Archive: March 4, 2007 - March 10, 2007
This Week in Offbeat Crime 3/9/2007
Tommy Vercetti they ain't. (Rockstar Games) It's Friday again, and we're looking back on another stellar Week in OFF/beat Crime. Here are your nominees for the ever-popular Stupidest Criminal Award. The front-runner this week is Howard Fisher, of South Carolina, who police say plowed into the back of a state trooper while transporting 43 pounds of marijuana. The 54-year-old's stash had an estimated street value of $150,000. Best excuse ever! When police caught Robert Marsh, of Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, breaking into a woman's apartment, the 39-year-old came up with a most novel explanation: He told police he was a shape-shifting werewolf and began ranting in what has been described as some sort of a medieval language. Talk about being caught with your fly down, next up is an unnamed 22-year-old from Sheboygan, Wisconsin, who got nabbed for drug possession after police noticed his zipper was undone and found...
By Emil Steiner | March 9, 2007; 10:28 AM ET | Comments (1)
State Dept. Backs Borat, Bashes Not So Glorious Nation Kazakhstan
From The White House To The Outhouse, He's Everywhere You Wanna Be Relax Borat, Condi's Got Your Back (REUTERS) Among the many serious violations cited in the U.S. Department of State's newly released Global Report on Human Rights Practices in Kazakhstan, one stands out as well, a little "wawaweewa." As if to coincide with his DVD release, on Tuesday, Borat, the bumbling bane of all things lame, was alluded to in that weighty report as a victim of Kazakh suppression. It's right there, below prison torture and politically motivated assignations, the creator's name: Sasha Baron Cohen, a Jewish comedian from England whose joke has gone so far I can't tell if I'm laughing or crying anymore... most likely both. What started out as a clever spin on the Tom Green Show has mushroomed into a powerful voice that is shaping international diplomacy. As John McEnroe once said: "You cannot be...
By Emil Steiner | March 8, 2007; 1:53 PM ET | Comments (12)
Thursday Breakfast Bender
Welcome to March 8! On this day 190 years ago, the New York Stock Exchange was founded in a $200 per month rented room at 40 Wall Street. At the time, it was considered a step up from the original trading post under a nearby buttonwood tree. Here's Your Thursday Top Five: 5) Carnivorous CowEarlier this week I wrote about a Swiss prohibition on feeding cows cannabis, but in India cows must really have the munchies. Lal, a sacred calf from west Bengal, has been caught sneaking into the hen house and chowing down on chickens with "the precision of a jungle cat." Locals chalk up his carnivorous habits to a "previous birth" in which Lal was most likely a tiger. You Jackass! (Sean Cliver -- Paramount Pictures) 4) They Were Serious When They Said "Don't Try This At Home"Jared W. Anderson, of Au Claire Wisconsin, suffered second-degree burns to...
By Emil Steiner | March 8, 2007; 6:49 AM ET | Comments (1)
NY Students Suspended for Reading "Vagina Monologues"
Censorship, Bureaucracy & American Education "V" is for a Very Dirty Word (David Appleby) In the latest jaw-dropping educational idiocy, three honors students at a suburban New York City high school have been suspended for saying "vagina" during an in-school performance of "The Vagina Monologues." The trio of 11th-grade girls from John Jay High were warned prior to the "open mic session" that it would be "inappropriate" to utter that word while performing Eve Ensler's "feminist play." But, rather than infringe upon Ensler's creative work, they decided as a team to disobey, reciting the "naughty" three syllables of anatomy in unison. As a result, Megan Reback, Elan Stahl and Hannah Levinson each received "separate, one-day, in-school suspensions," starting today. Despite their punishment, the girls appear steadfast in their recalcitrance, stating they were "proud to say it," and others, including their parents, agree. Supporters have circulated e-mails and started a protest...
By Emil Steiner | March 7, 2007; 10:53 AM ET | Comments (50)
Wednesday Breakfast Bender
Welcome to March 7! On this day 13 years ago, The United States Supreme Court ruled that parodies of an original work are generally covered by the doctrine of fair use. The precedent setting case "Campbell v. Acuff-Rose Music, Inc" involved 2 Live Crew's sampling of Roy Orbison's "Oh, Pretty Woman". Here's Your Wednesday Top Five: 5) Irregular "Deposit"From the international nasty file, police in Germany have detained an 18-year-old man who allegedly defecated eight times in an ATM vestibule. Spooning Now Available in Coach! (Getty Images) 4) Overly Friendly SkiesTalk about a black-eye on a red-eye. Samuel Oscar Gonzalez, an employee of Northwest Airlines, was arrested after he allegedly "ejaculated on" a female passenger flying from Seattle to Minneapolis. According to the complaint, the 20-year-old equipment service worker, who was off-duty at the time of the incident, began "spooning" with the victim while she was asleep. He has been...
By Emil Steiner | March 7, 2007; 8:12 AM ET | Email a Comment
No More Pot for Swiss Dairy Cows
Government Tells Farmers to Cut the Grass Do Laughing Cows Ever Get the Munchies? (AP) The party's over for Switzerland's stoner cows. The alpine nation's Ministry of Agriculture has called on farmers to stop feeding their bovines cannabis or face prosecution! Although the practice was officially outlawed in 2005 after trace quantities turned up in dairy products, farmers continued to use weed fodder since it is both cheap and easy to grow. This ramped-up war on livestock drug use comes in the wake of a much publicized ad campaign promoting the benefits of feeding animals pot. Some farmers believe that the active ingredient THC makes cows happy, and, as a result, causes them to produce more milk. But government officials are claiming that stoned cows produce weed-laced milk, which poses a health threat to consumers. Before you buy out all the Jarlsberg though, be aware that they did not...
By Emil Steiner | March 6, 2007; 12:19 PM ET | Comments (6)
Tuesday Breakfast Bender
From resurrecting corpses to answering the age-old question of who would win a fight between a helicopter and a drugged up moose, here is your morning dose of Offbeat news!
By Emil Steiner | March 6, 2007; 7:32 AM ET | Comments (1)
A Case of German Incest
Siblings Take Forbidden Love to High Court Germany Questions Morality and Genetics He was a 23-year-old locksmith. She was a 16-year-old student. It was love at first sight. The one problem: They were brother and sister. Now, after seven years together parenting four children, at least two of whom were born with disabilities, Susan and Patrick are battling to overturn one of the western world's last remaining taboos -- incest. Separated at birth, the couple first met in 2000 when Patrick set out to find his birth mother. Upon discovering his long lost genetic family, he claims to have had an instant and mutual attraction to his sister Susan. The two shared a room together and, soon enough, they began to have children. But, unlike many countries in Europe, Germany still considers incest a crime, and Patrick was eventually sent to jail for 25 months because of their relationship...
By Emil Steiner | March 5, 2007; 12:42 PM ET | Comments (16)
Monday Breakfast Bender
From a head in a DHL box from China to toddlers smoking blunts, here's your Monday dose of Offbeat news.
By Emil Steiner | March 5, 2007; 7:44 AM ET | Comments (1)
