Archive: March 11, 2007 - March 17, 2007
This Week in OFFbeat Crime 3/16/2007
Tommy Vercetti they ain't. (Rockstar Games) It's Friday again, and we're looking back on another stellar Week in OFF/beat Crime. Here are your nominees for the ever-popular Stupidest Criminal Award. The front-runner this week is Jonathan Zaletel, of Maricopa County, Arizona, who allegedly left his burning meth lab to run over to Wal-Mart and pick up a fire extinguisher. The 19-year-old returned to his condo and was met by police who promptly arrested him. In a close second, we have Joshua W. O'Neil, 32, of Albany, New York, who had the brilliant idea of posting an ad on Craigslist that offered "cocaine to any female who responded." One did, but she happened to be a member of the Nassau County Police Department. Well played! Leading the drunk and disorderly field this week is Heinrich Mueller, of Germany, who "climbed into an emergency postbox for unwanted babies." The 28-year-old, who...
By Emil Steiner | March 16, 2007; 8:01 AM ET | Email a Comment
Federal Court Vetoes Marijuana For Dying Mom
A Terminal Illness Is No Excuse For Smoking Pot Angel Raich Holds Her Miracle Drugs (The Washington Post) A wiser man than I once wondered whether stiffer sentences for suicide bombers might reduce the number of terrorists who blow themselves up. With that perhaps in mind, the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled, Wednesday, that even if doctors say marijuana is the only thing keeping you alive, it is still illegal for you to smoke it. The case was brought by Angel Raich, an Oakland mother of two who suffers "from at least 10 serious medical conditions, including an inoperable brain tumor, a seizure disorder, life-threatening weight loss," scoliosis and chronic nausea. The 41-year-old had sought an injunction to prevent the government from prosecuting her for using marijuana, without which, her doctors say, she would starve to death. But according the decision "Federal law does not recognize a fundamental...
By Emil Steiner | March 15, 2007; 11:01 AM ET | Comments (192)
Thursday Breakfast Bender
Welcome to March 15! On this day 35 years ago "The Godfather" opened in American theaters. Despite Paramount Picture's objections to casting Al Pacino and Marlon Brando and an ongoing threat to fire "third-string" director Francis Ford Coppola, the film went on to become one of the greatest movies in history. Here's Your Thursday Top Five: 5) Can Claustrophobia Cause Murder?There have been a number of experiments proving that rats "go crazy" when confined to crowded spaces... here's what can happen to humans: A Russian mother stands accused of hiring a hit-man to whack her son "because she was fed up with sharing her small one-room apartment with him." Arguments within the tiny Moscow flat, which they share with their significant others, had apparently become extremely heated since the 17-year-old son's wife became pregnant. Do they have Jerry Springer in Russia? If this enclosure's a' rockin'... (Peter Dejong - AP)...
By Emil Steiner | March 15, 2007; 8:18 AM ET | Comments (1)
Illinois Sex-Ed or 'Porn 101?'
How Much Information is too Much Information? Should the Kama Sutra Be Required Reading in Health Class? (iStockphoto) With students rallying outside and parents debating within, a Suburban Chicago school board decided to remove a teacher whose sex-ed class was a little too spicy for some members of the community to stomach. It all began last week, when Scott Groff, a second-year health instructor at Wolcott School in Thornton Illinois, gave his 8th-graders "sexually explicit" question and answer sheets downloaded from a British charity that fights HIV and AIDS. These salacious study aides included information about how to masturbate, find the g-spot and perform oral sex, along with vivid descriptions and helpful tips which students then read aloud. Not surprisingly, this level of "in-depth" tutelage aroused anger among some parents who began to complain. As one mother adroitly pointed out, "[t]his is not Porn 101. This is school." Another father...
By Emil Steiner | March 14, 2007; 11:18 AM ET | Comments (31)
Wednesday Breakfast Bender
Welcome to March 14! And a very happy Pi Day to all you number lovers out there! Here's Your Wednesday Top Five: 5) "Journalist" in Hot and Holy WaterGerman free-lancer Hubertus Wiendl was fined $134 for filming three "artists" attempting to steal water from a garden hose belonging to Pope Benedict XVI in a scheme to sell the Papal water on eBay (and they're artists how?). Wiendl's lawyers attempted to call His Holiness to the stand, thinking the Pontiff might encourage a little mercy, but that request was denied. Mmmm... tasty! (AP Larry Fisher) 4) Cooking with 'CoonGood news for Indiana gourmets attending the Hibernia Community Building's annual fundraiser on March 24. After a four-year absence, raccoon is back on the menu! So grab the kids and your appetite, and come on down for a feast of animals who've grown fat on your garbage. It's like a fusion of recycling...
