I have this issue, too: My in-laws want to bring the canned green bean goo. (What IS that?) And and otherwise rational friend who wants to put marshmallows on perfectly good sweet potatoes. To control what goes on my table, I simply tell guests that they are just that, guests, and to just bring themselves. I think it would totally ruin your Thanksgiving if you have to eat bad food.

For some people, it isn't Thanksgiving/Christmas/Arbor Day without the slimy green bean casserole/mushy commercial ham/marshmallow-topped fruit-cocktail-laden gelatin. Why not just let your guests bring something they really have to have? You don't have to eat it (I sure wouldn't), but I think good hosts lighten up on their standards enough to let that stuff into their houses.

Not another control freak!?? Is this the mom that didn't want her sister to give the nephew the cool computer game?? What is it about the holidays that brings out all the control freaks? T'giving isn't a typical dinner party. It is common for people to treat it as a potluck. Make your dishes and welcome all the contributions from your guests. And relax.

I will preface this by saying my Thanksgivings have always been a bit pot-luck; we usually make it Thanksgiving lunch rather than dinner, and the host usually cooks the turkey and the rest of us bring side dishes/pies/appetizers and it manages to work itself out, so my opinion is probably a bit biased. There are also 30 of us and about 10 of us have our normal contributions, so it's not likely that there are repeats.

That having been said -- if it means that much to the person (I don't believe the gender was ever specified, I find it interesting we all assume it's a female), they might want to say something. But if everyone's offering to bring something, why not let them and take the load off the chef? Thanksgiving is their holiday as well.

However, I will point out that *next year* if this is done again, state on invitation that there's a set of things that is planned and that all the guests need bring is their appetite.

I pass off the things that are a real pain in the keister for me to make-- baked goods: pies, rolls, etc... and I tell my guests just that. I enjoy cooking and making everything else but the baking.

Guests can bring the wine. Sometimes, however, they don't know exactly what kind of wine to bring. You can help them out with suggestions like "Pinot Noir goes great with turkey" or "Aunt Betsy must have her Riesling."

I've got a guest bringing the green bean casserole, which for goo, is mighty tasty and extremely addictive. But it's not the only green vegetable in the world. I'd suggest Mr. or Ms. Q fry some broccoli or spinach in ginger and garlic and offer an alternative!

If this were just a regular dinner party I'd feel differently, but this is a Thanksgiving dinner. The holidays have a lot of traditions and memories for people, and that includes food. For some people, it just isn't Thanksgiving without those unfashionable side dishes like green bean casserole and candied yams. It seems that the person hosting this party is more concerned with impressing her guests and showing off vs. making sure they have a good Thanksgiving. I'd save the gingered green beans for another day, myself.

I agree with web brat and ML and others. Let's remember the origins of Thanksgiving, when people SHARED their bounty to create what was probably the first American pot-luck feast. I don't think I've ever been to (or had) a Thanksgiving dinner where guests didn't contribute their favorite or cooking specialty. That's what it's all about!

I don't know how much I'd WANT to attend a Thanksgiving dinner where my contribution was called "goo" and treated with disdain. Just because the host finds something disgusting doesn't mean all the guests will.

Uh, someone is not a control freak if they are throwing a party/dinner/etc and want it to be a certain way - otherwise, why go through the trouble of hosting?

I think most of the options given are viable, and don't so much have one of my own as a viewpoint the hostess might want to consider. Many (alright, some) people have food allergies or other dietary sensitivities, and find that it is easier (and less seemingly-demanding) to bring a dish that they will be able to eat, rather than interrogate the cook regarding the contents of his or her dishes. While this may not be the case with any of her 10 couples, I know it often is in my family, where we are grateful for a little less digestive pyrotechnics and a little more understanding.

W:
If you're being invited to a dinner with say Filet Mignon, and you offer to bring pigs in a blanket for an appetizer, what are you saying about the dinner that is being prepared? PIB is not on the same level as F. Mignon - and that green-bean casserole is closer to PIB than F. Mignon...

My mother wondered why my aunt didn't eat the green-bean-thing when she brought it to a family dinner once: my explaination was that not everyone likes the green-bean-thing...

When my husband and I were dating we did a huge pot-luck T-day dinner. I hated it! The only things I ended up eating were those I made myself anyway. Last year we went to my family's (hubby wasn't so happy). This year I am doing everything myself and the guests just need to bring themselves. I did compromise and my husband will be making his favorite green bean goo, and I bought a can of cranberry jelly for him along with my homemade sauce. And yes, I freely admit to being a control freak, but at least I'm happier this way!

Here is my solution: I love to host Thanksgiving, and I love to cook. I also know what kind of a cook my guests are. Those that I know will bring canned goo or some such, I will ask to bring dessert or drinks instead with suggestions and where to buy them, those that I know will make a great side dish, I ask them to make it. It is easy and I still have some control in what is being served in my house. I also follow other hosts' rules when I am the guest. It has nothing to do with being a control freak, if they don't like my rules they can make their own Thanksgiving dinner.

The first year I had Thanksgiving at my boyfriend's house instead of going home to my family, I baked some cranberry bread to bring along. I confess that it was Pillsbury, but it was something that my mom always made (yes, from the box) and it was enjoyed by my family. I was feeling a little homesick, and bringing the bread felt like having a little piece of my family there.

I was a little disappointed, though, that nobody even *tried* a piece. I mean, I tried their stuff (no goo, just green beans boiled to oblivion with bacon); couldn't any of them (boyfriend included!) have tried a piece out of the spirit of Thanksgiving -- sharing the bounty, etc?

I love to cook and consider the meal as a whole, so I understand not wanting contributions. I'm the same way. So I know my weakness (baking) and let others fill that in. I don't think guests need to feel entitled to eat their dishes when they are invited elsewhere. If they are so wed to particular dishes, they should host.

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