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Idiot of the Year Ballot Group A

Profiles In Stupid

In the run-up to Friday's Idiot of the Year Award unveiling, OFF/beat is honoring the top nominees with a little segment we call "Profiles In Stupid". This is your opportunity to look back on the more stellar performances and vote on your favorites.

GROUP A
1) Daddy knows best? Alfredo Martinez, of Nevada, was wise enough to realize he was too drunk to drive Monday night, but his designated driver choice left something to be desired. Reno police pulled over the 37-year-old's vehicle only to discover Martinez in the passenger seat, and his 7-year-old son behind the wheel.

3) An Arkansas man allegedly attempted to purchase a pack of cigarettes with what one police officer called "the sorriest" $100 "Bill" she'd ever seen. The name Bill Clinton was scrawled on the phony C-note in leaking ink, and there was no discernible presidential picture.

5) A Careless German thief didn't just leave his fingerprints at the scene of the crime, he actually left the end of his finger. Police in the central town of Hildesheim had little trouble matching the tip with prints from a 15-year-old Iraqi boy, who at first tried to deny breaking in, but later confessed when police showed him his digit.

6) The hard-working cops of Muzaffarpur, India, attempted to arrest 3-month-old Parveen Kumar for his alleged involvement in a September bus robbery, at which time he would have been a newborn. The infant was initially charged with robbery, extortion and banditry, despite protests by hundreds of members of his East Indian village.

9) Timothy McKevitt and Jonathan Porter were attacked by an angry ostrich after they allegedly broke into a ranch following a night of drinking. The bird-brained duo took umbrage to the avian assault and returned later with a shot gun to settle the score.

10) As if our highways weren't safe enough, Tawanna Martin, of South Dakota, was arrested early Thursday on a DUI after she was stopped while driving a golf cart. When Rapid City police attempted to pull her over, she did what any sensible person would do: she tried to outrun the cruiser (must have been quite a chase).

11) A British veteran survived his tour of duty in Iraq, only to suffer severe internal injuries when his Guy Fawkes Day stunt back-fired, literally. The 22-year-old was rushed to hospital with a badly scorched colon after trying to launch a Black Cat Thunderbolt rocket out of his rear end.

14) Anthony Ziko, of Chicago, allegedly stole a black 2003 Mercedes Benz E500W sedan and got caught when he decided to post an ad for it on Craigslist.

15) Devin K. Hoerauf, of Rockville, Maryland, not only brought a bag of weed with him to his robbery trial, but also managed to drop it on the floor when he stood up at the defense table. In the words of his own mother, "his brain is glued together with Silly Putty."

By Emil Steiner |  December 19, 2006; 5:43 PM ET  | Category:  OFF/beat

Posted by: me | December 20, 2006 05:48 AM

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