By Emil Steiner | March 14, 2007; 8:13 AM ET | Comments (1)
Of Star Trek, Politics & Finland
Politicking to Trekkies Move Over Carville, Rove and Brazile! If you're looking for a candidate who "boldly goes" where no politician has gone before, then say hello to Finland's Jyrki Kasvi. The Green League member of parliament from the Uusimaa constituency is hoping to beam-up re-election by campaigning to a much maligned and often belittled minority known throughout the world as Trekkies.Kasvi, who believe it or not holds a PhD in Engineering (didn't see that one coming, huh), is hoping that translating his Web site into Klingon will inspire Star Trek fans, and perhaps their spouses (it's possible), to get out there and rock the Enterprise -- by which I mean, of course, the vote. Fortunately, his site also includes a Finnish and English language version for those unfamiliar with Klingon, or as Kasvi calls them, "non-warriors."According to reports though, the translation process wasn't as simple as the Vulcan death...
By Emil Steiner | March 13, 2007; 9:30 AM ET | Comments (4)
Tuesday Breakfast Bender
Welcome to March 13! On this day 82 years ago, the Tennessee Senate passed the Butler Act, which prohibited teaching evolution in any universities or public schools that received state funding. One senator attempted to attach an amendment to also "prohibit the teaching that the earth is round," but it was ruled out by the speaker. Here's Your Tuesday Top Five: 5) Chicken Power If you thought a "green fuel" could never turn the stomach of a vegetarian, think again! Umea Energi, of Sweden, has put forward a proposal to "use chicken carcasses from egg farms as fuel for a power-generating furnace." According to a company spokesman, "chickens are just the right size" for their fuel stream. Now that's alternative energy! Bibles, what can't they do? 4) Bible BashingDavid Decker, a street preacher in Athens, Tennessee, was arrested after he allegedly attacked a police officer with his Bible. The 66-year-old...
By Emil Steiner | March 13, 2007; 7:24 AM ET | Comments (1)
Florida Teacher Canned for "Full Monty" Performance
The High Price We Pay for Propriety Full Monty Censorship Costs Students Their Teacher (Craig) Here we go again! Another teacher fired for using his butt in an after-work art project. Administrators at a Florida high school have placed one of their music teachers on a forced leave of absence for performing in an amateur production of "The Full Monty" -- a hit Broadway musical that features partial nudity. Jason Brenner, who has taught music and theater for the past three years at Lemon Bay High in Englewood, was sent a letter giving him a three-choice ultimatum: "stop doing the show; continue the show but take yourself out of the last scene so that you're not naked on stage, or continue doing the show at full capacity but hand in a letter of resignation." Brenner chose option three, and he is expected to turn in his resignation this week. For...
By Emil Steiner | March 12, 2007; 2:04 PM ET | Comments (50)
Monday Breakfast Bender
Welcome to March 12! On this day 113 years ago, Coca-Cola was first sold in bottles. Here's Your Monday Top Five: 5) Doggy-Style CPRRandy Gurchin, of Nebraska, saved his English bulldog Lucy's life last week after she tumbled into a freezing pond while chasing geese. The 51-year-old retired Air Force pilot pulled his beloved pet from the water and performed mouth-to-snout resuscitation. After a couple of minutes, Lucy was breathing on her own, and Gurchin transported her to a veterinary clinic where she has since made a full recovery! The Machines Will Rise Again (Robert Zuckerman - Warner Bros) 4) Judgment Day Cometh?As if Arnold Schwarzenegger's rise to power wasn't evidence enough of a forthcoming T2-style Armageddon, on Sunday, Britain's military launched a multi-billion dollar satellite system called Skynet into space. The ominously named orbiting communication hub is a key tool in "information warfare" and, according to officials, will "allow...
By Emil Steiner | March 12, 2007; 9:33 AM ET | Email a Comment
