aunt will thrill him with the gift AND with her. That's very important and I think the mother should just let it go. There is nothing to gain for her son and a lot to lose with her relationship with her sister-in-law.

Signed, an aunt five times over ;-)

P.S. Mother might remember next year not to mention anything she doesn't want swiped out from under her!!

I totally agree with Pat on this. Why make this into a big deal? Let her give the gift to her nephew. Santa is already a hero to the kid. Now let his aunt be one.

Just take a mental note to recognize that she's a "topper" and not to tell her things like this in the future.

My sister is a teacher and she loves gift cards. What she doesn't like and re-gifts or gives to charity are: candles (she has a closet full - really), clothing (she has received t-shirts with all sorts of stuff on them), anything with an apple on it, etc. But gift cards she loves. HOWEVER she tells me ever year that she doesn't feel like she should receive anything from the kids. She loves her job and it kills her when people feel obligated to give something to her. As for me, I love it when people give her cookies and the like - mainly because she shares them.

Hi, Liz, I absolutely disagree with you on your advice to the mother. Santa can give a lot of other gifts that matter to the kid -- let the aunt give this one and why offend a relative for something so petty? As an "aunt" to some kids, it always drives me crazy to be told that I can or cannot give certain gifts to kids -- people who make such demands are usually trying to buy love or affection and that's not the point of giving a gift. I will work hard when I'm a parent to let anyone buy anything for my kids, and not decide that certain gifts must come from Santa or a parent.

I have friends and relatives who are teachers and they tell me they don't want anything for themselves but love gift cards so they can stock up on classroom needs. I give Borders (for classroom libraries), Target (classroom supplies), or Starbucks.

I don't do it because I feel obligated; I do it to let the teacher know how much we appreciate him or her.

My mother has been an art teacher for almost two decades and her favorite presents over the years have been Hershey's holiday gift boxes (or really any sort of candy to have around the house for guests over the holidays), gift cards to the movies or restaurants, or even a cute homemade ornament to put on the tree (bonus points if the kid made it). Special candy that you can't get at the grocery store really is a big winner though!

I agree with Pat and Liz: let the aunt give the computer game or whatever. I can't believe this even came up as an issue since it was to be a stocking stuffer! Is Mom a control freak or something?

I agree that the mom should let the aunt give the gift. She may have even thought that the mom was suggesting that she buy that gift.

My mom's a preschool teacher and she definitely loves gift cards and gift certificates to local restaurants, which she can share with us if she chooses. But please no more "stuff" - candles, plants (she kills them), soap, etc. After 13 years, she has enough generic "nice" gifts.

As far as the aunt goes, I disagree with Liz's advice as well. As an "aunt" and a grown up cousin to various members of the family, it is increasingly difficult to know what the children would like to have for Christmas since I live on the West Coast and they live in DC. I probably would have done the same thing as the aunt - finally being given a clue about the kid would like for Christmas. Why is it SUCH a big deal to the mom that the video game come from "Santa?" Wouldn't it mean so much more coming from the aunt?

Gifts for teachers - absolutely no apple anything and gift cards to book stores or even school/teacher supply stores because my parents both used a lot of their own personal money to buy things for their classrooms - they had a lot of fun picking fun things for the classroom when they had more of a budget for it.

I'm an aunt X 3 with no kids of my own. I say back off to the mom and let the aunt give the gift. Geez! Mom really does have some control issues, doesn't she?

I agree, mom is a control freak and let the aunt give the gift. I'd be thrilled that aunt saved me the hunt!

For the teacher, the gift cards are a good idea. Staples or Office Depot gift cards are good for classroom supplies. I've also done craft stores for teachers of younger grades. Our elementary school posts a year-round "wish list" from the teachers, and if other schools do that, that might also be a resource.

I think the issue that's not sitting well with the Mom is that Mom is not getting ANY credit for coming up with the perfect idea, as well as the effort she already put in to try to find the gift. One day the kid will realize that Santa was actually his parents, and will shift the appreciation of any gifts that came from "Santa" to his parents. The aunt will now get all the credit for doing very little work. Yes, finding the gift is hard, but coming up with the perfect idea for a gift is even harder. I don't understand why everyone is being so harsh on the Mom and calling her a control freak. Each of you would be upset if you told your co-worker a brillant idea, and they ran with the idea to you boss, which earns them an UNDESERVED promotion.

