Everyone wants to give gifts - it feels good & it's a lot of fun to shop.... so, request Books - nice, beautiful books you'd never spend the money on. Since requesting that years ago we have a beautiful library of hardcover children's books/encyclopedia's, etc. Everyone wins in this scenario. When the kids have outgrown them, donate them to a book basket in your area.

We have been struggling with this issue for several years now, and I have to say we've made huge progress. Our family now understands our preferences and gives us fewer things-- and smaller things, when they do give something (for instance, my in-laws will be giving my kids a subscription to one of the Cricket magazines for Christmas).

I strongly recommend looking into the Center for a New American dream (motto: More Fun, Less Stuff). They have a lot of advice on how to simplify the holidays and talk to family members about this issue. Our holidays are much less stressful and much happier now!

http://www.newdream.org/

I couldn't agree more about the toys. The poster's children are young. It's often hard to buy for the wee ones.

1. She might want to write a Letter to Santa or a Christmas Wish List for people that she is close to so that people can see what the kids truly like or need.

2. Asking for money for a college fund is often risky, but not out of the question as long as you are comfortable with the people you know.

3. I agree with the previous poster about books. They are by far my favorite gift to give.

4. Children are always going to receive toys and people love to give them. Allow them to open one age appropriate toy to play with and sort the rest. You can decide at a less stressful time what you would like to do with them.

I found the most annoying gift, a Power Rangers play knife/cell phone!

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2497911&cp=&view=all&f=Taxonomy%2FTRUS%2F2254197&origkw=power+rangers&kw=power+rangers&parentPage=search

Motorolla sells a Razr cellphone, how about a Taser model, too?

A few people have asked recently what to get our son (1 year old). I said clothes - especially in a size and season bigger. We got a ton of baby clothes when he was born, and he'll always need it. Plus he's too young to know/want toys, so he won't care. He honestly does like the paper as much as the gift!

My advice if people ask is be very specific! (but not diapers - while it's a great gift to get, not great to give).

I'm also trying to encourage people to get 1 gift for all 3 kids - kind of challenging since they're 2-7 but not impossible. Or - one for the older boys and one for my daughter.

But I agree - w/2 birthdays in Oct and then Christmas - I'm constantly culling toys - but our house still looks like a toy dump sometimes.

I'd like to add on the books - while they're a great book - they can also be overwhelming.

I am generally of the opinion that it is not in the best taste to ask for money. In fact, gifts should be seen as optional anyway. If people do ask you what to give, you may tell them that you would prefer a smaller gift or something consumable. Ultimately, even though the college fund is helping out your children, it is also helping you. I know I would be taken aback if someone asked me to do this. It just seems...opportunistic.

We, too, struggle with this. We've been doing college contributions for a few years now in our family and it has worked out nicely, since we're all on the same page w/this. It all depends on your relationship w/the gift-giver. We all agree that it would be nice if the kids didn't have gi-normous student loan debts upon graduation. Another alternative to toys is a gift certificate to an activity, such as spring soccer league, summer camp, or membership to a local children's museum.

I COULDN'T AGREE MORE WITH THE ISSUE ABOUT TO MANY TOYS. I HAVE TWIN BOYS 11MOS AND A BOY 8 WHO JUST HAD A BIRTHDAY THIS WEEK. HE RECEIVED MANY TOYS FOR HIS BIRTHDAY AND PLAYS WITH NONE OF THEM. HE ONCE ASKED, "WHY DO I GET SO MANY TOYS." FAMILY AND FRIENDS AKSED WHAT TOYS DO HE LIKE AND I TELL THEM KINDLY, PLEASE NO TOYS. NOW, WE HAVE CHRISTMAS AROUND THE CORNER AND THE TWINS WILL BE ONE YEARS OLD IN DEC. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO TELL FAMILY. BOOKS ARE GREAT TO GIVE, HOWEVER, THEY ARE USUALLY NOT DEVELOPMENTAL APPROPRIATE FOR THE CHILD. I SUGGEST GIVE THE TOYS TO A HOMELESS SHELTERS OR SCHOOL AND NEXT TIME TELL THE FAMILY AND FRIENDS TO PLEASE LIMITED THE TOYS OR DONATE TO THEIR COLLEGE FUNDS.

