Archive: October 22, 2006 - October 28, 2006
Lunchtime Wrap
Congratulations, it's Friday. The weekend's so close you can almost taste that Halloween party punch. Here's a final dose of OFF/beat news to get you to the finish-line. It's not all doom and gloom on the Korean peninsula. Since Pyongyang's testing of a nuclear weapon, condom sales in South Korea are up around 28%, and one-hour "love motels" are doing brisk business. Nice to see that people are still taking the time to practice "safer" sex in the face of nuclear Armageddon. Put me in coach, I'm ready to play! Sure, there's a Tuna, but is there also a rat in the Big-D? Cowboys assistant coach Todd Haley thinks so. The passing game coordinator is claiming his wife and a family au pair found a dead one, mouth up, in their McDonald's salad. Now, just like his sideline chum Terrell Owens, Haley wants to get paid. On Thursday he filed...
By Emil Steiner | October 27, 2006; 12:20 PM ET | Comments (2)
Sexsomnia Baffles Doctors
Get out of my dreams and into my bed! If you thought restless leg syndrome, insomnia or crashing into Congress were all you had to worry about while sleeping, think again! The hottest new sleep disorder waking up the medical community is "sexsomnia" a rare condition in which sufferers unknowingly demand, or actually have, sex while asleep (it might not be just a really lame excuse after all). According to one expert, the sex usually happens in bed with people who are already partners. "Sometimes they hate it... Sometimes they tolerate it. On rare occasions you have stories of people liking it better than waking sex." (Read into that what you will.) To date, there is no cure for "sexsomniacs" (imagine what that commercials will look like when they find it though) and researchers have been hampered by sufferers who are too embarrassed to bring it up. In fact,...
By Emil Steiner | October 26, 2006; 3:31 PM ET | Comments (27)
Breakfast Bender
Could Mark Foley become this year's Tickle Me Elmo? (Ray Lustig - Ftwp) Welcome to Thursday October 26th! Here's what's happening in OFF/beat news: For the second time this week, bestiality leads off the Breakfast Bender, (full moons maybe?) as yet another man is in trouble for getting busy with a dog. Today's suspect is Ronald Kuch of Saginaw, Michigan, who was charged with "crimes against nature" after police caught him allegedly engaging in sexual acts with a black Labrador retriever that had been dead around four or five days. If convicted, the 44-year-old could face 15 years in prison. (So what're you in for?) Understatement of the day: "I think it's fair to say the customer did not meet the required criteria." -- An Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles spokesman on a 20-year-old lady who crashed her car into the license building during her driving test. If you're...
By Emil Steiner | October 26, 2006; 8:35 AM ET | Comments (2)
"Psycho Dad" A Philadelphia Football Story
Has youth football gone gangsta? Snoop Dogg wasn't present at this throw-down. (By Robert E. Klein -- Associated Press) Looking for a good way to traumatize your kids? In what could be some of the worst childrearing since Mother Bates, Wayne Derkotch, of Philadelphia stands accused of aggravated assault after a sideline argument at his son's pee-wee football game, Sunday, degenerated into a gun fight. According to reports, it all started when the 40-year-old father approached coach Jermaine Wilson about getting his son more playing time. An argument ensued after Wilson told him he wanted to run up the score before putting in other players and Derkotch began cursing. Witness accounts vary somewhat but the 34-year-old coach either told him "to step aside" or "take it to the side" so they could "settle this like men." Regardless, fists started flying, 6 and 7-year-olds started screaming and parents scrambled to...
By Emil Steiner | October 25, 2006; 1:01 PM ET | Comments (20)
Breakfast Bender
Hey, hey it's hump-day! Make sure to start it off right with a well balanced feast of OFF/beat news Could eyelash transplants become the cosmetic surgery of the future? That all depends how far our society is willing to go in the pursuit of "beauty." Using the "plug and sew" procedures pioneered by the hair loss industry, surgeons can give you long, sweeping lashes. Be warned though, just like head hair, your "lash-plugs" need to be trimmed regularly (shampoo/conditioner?) while transplanting very curly hair can give your "lash-lines" too much kink (relaxer?). Need more proof China will be the next great super power? Five Chinese bureau officials have been dismissed or demoted after their super intense lobbying of a county auditor ended in death. 25-year-old Zhang Hongtao, just couldn't turn down hospitality and died, last April, of over-eating and alcohol poisoning following a series of banquet binges. Sponge Bob strikes...
By Emil Steiner | October 25, 2006; 9:06 AM ET | Comments (3)
Lunchtime Round-Up
Here's Tuesday's brown-bag of OFF/beat news Loretta Nall in a less revealing pose. (AP Photo/Rob Carr) Everyone's heard the catch phrase "sex sells," but can it win an election? We may know soon thanks to a "D"-lightful gubernatorial race in Alabama, where Libertarian Loretta Nall is actually campaigning on her cleavage. The 32-year-old write-in candidate is busting up political correctness by selling T-shirts and marijuana "stash boxes" emblazoned with a revealing photo of herself and the words: "More of these boobs," and then below the chest area there are pictures of her opponents and the words: "And less of these boobs." Win or lose it's definitely the race to watch this November. From the "I can't believe they said that" file, Scottish judge Margaret Gimblett, cleared study abroad student Hui Yu, of driving without insurance because "all Chinese people can look the same," thus rendering a police identification erroneous. The...
By Emil Steiner | October 24, 2006; 1:23 PM ET | Comments (2)
Singapore Slings Censorship
If you're going to violate Singapore's Draconian guidelines, why not do it in hi-def? (Courtesy of Gateway Inc.) Talk about your all-time wardrobe malfunctions. StarHub Cable Vision of Singapore is being fined $6,350 for showing footage of lesbian sex and bondage during episodes of the reality program "Cheaters." According to Media Development authorities, the country's lone cable provider breached "guidelines which disallow the promotion, justification and glamorization of lesbian lifestyles and their explicit depictions" by airing footage of a pixelated woman tied to a bed in a "bondage session" with two other women. (Maybe it would have been less glamorous without the pixels?) In Singapore, voluntary "carnal intercourse against the order of nature with any man, woman or animal," can still be punished by life in prison. Chewing gum is also illegal in the repressive city state, though it is unclear if airing footage of people chewing, enjoying or...
By Emil Steiner | October 24, 2006; 9:30 AM ET | Comments (33)
Automaton Defined, Part 2
For the second time in as many weeks, a German driver followed his GPS so obediently that he didn't bother to notice he was driving through a construction site until he had crashed.
By Emil Steiner | October 23, 2006; 1:23 PM ET | Comments (1)
Breakfast Bender
From bestiality to mannequin fetishists, here's your breakfast binge of OFF/beat news
By Emil Steiner | October 23, 2006; 8:41 AM ET | Comments (1)