I do agree that little should be done to correct the situation, if anything. Like the job analogy, it just might make things worse if you bring it up and you want to minimize problems between family members. Just saying that what she feels is UNDERSTANDABLE.

What *I* would have done is to call the mom on my phone when I found the game and ask if she wanted me to get it and pay me back or if I could get it for the nephew myself.

If I couldn't reach her, I'd have bought the game and asked her later.

I think it would be the nice thing for the mom to just let it go and let the aunt give it to the boy. After all, if a highly sought after computer game was just to be a stocking stuffer, I can't imagine what Santa/mom will be bringing for the tree gifts!

And agreed that next year, don't mention gifts you don't want possibly stolen, or make sure to RECRUIT family and ask them to do seeking for you and you will pay them back BEFORE they have a chance to get it themselves.

Why don't people recognize that the holiday season has turned into a giant marketing racket and stop all this nonsense?

Let the aunt give the game. After all, it's just a game! It's not like she's buying a 16 eyar old his first car! If mom thinks a video game is the perfect gift, she's pathetic. Sure, I give my son games, but he's always happiest about other stuff that he would never buy on his own - basket ball hoop, bicylce, etc.

My husband's family always let Uncle Pete bring the really cool gifts, which created a great bond with Uncle Pete, and now that he's an adult and understands how it really worked, his parents get a lot of credit for being the generous, lovely people they are. I'm not sure why this thread turned into a forum to bash the Mom w/the question, though. Settle down!

The aunt(after conferring with the mother) could tell the child that before she went out shopping, she had written to Santa and asked him for advice about what gift Santa thought her nephew, the wonderfull, fantastic...fill in the blank with nephew's name... would like. And Santa let her know about this particular game.

This way, the gift is infused with the magic of Santa which, fingers crossed, will please the Mother (at least until she gets on to her next grievance).

And the nephew will be happy to know that Santa personally remembered either his letter or remembered his wishlist (if nephew did not write a letter.) And he will be happy that his aunt went to all the trouble.

Thus, hopefully all parties involved will end up happy.

Uh, oh. But what if said nephew, his eyes all aglow, wants to pursue the paper trail and asks to see the letter Auntie Dearest received from Santa Dearest?

Well, last I heard, letters from the North Pole disintegrate into thin air shortly after contact. Right?

i think the mom should bring it up with the aunt only if the gift is something the little boy has repeatedly said he wants from santa. maybe this is not the case, since the mom didn't mention it in her letter. but no parent wants to see their child look sad on christmas morning if they didn't get that one thing they'd been asking santa for.

if the aunt's gift will be under the tree along with the other toys from santa (and will be opened at the same time), that's a different story, and the mom should probably just let it be.

by the way, what a clueless aunt. as other posters have said, the mom should definitely be cautious about what she shares with her in the future; otherwise she'll steal her thunder :)

I have been both the overenthusiastic aunt and controlling mom. Now that my kids are in high school, I realized that they do not remember most of the gifts they got when they were four, let alone who gave them. However, this is the kind of situation that has the potential to cause a permanent rift in your relationship with your sister-in-law. I suggest you allow his aunt to give him the gift she purchased this year. She probably wasn't aware of how it impacts you. For the future, I have learned to stake out certain gifts that I want to give to my childern by letting everyone in the family know that that's what I am planning to give. If you have trouble finding a gift, ask the family to help you locate it (but not buy it). Also, it's a good idea to let your family know if you believe a popular toy is inappropriate for your child, i.e. XYZ toy is too noisy, rude, will give him nightmares, etc. If your sister-in-law persists in trying to scoop your gifts, buy what you want and make sure he opens your gift first. She'll get the message.

No, no, NO - that mother should keep her mouth shut. This just in: It's not about you. It's about your child receiving a present that you think will make him happy. Why in god's name would you care whether it came from aunt or stocking or whatever? Think on the bright side: Now you have the fun of thinking up something else your son might enjoy for the stocking.

We encourage users to analyze, comment on and even challenge washingtonpost.com's articles, blogs, reviews and multimedia features.

User reviews and comments that include profanity or personal attacks or other inappropriate comments or material will be removed from the site. Additionally, entries that are unsigned or contain "signatures" by someone other than the actual author will be removed. Finally, we will take steps to block users who violate any of our posting standards, terms of use or privacy policies or any other policies governing this site. Please review the full rules governing commentaries and discussions.