Wouldn't an age appropriate gift card work? (Toys-R-Us or Borders for the kids, Bed, Bath and Beyond or something like that for the adults). Seems pretty easy. Ask for age appropriate gift cards next time.

I agree about fewer toys and less overall stuff and aggravation around the holidays being a good thing, but my question is about this "widowmaker" toy...

It MAIMED 2 of your kids? Doesn't that imply they each lost a limb? How much did you settle for when you sued?

I have two kids of my own, and totally agree with the desire to have less toys. However -- I do feel that providing a Purchase Order on what you want is insulting. The gift is for the child, not the parent. Isn't it more fun to receive a toy than a Turkey Sandwich on Wheat-bread (from a child's perspective, a college fund is about as exciting as a turkey sandwich)? And any gift that involves specific dollar amounts (like donations) is something I'd prefer to avoid. Gifts are Gifts...not blank checks to direct as you choose.

Perhaps I'm old-fashioned, but asking for money in any form, including gift cards, seems inappropriate to me. Likewise, asking for specific items (unless the giver has asked for suggestions) walks that fine line of "gift registries," in which you are asking others to underwrite your purchases.

The email to friends and relatives seems like the right choice, provided it is done in a grateful and non-judgemental spirit (thanking them for their past generosity). Along those lines, you could request the best gift of all, which would be their time. This could be in the form of a gift-free holiday gathering centered on an activity like decorating cookies or gathering Toys for Tots.

If people still prefer to give toys, as is their right, you could do as a friend does and "edit" them before putting them under the tree. Some go to charity; others are put away for a "rainy day" when they will be better appreciated.

Ugh, don't ask for money or diapers - tacky, tacky, tacky. Charitable donations are fine. But in general gift-givers want to give pleasure to the recipient. So think about a membership to a fun museum (here in Baltimore there are more for kids, and they cost!) or the zoo. Think about things the kids would enjoy that aren't big THINGs.

My family put a $10 gift limit on everyone but the parents of the child and the grandparents (but only for the younger kids). That seems to have cut down on the number of toys the little ones get and created more thoughtful gifts for the older family members. It's like a game for us, since my family is so big, to see who can come up with the best gifts for under $10. We hunt all year 'round. It is challenging for the little ones, but doable. Art supplies are great, especially unusual ones, like glow-in-the-dark, washable crayons. Gift certificates are good for teenagers, they can pitch in a few more dollars and get a CD or teeshirt or something, and unique/homemade jewlery goes over well with moms and aunts and grandmas. For the guys (dads, uncles, grandpas) almost anything sports themed is good.

AGE APPROPRIATE is key. If your family feels like $10 per person is being cheap, by all means, the college fund idea is a great one!

A lot of families put names in a hat and draw for who gives whom a gift - seems like a fair way to do things....

The best things in life are free.

Some big gifts are better. Big empty boxes and big piles of dirt. Plus they are great for every age.

Also, gifts of time are great. I just read a book where the grandparent gave the grandchild 8 hours of listening time. What a win for everyone.

Give a trip to the zoo to a child or a night of babysitting for a parent. It will be much more appreciated than the 10 millionth stuffed animal or the expensive travel alarm clock.

Asking for money is always a bad idea, but time is invaluable - a gift of babysitting (good for Mom & child), zoo visits, or the like are great. BTW, the best gifts I ever got in childhood were always books. I still have my favorites!

At one and two respectively, your kids are too young to acknowledge the toys they receive. If your relatives want the memory of opening gifts, tell them to wrap empty boxes. They'll get their picture/video and the kid can play with the box later. Add bubble wrap for more fun.

If people still need to buy something, books are nice. So are those mesh boxes they sell at the Container Store, Ikea, or Bed, Bath and Beyond. Some are shaped like animals and come in fun colors. Kids like to climb in and out of them and later, they can be used to hold dirty clothes, stuffed animals or toys.

I like to give consumable toys-- sidewalk chalk, finger paint, big roll of paper, think of the things you'd normally get for fun over the course of a year.

A year's membership to the B&O Railway museum or a promisary note to the child that Aunt so & so will take them to the zoo some afternoon, will be just as nice.

My family is very large. I have 5 siblings and there are over 20 nieces and nephews and now 3 (going on 4) great nieces/nephews.
We decided that the kids get enough stuff from Mom and Dad and grandparents. The rest of the family adopts a family in need in their neighborhood or community. The money they would have spent on toys that wouldn't be played with, inappropriate clothing or toys is spent on a family who would not have any holiday season without the assistance of others. The kids complained when we first brought it up but we are going on year 3 and have yet to hear anything on Christmas about the number of presents they received. A good lesson for all and help and gifts for someone who really needs it.

