Archive: The Tony Kornheiser Show
Just Imagine This In D.C.
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we heard about a German town's rather novel attempt to improve road safety. Never mind that it actually sounds quite dangerous, though word is owners of body repair shops are raising their beer steins in celebration....
By Brennan Haselton | September 11, 2007; 10:40 AM ET | Comments (1)
We've Now Reached Our Cruising Altitude, Pilgrims
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we heard about a new airline service that's uplifting in more ways than one. You can truly call this a spiritual journey....
By Brennan Haselton | August 28, 2007; 10:33 AM ET | Comments (0)
Fry This
If you thought you'd heard it all when it comes to fried food, think again. This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we learned that the fried imagination knows no bounds, at least in the Lone Star state. Heart disease never tasted so good....
By Brennan Haselton | August 27, 2007; 10:32 AM ET | Comments (0)
A Different Kind Of Stowaway
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we learned that though you can't take a bottle of water on a plane, monkeys may be a different story! Like anyone else, this little guy was just ticked off he didn't get upgraded to first-class....
By Brennan Haselton | August 8, 2007; 10:36 AM ET | Comments (1)
Number 17 And Counting...
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we heard about an Arkansas couple that's just welcomed their seventeenth child into the world. When you've changed an estimated 90,000 diapers, then you'll know what having such a big family is like....
By Brennan Haselton | August 6, 2007; 10:46 AM ET | Comments (1)
Stockpiling For The Revolution
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we heard the tale (or is it tail?) of a squirrel with a sweet tooth. Along with eating well, the animals are clearly trying to keep their minds alert by amusing themselves....
By Brennan Haselton | August 3, 2007; 09:33 AM ET | Comments (1)
A Lunch Date With Armani?
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we heard a story about a foot soldier in the animal revolution who managed to find a way to freedom. It could be he's headed to Montgomery County, Maryland, to liberate another well-known capuchin monkey....
By Brennan Haselton | August 2, 2007; 10:48 AM ET | Email a Comment
Was This Study Really Necessary?
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we heard about an exhaustive study into the reasons why people have sex. Possible punch lines are simply too numerous....
By Brennan Haselton | August 1, 2007; 10:30 AM ET | Email a Comment
In One End, Out The Other
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we heard a pair of stories... one, about a new food creation on a stick and, the other, about some new products created by a substance that used to be sticks. Some of you may not find either to be...
By Brennan Haselton | July 30, 2007; 10:34 AM ET | Comments (1)
A Meat-Free White House?
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we heard that animal rights activists have a small request for President Bush. Cabbage is huge in Texas, no?...
By Brennan Haselton | July 27, 2007; 10:30 AM ET | Comments (1)
The Furry Grim Reaper
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we heard a truly amazing, and perhaps disturbing, story about a cat that can apparently predict death. Are you sure you want Mr. Whiskers curling up next to you in bed tonight?...
By Brennan Haselton | July 26, 2007; 10:30 AM ET | Comments (1)
The Tip On This One... Painful
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we heard about a gentleman with a taste for pricey champagne and vodka AND a gigantic wallet. You'd think they might throw in the Cokes, on the house, but no....
By Brennan Haselton | July 25, 2007; 10:49 AM ET | Email a Comment
Trying to outrun a posse? Hold on tight.
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we heard a story about a couple who tried to outrun the law the old-fashioned way. One piece of advice: when galloping away from police, keep an eye out for low hanging wires. Ouch....
By Brennan Haselton | July 24, 2007; 10:29 AM ET | Email a Comment
Score: Chihuahua 1, Rattlesnake 0
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we heard the tale of a small dog that didn't back down from a snake with big teeth. However, the reptile community is reportedly plotting its revenge....
By Brennan Haselton | July 23, 2007; 10:28 AM ET | Email a Comment
A Different Kind Of Money Laundering
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we heard a story that Mr. Tony is all too familiar with: a pooch with a healthy appetite for cold, hard cash. Needing chopsticks to retrieve hundreds of dollars from various spots around the back yard is never a good...
By Brennan Haselton | July 20, 2007; 10:36 AM ET | Email a Comment
Welcome To Our Home, or Barn
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we learned that houses and horses don't necessarily mix. But, if you like flies, this might just be the atmosphere you're looking for inside your home....
By Marc Sterne | July 19, 2007; 10:30 AM ET | Email a Comment
Don't Try This At Home
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we heard about an interesting, to say the least, new type of coffee... with origins you might do your best to just forget. If this doesn't make YOU cough up a hairball, it may be nothing will....
