For gifts that don't add more stuff, one option is to give people charitable contributions in their name. One of my favorite resources is the Heifer Project, where you can buy a roost of hens, or a share of a water buffalo, or a rabbit, for a needy family in the developing world. It's a way to help people help themselves, and it's fun for the recipients because the donation goes to something so tangible. You could also make a donation in their name to their favorite charity. Other "non-stuff" gifts might include
-a subscription to a wine-of-the-month club (you get the wine, but you also get to drink it and toss the bottles!) (I like the options at wine.com),
-movie tickets and the donation of babysitting services so your loved one can do dinner and a movie,
-a gift certificate for a massage
-theater, opera, or concert tickets (or gift certificates for them).

For family gifts, we all--nieces and nephews, brothers and sisters--each draw a name out of the hat and give one gift. We keep the dollar amount at a reasonable level. It's always worked well--everyone gets one present and gives one present, and the rules are clear.

Recently my sibling and I have co-conspired to give my parents one large gift for the year (includes Christmas, 2 birthdays, Mothers/Fathers Day, Anniversary). This year my parents received Barbra Streisand tickets. Last year, we upgraded their computer. For parents who have plenty of things and are happy to have new experiences in their mid-life, almost-retirement years, this is working well. We still remember and celebrate their special days, but we no longer shop for each day individually.

My sister and I decided a couple of years ago to just give each other an ornament each year. We can still be creative in picking out one that fits the person, but the price is reasonable because of the nature of the gift. And even though this qualifies as "stuff", it is something that only comes out once a year on the tree and then is packed away, so it might qualify for the first problem, too. (of course, this is assuming people put up a tree or holiday decorations of some sort)

My wife has special taste and preferences (she`s a collector) that I can always be sure she will not like what I give her. So now I have "given" her a budget to spend happily on eBay for whatever she likes there. She seems to enjoy that immensely. Me cheering for her acquisitions is part of the deal.

Family: parents, 5 children over 45 (three have spouses), two of those have 5 children between them. The middle generation (mine) buys gifts for the older and younger generation, but not for each other. We started that last year having previously been going the Pollyanna route amoung the 8 of us. It had gotten to where we were telling the person who had our name exactly what to buy, and that just seemed silly.

My sister-in-law is a practical woman. Years ago she mentioned that she wished everyone would give her "useful" gifts. Since then I've always gotten her things like dishtowels & potholders, doormats (no insult implied!), kitchen tools... These are things that frequently need replacing, and the old stuff can be tossed, so you're not compounding the clutter. Now I request the same type of gifts from my family.

Re: "non-stuff", for children, we like savings bonds that can be used toward college expenses.

In my wife's family (six siblings) we pull names for the adults. All nephews and nieces are a la carte (ages run from 22 to 2).

Sorry to be so obtuse, but what is a "Yankee Swap"?

Of-the-month clubs make great clutter-free gifts. Last year, I struggled with what to give my father, as he and Mom were in the midst of retiring and downsizing. I found a Coffee-of-the-Month club at igourmet.com and Dad loved it! This year I am giving him a gift certificate for a glider ride -- something he has always wanted to do!

I'm too southern to know what a Yankee Swap is!

We have a small family so it is not an issue for us. Generally the three adults in the family (me, husband, MIL) get each other one or two big gifts and then some small ones.

I meant to comment on the I-Tunes gift card. That works if the kid has an ipod. Not all music players are Ipods. I-tunes gift cards -- not sure if they would work for a non-Ipod player. So the music gift card is a great idea, just make sure the music you give is compatible with the player first.

A Yankee swap works like this. Everyone who is to participate brings a wrapped gift (you can preset a $ limit) All gifts go in a pile. You draw a name, that person chooses a gift and unwraps it. you draw another name, that person either chooses an unwrapped gift or goes to the pile. If you gift is "stolen" you go to the pile and unwrap another. etc until all have a gift. You may have to set steal limits ie each gift may be stolen only 3 times or whatever or what ends up happening is 2 or 3 gifts keep getting passed until someone just tires of it. DO this every year with one set of friends its great fun.

One idea for a special gift for a child is to sponsor a same age child in Delhi, India through DEEPALAYA, a wonderful program that provides an entire year of education, shelter, food, and healthcare for a child for only $100. Your family will receive a picture and a progress report and on-going communication between the children is encouraged. Yes, only $100 can actually save a life and contribute to a child's success and it is tax deductible.
At www.usa.deepalaya.org you can learn more about the US Deepalaya Foundation and Deepalaya's many comprehensive programs for abused and street children, "gender equity" -- outreach to girls with no access to education, and vocational training and microcredit for disenfranchised villagers. The organization is the largest NGO in Delhi and it is recognized throughout the world for its leadership and organizational accountability and transparency.

My siblings and I started something a few years ago where we rotate among ourselves for gift giving - this year I give to one brother, next year the other, next, my sister. So you give one sibling one big gift and they give one to another and it shifts each year. At this age we'd rather get a nice $75 gift than three $25 ones. With all of us living all over the world it also saves us a bundle on shipping! Speaking of which, iTunes gift certificates are great b/c they can buy tv shows too - my brother in Japan loves it!

My mom's family has a hard $5 rule. Children under 16 are exempt. We use the rule because it's supposed to be the thought that counts, and you have to think pretty hard to find something appropriate. But with inflation, we're considering going up to $10.

In my family, the middle generation gives to each one in the oldest and youngest generations, and then we pick names and give to one other middle-gen person. But all any of the middle gen wants anymore is gift certificates, which seems silly to me. Why bother?

Sometimes, for the parents, if we get a dinner or overnight-at-a-B&B gift certificate, I will take some time to make the presentation special. E.g. one year, we got a GC to take my husband's parents out to a Chinese restaurant we love. We baked fortune cookies w/ funny fortunes in them (tailored to each member of the family), with a special fortune that announced the gift.

Another time, for a family dinner at Sweetwater Tavern, my kids and I made a chocolate waffle a la mode from homemade brown and white playdoh...complete with the chocolate star...and presented that.

For a Chez Francois gift certificate for the fans of Chef Jacques, we put a stick of butter in a box, printed out the words, "What's wrong with butter? NOTHING!" in large, fancy script on nice cardstock, and wrapped it up in a nice box w/ the certificate (and refrigerated it!). (BTW, his cooking demonstrations are a great gift!)

The recipients get a kick out of stuff like this and it makes me feel like we've done more than just buy a gift certificate. Now what the heck are we gonna do this year???

We encourage users to analyze, comment on and even challenge washingtonpost.com's articles, blogs, reviews and multimedia features.

User reviews and comments that include profanity or personal attacks or other inappropriate comments or material will be removed from the site. Additionally, entries that are unsigned or contain "signatures" by someone other than the actual author will be removed. Finally, we will take steps to block users who violate any of our posting standards, terms of use or privacy policies or any other policies governing this site. Please review the full rules governing commentaries and discussions.