We prefer books, clothes in the next size up, shoes, small toys... Also stickers, washable markers, coloring books for the biggger kids...
When there's a lot of kids at Xmas, we usually intitute a price cut-off. And my in-laws give us bonds, which are much appreciated!

My kids (5 year old and 2 year old twins) get tons of toys between Christmas and their birthdays (Jan/Feb). It is difficult to ask people not to buy them stuff. My family loves giving gifts. So, here is what we do. First, we buy them one or two things each for Christmas from Santa. Everything else comes from family members. Once they are in bed following Christmas or Birthday Party, we take away most of the toys they received and put them in a closet to bring out throughout the year. Usually, with this system, each child gets one new thing each month for the whole year. Special books are kept on a special shelf and are used only with a grown up so they don't get torn, etc. Sometimes, we do give the toys away, new. Also, every time I meet a new mom, I try to pass on some of the toys we have outgrown.

I have two preschoolers. I agree that asking for money in any way, shape, or form is inappropriate (and I have a very easy going family). When people ask what my kids what, I often suggest any kind of arts and crafts materials. They are consummable and always useful.

If all else fails and we get inundated with toys, I choose a couple for them to keep, and either donate the others or return them to buy something the kids need.

This is hard because people, in general, love to give gifts to children. Especially toys. I think there are two things at play here. 1) The adult loves to see the joy that a new toy brings to a child's face 2) it is sort of reliving a part of their own childhood when they shop for toys. I actually find toys very interesting. So it is hard to tell relatives and friends not to buy gifts. Also some people find requesting certain toys or types of gifts insulting. Especially if the gift will some how benefit the parents, like diapers or college fund. What I suggest is give them a list of age appropriate toys. Give them a $ range or a number of toys that is allowed. Also give alternative suggestions like gift cards, books, and clothes. If all else fails, return the gifts if you can and do whatever you want with the money. Also, distribute the gifts through out the year. I asked my brother to send a check for college in lieu of a gift. This worked fine because he asked for the same. I am thinking of asking other relatives the same. I know the inlaws will refuse to do that. But if they give a duplicate gift or an inappropriate gift, I will return it. I have already told my DH this. I also think his parents refuse to take suggestions. So that is their own problem. If they simply give a toy that I don't prefer, I would still give it to my kid. I don't have to be in love with it. But I get annoyed with age inappropriate gifts.

The same issue has come up in our family and we have (in a kind and polite way) come up with agreed upon ground rules.

All adults in my family, which includes me, my brother, my parents and grandparents have agree to cease gift exchanges. To the extent someone wants to do something special, we make charitable donations or send wine our gourmet food. The only exception really is my grandparents who like to hand down their treasures each Christmas (antiques or other special items they have had for years).

Kids, there are 2 - my neice and nephew, gifts are limited to $50 and my brother and his wife have encouraged all of us to directly deposit that $50 into their college fund.

Kids have so much these days and their is such pressure to consume that its wonderful and respectful to try and take a different route.

I thought of something else.... if someone asked what the kids would like, I tried to steer them in the direction of a "collection" the kids were into at the particular time. For a long time it was Playmobil, then American Girl dolls. So, grandparents, etc., had a lot of fun picking out the toys/outfit but also knew it would get a lot of play -- which it did. I think everyone knows kids have "too much" but as someone said above, it's just too fun to shop, so why not let them indulge?

At first glance, I would have thought the gift card idea for a child a bad one. But a friend recently told me that her 10 yr old had received a Best Buy gift card for his b-day and it wound up being a great learning experience! He felt it was his own credit card and he took good care of it. They spent some time in the store and with an ad circular trying to decide what to get. He weighed the pros and cons of each item and calculated how much he might have to chip in. It began a great discussion about money management. I wouldn't have thought of it that way.

I'd probably pick a Borders card since that allows child to choose book, music, some toys, ....

While I agree gift giving has gotten out of hand.. some of you are taking this way too seriously.

Part of the excitement of giving gifts is to find something thoughtful and creative.. it doesn't have to cost a lot of money. Something the person wouldn't buy themselves.

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