By Marc Sterne | July 18, 2007; 10:42 AM ET | Email a Comment
Police Hunt For Thieving Monkey
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we heard about a thieving monkey who is clearly trying to improve his vision, and thus play a larger role in the animal revolution. Next, the animals may be storming Lasik vision centers around the globe....
By Marc Sterne | July 17, 2007; 10:47 AM ET | Email a Comment
Suspected Spying Squirrels Seized
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we learned about an insidious plot against Iran that, apparently, has been thwarted. Wait, are those grenades? No, sorry, they're acorns....
By Marc Sterne | July 13, 2007; 12:13 PM ET | Email a Comment
Wow, Look At All The... Toilets
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we heard about a new public toilet complex that one region in China is quite proud of. Just watch out for that urinal inside an open crocodile mouth over there......
By Marc Sterne | July 12, 2007; 11:01 AM ET | Email a Comment
I Do, And Here's My Shoe
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we learned about a happy bride who decided to take a bit of corrective action where her new husband was concerned. Guests decide towels to mop up blood will be an ideal gift....
By Marc Sterne | July 11, 2007; 10:30 AM ET | Email a Comment
Boys, Beef Up For The Birds
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we learned about a new study that finds (surprise!) women are attracted to men with more muscles. The sound of dumbbells being dusted off echoes across the country....
By Marc Sterne | July 10, 2007; 10:33 AM ET | Email a Comment
Leafy Robber Hits Bank
This morning on The Tony Kornheiser Show, starring David Burd, we learned about a not-so-crafty master of disguise who tried avoiding bank security by combining a Ninja mind trick with duct tape. Almost got away with it, too, Inspector Clouseau cites solid investigation techniques for arrest....
By Marc Sterne | July 9, 2007; 12:40 PM ET | Email a Comment
Who got this shark pregnant????
In the ever present desire to present information for life to it's audience, this morning on the Tony Kornheiser Show we learned about a the mystery surrounding a dead pregnant shark. Zoo officials aren't exactly sure how the shark got with child, but don't aren't playing the "Immaculate Birth" card...
By Marc Sterne | June 26, 2007; 01:36 PM ET | Email a Comment
Snakes on a Plane ain't got nothin' on this Flight from hell
This morning on the Tony Kornheiser Show, Tony got another reason to not fly (as if he needed another reason, right?), when we learned about a airplane flight beset by toilet troubles. Makes walking anywhere seem like a better option......
By Marc Sterne | June 22, 2007; 11:07 AM ET | Email a Comment
That's a cute baby...What the heck did you say his name was????
It was pretty funny when George Costanza wanted to name his kid "7" after Mickey Mantle, but it wasn't so funny when a New Zealand couple tried to give their child what ammounted to a license plate name. Fortunately a judge stepped in and stopped it, saving the child from...
By Marc Sterne | June 21, 2007; 01:04 PM ET | Email a Comment
Monkeys granted limited parole at National Zoo
In what a move that can only be a reward for providing critical information to their human captors to foil the upcoming animal revolution, we learned on the Tony Kornheiser Show this morning that some monkeys will be allowed to roam free through the National Zoo for the next few...
By Marc Sterne | June 20, 2007; 01:16 PM ET | Email a Comment
Tummy ache? No worries - take two frogs and call me in the morning!
We've all suffered from a stoache from time to time, but today on the Tony Kornheiser Show, we learned the surefire cure - eating frogs and rats! Mmmmm mmmmm good, right? The people from TUMS and ROLAIDS are apparently working on a frog/rodent pill for use in the US soon....
By Marc Sterne | June 6, 2007; 12:36 PM ET | Email a Comment
Great - Wild Turkey...no wait it's the bird not the booze
As we learned on the Tony Kornheiser Show this morning, wild turkey's have now joined the ranks of the animals rising up against their human overlords - terrorizing a town in Michigan. Evidently they can fly too...Less Nessman unavailable for comment....
By Marc Sterne | June 4, 2007; 01:55 PM ET | Email a Comment
A good walk spoiled...by rabid otters
This monring on the Tony Kornheiser Show we learned what to do in the event you are attacked by a rabid otter on a golf course. Tony recomended using a 5 Iron. Monty Python still swears by the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch....
By Marc Sterne | June 1, 2007; 12:42 PM ET | Email a Comment
Boy tells 1000 pound wild hog "Go Ahead, make my day"
How do you stop a wild hog that weighs over 1000 lbs? As we found out on the Tony Kornheiser Show this morning, if you're 11 year old Jamison Stone, you shoot it with your .50 caliber pistol 8 times. That should make for an interesting "show and tell" back...
By Marc Sterne | May 31, 2007; 01:12 PM ET | Email a Comment
Seriously Officer, I was robbed by an elephant!
What does it say about the state of the world, when you can't even drive down the road in India without being robbed by a bandit elephant. Authorities are reportedly working on training an elite team of mice to deal with this scourge of the highway, the Tony Kornheiser Show...
By Marc Sterne | May 30, 2007; 12:42 PM ET | Email a Comment
Human wins pivotal wrestling match with Leopard in International Interspecies Match
This morning on the Tony Kornheiser Show we learned that maybe we can solve our problems with the animal world through atheltic contests like wrestling. The only problem is that if we lose, we'll probably be eaten.......
By Marc Sterne | May 29, 2007; 02:14 PM ET | Email a Comment
Snakes on a plane : The Reality Show
If you think it's bad sitting next to the guy with bad body odor on a long flight - how about sitting next to the guy with 700 snakes in his bag - doesn't that sound like fun? No word on how Samuel Jackson feels about all of this.......
By Marc Sterne | May 25, 2007; 11:17 AM ET | Email a Comment
Table for one...Orangutan!
If you were an Orangutan, and you escaped from your cage at the Zoo, where's the first place you'd go? Well, as we learned on the Tony Kornheiser Show this morning, you'd head to the nearest restaurant and try and get a table. Then maybe you'd flip the table over,...
By Marc Sterne | May 24, 2007; 01:56 PM ET | Email a Comment
Monkey Love!
You know the old saying - nothing can come between a mother and her child. Except, as we learned on the Tony Kornheiser Show, for the State of Maryland...ok, I guess it makes a difference if the child is actually a monkey and not a human....
By Marc Sterne | May 23, 2007; 12:32 PM ET | Email a Comment
Important Safety Tip 2 : Don't eat the plague infested squirrels
Now I know this will be hard for a lot of folks - but if you're headed to the Denver Zoo anytime soon, resist the urge to eat any squirrels, for as we found out today on the Tony Kornheiser Show, they may give you the Bubonic Plague. And that...
By Marc Sterne | May 22, 2007; 01:30 PM ET | Email a Comment
Important Safety Tip : Don't Taunt the big Gorilla
In a followup to the story of a gorilla attack in a Rotterdam Zoo that we learned about yesterday on the Tony Kornheiser Show, we learned today why Bokito went a little nuts. May have been humans fault - sorry Bokito - our bad.......
By Marc Sterne | May 22, 2007; 01:26 PM ET | Email a Comment
Animal Uprising Euro Style
It could be the opening act in the worldwide animal revolution, or it could just be a hungry Dutch Gorilla, excited for meatloaf night at the cafeteria. Either way, as we learned on the Tony Kornheiser Show this morning, it made for an interesting afternoon at the Rodderdam Zoo....
By Marc Sterne | May 21, 2007; 02:47 PM ET | Email a Comment
Doo Doo Won't Do When Paying A Parking Ticket
Ever feel like getting a little revenge on the meter maid who wrote up your parking ticket? Want to show the local police just what you think about the fine? Well, a 22-year-old Minnesota man included a little surprise when he dropped off his paid parking ticket - some dog...
By Jessica Marcus | May 18, 2007; 05:31 PM ET | Email a Comment
Greg Fokker wins Rocks Paper Siccors Tourney!!!
Today on the Tony Kornheiser Show we learned about the cutting edge new sport - Rocks Paper Scissors! That's right kids, anyone can play - and anyone can win - even a male nurse! How long before this is a sport at the Olympics?????...
By Marc Sterne | May 17, 2007; 01:44 PM ET | Email a Comment
Was Adam Archuleta ever a janitor in Montreal?
Since everybody seems to blame Adam Archuleta for everything these days - why not pin one more thing on him? Today on the Tony Kornheiser Show we learned about a Bar mitzvah in Montreal that was singlehandedly ruined by a drunken janitor. Maybe it was Archuleta's cousin......
By Marc Sterne | May 16, 2007; 12:24 PM ET | Email a Comment
Say it ain't so, Balboa!!!
I'm shocked - shocked I say - to find out that Sylvester Stallone uses steroids. As we found out on the Tony Kornheiser Show today, it may not have been jogging through huge snowdrifts while being chased by the KGB in Rocky IV that got the Italian Stallion so ripped....
By Marc Sterne | May 15, 2007; 12:48 PM ET | Comments (2)
Finally - people and sealions getting along! Wait a minute, sea lions???
Today on the Tony Kornheiser Show, we learned about what could be a sign that the animals may not be on the verge of a worlwide uprising against humans....or they could just be lulling us into a false sense of security, you never know....
By Marc Sterne | May 14, 2007; 04:25 PM ET | Email a Comment
Old MacDonald had a farm, eee eye eee eye Ohhhh No!!!
I don't know what's worse in this story we covered today on The Tony Kornheiser Show - the buzzards - or the fact that somebody's making a farm of dead bodies - we'll let you decide for yourselves!...
By Marc Sterne | May 11, 2007; 11:14 AM ET | Email a Comment
I went to a hockey game last night and an Opera Concert broke out!
Not sure if this was caused by the "Tastes great / Less Filling" debate, or by the age old " Salieri vs Mozart" argument - but whatever caused it, it made for an interesting night at the Boston Pops, as we found out this morning on the Tony Kornheiser Show....
By Marc Sterne | May 10, 2007; 12:16 PM ET | Email a Comment
Policiticians : Working hard on the BIG issues for you!
C'mon, who said that politicians don't tackle the really tough issues? As we found out on the Tony Kornheiser Show today, it's nice to see an elected official finally adress something that affects us all....
By Marc Sterne | May 9, 2007; 02:20 PM ET | Comments (1)
Buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks, and WHAT?????!!!
Ok, ok - this is actually a great thing for the Milwaukee Brewers to be doing, as we learned on the Tony Kornheiser Show today, but still - it's not eactly the first thing you associate with when you go to a baseball game....
By Marc Sterne | May 9, 2007; 01:55 PM ET | Comments (1)
Is that roadkill, or an artistic masterpiece?
In the never ending debate over what is truly Art, we have another entry. As we discovered on the Tony Kornheiser Show this morning, that dead possum by the side of the road, may be a masterpiece just waiting to happen....
By Marc Sterne | May 8, 2007; 02:14 PM ET | Email a Comment
Honey - get the door, it's...Cheese
In my day, it was the Fuller Brush Salesman going door to door. Now, as we learned on the Tony Kornheiser Show today, it's a guy hawking bad cheese...what's the world coming to?????...
By Marc Sterne | May 7, 2007; 12:43 PM ET | Email a Comment
Is this just a marketing stunt for Spiderman 3????
Maybe it's just a marketing stunt to help hype Spiderman 3, or maybe it's just an indication of how difficult it really is to find affordable housing these days, but today on the Tony Kornheiser Show we learned about some spiders who decided to make a home in a boys...
By Marc Sterne | May 7, 2007; 12:34 PM ET | Email a Comment
Who's that creepy old guy with a guitar?
Today on the Tony Kornheiser Show we learned that the Pope isn't the only one who isn't a big fan of Bob Dylan - apparently the kids just aren't diggin him the way they used to....
By Marc Sterne | May 4, 2007; 11:35 AM ET | Email a Comment
That's one tough monkey, Jack!
We've seen the new Game Show "Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader?", but maybe FOX needs to make a new show called "Are you smarter than Jack the Monkey?" after what we learned today on the Tony Kornheiser Show....
By Marc Sterne | May 3, 2007; 12:39 PM ET | Email a Comment
Does the dead body come with the house?
If you're in real estate, and you're trying to get a nice young couple to buy your house, here's a tip : make sure that when you give a tour of the house, that there are no dead bodies inside!...
By Marc Sterne | May 2, 2007; 01:17 PM ET | Comments (1)
The Animal Revolution is Coming!!!!!
Surely than can be no more doubters now, that the animals are on the verge of rising up against humans all over the world. Today on the Tony Kornheiser Show we give you two more shocking example of this disturbing trend : Deers infiltrating a retirement center, and an alligator...
By Marc Sterne | May 1, 2007; 12:32 PM ET | Comments (2)
Snakes On A Plane????
Today on The Tony Kornheiser Show, newsman Brennan Haselton gave us another example of the coming worldwide animal revolution...Or maybe somebody was just trying to do advance filming for Snakes on a Plane II....
By Marc Sterne | April 30, 2007; 02:34 PM ET | Email a Comment
